I was in love with a married man that lied to me about leaving his wife and I believe he still have feelings for me cause he want stay away from me I just want to know how to hurt him like he hurt me

I don't think anyone will give you advice on how to hurt him (I assume emotionally).

But I can offer you advice on how to get over him?

He didn't really love you or care for you because he didn't leave his wife,he kept you as his bit on the side and his poor wife made his dinners and did his laundry.

Your revenge is being a better person,moving on with your life,stopping him from taking away any more of your time,heart or head space.

Understanding that your worth more,and so is his wife.hes a cheater,you helped in that,but if your out you can stay out, knowing that the type of man he is was never worth a moment of your time.

Stop all contact with him,disappear from his life.

What goes around comes around.

Honey he didn't hurt you. You hurt yourself. You allowed yourself to get involved with a man who was not available. While he may have lied to you and I have no doubt his moral compass is totally screwed up you need to accept responsibility for your pain.

This is one of life's lessons. Learn from it. Move forward knowing you will never allow that to happen to you again.

You really need to forget about it and move on. He lied to you, right, but you knew he was untrustworthy when you started seeing him, otherwise he wouldn't have been cheating and lying to his wife.

While he is totally at fault for his actions, you are 100% responsible for yours. You are not a victim, you are a willing participant who got entangled in a messed up wreck.

Of course he still wants to see you... most men do still want to continue a relationship with their mistress, but remember most men don't leave their wife. Don't allow him back in your life!

He's already hurting himself. His being selfish and not caring about anything other than his own needs is going to burn him hard in the end.

You're not the first and you won't be the last for him. Hopefully when he does it again after you his wife will realize how much better she deserves and walks away from him.

I completely understand how angry you are at the lies you were told while keeping up with a relationship that never should have been. But wanting to hurt him, or make me feel sorry for what he's done isn't going to make you feel better nor is it going to happen.

As you begin to truly pull away and remove him from your life you will feel a lot of emotions. One being disgusted in yourself for what you did and allowed yourself to be apart of. But follow the advice of everyone here and remove him from your life, move on and make better choices in the future.

First step is being sorry for what you did after that you'll be able to forgive yourself. And once you go through those steps you'll begin to realize a lot more about the truth of this "relationship".

He never did love you. Sadly, he doesn't love his wife either. You'll begin to see a lot more of the lies he told and what type of person he truly is.

The best way to hurt him is to walk away with whatever dignity and self respect you have left and let him live his pitiful life of a miserable liar and insecure cheat that he is.

You're worth more and you deserve better.

Why is it HIS fault YOU fell for the OLDEST line in the book?

Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned. There is only one way to hurt him but you don’t want to go that route. Telling the wife is going to create pain on her and she is an innocent in this situation.

You made a mistake please don’t follow it up with another one.

Do you know how to say NO? It's very easy just say it when he wants to come over for a quickie. Just say NO.

As for telling his wife, you may want to think about that. You may bite off more than you can chew.

Hell also hath no fury like a wife who finds hubby's has a piece of fluff on the side. You need to leave the man alone. JUST say NO.

If you tell her, she's going to hold on that much tighter and she can make your life a nightmare.

What's the word again? That magic word... NO!

Why are you surprised that he lied to you?! He had already lied to the one person he should have been the most honest with above all else.

Tell him to back off and leave you alone. Then look in the mirror yourself and figure why you allowed yourself to get involved with a married man in the first place so you won't repeat the same selfish mistake in the future.

Wow.. Askmehelpdesk.com women are going in heavy on this one. I feel sorry for this woman.

She is the other woman but the husband is the real dirt bag.

She is the other woman but the husband is the real dirt bag.

They both were equal participants in this. She was blinded by false "love" and hurt by the lies from a man who seems to have no problem with hurting and deceiving others. It's sad that it happened to her but she walked into it on her own free will.

Getting revenge on this guy isn't going to do her any good in the long run instead owning up to her part in it and moving on from him will.

They both were equal participants in this. She was blinded by false "love" and hurt by the lies from a man who seems to have no problem with hurting and deceiving others. It's sad that it happened to her but she walked into it on her own free will.

Getting revenge on this guy isn't going to do her any good in the long run instead owning up to her part in it and moving on from him will.

Got to spread the rep Foxcash... You are so right!

Quick question.

Did you know that he was married when you started this affair? If so, then you do bear some of the responsibility.

Time to move on though and learn. Mistakes make us who we are today if we learn from them and grow.

Stringer

Wow..Askmehelpdesk.com women are going in heavy on this one. I feel sorry for this woman.

She is the other woman but the husband is the real dirt bag.

I'm afraid I don't feel sorry for her; other than that she is hurting. She knew what she was doing when she went into it. Plenty of blame to go around. It is unfortunate that she was led to believe something different, and now hurts from it, but she should have done the right thing to begin with and avoided getting involved with a married man. She would have saved herself the pain.

Hard lesson learned.

He can't be a dirt bag without a willing participant.

I'm afraid I don't feel sorry for her; other than that she is hurting. She knew what she was doing when she went into it. Plenty of blame to go around. It is unfortunate that she was led to believe something different, and now hurts from it, but she should have done the right thing to begin with and avoided getting involved with a married man. She would have saved herself the pain.

Hard lesson learned.

He can't be a dirt bag without a willing participant.




He didn't twist her arm or drag her to his cave by her hair. She knew what she was doing... Gotta spread the rep Doulac C.


Wow..Askmehelpdesk.com women are going in heavy on this one. I feel sorry for this woman.

She is the other woman but the husband is the real dirt bag.



Feel sorry for the wife and the kids. They are getting the short end of the stick.

You want to really hurt him, then move on, forget about him, and find someone else that will really love you.

And sorry but you knew he was married, and know that men all lie about leaving their wife's

"...and know that men all lie about leaving their wifes."

Well now that's a broad statement with out fact or bases of validation, a.k.a. BS.

"...and know that men all lie about leaving their wifes."

Well now that's a broad statement with out fact or bases of validation, a.k.a. BS.

How many married men do you know that screw around? It's not B.S.
There are good men who don't mess around. Most married men who cheat ARE NOT going to tell the girl he's married, or if he does he's making up lies, i.e. my wife is frigid, my wife doesn't understand me.
My wife and I are staying together only until the kids are older. My own personal favorite which has been used numerous times on friends of mine is, "our marriage has been over for years and we haven't had sex
In years, but I can't leave her or she'll take everything. Men and women lie if they are in an affair.

I agree, both men and women will tend to lie while in an affiar. Either to their spouse, the 'other' person, or themselves. That is my opinion.

But please, don't try to pass off generalizations and opinions as fact. To say, "...and know that men all lie about leaving their wifes." is just as much a generalization and opinion as, "Most married men who cheat ARE NOT going to tell the girl he's married, or if he does he's making up lies, i.e. my wife is frigid, my wife doesn't understand me. My wife and I are staying together only until the kids are older."

Response like that claiming “all men this…” or “all women that…” just show the posters opinion of the selected gender and/or their bruised egos because, well… they lived it.

I agree, both men and women will tend to lie while in an affiar. Either to their spouse, the 'other' person, or themselves. That is my opinion.

But please, don't try to pass off generalizations and opinions as fact. To say, "...and know that men all lie about leaving their wifes." is just as much a generalization and opinion as, "Most married men who cheat ARE NOT going to tell the girl he's married, or if he does he's making up lies, i.e. my wife is frigid, my wife doesn't understand me. My wife and I are staying together only until the kids are older."

Nobody has done that as far as I can see. I think what Fr_Chuck was saying and I agree is this married men who CHEAT are also lying. It's a fact and I believe it. I stand by what I said.

To the OP, if you're still around.

I just wanted to point out that at the end of any relationship, no matter who is at fault, or who carries the brunt of the cause of the breakup, it is a loss.

Personal losses require grieving, and in order to get past this relationship, and move on to have a healthy one in the future, you can't carry the baggage along with you, because it will only sour your opinion and view of men in general, and you won't be able to fairly judge another man.

I have friends who have been re-married, and every time their 'ex' comes up in conversation, even over the smallest thing, they resort to the drama, stories and reasons the ex is such a horrible rotten person. Too much info, repeated ad nausium, for years after the divorce was final.

I think a good chunk of that is that the end of the relationship was not dealt with. It requires time, and most jump into something new, and end up repeating the same mistakes, or painting anyone new as him 'being just like the last one- they're all the same'. You really short changeyourself by not allowing the process to happen, in due time.

Anger is almost always that first step. You're a good example of that. You're angry because he had a wife, because he lied, etc. which are all good reasons to be very, very angry. It is a legitimate emotion.

But at some point you have to move past the anger, and start to accept not only the breakup, but accept the reasons it didn't work out. Be careful at this stage, not to build resentment and let it simmer on the back burner.

Time will help you through this, and that is just part of the human condition, when dealing with a significant loss. We all go through it.

As tempting as it is to slit his tires or egg his house, you will only feel better for 30 seconds until the cops show up. And no matter what 'revenge' you feel like doing, you will still be faced with accepting the relationship is over, and moving on anyway.

If you have some girlfriends, gather them for a 'meeting', and have it out. Talk it out, cry, throw darts, boil his rabbit- just kidding- but share the emotions with other women who have been through this- in a healthy way.It will pass, and if you learn from it, you will not carry a bad relationship into a new, good relationship.

I agree, both men and women will tend to lie while in an affiar. Either to their spouse, the 'other' person, or themselves. That is my opinion.

But please, don't try to pass off generalizations and opinions as fact. To say, "...and know that men all lie about leaving their wifes." is just as much a generalization and opinion as, "Most married men who cheat ARE NOT going to tell the girl he's married, or if he does he's making up lies, i.e. my wife is frigid, my wife doesn't understand me. My wife and I are staying together only until the kids are older."

Response like that claiming “all men this…” or “all women that…” just show the posters opinion of the selected gender and/or their bruised egos because, well… they lived it.




You can't tell anyone how to advise people who are here looking for help.
Yes some of us had CHEATING HUSBANDS. As far as bruised egos go I believe "Thou protesteth to much" Married men lie! So do married women! Just because men give their opinion doesn't mean they've lived it. And if they have it's no concern of yours or mine. Don't presume to know too much about the people who respond. This site is for opinions and advice by the way.

Tell the wife, its simple, all these responses of the wife is the innocent one. The wife always suspects, the wife always has doubts and the wife is always the last to know. Tell her, take her out of the misery, if I was a wife I would WANT to know, I would NOT like other people making that decision for me and let her deal with him. You gave him too many chances and his consequences (although harsh) are just as he thought and fought hard against. Getting caught! Reveal it all for what it is, CHEATING, cheating on her cheating on you. There is no winners, there are no trophies, there are no hearts left unbroken when it comes to cheating, maybe just maybe she will be smart and leave him (doubtful because most wives don't leave). But at least you have cleaned house COMPLETELY and can move on, no revenge (per say), just simply put cleaning house and all garbage needs to be dumped. Yes, you have a percent in all this, but that doesn't mean even close that you have to carry all the burden and sorrow. Remember, marriages are not perfect either, there's a reason why he drifted away from (supposedly the woman he loves and cherishes children or no children) why make or accept their problems your burden? Life is to short to be playing games with a married couple, they are irresponsible, they should take all the necessary steps when their marriage becomes difficult or accept the consequences and move on. They venture out into our world,muck it up at times and we are the villain or intruder. Its actually really sad if you think about it and especially when children are involved. Something to think about...

Tell the wife, its simple, all these responses of the wife is the innocent one. The wife always suspects, the wife always has doubts and the wife is always the last to know. Tell her, take her out of the misery, if I was a wife I would WANT to know, I would NOT like other people making that decision for me and let her deal with him. You gave him too many chances and his consequences (although harsh) are just as he thought and fought hard against. Getting caught! Reveal it all for what it is, CHEATING, cheating on her cheating on you. There is no winners, there are no trophies, there are no hearts left unbroken when it comes to cheating, maybe just maybe she will be smart and leave him (doubtful because most wives don't leave). But at least you have cleaned house COMPLETELY and can move on, no revenge (per say), just simply put cleaning house and all garbage needs to be dumped. Yes, you have a percent in all this, but that doesn't mean even close that you have to carry all the burden and sorrow. Remember, marriages are not perfect either, there's a reason why he drifted away from (supposedly the woman he loves and cherishes children or no children) why make or accept their problems your burden? Life is to short to be playing games with a married couple, they are irresponsible, they should take all the necessary steps when their marriage becomes difficult or accept the consequences and move on. They venture out into our world,muck it up at times and we are the villain or intruder. Its actually really sad if you think about it and especially when children are involved. Something to think about...

I find this to be very bad advice for this op. The op wants to hurt someone out of anger, frustration, etc. She wants revenge. She is the other woman looking for payback on the man who 'hurt' her. She isn't a well meaning friend or relative trying help someone.

Destroying another person because you can't control yourself and take responsibility for your own actions is not a healthy or good thing to do. A better idea would be to give yourself productive ways to release the anger and hurt and helps rebuild your own self-respect so that you can move forward and find someone who isn't a lying cheating louse.

I hope that the op has managed to find a way to move forward with her life since she posted this in September.