My wife and I never could get enough in the first years together. 3-5 times a week no matter the hour was how it kicked off. That changed after the first 3 years where it happened further and further apart and such that she stopped initiating any sex or just sexual play. Soon it was lucky if we had sex once a month, that changed to maybe once every 4 months, once every 8-9. None of that where she started it or asked to in less than 1% of the times. Since the past 7 years of our near 15 together we have had all out sex, I mean all out, experimental, spontaneous, playful, her on top or even a simple missionary session less than 6 times. She complains I push her to have sex too often, that I need to back off and see where it goes. None of which prompted a whole lot more than casual 1/2 spooning as she won't let me all the way in even with lubricant. There were shower sessions where she would just please me with no intercourse. That even today is none existent. Now this all came about well before our tragedy of losing our youngest son suddenly in June of this year. Now all she can so is its not in her and may not ever be again. So refusal to go to therapy for this, that which preceded this June and considering all the hormonal complexities, I now feel like many wives do when the husband loosed interest. Its affecting my libido now as the stress grows and the attention or even attempts to compromise spiral. I even thought of secretly giving her some type of herbs or pheremone therapy to see if she comes back to me this way. Hell... I don't expect the same as when we first met, but once a week and maybe twice in a month she could at least recognize that our needs are different and working together as a couple is one of the for better or worse paths that should be part of a healthy relationship. Understanding that any medical interferences are considered, what the hell do I do? I get so aroused being near her, begging inside to be touched in ways outside of endearing, wanting her and only her over anyone else bar none! I get my strength and life desire to excel through her. If we could only order surrogate lovers that are a carbon copy of the one we love. Im lost!

Isn't this a dilly of a pickle? I am assuming you have sat down and talked with her? Seen if there was a reason that she doesn't want to have sex. It could be a physical thing, or emotional. The lose of a child is a terrible thing.

Slipping her herbs or what not is a BAD idea. I think you know that.

I know you love your wife dearly but you need her to tell you what is going wrong and what is going on. Explain what your needs are. I think she really needs to go to a doctor and Oby/Gyn.

Neither of you probably see this at this point but this is seriously affecting your relationship and it needs to be dealt with before it is too much ot recover from.

Well the times I have tried she opts out of the conversation saying she just doesn't want to discuss it anylonger or a headache comes up. Seeing a Dr to look and tell, well she is her own worst enemy there feeling she by reading something has the answers and all the reasons to not trust or believe the prognosis. I don't buy it that claiming to be so very much in love and only able to enjoy life with each other present is all it takes to keep a lasting spark of romance even if it is once or the other compensating as need be, when necessary.

I know this all started before you both lost your son, but the fact that you have lost a child so recently is huge. I'm so sorry for your loss. When we feel emotional pain some of us find comfort in the lovemaking we share with our partners but for some of us it is the last thing we want during our grief.

I know that the long-term scenario needs dealing with in time but I would say that at the moment this loss is still so recent that it will overshadow everything else. I think for now you two need to find a way of supporting each other through your grief. Try and let go of what was happening before your loss for a while and focus on helping yourself and your wife get through this difficult time first. It may be worth considering some grief counselling but I'm not sure it isn't a little early even for that, this is not something that people deal with quickly.

Please don't take this as criticism, but during your post you focus heavily on the fact that your sex life has been a problem for some time, and only briefly mention your recent loss. We all deal with grief in different ways and I'm not saying you are wrong in not talking more of it, but to your wife this could come across as you caring too much about sex by comparison. You two really need to talk about your loss and how you feel.

Good points, thanks! I will put the suggestions to good use!

Thanks

Seeking an all natural solution to low drive and libido issues

Yup.

Exercise. Communication. Fun. Confidence. Dates. Connecting with one another.

Love helps a lot too.

There is no magic pills, esp one to work for both male and female.

I thought she was the one with the low (and changed) libido? These posts should be combined, particularly because there was some talk of "slipping" her something to increase her desire for you. https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/adult-sexuality/how-keep-wife-interested-me-506042.html