My wife does not trust me with keeping our daughter safe.

My wife and I are in our mid 30s and have a perfect 5-½ year old girl. We were at a NASCAR race and my daughter and I were looking for my wife (I think. It was a while ago so I don’t remember why it was just my daughter and I). The place was mobbed so I made sure to hold my daughters hand the whole time. We came to the restrooms and I really had to go. The men’s room was packed, and a small line started to form. As I looked around, debating what to do, I herd someone say “Sir?” It was a woman in her early 50s with a staff shirt, a laminate hanging around her neck, and a waki-talky in her hand. She was dressed consistently with the other staff members at the event. She seemed to notice my dilemma and asked if it would help if I left my daughter with her while I use the men’s room. I said okay and told them both not to go any ware. When I came out less than a minute later, I said thank you very much and the woman replied that it was no problem and she smiled and said she understood.
When I told my wife this story months later she was in shock. She accused me of putting my needs before my child’s. For the next 3 days she was crying, having panic attacks, and saying because I didn’t know that it was wrong, how could she ever trust me again. I told her that I was very sorry and I understand now why that was a huge mistake. I also told her I will never do anything like that again. Nothing seems to help. It does not seem like she can get over it. What should I do now?

I think she will get over it, but, I do understand where she's coming from.

People dress like officials- police, security, volunteers, etc.- at events, with the intent of abduction. She may have looked official as you said, but you have no idea that she wasn't part of a tag team, about to abduct a child.

That is any parents worst nightmare, and yours too I'm sure.

And it does happen.

That being said, the next time you are in a position where you have to go, find a bush or a tree, or a car tire, and turn her around, but where you can clearly see her, as close as possible.

You will face this situation many times as she grows up. At the local swimming pool for example. Many places accommodate a neutral change room, or have a parent washroom just for this reason.

Fear is what your wife is dealing with. Fear of what could have happened, fear of your ability to find a safe alternative, fear of the unknown, and added guilt no doubt, because had she been there, it never would have happened in the first place. She's likely beating herself up as much as she is you.

The situation cannot be corrected or changed. The only thing you can do, is give her time, and when you do take your daughter out, tell her all the details so she is reassured and confident.

Parenting is scary tomatoes. I think most of us would admit to doing something similar to you, but the thing is you have learned. Your wife will get over it in time.

We all make parenting mistakes...

Every parent has their own story,losing children,not paying attention,it happens to us all.

Your wife will make a mistake at some stage as well,perhaps then she will see how it can happen even with the best of intentions.

Your both the parents,your both responsible for your child,she not just her child.

In saying that,jake made a good point about leaving her with the security woman,really she could have been anyone.

Your wife will get over it,she has too,if she puts her fear onto your daughter,it can spiral into a lifelong pattern of your daughter having problems.

A learned response (fear) from her mother.

Its been months since this happened,I'm sure since then you have had your daughter on day trips and she was perfectly fine.

You MIGHT have been wrong a few months ago, but to carry it to this lengths months later is over reacting. If she persists, when you have acknowledged your mistake, that any man can make, what should you have done? Ask her, and see if she herself has a solution that doesn't include peeing in your pants.

I understand her concerns, but it seems like she will need a lot of time to get over herself, and you must not take it personally while she does. She will realize it does no good to keep beating a dead horse. I leave, or crawl into my man cave, when my wife's rants get so unbearable. (yeah sometimes woman are like that)

If things really happened exactly as you state, and you told her the story this way pretty much the first time, then I think this is an over reaction. Most child abductions are not by strangers. Yes, it can happen, but it's not common. I personally would not hand over my kid to any stranger in a crowd. Women typically take little boys into the women's room, so I expect the reverse should be okay if you use a stall. Obviously hardly ideal and I don't think peeing outside is great either. I can understand if your wife said, "don't do that again," and you got defensive and there were words. But crying for three days?

What I want to know is did you apologize right away or did you insist you did nothing wrong for three days and possibly sandbag her about details and acknowledging that it was maybe a bad choice? In other words, was her upset really about your refusing to acknowledge that you messed up and that this was important?

Either your wife has a major anxiety disorder or you have not provided all the details of what you actually said or didn't say to her for the three days. I don't know which of course.

It is not uncommon to bring a child of a different sex into the rest room with a parent, if she is 5 now, and it was so long ago you are not sure about some facts, then how old was child then.

There are 3 to 5 year old female children bought into mens restrooms all the times. Same male children into female restroom.

I don't understand why child did not just stay with you

I don't understand why you didn't take her with you. There is no way I would trust a stranger with my child. These days you just don't do that.
She'll calm down after awhile, but that would have pissed me off too.
Was there something else going on that has her upset?