View Full Version : My boyfriend has intimate issues and I need advice
mystery_girl_
Sep 9, 2010, 03:04 PM
I've been with my boyfriend only a few months were both in our late 20s,We slept together a couple of times 2 months ago.I'm not very good at speaking my feelings.. I did send a message saying I feel like were friends.. we chatted about it he said he was stressed and that he was attracted to me and he was going to see a doctor.. 3 weeks later all we've done is cuddle I've been in a privous long term relationship and we both had a high sex drive.. I know its not all about sex and we do have a good friendship he's kind and thoughtful,I'm confident and happy with the way god made but the longer he doesn't touch me the more I doubt myself.. the min I get him turned on he makes excuses to get out of bed .I know he's mad about me and if he knew how much I was hurting about how he makes me feel unwanted and how much it upsets me and if it made me doubt our relationship he might try sort it but I just find it so hard to confront him
I'd really appriciate some advice
phantomlrp
Sep 9, 2010, 03:47 PM
It dosen't sound like the issue is with you. He was supposed see a doctor 3 weeks ago. What exactly is the issue and what did the doctor say? It seems the issue is with him.
If it makes you feel the way you describe you need to talk with him about it or your relationship is doomed in the future. Communication is of the utmost importance in a relationship. Let him know exactly how you feel about this issue.
kiewiebeauty
Sep 9, 2010, 04:03 PM
sometimes confrontation is the only way to truly get the problem x I don't think its anything personal to you.. there is obviously something troubling him. Maybe helacks confidence ?
l think you owe it to him as your boyfriend to look abit deeper into this problem x
silverlining
Sep 9, 2010, 04:04 PM
It is definitely not you.. But you do need to talk about it as it's not going to sort itself out.. If you're going to make it work with this guy you are going to have to talk about your feelings eventually might as well start now :)
mystery_girl_
Sep 10, 2010, 07:08 AM
Thanks for all your answers :)
I don't think he lacks confidence he always tells me about how girls fancy him and how he's not vain but is good looking but maybe deep down he is in secure..
The issue he said was having a problem getting an erection, we wore both embaressed talking about it but he said it wasn't me that he is mad about me and finds me attractive but the stress in work ,he says he doesn't like sex when drinking but he gave up drinking so I tried and when he did get an erection he said he needed to turn from me and stretch and I feel bad for trying and we go back to only kissing and cuddling
I just think after 3 months we should be in the honeymoon were we can't keep our hands of each other
Going to take your advice and talk to him ,maybe I'll ask him to see a councilor?
kiewiebeauty
Sep 10, 2010, 07:47 AM
People who say that people fancy them are a little insecure they say stuff like that so they feel less insecure :)
Stress can cause erectile disfunction.. so maybe he's scared of going flacid during intercorse ?
Best to ask a doctor x
mystery_girl_
Sep 10, 2010, 07:56 AM
Yea never thought of that.. thanks Ill have another chat and ask him to go to a doctor x
kiewiebeauty
Sep 10, 2010, 08:01 AM
Glad I could help x
Homegirl 50
Sep 10, 2010, 08:31 AM
He is awful young to be having problems like that. He needs to see a doctor.
If he is going to be in a relationship and is having problems functioning he owes it to you to at least talk about it.
If you two can't discuss sex, trying to have it is not the thing to be doing.
jmjoseph
Sep 10, 2010, 08:52 AM
It could be one of many things causing him to lose the erections mid-way through your sexual encounters. It's frustrating for guys to do that. It's like trying to row a boat with a piece of rope when our little buddy doesn't cooperate. But there is help available. He should get a physical first, try to find out the root cause(sorry no pun intended), and go from there. He can take medication, exercise, or even change his diet. But, for him to know how it's effecting you, you're going to have to talk to him about it.
Yes, at that age, and that stage, you should be going at it like drunk monkeys.
Tell him in a gentle way.
If he KNOWS that there's problem, and he's not willing to do anything about it, then maybe you should take inventory, and move on. My daddy used to tell me "If it don't fit, don't force it".
Good luck.
mystery_girl_
Sep 13, 2010, 03:11 AM
Thanks for all your advice.. I had the chat ,we talked about it..
I told him everything in our relationship was great but that sex is important in a relationship and its not even all about sex but there has to be passion cause were adults and kissing and cuddling isn't enuf.. he made another excuse he just has too many issues its not about having problems during it he just doesn't want to try..
I was a bit drunk when we had the talk but Im going to take the next step and say we should be friends which it feels like were only friends now anyway
The thoughts of being single all my friends are with someone,I know that's no reason to stay in a relationship that's not working but having the company is nice..