My girlfriend of 2 and a half years cheated on me. It all started after my mom kicked me out, my girlfriend and I had a fight because I needed someone to be their for me and listen but everyone always came first, her friends,parents etc I couldn't vent.

2 days later I wanted to see her to talk about our fight,she refused and said she wanted to hang out with a friend of hers, of course this hurt me because once again I am being put last when I'm trying to make an effort to make things better with us.

So she ended up going out with her friend to a bar and seeing a few friends from college that she hadn't seen in a long time. They ended up going over to their table and talking for a while. My girlfriend ended up suggesting they all play truth or dare specifically with the intent that she could make out with a guy at the table. She ended up making out with him, giving him a lap dance, giving him a handjob and grinding against him in front of everyone. Not once but twice...

One of the old friends from college that was at the table taped the whole thing with her cellphone. The next day my girlfriend phoned me and "confessed" to me that she went to a bar and gave the guy a peck on the lips. I Can tell when she's lying and knew more happened, after I asked her if more happened and told her it sounded like she's lying to me she denied it all so I hung up on her. 10 minutes later her friend ended up calling me and telling me everything that my girlfriend did and sent me the video of everything.

I forgot to mention that after I saw the video and what really happened, again I confronted her about it and she tried blaming everything possible but herself, she blamed alcohol,her friends pressuring her,us being in a fight etc. It took months for her to admit that it was her fault

1 year has passed since this incident and I can't get over it... its tearing me up inside, I'm going crazy and I'm just not happy at all any more. My girlfriend and I are trying to make things work but every time I see any kind of cheating on TV or hear about it I can't stand to look at her. Literally every day the video of my girlfriend cheating replays over and over again in my head, sometimes I can't sleep because of it.

I don't know what to do, I have no happiness in my life any more I get no joy out of anything that I used to, every day just goes by without me really caring about anything...

my girlfriend and I had a fight because I needed someone to be their for me and listen but everyone always came first, her friends,parents etc I couldn't vent.

First red flag. You needed her and she wasn't there for you. Let's say you were being selfish (you weren't) and you could forgive her for that (you shouldn't.)


2 days later I wanted to see her to talk about our fight,she refused and said she wanted to hang out with a friend of hers,

Okay, she can have other things going on in her life, is it an excuse to let you down and not even talk about it?


My girlfriend ended up suggesting they all play truth or dare specifically with the intent that she could make out with a guy at the table.

I don't think anyone who is in a committed relationship, anyone who cares about the person they are with would even think about making out with someone else, let alone doing it in such a cheap way.


She ended up making out with him, giving him a lap dance, giving him a handjob and grinding against him in front of everyone. Not once but twice...

People cheat. It's not right but they do. But when you openly do it in front of everyone, it means something more. It means you have no shame, that you don't care if your boyfriend finds out.


"confessed" to me that she went to a bar and gave the guy a peck on the lips.

So she basically lied to you.


she denied it all

And denied what she did when you confronted her.


its tearing me up inside, I'm going crazy and I'm just not happy at all any more. My girlfriend and I are trying to make things work but every time I see any kind of cheating on TV or hear about it i can't stand to look at her. Literally every day the video of my girlfriend cheating replays over and over again in my head, sometimes I can't sleep because of it.
[... ] I have no happiness in my life any more I get no joy out of anything that I used to, every day just goes by without me really caring about anything...

My first question is WHY, why are you putting up with all this? She let you down, lied to you, insisted on her lie, cheated on you shamelessly and humiliated you. Plus, you say it yourself, you are not happy.

Don't get me wrong, I'm not judging you. I've been there too, I tried over a year to forgive and forget and keep hope. Then one day I decided not to settle anymore. Let me tell you, it doesn't get any better. It's not just cheating, it's the humiliation. Your self-esteem takes a hit and you are the one who is dealing with it. You can try to "work things out" as much as you want, things won't work out until you get your self-esteem back and she is a constant reminder of what happened.

I know you don't want to hear what I'm about to say, but no one deserves this. Your relationship isn't healthy and it is not going to change, whatever you do. Forgiving is hard indeed, but why would you forgive? Why would you settle for this? What stops her from doing the same thing tomorrow? Why would you be trying to work things out with her when you could be happy with someone, right now, someone who actually cares about you?

It's just my opinion but I would turn around - and run away as fast as I can. Good luck.

How was the incident dealt with? Did the two of you discuss it, or was it more ignored in hopes of forgetting about it?
What has your relationship been like since?

People do sometimes get passed being cheated on but it takes effort from both parties to rebuild the trust and it takes time.

If efforts are being made to build a stronger relationship, then try to work passed it... you might even consider counseling. If you don't feel you can move passed it, or if there is no effort on her part to work with you on it, then you might have to cut your losses and end the relationship.

Panded: There are 2 main reasons I have been putting up with all of this, One I need to know why she cheated, and she has no real reason aside from agreeing with the way I feel on the situation. I feel that with what she's done it was proof that she did not love me even know she said she did more than once a day,and was extremely selfish and didn't care how her actions affected me. Second reason being she has been making attempts to change, she is their for me more often now almost every time I need her,and the lying is almost gone.

She was the best thing that ever happened in my life, and not all of those feelings are 100% gone so its hard to let her go.

Doula: We have talked about it almost ever since it happened, I need reasons as to why she cheated before it drives me crazy and she doesn't have any aside from she did not love me back than, and was selfish and stupid. She has been making efforts to make the relationship better since it happened but not enough. And admittedly I haven't been making much effort either I don't see much point in treating her like I used to after what happened and its incredibly hard to look at her the same way as I usto.

The lying is "almost gone"? Why is there any lying?

I have said this numerous times before on these threads...

Keep in mind that you can love someone very much, but that does not make them the best partner for you.

It is hard to let someone go... just be sure that you are not holding on out of not wanting to have to go through a break-up or not wanting to deal with the pain.

If the two of you can work towards making it better, great... but if you can't get passed it, and let it stay in the past, as something the two of you can learn from so that it doesn't happen again, you are going to be stuck feeling the way that you do. Yes, it may crop up now and then in your thoughts, and you might feel a twinge of discomfort from it, but it shouldn't be consuming and it should be happening less and less as time goes on.

I can see why all this weighs so heavy on your mind. Your girlfriend not only cheated on you, but she made a complete fool of you by doing it in front of everyone else. It would be hard to forgive when everyone knows about it.

If you really feel like you have no happiness in your life anymore and get no joy out of anything, then maybe it's time to talk things over with a counselor.

You deserve someone that loves you, is there for you, and someone that you know you can trust. Without those things you have nothing.