I have to do a Monologue about "its time to go on a holiday and many weeks have been spent planning this holiday and everyone is so exited" Anyway you have to talk about this holdiday but it doesn't have to be all about it. And I am having trouble coming up with a character.
Help and Ideas would be good.Thanks

A grumbling grandpa.

A mom who is worried about keeping everyone looking neat and clean and happy under extreme circumstances (no washer/dryer, no vacuum, everyone trapped inside a car together for hours at a time, no refrigerator for snacks and drinks, etc.).

A dog who has been brought along, and he'd rather have gone to a puppy hotel (kennel).

Thanks
I need some tips of how to act and what to say if I'd play the grandpa/grandma

Thanks
I need some tips of how to act and what to say if i'd play the grandpa/grandma
Dress up like an old man.

Do you have a grandfather or know of a friend with a grandfather? Interview the grandfather for ideas, such as he left his pills at home on his nightstand and he has to use the bathroom every half hour so Dad has to stop the car somewhere and the sun is always in his eyes and...

Any quotes or sayings I could use? What was the best bit of the holiday?

If you Google "grandfather quotes" (without quote marks), you'll get a bunch of sites that list quotes about grandparents.

What do you mean about the "best bit"?

I need to talk about something that could be the main thing that happened on the holiday?

The main thing could be funny or scary or tragic or exciting. Which do you want? Do you want Grandpa to be the hero or the star?

Funny and star thanks
I just need some help to getting started

Let me think on this for a while. I'm musing about Grandpa's dentures or a false front tooth or his forgetfulness and what a funny situation that could be or something about his clothing. Give me a couple of hours. I'll eat a cupcake or two for inspiration.

OK thanks
Oh yum eat one for me too. I love cupcakes :)

No cupcakes yet.

How about this:

The family, as usual, takes both Grandpa and Grandma on vacation with them. Throughout the trip, Grandpa and Grandma, as usual, bicker and argue and poke each other and drive the rest of the family nuts. (You can spend time talking about different things the family does and how G&G argue about money or the food or clothes or the destination or how the bed was too hard or whatever.) Finally, at the end of the trip, the family decides to split up at a theme park/resort area and do various things. G&G decide to take one of the scenic helicopter rides, but both of them are real cheapskates.

The ride is $50. Hoping to get a discount, they told the pilot that they're in their 80s and didn't have much longer to live, so would he give them a deal. The pilot had heard them squabbling while they were waiting in line, so he told G&G, "I'll make you a deal. I'll take you for a ride. If you can be quiet for the entire ride and not say ONE word, I won't charge you anything! But if you say ONE word, it's 50 dollars."

G&G agreed. After all, 50 dollars is 50 dollars. They climbed into the helicopter, fastened their seatbelts, and up they went. The pilot did all kinds of fancy maneuvers, but G&G didn't say a word. The pilot did his daredevil tricks over and over again -- wild spins and bouncing up and down and even flying upside down -- but G&G didn't utter a word, not ONE word! After all, 50 dollars is 50 dollars.

When they landed, the pilot looked back at Grandpa and said, "I did everything I could to get you to yell out, but you two didn't say one single word. I'm really impressed!"

Grandpa replied, "Well, I almost said something when Grandma fell out, but, 50 dollars is 50 dollars."

It was a quiet ride home from vacation that year.

Haha oh wow thanks so much. Did you just come up with that! Thanks so much
Its so good

I found it here:

Will and Guy's humour, Funny short story (http://www.guy-sports.com/humor/stories/story_short.htm)

And rewrote it for you. I'm a writer, so it was fun. I never do someone's homework, but there's still a lot for you to work on, to set up the story and fill in the rest.

How long does it have to be? Would it be from Grandpa's point of view?

Remember, it's a monologue -- from one person's point of view, one person telling the story.

Let me know how your audience received it and how you did.

I'am presenting it in the next two days :S And it is from grandma's point of view cause I am better acting a girl. But grandpa needs to survive somehow so can you think of something what he landed on maybe hay or something. And it has to go for 2-3mins.

grandpa needs to survive somehow
Hmmm, let me think.

Why does G'pa have to survive? Can you end it with the 50 dollars comment?

How about just ending it with the 50 dollars comment and let your audience worry about G'pa.

If you explain too much or make the story any longer, you'll kill the impact of the joke.

True OK.

(Come on stage)I’m going to tell you a story. (Sits down) One day a long long time ago, last week Me and Grandpa gerald went on a holiday with my family. We went to this Land Disney place and it was like nothing I had ever seen. Cause back when I was a little one we never had any of those fancy pantsy theme parks back in my day we had a whole 20c to spend at the fair and that was like Christmas. Anyway in the car ride Gerald (shout) had some bladder problems isn’t that right Gerald (go behind stage and be Gerald) Yes yes Betty -May you leave me alone (Betty-hahah fool) Anyway where was I? Oh yes I was saying about Land Disney. Gerald and I wanted to go on a heli... copter ride but it was very expensive and us being old pensioners we couldn’t afford $50 for a ride. But then the Pilot came over and said we could come on for free on the condition that we didn’t say one word during the flight and if we did then we’d have to pay $50 so we agreed. And off we went and we got on the copter thing and it was scary and we didn’t say one word. Then the pilot turned around and said I am really impressed you didn’t say one word and then I said to the man I nearly said a something when Grandpa Gerald fell out. In the end Gerald had landed on the kiddies pen on hay. (whisper darn that)

That's what I have :L

Thats what i have :L
I hate to be negative, but you've successfully killed the joke. And why does G'pa have to land anywhere?

[Walks on stage] I'm a-gunna tell you-all a story.

[Sits down] Me and Grandpa Gerald went on a holiday with the family. We went to this Land of Disney place. It was like nothing I had ever seen before! [looks surprised or amazed] Back when we was kids, we never had any of those fancy-pantsy theme parks. [shakes head no] And we had a whole 20c to spend at the fair -- and that was like Christmas!

Anyway, ridin' in the car with the vibration of the engine made Grandpa Gerald want to go a lot. We had to make a pit-stop about every hour. Old coot! [chuckles, slaps knee] When we finally got to the Land of Disney, he was pretty tuckered out and didn't want to walk much. And there sure was a lot of walkin' to do! [slaps both hands on top of thighs]

There were hellie-copter rides, but they cost a lot -- a REAL lot. Fifty dollars -- can you imagine?? And us'ns being old pensioners, fifty dollars was like a treasure. But Grandpa Gerald wanted to sit down for a spell. He really liked the idea of gettin' up so high above everything. [raises arms in the air] We argued back and forth and people started starin ' at us and movin' away. ["tsk, tsk" shakes head again]

Then the pilot came over and said he'd make a deal with us. He'd take us for a hellie-copter ride for free (can you imagine?! ). [look surprised] He said it would be free on the condition that we didn't say ONE word during the flight. Not ONE word! If we said even ONE word, we'd have to pay $50.

Grandpa Gerald really wanted to go (it turned out he meant to a bathroom). [chuckles] I still thought it was a waste of money. When Grandpa Gerald got back, I finally gave in. Fifty dollars, and we wouldn't utter a peep. Fifty dollars is fifty dollars.

We climbed into the copter thing, and off we went! It was really scary flying straight up so fast, but we didn't say one word. After all, fifty dollars is fifty dollars! Then the pilot made the copter spin around in circles. [moves head around and around] Grandpa Gerald and I got soooooooooo dizzy. We clenched our dentures together and didn't make a sound! [snaps mouth shut with a click] Fifty dollars is fifty dollars! The pilot even made the copter do a cartwheel. Whoa, Nellie! I almost lost my breakfast, [holds stomach and gags] but didn't utter a peep 'cause fifty dollars is fifty dollars!

Finally, we landed, and the pilot shouted over his shoulder, "I did everything I could to get you to yell out, but you two didn't say one single word. I'm really impressed!"

[chuckles, looks at the audience] "I nearly said somethin' when Grandpa Gerald flew out the door during one of those spins, but fifty dollars is fifty dollars!"

Haha great so what do you suggest I do?? I need help quick

The beginning and... all of it sucks :( ohh god. It's due tomorrow and I haven't learnt it cause its so stupid:(

Wow I didn't realise you had written that up the top that's great!! So what costumes or props?

wow i didnt realise you had written that up the top thats great!!! So what costumes or props??
Talcum powder in your hair will make it look grey and old, or use a silver wig? Do you have any old lady clothes? Or wear a taller person's dress and layer colors and patterns that don't match. Wear a cardigan sweater if you have one. (Old ladies always have shawls or sweaters on.) Do you have an old woman's church hat? You might want to wear clunky dark-colored shoes or fuzzy slippers or old sneakers with knee socks. The weirder the clothes, the more authentic you will look. Google for images of old women to get an idea.

Read over the monologue several times. I added motions you can do and put them in brackets. You don't have to memorize it, but know the progression of the story, but be sure to follow the bracketed motions or at least pause and slap your knee and chuckle or cackle a lot or shake your head or add a lot of body language and facial expressions (mouth open wide in surprise or horror).

After you're comfortable with the wording, perform it for a friend or your sib or a parent.

Good luck -- wish I could be there to watch your performance!

Thanks that's great
You've done so much. I don't no what I would have done without you. :)

thanks thats great
you've done so much. I dont no what i would of done without you. :)
Let me know how it goes!

Yeah I sure will

I performaed it today. It was great! Thanks for your help!

I performaed it today. It was great! Thanks for your help!!
That's wonderful! I'm so glad I could help, and you were able to pull it off. Did the other students laugh? Did the joke work? Did the teacher comment?