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Me and my boyfriend have been together for now one year and 8 months. We live in different cities about an hour away and we aren't able to see each other all the time. But whenever I get a chance during the weekend I go visit and so does he. I'm going to a community college here where I live but he's going to a UC. It's our first year. We are both about to turn 19 and it's very exciting. We are very close we like to think of each other as best friends we have that type of relationship that everything can be worked out we can talk about anything but at the end of the day the problem will be fixed. I've known him since I was 12 he was my boyfriend in middle school too. My first 'love' no matter what we have always respected each other, weather it's decisions we make, our feelings whatever it is we think for ourselves but as well consider each other. As teenagers we all love to have fun and party we have been through a lot together so clubbing was something we decided we would do together no matter what. Ever since he decided he's going to dorm @ his college things have slowly been changing my feelings thoughts are not as important as before. I get a bit mad at times because he's allowed to do so much more than I ever can by parents. So every time he goes out it sucks that I'm stuck at home and can't go out and he's living it up. I understand that we are young he tells me this all the time but I wish I could be there as well living it up with him. Like I said now since I get mad a lot he's gotten tired of saying sorry every time he goes out and eventually told me he's going to do it even I I get mad. Clubbing is a very big deal to me. That is definitely something we said we'd to together I don't know why he loves it so much but now anything he does my opinion doesn't matter. I've respected his feelings opinions from day one and it sucks to know that everything is changing college is all he talks about I understand how exciting it is I am so proud of him but he's so into his friends now that I come last in his days sometimes he hangs out with his friends doing guy things playing FIFA or something and comes home till 3am to where I don't even talk to him we text most of the time. I just feel like I'm poising him and eventually my only option would be breaking up we have talked about this by the way I only don't want him clubbing that's it but he won't give it up even if we break up he wants to club with or without me with his friends and I'm honestly poising it every weekend :( someone please help me!

I'm sorry that it's so long I literally just wrote exactly what I'm thinking thanks for reading

Long distance relationships are really hard, but you really can't expect him to sit home and do nothing just because you want him to.

It's normal for college kids to run around with their friends and have a good time. As long as you know you can trust him not to cheat on you, then what's the problem??

I think you need to get out and spend some time with your friends too.

I think for the sake of your sanity, you respect his freedom, and make adjustments, as telling a young college guy not to party with his friends, is like telling the sun not to shine. Back off that, and don't be jealous because, he has more freedom than you do for now, as that will change for you. Have your fun, and let him have his, or you will push him away.

Think of what he is doing as normal. It's normal behaviour when you live in a dorm, go to college, go clubbing, go to lots of parties, meet lots of people, do new things that you didn't when you live at home. It's all a normal part of growing up and learning how to adjust and live in a new environment, without restrictions from mom and dad.

His parents, in a way, no doubt worry about the same things you do. How is he going to handle the freedom, is he ready and mature enough to balance his studies with his social life. Who are the people he's hanging out with, are they good kids, etc. But, parents are forever, and he has an obligation to keep them reasonably informed, because they are his parents, and because they are likely footing some, if not all, of the cost of his education.

A girlfriend back home, is a different relationship. Because his life has changed, so too may his comfort level at having his new found freedom being monitored by you, critiqued by you, assessed by you, and negotiated with you. Any relationship, regardless of distance, isn't about whether he should or shouldn't do something, in order to maintain your expectations. If he's going to continue clubbing for example, as he's honestly told you, this is not only your call in the first place, that he not do it, but neither is it your call to put restrictions on him either.

You trust him or you don't. But, you can't seriously expect him not to want to take advantage of this new freedom, and sit in his dorm room, alone, and study, when he could be out having a really good time. That is a big expectation from you, that will be, in my opinion, impossible for him to live up to.

And if he knows this is a problem, for you, and you keep the pressure up with the arguing, and getting angry, he is less likely, rather than more likely, to keep you informed of all the other social things he's going to be doing- parties, etc. It is all part of the same package. He may skip clubbing, but unless he's willling to stay in, not make friends, and not take advantage of enjoying college life, he's going to miss a big chunk of growing up.

As he said, he's getting tired of saying 'sorry' all the time, and said that he's going to do what he wants anyway.

This isn't about him so much anymore, but whether you can adapt, and accept that you cannot expect him, in all honesty, to give up a social life at college because you would prefer he not have one. I would think that if it weren't the clubbing, it would be not being happy with parties either, or dances, etc. It is all part of the same package.

You either accept it, or you don't.

This is so typical of the year right after high school that I'll bet over 90% break up.
By backing off and giving him freedom you may or may not lose him.
By clinging and demanding and making him feel guilty you absolutely 100% will lose him.
Your choice. Nothing about the details matters.
Start working now to get a scholarship or loan to UC for your third year.

I was with my boyfriend for one year 9 months. Ever since summer started he was caught up into going out with his boys and all. I go out as well but we always had time for each other. He suddenly started to blow me off and his boys came first he wouldn't call me or text me only once in a while. We live an hr away from each other. We've always made it work. Recently he went to college in the same city he lives in. He is living on campus but now he has school work and homework that's he has no timefor me. I totally understand. But he always seems to have time for friends. We recently broke up because of it. He has time to party and go out but I can't even get a hello without ME being the one to say it first. He said he needs a couple of months to just enjoy college and get settled in. I understand but all I really wanted was a simple all from him here and there. I KNOW he has at least 10min of his day free. He said things can't e like before he gets bored of being on the phone & he doesn't want to worry about having to call someone. I have tried not talking to him but it's hard to not text him or call him. I know we won't move on to anyone just yet I just don't know how to let it go. I go out with my girlfriends go play softball distract myself but I end up crying anywhere I go. I just feel that I have done a lot to make it work but not enough to let it go just like that so that's why I keep txting asking how his day went but it just doesn't change. I don't know what to do. I don't want to move on & I know we will get together again it's just a matter of me knowing how to deal with this while we are not together.

You really need to let him go and stop communicating with him at all. Sure it'll hurt, but you really need to do it. You can live without him and you will!

Never forget that if a person truly cares about you, they will always meet you half-way; or go the distance for the both of you. As you already know, he isn't putting forth any effort at all.

You deserve someone who cares about you and who wants to see and talk to you and it's obvious that he isn't the one.

Good luck!

I know your going through a hard time. Its time to start healing from this break up. He has moved on, he says it study time and out with friends,etc. He probably has also found another girl who right there in college with him.
Your so obsessed with hoping he is going to change him mind that you might be missing out on other guys that are closer to your area and wanting to have a relationship. Keep going out with friends and have fun.
Stop having any type of contact with him, just appear to be begging if you continue. You deserve better, move on and give yourself that opportunity to find that someone!!

You and he have known each other since middle school. Now he is a college man, able to go to clubs without you, and is discovering that the world is full of willing women. You have out grown your usefulness to him, and he is having more fun without you. This happens all the time. It's just another chapter in obe's life. So you might as well stop waiting for him, he's got some wild oats to sow. Maybe someday you might get him back, but I wouldn't hold my breath. So go out with your friends, date when you can, and let this guy move on.

If you guys look at the questions above you can get an idea of what exactly is going on. But I will shorten it up for you guys. 

My boyfriend of 1year &9 months and I broke up about 2 weeks ago. He went to college & things just didn't go the way we planned. We have been trying to fix this since September but we always end up where we started. He is  doorming  at the university it's in the same city he has always lived in we are one hr away. He doesn't have time for me anymore & it's really hard to understand how that happens. 

Now.. .
I broke up with him 2 weeks ago. He doesn't want a girlfriend right now. School work friends is what he wants and he's just "chillin" right now. The first week was really hard for me we talked but not much. It's hard to see that 3 weekksss agooo he would stilll write me an call me telling me he loves me and misses me and NOW I can't even get a good morning or goodnight. I know space is what he wants but how do you go from day to night and act like I was nothing to him. For a full week I couldn't sleep I couldn't eat I was pretty much not myself at all! I'm 19 years old I had to ask my mom to sleep with me because I just couldn't be alone. I would see here and there his friends on twitter and FB updating that they were going to a party or a club I couldn't take him being like nothing happened so I had to disactivate my accounts. I erased his number and everything. This week I was soooooooo good, I wouldn't even cry anymore I was backto myself again (: I could talk to him here and there and be OK w it.

But I saw him yesterday! He came over. And I must say it felt soooo Sooo good to see him! He saw me and gave me the biggest hug and did it like three times. It was just like if we were boyfriend and girlfriend. I would talk and tell him a story and he's reached for my hand and held it as I talked. He would come behind me and hug me tight and kiss mu cheek. We would talk and look at each other and then stop talking and stare at each other and just start laughing lol. It was all just perfect. I just don't understand how he can act this way tell me he loves me, but he doesn't want a girlfriend? I do NOT want to become that girl that will always be there when he's done with all the other girls. I won't let myself, but I don't want him to think I can be that girl ever! I don't want to meet other guys I'm not interested. As we talked lastnight he asked if I talk to any guys now and I said no and I asked him he said no, he's not interested in girls right now. I believe it. But you don't need a girlfriend to do otherthings. 

I just want him to FINALLY realize that I am here! I will always be his friend, I'll always love him. I have tried the whole "don't talk to him & act like there is nothing wrong, it will kill him he will realize what he is missin out on". I just can't do that! He always said I'll be the girl he marries and he still does but right now, he doesn't want a girlfriend. I want him to be his friend, talk to him as a friend, hang out with his as a friend, I can settle for that for now. But as we are friends what can I do to make him see me and say "what the hell am I doing, this girl is amazing I want to fix it" I'm not trying to change his mind I'm just trying to make him see me like he always has without being annoying and asking WHY he's pitting me through this. I don't want to come out as clingy either because it is deff not like that!

I hate when people tell me "he doesn't deserve you! You shouldn't put up with this. If he cared he would make an effort" I KNOW, he sees this as I need time for me and college but I myself didn't know how to deal with it without trying to fix it all the time! I hope I am making some kind of sense! I honestly appreciate all of your comments and answers they are very different from what family and friends they all look at the negative I'm trying to stay positive and manage to come to a plan when maybe I can work on with him.

I saw this verse from the rapper Drake & it made me think a bit:

**** "wudda came back for you I just needed time to do what I had to do"

A lot of couples break up in college. Do you guys think this is our time for that break up? Do you guys think we might even get back together? His friend did the same thing with his girlfriend of almost 3 years & when I look at them it makes me think hmmm maybe he does need this. But when I see he has time to party and his friend is studying.. . Makes me think maybe he doesn't want to be with me anymore. 

I will always feel like I have some kind of obligation toward him because I was with him so long so when I go out to clubs or whatever I don't want to dance with guys I just stick with my girls. If guysbwant to hang out I always flake because I feel like I shouldn't be doing this.

I'm sooooo sorry this I ling and I very much appreciate you reading this! I hope you can help me with this! Thank you

Harshness warning

You kept yourself sprung, and miserable by being in contact instead of doing the proper NC, and now you are sprung even more, and wondering if he feels the same.

What part of NC is it you don't understand, and making new post every time your feelings are in overdrive, will not get you answers any different than you have gotten already.

WOAH! Let me make it very clear I DID NOT have sex with him last time I saw him NO! I was just a really nice day watched movies hung out and talked but what the fck where did you get sex from? I am not trying to be no ones booty call! I'm tryig to fix it! Having sex won't get them back!

But I saw him yesterday! He came over. And I must say it felt soooo Sooo good to see him! He saw me and gave me the biggest hug and did it like three times

I stand corrected, and do apologize, and will edit my post accordingly. It doesn't change the fact that he is keeping you sprung in the friend zone.