Here we go again I guess, at least this time I have correctly diagnosed my problem, and have found a "possible" solution. It has been growing worse and worse, my lack of desire to do anything at all. There have been a few weeks in the past few months where I didn't eat anything at all because I just didn't feel like it, I was hungry but I didn't have the desire to get up and make something. It would be easy to diagnose myself with depression after all I fit most of the symptoms, but there is one major difference, the reason I feel the way I do. When I try and kill myself I am not thinking about how bad I screwed up my life or all the things I have done wrong but how bored I am with life and how I have no desire to continue doing nothing worthwhile (most people would see what I am doing as exciting and important, but I don't see anything special). I don't think my life is full of pain and regret, on the contrary what I have done more with my life in these past 21 years than most people do in a lifetime. I just don't see any rewards, I don't feel satisfied, I don't have any appreciation for what I have and what I am doing. In a nut shell I just don't care. I have tried to get appointments with over 16 different psychologists, who are always booked through the next 2-3 months, I did find two female psychologists who gave me an appointment but whenever I talk with women about how I feel they are always belittling and condescending, when ever I left there office I can truly say I felt "depressed". I have one other solution, that is to somehow find a life mentor who will teach me how to appreciate the world and how to know and understand my life and make me interested learning about things. See while I may be in my third year of college, I have no desire to be here, I just go through the motions and do enough to get by. However, I just have given up recently, I haven't even started on several papers that have been due. When I was a freshman I had the resolve to force myself to get everything done on time but as time went on crossed more and more into the side of laziness. If I can find this life mentor to help me make it through life then I need some help finding one, otherwise I probably will end up killing myself. I have already attempted it twice in the past 3 months, the last time I was a quarter of an inch away, till I figured I am going to die anyway, if I screw everything up at least I can see something happen.

You are on active military duty - why isn't the military taking care of whatever care you need? What does the military say?

https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/mental-emotional-health/pshycologist-right-now-369949.html

FYI I started college when I was 18 I am now 21 my birthday is may 17th, I am about to enter my senior year of college and I have completed LDAC between my sophomore and junior years. I have not commissioned yet but I am branching aviation. Your right I exaggerated the truth I am not officially an officer yet however I will be one officially in 8 months when I graduate [i.e. in March 2010]. I just want to graduate so I like to think I already have, it's a nice thought.
You're still in college? Now you mention papers due --
I haven't even started on several papers that have been due.


I have done more with my life in these past 21 years than most people do in a lifetime
Such as?


two female psychologists who gave me an appointment but whenever I talk with women about how I feel they are always belittling and condescending
Please tell me exactly what you said and what they answered.

Have you tried praying? Do you believe in God? If you do you can pray in ernest. Tell him everything. He knows, but he's like our earthly Father... he likes talking with his children.

Place your life in his hands and he'll guide you and show you how to get through this. He'll make a way for the right Doctors to see you. This is my opinion only.

Judy the military isn't involved because I don't want them to be involved, mental issues tend to be career ender's amongst army officers. I am still in college this will be my 5th year, due to classes I failed last semester, yes I was supposed to graduate may of this year, not march (typo). So yes I am still in college and the reason I failed classes last semester, is starting all over again, not going to class and not doing my work. If I would have passed all my classes last semester I would have graduated been commissioned as an officer, and going to aviation school to fly helicopters.

So basically what I have done with my life so far is make it into a good school, make it into a very competitive ROTC program giving me close to 250k in college tuition, had a 3.7GPA going into last semester (now its 3.2 after my 1.4GPA last semester), got into the most competitive branch in the military (aviation), been through both Air Assault and Airborne schools, received the highest marks at LDAC. I have gone overseas for language training another very expensive program paid for by the army. I while I was doing all that I really didn't care about it, I look back now and think big deal. I wish some one who would appreciate where I am at right now would take my place.

Now I am at the last stage the easiest part of my college career the very end where I saved the easiest classes so I could have fun in my last few months of school, and I don't care, I was given a second chance because I had such a good track record, but I am messing that up too. If I quit school I have a military commitment so I would have to enlist, or pay back all the money I received from the army. So it is either succeed this semester (which is starting to look very bad), leave the country or kill myself.

Take your religion and go to someone who wants to hear your lies. I grew up in a Mennonite community, I went to church 3 times a week and graduated from a christian high school. That is where I became an atheist. On the other hand admitting the very very small chance that there might be a god or the like, if it was somehow able to be proven I wouldn't hesitate to kill myself right now. No one should live in a world where there is something of a god.

Judy the military isn't involved becuase I don't want them to be involved, mental issues tend to be career ender's amongst army officers. I am still in college this will be my 5th year, due to classes I failed last semester, yes I was supposed to graduate may of this year, not march (typo). So yes I am still in college and the reason I failed classes last semester, is starting all over again, not going to class and not doing my work. If I would have passed all my classes last semester I would have graduated been commissioned as an officer, and going to aviation school to fly helicopters.

So basically what I have done with my life so far is make it into a good school, make it into a very competitive ROTC program giving me close to 250k in college tuition, had a 3.7GPA going into last semester (now its 3.2 after my 1.4GPA last semester), got into the most competitive branch in the military (aviation), been through both Air Assault and Airborne schools, received the highest marks at LDAC. I have gone overseas for language training another very expensive program paid for by the army. I while I was doing all that I really didn't care about it, I look back now and think big deal. I wish some one who would appreciate where I am at right now would take my place.

Now I am at the last stage the easiest part of my college career the very end where I saved the easiest classes so I could have fun in my last few months of school, and I don't care, I was given a second chance becuase I had such a good track record, but I am messing that up too. If I quit school I have a military commitment so I would have to enlist, or pay back all the money I received from the army. So it is either succeed this semester (which is starting to look very bad), leave the country or kill myself.

Take your religion and go to someone who wants to hear your lies. I grew up in a Mennonite community, I went to church 3 times a week and graduated from a christian high school. That is where I became an atheist. On the other hand admitting the very very small chance that there might be a god or the like, if it was somehow able to be proven I wouldn't hesitate to kill myself right now. No one should live in a world where there is something of a god.




It wasn't JudyKay who gave you the advice about praying and talking to God. I am a Christian and a Baptist. I won't give you anymore advice at all. I do hope you find peace... :)

I didn't say it was her, I was just addressing everyone in one post, I guess I should have put a "to;" thing in there to avoid confusion. I hold nothing against you, I just have heard it all before and I am tired of the religion card, it makes me upset.

I'm a professional counselor. I am willing to help you. Are you interested?

I hope you will let Wondergirl help you. We really love her here. Peace to you.

Please don't shoot down anybody offering their time and advice. Kit is a good person, who offered help in good faith. Take it or leave it, but please don't be rude to those trying to help you here.

You have dug yourself into a deep, dark hole, and the further away your goals become, the worse this is for you. And you are right- if you don't take action now, you will have consequences that will far exceed the effort you are capable of, to pull yourself out of this hole, and finish your courses. After that point, because you can't put the course work off, and before you proceed with any future training toward a career, take a break.

If you don't take care of yourself at some point, and address the depression with a professional, it won't matter what you do, because you won't make it in a career with the military. Or anywhere else for that matter. Your depression will show at some point, if it hasn't already. I realize that seeking help as you said could very well end you career, but, if you don't get the help you need, it's over anyway. You have nothing to lose by seeking help- before you lose it all.

There are many here who have, at some point in their lives, suffered with depression. You will get better if you get help, and if you don't, you won't.

But one thing is for certain, you still have time to turn this around, and at least graduate. From there, before you begin more training, seek help. You won't be the first and you won't be the last to experience the devastating effects of mental illness, and that is what this is in my opinion. If you can set that one goal, and that is to finish these courses with the brainpower that you obviously have, and focus on just that, you will have earned a rest from your misery. Then you can take a break, and seek help before you take the next career step.

If, you are not together enough, or able, or care enough to do the courses, because you are so depressed, I'm sure you know what your options are, and I hope you will seek the immediate help you need, if you need to.

I suppose so, couldn't hurt. However, just so you know, you are going to have your work cut out for you. How would you conduct such a counseling, if it is over the phone I might have a problem.

If I do in fact have a mental illness, then I am stuck, there is no way I could possibly do anything if I knew that I had something wrong with me. If it is just a "phase" then there is hope. But a mental illness is unacceptable to me.

a mental illness is unacceptable to me.
Why?

It would mean that I would no longer be able to do the things I want to want to do.

It would mean that I could no longer have control over what I want to think and do, that I could no longer take control over my emotions and feelings that there is something there that I cannot handle on my own.

It would mean that I could no longer have control over what I want to think and do, that I could no longer take control over my emotions and feelings that there is something there that I cannot handle on my own.
And everything has gone well for you to date? You've been in total control of yourself -- your thoughts, your emotions, your behavior?

I've tried, if someone could teach me how, maybe I could. If I can't learn it then what's the point...

I've tried, if someone could teach me how, maybe I could. If I can't learn it then whats the point.....
You are in control, or you are not?

Yea for the most part, except when I want to do something, then I am not in control because I don't want to do anything, even when I want to. Otherwise I wouldn't be having problems if I could force myself to be happy no matter what I am doing them I would be happy.

Yea for the most part, except when I want to do something, then I am not in control
When are you in control?

if I could force myself to be happy no matter what I am doing them I would be happy.
Happy people don't force themselves to be that way.

The simple fact we all have issues and problems, the only really crazy people are the ones who think they don't have any problems.

Everyone should see a couselor to help them learn to deal with things. And at times some may find that medications can help perhaps with certain chemical imbalances that may be found even.

The only problem I see is that you are not wanting help, real help. I have went to marriage counseling, I went to some counseling a few years back to learn to deal better with others.
Went to a program to help me learn to be a better co worker.

Only a person who did not want to be a better person would refuse to go to programs or counseling to help them improve.

I don't know, when I am driving my car, when I am typing, but come to think of it, I really don't know if I am in control...

The simple fact we all have issues and problems, the only really crazy people are the ones who think they don't have any problems.

Everyone should see a couselor to help them learn to deal with things. And at times some may find that medications can help perhaps with certain chemical imbalances that may be found even.

The only problem I see is that you are not wanting help, real help. I have went to marriage couseling, I went to some couseling a few years back to learn to deal better with others.
Went to a program to help me learn to be a better co worker.

Only a person who did not want to be a better person would refuse to go to programs or couseling to help them improve.

I should already be at my best, when ever you do something no matter what that is your best, you shouldn't need help to get better it should be something you already are, if I need help to be better then there is something wrong with me.

I don't know, when I am driving my car, when I am typing, but come to think of it, I really don't know if I am in control....
Those are rote activities that you have been doing for years -- large and small muscle activities, things you can do in your sleep.

I'm talking about your thoughts, feelings, behaviors/actions toward yourself and others, especially such as setting goals for yourself and getting them done.

I should already be at my best, when ever you do something....
When are you at your best? Name three times you are at your best, doing what?

I really can't actually, I have never done anything the best I could, or maybe I did and it wasn't good enough for me. I really don't think I have ever been in control of my thoughts, feelings, behaviors/actions toward myself and others. I mean I don't go around hitting people in the face when they make me mad, but I always 100% of the time wish I would have done something different whenever I am finished with something.

In real life, people get help all the time

Salesmen, have to listen to self improvement CD's, they have sales meetings all the time and classes

But at the end of the day, sorry you are wrong and have no idea what it takes and who needs help. You are first having issues yourself, and second you are not old enough to have experienced life to know enough about it. ** sorry to be blunt but that is my style.

In marriage, none work well if there is not work done, it may come from Oprah ( joking) or it may be from their religious group and faith, or it may come from friends but mostly it comes from help with communication with each other, and any marriage can be better with counseling if the couple would work on it.

The same with a person, corporations spend 100's of thousands each year sending their top people on retreats and group bonding experiences,
A large amusement park in Fla. Has a program that companies send their people to, it is a scavanger hunt for one program, it teaches people how to work in groups ( sorta)

But part of it, is teaching what it takes to be a winner. And to make the employees feel more like winners.

If these things did not work, there would not be millions spend on them.

Sounds like some military BS to me where you are taught that you don't need anyone, that you can do any and everything yourself. The sooner you discover that you will always need others the sooner you can accept help

I have never done anything the best I could, or maybe I did and it wasn't good enough for me.
Are you a perfectionist?

I am here to get help, but you got to understand whenever I try to do something I just quit because I lose interest in it rather quickly. I used to be able to make myself do stuff because I needed to to it and I understand that we are going to have to do things we don't want to do sometimes, but I am not talking about sometimes I am talking about all the time. From video games to school work, I can't concentrate on getting anything done, I get tired and want to go to sleep, I feel overwhelmed and I get depressed, it usually leads to thinking about suicide and I can count a dozen times I have tried to do that so I wouldn't have to get out of bed to go to school in the morning because it became such a burden. Every time it gets easier, the first time I couldn't even point the gun at my face, this last time I don't know how many millionths of an inch I had to go before I was dead. I really wasn't concerned about it and I wasn't thinking about how painful life it but rather how mundane and boring it is that I can't find interest in or appreciate anything in this world.

Are you a perfectionist?

I don't ever remember doing anything perfect, so I am not really sure. I know when I start something I have the mindset of doing it perfect but when I actually do it I usually just go for the minimum standards, especially when doing it perfect seems too hard, or when I inevitably lose interest in doing the project all together but know I have to get it done.

In real life, people get help all the time

Salesmen, have to listen to self improvement CD's, they have sales meetings all the time and classes

But at the end of the day, sorry you are wrong and have no idea what it takes and who needs help. You are first having issues yourself, and second you are not old enough to have experienced life to know enough about it. ** sorry to be blunt but that is my style.

In marriage, none work well if there is not work done, it may come from Oprah ( joking) or it may be from their religious group and faith, or it may come from friends but mostly it comes from help with communication with each other, and any marriage can be better with couseling if the couple would work on it.

The same with a person, corporations spend 100's of thousands each year sending thier top people on retreats and group bonding experiences,
A large amusement park in Fla. has a program that companies send their people to, it is a scavanger hunt for one program, it teaches people how to work in groups ( sorta)

But part of it, is teaching what it takes to be a winner. And to make the employees feel more like winners.

if these things did not work, there would not be millions spend on them.

Sounds like some military BS to me where you are taught that you don't need anyone, that you can do any and everything yourself. The sooner you discover that you will always need others the sooner you can accept help

Also on the military part, they actually got pissed off that I didn't go to them for help last semester, but I can't let people know that I need help with simple tasks that others get right on the first time, I would rather fail than ask for help from the military.

I don't ever remember doing anything perfect
That's not what a perfectionist is. A perfectionist WANTS to do something perfect, but cannot and so gives up.

That's not what a perfectionist is. A perfectionist WANTS to do something perfect, but cannot and so gives up.

What's wrong with being a perfectionist.

All this stems from depression,every excuse,every self defeating explanation,all the reasons you think you are less than,why you haven't measured up to the criteria you have for yourself.

The base line of all this is dealing with the depression that has you in the constant state of chaos.

If you continue in the chaos,you will eventually go further and further downhill(as your suicide attempts are showing)

WHEN you decide to make a change,to get away from this chaos,this black cloud you are living under,perhaps then you can achieve those goals you have set for yourself.Otherwise,things can simply progress unchecked until...

Whats wrong with being a perfectionist.
A perfectionist will never be perfect, can never achieve the goals he sets for himself.

Why? Why would I be depressed, I have no reason to be depressed. My life couldn't be in a better position, I have always had it easy and nothing has ever gotten in my way. Everything I wanted for myself I was achieving. Nothing bad that I didn't cause myself has ever happened to me. I shouldn't be depressed

A perfectionist will never be perfect, can never achieve the goals he sets for himself.

Then what's left...

Then whats left.....
Can you accept "not perfect"?

I shouldn't be depressed

Shouldn't be and ARE are 2 different things.

Denial of something doesn't make it not so.

From sentence one I have been monitoring this thread,if you want attention,you have gotten it.and constantly shot down the others for their attempts to steer you towards a new thought path.

Do you understand what depression is?

Do you think people who are NOT depressed attempt their lives?Or even have suicidal thinking?

A chemical imbalance happens, it could be from emotional bankruptcy, physical abuse,trauma from your life as a teen, or even younger.. the list is infinite.

What someone does with this knowledge of self,how they cope with this is how the chemicals begin to intermix.

It's not rocket science, not really.. it's normal for a person to feel down when they lose a loved one,the brain chemicals alter the thinking patterns, some people can cope with the loss better than others, some(like me) don't.

I can identify,in others,depression.I can also identify someone who is too into themselves,too far gone, to the inside.

How much isolation have you been in for the last year, how about the last 2 months?

Human interaction and exercise are 2 very good ways to get out of self.

Sorry I was just trying to rule out all other options before I accepted that I might be depressed. Which I now agree with you it is, that leaves me with few options.

Can you accept "not perfect"?

It's not like I ever had a choice... I just don't know anymore

Shouldn't be and ARE are 2 different things.

Denial of something doesn't make it not so.

From sentence one I have been monitoring this thread,if you want attention,you have gotten it.and constantly shot down the others for their attempts to steer you towards a new thought path.

Do you understand what depression is?

Do you think people who are NOT depressed attempt their lives?Or even have suicidal thinking?

A chemical imbalance happens,,it could be from emotional bankruptcy, physical abuse,trauma from your life as a teen,,or even younger..the list is infinite.

What someone does with this knowledge of self,how they cope with this is how the chemicals begin to intermix.

It's not rocket science,,not really..it's normal for a person to feel down when they lose a loved one,the brain chemicals alter the thinking patterns,,some people can cope with the loss better than others,,some(like me) don't.

I can identify,in others,depression.I can also identify someone who is too into themselves,too far gone,,to the inside.

How much isolation have you been in for the last year,,how about the last 2 months?

Human interaction and exercise are 2 very good ways to get out of self.

Oh just so you know I really don't have a choice about exercise, I have to do it every morning. I usually run about 4-5 miles a day, I am top physical shape and I feel like crap when I am done.

Sorry I was just trying to rule out all other options before I accepted that I might be depressed. Which I now agree with you it is, that leaves me with few options.

It's not the end of the world,you know.

I have dealt with depression(and bi-polar disorder) for most of my adult life.I wasn't diagnosed or medicated for many,many years though.

Since I got the help,my life has had it's ups and downs,just like anyone else's.. I am human after all.

This is a time for life decisions,do you want help?

It's not like I ever had a choice..... I just don't know anymore
You have many choices. Do you care about yourself (like we do) to make some good ones?

I could use some more information,what is it you are having to give up on if depression is diagnosed?

Perhaps there are 'alternatives' to being labeled as depressed, it sounds like the military life has something to do with this?

No I would rather die than get help for something like this.

They will take my aviation slot if I get diagnosed, and I will lose my job with CIA when I get out.

They will take my aviation slot if I get diagnosed, and I will lose my job with CIA when I get out.

So your expectations when you wrote in to here was what?

Back in post #1, went over it twice, "If I can find this life mentor to help me make it through life then I need some help finding one"

Back in post #1, went over it twice, "If I can find this life mentor to help me make it through life then I need some help finding one"
And a mentor will do what for you? You've already said you refuse to talk on the phone. You said female psychologists were worthless.

Fine, whatever, put words in my "posts" (mouth). Since when did saying two women treated me like **** when I tried to get help become "all women", and I never said anything about refusing to talk on the phone, I just said it would be a problem. But don't worry wondergirl you won't have to worry about me any more I already drank a 5th of vodka with a pill concoction that I already took, and to finish things off I will go shoot myself now. I am sorry I wasted your time and you didn't get paid for it.

I am sorry I wasted your time and you didn't get paid for it.
So it's my fault?

And you haven't even given KBC a chance to help.

Sorry to burst bubbles,but do you understand the rigorous testing they do for CIA,or ANY high stress positions?

I think a life coach would only tell you the same thing we are, it's time to rethink your goals for work in the future.

No way would you pass the testing with the attitude you have now,and the depression/self esteem/isolation personality just isn't fit for government work.

Once you accept that you can then move forward with a new goal in life,something not so high pressure,one where you can just be you,not what you think others think you should be.

Back in post #1, went over it twice, "If I can find this life mentor to help me make it through life then I need some help finding one"

Just a note here,

Relying on someone else to make you happy,functional,etc.. is called co-dependency.

If you aren't happy in your own skin and seem to be fighting all those around you who are truly trying to assist you through this tough time, how could any 'life coach' help?

It requires you to be honest,open and above all,willing to accept not only help,but criticism,(be t from females or males),to learn coping skills,to mature beyond the bounds you are stuck in today.

Are you willing to do this?

So it's my fault?

And you haven't even given KBC a chance to help.

No there is no help for me and once again you are putting words in my mouth, I never said it was your fault, I can understand it sounded like it, but I am sorry for wasting your time, I will be in a coma in around 45min to an hour. KBC already posted what he was going to say. I was a little angry that you took me out of context originally, that's why I used that wording. But it is in no way your fault. It's just to late for me now, I made my decision. I was always told I could achieve my dreams now that I can't I refuse to be held down, I chose death rather than losing my freedom because my body is ****ed up.

No there is no help for me
Of course, there's help for you. You sound like Scarlett O'Hara. Stick your finger down your throat and throw up that concoction.

I don't know who Scarlett O'Hara is, and I actually feel good now that I know I am going to die, your going to fail at getting me to change my mind.

OK,I guess this thread can be closed then?

Yea close the tread we are done here.

I don't know who Scarlett O'Hara is, and I actually feel good now that I know I am going to die, your going to fail at getting me to change my mind.
EVERYBODY knows who Scarlett is!!

So you won't give us a chance to help you.

YoU thInk You siCK but Not. You sUFfer From HypoConDRiasIS. MakE chANGE, Make YOurSElf FeeL BettER, Do SOmetHING new anD StoP EXPecTinG oTHER to DO it.

Thank you for adding carlos.

Can you please use capital letters at the start of words and lower case for the rest of the words, we do not do chat speak here.

Thank you again.

Spiral bound,

I don't know what you expected in an online forum with complete strangers. Addressing the serious issues you are facing is beyond what anonymous people can do, no matter how well intentioned.

You are in serious trouble here, and if you are actually taking pills with booze, and intending to end your life, please call 911. Please. A few seconds to press those numbers, and you will be on your way to feeling better. You don't need to do anything else except concentrate on getting to a phone, and making that call.

Put everything else out of your mind, and concentrate on undoing what you have done- right now. You have options, there is hope, you can work through this, just make the call.

Your history has gone on far too long for any of us to properly address, assess, or treat you. Speaking with a Psychiatrist and being assessed is a must. That is the only way to get out of this situation you are in.

Please, get help immediately.

Yea go ahead and close the tread we are done here.
You finally have the chance to accomplish something big in your life (with our help of course :D), and you're going to dump us??

Would you rather have a chocolate caramel ice cream cone? I'm thinking of making one for myself. Want one?

Judy the military isn't involved becuase I don't want them to be involved, mental issues tend to be career ender's amongst army officers. I am still in college this will be my 5th year, due to classes I failed last semester, yes I was supposed to graduate may of this year, not march (typo). So yes I am still in college and the reason I failed classes last semester, is starting all over again, not going to class and not doing my work. If I would have passed all my classes last semester I would have graduated been commissioned as an officer, and going to aviation school to fly helicopters.

So basically what I have done with my life so far is make it into a good school, make it into a very competitive ROTC program giving me close to 250k in college tuition, had a 3.7GPA going into last semester (now its 3.2 after my 1.4GPA last semester), got into the most competitive branch in the military (aviation), been through both Air Assault and Airborne schools, received the highest marks at LDAC. I have gone overseas for language training another very expensive program paid for by the army. I while I was doing all that I really didn't care about it, I look back now and think big deal. I wish some one who would appreciate where I am at right now would take my place.

Now I am at the last stage the easiest part of my college career the very end where I saved the easiest classes so I could have fun in my last few months of school, and I don't care, I was given a second chance becuase I had such a good track record, but I am messing that up too. If I quit school I have a military commitment so I would have to enlist, or pay back all the money I received from the army. So it is either succeed this semester (which is starting to look very bad), leave the country or kill myself.

Take your religion and go to someone who wants to hear your lies. I grew up in a Mennonite community, I went to church 3 times a week and graduated from a christian high school. That is where I became an atheist. On the other hand admitting the very very small chance that there might be a god or the like, if it was somehow able to be proven I wouldn't hesitate to kill myself right now. No one should live in a world where there is something of a god.

I'll address the last paragraph first - I'm not the person who suggested religion. I'm not saying it's a good, bad or indifferent idea. I'm saying it wasn't my suggestion.

As far as being active military, didn't you say this in June 2009: "I am already active duty, I am required by law to disclose all hospital visits but that doesn't mean I will. As for your other comments I am an officer ..." The question at that time was whether someone who is a better "solider" than others would lie to the military about health issues.

There have been multiple discrepancies in your various threads and I, for one, am having a difficult time sorting the truth, half truths and totally untrue.

You've posted your mental health problems several times. You've been given suggestions, none of which are acceptable to you for one reason or another.

I would suggest that you post the truth and let someone with some experience try to help you again. The same people who are attempting to help you now came to the conclusion that you are a pathological liar in June 2009. I'm not sure.

I've been sucked into this scenario before -

Honestly the safety of others in the school and most certainly in the military are at risk if someone with these issues does not seek professional help.

It shows a direct lack of character and most certainly not someone I want in my military and not someone I want put in a high stress area of the military.

Time of "POOR ME" is over, you need a kick in the rear to either get help or at least get out of the program you are in.
( well if you keep failing that will be the easy part since you will not get to stay in the program if you keep fialing)

So get help, use a fake name and pay cash, the important thing is to get help. Once you are thinking straight, the rest will take care of itself.


As a Air Force officer ( retired, reserve) and as someone who worked for the Justice Dept, you will never progress into high risk and security areas that require levels of mental health evals. And most likely your behavior once in AIT and training will be vary obvioius to the CO whose job it is to cut people who are not making it.

Also to be honest I feel a real obligation to the military, and honestly to you to see that you get enough help.

A copy of this and other posts will be forwarded Monday morning to the Commander of ROTC programs so they can perhaps at least use more personal force to help make you get the help you need.

Had to spread the rep Chuck, but I also agree. There is a clear consequence to his actions and behaviour on others- military, or family, or whoever is in his life. Whatever that life may be.

Maybe he will come back and face the challenge of separating what's real and truthful, to what is not.

Frankly I feel the OP is not fit for the Military. I sure would be very uneasy if he had to go into a war zone with his attitude. If he doesn't
Care anything about himself, he sure as heck wouldn't care about fellow soldiers. You are whiner and everything you have written is "me, me, me"
So you don't like the way you feel? You don't want to change and the only reason you don't is you like being miserable. You hate your background and for the life of me I don't know why. The Mennonites are good people.

You whine and you cry and you say you want to stay in the Military. Just in case you don't know ths... Strong People are the ones who make it in the service. You don't want help, you throw any mention of any kind of help back at anyone who gives you advice. You say you are going to kill yourself? Cowards do that. Cowards who can't handle anything if it's not the way they want it to be. It takes GUTS and COURAGE to stay here and face life.

Go to a Military Hospital and see some of our troops who are lying there.
That's guts. They may be amputees or worse, but they are so glad to be alive. Ask a mom or dad who have lost a child in the war how they feel about life. It's precious. You do not need to be in the Military because you are coward and I doubt you'd put yourself in harms way for anyone.:mad:

And I wonder when people post these "suicide" threats if they realize that caring people are on this Board, people who then have trouble sleeping, worrying and wondering if they said the right thing, the wrong thing?

OP should be ashamed of himself but I get the feeling he is so out of touch with reality that he's not.

And I wonder when people post these "suicide" threats if they realize that caring people are on this Board, people who then have trouble sleeping, worrying and wondering if they said the right thing, the wrong thing?
The opposite is also true. When someone cries "Wolf" again and again, we stop caring, and that's not good for him OR for us. Spiralbound wasn't interested in our offers of help or even in a chocolate caramel ice cream cone. That certainly said something.

your going to fail at getting me to change my mind.

Hmm. I'm trying to figure out how this suddenly became the responsibility of everyone here when you came here already this way. It wasn't anyone's responsibility to change your mind, only to try (keyword: TRY) to help you find a way to change your own mind. It's OK to need other people, and OK to need someone else to help you find your way. It's even OK to have to rely on other people sometimes. But none of those people are the cause of the problems you came into this with.

I've had plenty of problems in my own life, including having to accept "mental" problems that were actually physical and made me feel I wasn't in control. (I have anxiety issues, cause by something chemical and also genetic, and it took me a long time before I could openly say that to other people.) Anxiety can cause depression as well. So I actually understand a lot of this.

But you kind turned me off with that last statement. Most people who announce they are now killing themselves aren't really looking to die, and most people who really just want to die aren't busy telling other people that they failed - they're usually turned very into themselves.

So I for one, think you are either lying... or that you announced your suicide cause you really want saved - but we're on the other end of a computer. If you really did want saved, you need to be on the phone.

I don't think he'll be back. I think he's too mad at the advice.

I'm sorry, but I really have to address a couple of things here.


You hate your background and for the life of me I don't know why. The Mennonites are good people.

Regardless of how "good" any group of people might be, it doesn't mean that it works for everyone or that someone isn't going to hate it. You sound like you're having a hard time accepting that. Every atheist I've never known had a religious upbringing.


You say you are going to kill yourself? Cowards do that. Cowards who can't handle anything if it's not the way they want it to be. It takes GUTS and COURAGE to stay here and face life.

People who commit suicide are not cowards. They are people who are so down in a black hole somewhere, a place where coward and courage don't really have any meaning anymore. People who always threaten to commit suicide but never do anything about it might be cowards. People who talk about it a lot generally just really need help, but it doesn't make them cowards.

People who are serious are just in a place that no one else will ever understand, so it's hard to say things like that about them. They are in a place that has gone far beyond something you could call "cowardly." Just like calling them "selfish" - they're totally into themselves, yes - but it's because they're just off in a place where other people just have no meaning anymore. Words like "selfish" and "coward" just really don't exist there.

And they are in a place where they need a hand to help them back out of the hole, and not a kick in the butt that throws them back into it. (Of course, you do have to know the difference between the serious ones, and the ones trying to get attention.)

This particular person may be full of it, I don't know, and I kind of think some things don't make sense here. But someone who seriously wants to be dead will just take that as a big kick in the butt, back into the hole they're in.

It's extremely difficult to kill oneself. There's a huge, huge gap between no longer wanting to live with your life the way it is, and wanting to be dead. Dead is so - permanent. And someone has to be really, really, really down in a horrible, dark place before they would ever take that final, permanent, step and actually kill themselves. It's not exactly an easy thing to do, even when you're way, way deep into the hole.

Except for the Warden in Shawshank redemption - he was a coward cause it was easier than being arrested. But that's a totally different type of situation.

Except for the Warden in Shawshank redemption - he was a coward cause it was easier than being arrested. But that's a totally different type of situation.

Love that movie. My friend committed suicide and she had never uttered the word in all the years I knew her. You are right some people who are always talking about it seldom do it. Now the warden really was a coward.

I don't think he'll be back. I think he's too mad at the advice.

I think he'll be back. This isn't the first time he's come back with the same issue. I doubt it will be the last.

To the OP. We can only help those willing to help themselves, and to be brutally honest, this is a question and answer site, not a hospital, not a mental health facility, and not the suicide hotline.

We are more than willing to help, but when each suggestion is shot down, what else are we supposed to do? You can only say "get help" so many times, and that's really all we can offer.

I'm sorry that you're going through all of this, but you're the only one that can get up, pick up the phone and get the help you need. We can only type, that's all. We have no special powers and we can't magically fix your problems. At some point in your life you have to choose to fight for yourself, you have to choose to get the help you need. If you're not willing to do that, there's nothing we can do for you.

I wish you luck. I hope that you finally realize that you need professional help, and I hope you get it.

I came in here way late and I haven't digested all the discussion between your early posts and now.
I recognize that all religions aren't the same as mine, but in mine you don't go to heaven as a maybe yes/maybe no Christian, but not at random. You must accept Christ and believe in Him before you die.

I wouldn't roll the dice and hope for the best on that one.

Depression can definitely be treated (been there-done that!)

The right religion can help too. We are in the process of finding a new one after 50+ years in one of the major ones. The old one morphed (nobody asked our opinion about it) into something we couldn't support.

Best wishes to you.

I think about the young and older men and woman who have died in wars
and I cannot for the life of me figure you out. Vietnam Veterans who came home and were spat on and ridiculed and yet, you ask any of them and most would say I'd do it again. WWII, Korea, Persion Gulf and this war going on now, brave men and woman who gave everything they had ,only to be sent home in a Flag draped coffin. How much they had too live for. One of our "youngsters" here who died in this war a couple of years ago was the music minister and was looking forward to making the youth choir the best around here.he died three weeks before he was supposed to come home.

My son is a soldier and he is a very proud and wonderful young man. He's been over there several times. He is the best father and husband and son I could have ever asked for. I don't think I would want you watching his back. I don't think you'll come back to address all these posts, that's the kind of person you are and you probably want us to feel guilty thinking maybe you've killed yourself. I don't feel guilty. We all tried to help you and if you did committ suicide you won't be reading this anyway.

People who are dead set on taking their lives already have a mindset and no matter what we have said.. we couldn't have changed your mind anyway. I hope you get help. Nobody is going to come and drag you to see a doctor or a shrink. You have to make choices and I'm hoping you choose to leave the Military for your sake and every person enlisted. You think about this if you're still with us, How much value do you place on a human life? You're a disgrace to every man and woman in this Country who have served and are serving in the Military. Shame on you for being such a quitter.

Thread closed.