My 18 yr old stepdaughter talks about the past with her dad & mom constantly not caring about my feelings. I am so tired of hearing about this trip they did as a family or that trip. Can we ever just live in the present?

Hello Sweet,

How long has it been since they dicorced?

I don't think she's doing it to hurt you. Children no matter how old always want to see their parents back together.


Divorce is traumatic for children. She knows he's with you now and
I truly believe when she brings up
The good times when her parents
Were together it gives her a sense
Of happiness.

She loves you and the memories are just that memories. Try to be patient.

They have been divorced 3 yrs now. I know I'm probably being selfish but my own children ( I have 3 ) don't sit with us and talk about when mom and dad did this and when we went with mom and dad here and there in front of their stepfather. I am just so tired of listening to all of their past lives. This is an everyday thing.

I can understand where you are coming from. Do you and your step daughter have a good relationship?

If it were me in your situation, I would try to turn the converstation back on her. I would ask more about what is going on in your step daughters life.

You can manipulate the conversation any which way if you want. Getting more involved with her.

I think that Kit is correct, divorce can be very hard on a child, and sometimes doesn't even matter what age they are.

Be patient as I said before. She is
Still hurting. When she talks about it just act as though you want to hear about it. Ask her questions about the trips and experiences.
She'll soon grow tired of all the questions and move on. In afew months, I'll wager you and she will become very close.

Thank you both so much for your advice and kind words. I will try harder to be more understanding and not to let things bother me. I know she's still young and needs to be able to talk about her life before. I guess I shouldn't be insensitive to her. I will try what you both have said... show more of an interest in their past lives and ask the questions. Maybe that's what she's needing after all... someone to listen to her and not judge her. Again thank you both so very much.

Thank you both so much for your advice and kind words. I will try harder to be more understanding and not to let things bother me. I know she's still young and needs to be able to talk about her life before. I guess I shouldn't be insensitive to her. I will try what you both have said....show more of an interest in their past lives and ask the questions. Maybe that's what she's needing after all...someone to listen to her and not judge her. Again thank you both so very much.

I don't think insensitive is what you are, you're like all second wives myself included, you have to adjust. Wait and see, you are a great stepmom and she'll see that too. Blessings to you.:)

Perhaps the only good memories she got as an 18 year old are the things that she talk about. If you want her to appreciate the present then why not help her build new good memories. It would require a big patience pill to swallow on your part because you are a parent & a grown up. Why not get to know her better? I am sure you have already been trying but please keep trying.

In two years she will be 20 & more busy with her own life. At the moment let her say what she wants to. I am sure we all do things without realizing that it frustrate others. You might have a habit of your own that drives her crazy. I only want to suggest that when we embark into a relationship where children from previous relations are involved, it would be a good idea to expect that things wouldn't go your way. I am sure that you are well experienced in life to let an 18 year old brag about her thing. All she got after her parents' divorce are few good memories. If I would be you, I would appreciate that she does have some good thoughts of her previous family circle.

Let her talk and ramble and remember. Meanwhile, slide in an occasional "Wow!" or "Tell me more" or "That sounds so cool." Let your face and voice and body language show her you are interested not only in her memories but also in her as a person. She'll get it out of her system and be able to move into the present day and even start planning for the future. Along the way, she will figure out that you are her good friend and best cheerleader.