I've been dating this girl for about two months now. We met at the amusement park we both work at and needless to say we hit it off right away. We both had really strong feelings for one another and she kind of hinted to me a few nights ago that she loved me and I said it back because I didn't want to say it unless I knew she felt the same way even though I've felt this for some time. Well, towards the end of the season people starting saying stuff to me and spreading rumors that she was cheating on me because she was hanging out with this one guy we work with and she assured me they were just friends and was genuinely upset that people were saying stuff that wasn't true. Deep down though I knew this guy was interested in her.

So fast forward a few weeks and I moved back up to school last Sunday. We were both upset that I was leaving and we had sex the night before even though neither of us planned on it. The first few days away from her were fine, she texted me every morning and everything night saying good morning and goodnight but this past Wednesday she just suddenly stopped answering my texts and I just didn't talk to her for two days. On Friday I texted her asking her to please call me and she did later that night.

When she called me she sounded really sad and finally asked her if something was wrong. She said yeah and told me the guy that she hung out with the one night kissed her the night she stopped responding to me. I asked if she kissed him back and if she had feelings for him and she said no. But then she started talking about all this stuff about how she's turned into some person she isn't this summer and how she's so lost and confused. She said when we started dating she had just broken up with someone and was intending to be single but met me and she never really had a time to be by herself. Then she mentioned that she rushed into stuff in our relationship that she doesn't usually do like saying I love you and having sex and pretty much said she needs time to herself.

Later on in the night I talked to a few friends and they all told me to tell her how I felt so I did, I let her know that even though what she said to me really hurt, my feelings for her are stronger than words could describe and that I understand that she needs time to think things over. I told her that I hope that her feelings stay the same towards me and that we can work things out eventually. I told her that I couldn't put into words how happy she makes me and that I hope that I don't lose that all forever.

She responded back saying that she felt that she really loves me and that the separation between us isn't helping. She said she gave it some thought and she really just needs time to herself to think things over and get everything straightened out. She said her heart is completely broken in half and that she cares so much for me and that she hates that she hurt me and that she doesn't expect me to forgive her. I responded saying that I really do think I love her and that she means the world to me and I would do anything for her. I said I care for her so much and I want what's best for her and I'll always be here if you need me.

She said that she doesn't know what she's doing right now and that she just wants to be happy and she doesn't know what is going to make her feel that way. She goes on to say that she doesn't want to hurt me and have the relationship to be unfair towards me. She said that working at the amusement park we work at isn't helping and that she wants to get away from what everyone is saying so we can just be happy.

It really sounded like she wanted to break things off right there, so I pretty much asked her if she wants to be done with everything so she can think everything over or if she just wanted to take a break while she works everything out and try to work on things when she does and she just goes on to say that she doesn't know what she wants. I told her I want her to be able to figure everything out and I don't want to rush her and I want her to make the best decision for her and that's where we stopped talking.

I'm sorry this was such a long back story, but I really couldn't get to the point without explaining everything that happened last night. I talked to several of my friends and they all said to give her space, but then I go on to read a bunch of questions on here saying that by her saying she needs space she doesn't have any intention of keeping the relationship going. I'm just really confused right now, I've never loved someone like I love this girl and I know that sounds silly since we've only been dating for two months but I've never felt this way around any other girl I've dated. I want to give her this space she needs and by her saying she loves me I hope she will come to her senses and still want to be with me when its all said and done, but I just don't know anymore.

I would greatly appreciate any advice/suggestions people might have. I think its sad that I've had to come to a message board to find my answers, but at this point I don't know what to do. I've never been in this situation before. Thanks.


She actually just texted me now saying she wanted to see how I was. She said she doesn't know if I want space or anything and I don't have to answer...

I don't know what to do, should I answer and tell her how I feel or should I just ignore her.

What do you know about this girl?

What do you mean what do I know about her? I know a lot... we've always been really open with one another.

What do you mean what do I know about her? I know a lot...we've always been really open with one another.

Did you know her ex? Do you know her parents? Has she been with the ex while you have been away at school?

We saw her ex one time where we work... from what I understand they don't talk. I do know her mom, her dad's kind of out of the picture because a work related accident. And I really don't know what she's been doing since I've been back at school, other than she hung out with that guy we work with that kissed her.

We saw her ex one time where we work...from what I understand they don't talk. I do know her mom, her dad's kinda out of the picture because a work related accident. And I really don't know what she's been doing since I've been back at school, other than she hung out with that guy we work with that kissed her.

You need to ask point blank if she's in love with you or someone else.

As sad as it is, and I know from experience,
The request for space is a gentle prelude to

It's not you it's me ,

Which is a sure sign it is her and it is probably over.

I am sorry this is rather blunt, cold and hard, but since I been there, my advice is brace yourself , and get some chill and hardness that you will need to get through this.

It won't be fast, it won't be easy, but it is surmountable.

Since nothing is "official" as to a break up, let's leave it at this,
Preparing for the worst is your best option now. If it doesn't happen great.

If it does , you got a bit of a head start that you will find valuable when dealing with the emotional roller coaster you could find yourself on.

Again I know this sounds cold and brutal , but it what I wish I had done when I was in your position.
I held out for "everything to work out" until I was beat into a quivering mass of protoplasam by false hope

Then a friend of mine , came over to me and said ,

"She moved out 2 months ago.
If you'd had faced it like a man then,
I wouldn't have to be here to tell you
That you have lost all dignity
You turned into a pu$$y whipped idiot
And right now you're disgusting.
What you going to do?
Keep hoping until your d--k falls off?
Now don't ever make me talk to you like this again,. man-up b---h.

That was my awakening to face reality and begin to heal instead of hope.

I wish he would have said it 2 months earlier.

We've kind of been talking about the whole situation the last hour or so and the whole space and being on her own thing was never mentioned... she said she doesn't want to lose me and asked me if I honestly think we can go back to the way things were. So I said yes, maybe not right away but in time I do. And all she's been saying is that the fact that this whole thing happened is always going to be in the back of her mind. I'm just trying to find out what she really wants, and so far she hasn't given me a straight answer. If she wants it to be over I want her to say that, but at this point it seems like she wants it to work but is afraid that it's not going to.

She wants it both ways. If you want to give her time, that's up to you.

Sorry to say but her story doesn't match up.

Why was she sad and stopped talking to you because some guy kissed her?

If it was me I would have told the guy to back off and let you know what had happened and that I'd taken care of it and I won't put myself in a position that it could happen again.

But did she do that? No. She cut off from you.

That's guilty behaviour.

Id let this one go or get with her and wait until some other guy interests her and she dumps you again.

Sorry to say but her story doesnt match up.

Why was she sad and stopped talking to you because some guy kissed her?

If it was me i would of told the guy to back off and let you know what had happened and that i'd taken care of it and i wont put myself in a position that it could happen again.

But did she do that? No. She cut off from you.

Thats guilty behaviour.

Id let this one go or get with her and wait until some other guy interests her and she dumps you again.

You said it better than I could.

Basically she says she wants to make it all work but doesn't know if it will work since she knows she did this and it's always going to be in the back of her mind. I told her how I felt and that I didn't want to lose her, but I put the ball in her court. I told her to tell me what she wants and she said she's not going to be able to do that until she sees me? I guess my question is, do I try to make her come up here (2.5 hours away from her) so I don't look like she has me around her finger, or do I go home for the weekend and say I just happened to be coming home? I've been talking to my roommates about this for the last few hours and quite frankly I don't know exactly what I want to do.

I would just be totally honest about my concerns and tell her that you will be heading her way to have a good long talk.

If it is going to be over it is better to find out now than later.
It will not lessen the pain and suffering of shattered dreams... But
It will allow you leave with yourself respect and dignity intact and the pride of being honest with her and yourself.


I wish you well.

Why not take her at her word, and leave her alone, as its quite obvious she doesn't want a long distance relationship, and can you blame her? Give her what she wants, and that's freedom.

I wouldn't even call what we have a long distance relationship... I can go home any weekend I want, it's just been harder since she works open to close every weekend at the amusement park we both worked at this through October. I told her I wanted to sit down and talk about this before either of us made any rash decisions and told her I would come home this weekend... honestly, If she doesn't want to be with me I want to hear it from her mouth and not through text message. So hopefully everything works out, but if not at least I'll have a clear head after its all said and done.

So, we broke it off earlier today because she said she just needs time to herself but still wants me to be in her life (as friends) even though she does have strong feelings for me still. She says that she has no feelings for the other guy and if this had anything to do with him, she would have told me. She says she hates that anytime she talks to me or someone brings me up she crys and she doesn't want to hurt me anymore and some other stuff.

So basically I told her if she wants time to herself I guess I have no choice but to honor that. I told her I still care for her strongly and I'm always here for her but she doesn't have to call or text me to see how I'm doing. She responded back saying she still wants to talk to me and I'm struggling to decide if this is where I break up contact with her. Any help would be appreciated.

Yes, this is where you break contact. It will be too confusing for both of you to try and remain friends. You are in school now and you don't need that distraction. She is being very emotional and needs time to heal. If you read the stickies and some more stories in here you will see how much easier it is to heal when you make a fresh start.

Long distance (or being 2.5 hours away at school) is difficult for any relationship, but it doesn't seem like she in particular would be strong enough to handle it. Let her go.