Okay, so just as a warning, it's probably going to be a little long but I need some advice on a couple things.

This is my senior year of high school and I've never had a boyfriend. Ever. Close friends of mine have had boyfriends (without even trying!) and always suggested different things I can do to try and get guys to notice and like me. It has never worked. So as a senior resolution I decided if I ever got a crush, I would at least ask him to hang out with me and let things play out from there. Much to my luck, there's a guy new to the school (new to the state!) in my homeroom that I thought was really cute. So I started plotting. 'maybe if I get to know him better I might think he's pretty cool. And I'll be able to ask him out.' and he is cool. I've developed a little crush on him, nothing big, but a crush none the less. But there's one problem.

I have a best friend I’ll call J who gets any guy she wants. She's a year younger than me but we're in the same grade. She had her first boyfriend since grade eight and was really devastated when he broke up with her. After we got to high school, she went completely crazy. In grade 10 she started dating a guy I’ll call A and they eventually broke up. There was a lot of drama around this guy because her other friend started to like him and she was upset. Grade 11 she went out with him again, only this time, things got sexual (she used her hands on a field trip we took in october). Then they broke up again and she dated a guy named R. then they broke up and she got back with A. while she was with A the second time (in february), she used her hands, mouth, and eventually had sex with a guy named E. she and E never went out and A broke up with her for cheating. Then she got back with R, they broke up again, and she had sex with A while they weren’t together, in may. During summer break she had sex with a guy I’ll call M, and she never dated him. In between all this she had extremely short relationships with a different guy named Q and a guy she met online and started texting.

School starts. Senior year. I’m going to start on my resolutions (I have more than one). So the new guy I’ll call N didn’t have any friends here, so my friends and I asked him to sit with us at lunch. We’ve been hanging out for about three weeks, then we ask him to hang out at the movies with us. It was the best day ever. Hanging with my best friends and my new crush was amazing. Since N didn’t know how to get to the theater, J got his number and texted him (since I don’t have texting). So I had everything set up to give it one more week and I would ask him to hang out with me alone, only to find out over the weekend that J said he liked her. Then the next week I find out it’s misinformation because J said she liked him first and he just responded back. She promised she wouldn’t be as wreckless as last year, but she’s already going to his house after school. On top of that, what makes it worse, is she knew I liked N and knew I would ask him out, and she kept that in mind the whole time she was flirting with him over the weekend. So now I’m afraid he’ll go out with her.

This isn’t the first time this has happened. I always lose guys to girls that are prettier, skinnier, cuter, more confident than I am. And more than once, I’ve lost them to friends. I didn’t mind so much those times because my friends didn’t know I liked them. But this is the first time a friend of mine asked out my crush despite the fact she knew I liked him. I’ve talked to her about it and she said she would still agree to date him because ‘it wouldn’t make sense if all three of us were unhappy’ which hurt me even more. I feel like she didn’t care about how I felt and how upset I was. My question(s) is this: how can I explain that she’s out of control without sounded jealous? (even though I admit I am, I am genuinely concerned for her.) why would she break my heart like that and still consider herself my friend? And what is so wrong with me that I can never get a boyfriend no matter how hard I try?

Well you've put her sexual history out here so I'd say you are not concerned for her but angry and jealous.
I'm sure she is not the only friend you have so lose her.
As far as the guy is concerned if he likes her back there is little you can do.
The next time you like a guy, don't plan a moment, make one. Why were you waiting so long to say something to him?

I will admit I am jealous. But I was also concerned, and I only got angry because of the numerous times I told her she didn't have to do all that for guys to like her, she wasn't hearing me out. So I assumed it didn't matter to her. And it wasn't like I was waiting for months. He's new to the school, city, and state, and I'd rather make friends with him first. Three weeks just seemed too fast to me.

There's a saying "All's fair in love and war." although decent people tend to respect boundaries when it comes to their friends interests. Most of your post was about your "friend." She isn't the problem, competition and a threat yes, but the real issue is you and not being aggressive enough to go after what you want. Three+ weeks is a long time in "high-school time" to be plotting. Get out of your comfort zone and plot faster. There will always be someone who is prettier, skinnier, cuter, more confident, smarter, whatever. But all that is mitigated by being first. Also, since your friend is motivated to compete with you, you may want to adopt a strategy of being "interested" in other guys to send your friend chasing after while you secretly pursue the guys you're really interested in.

I may be a little off here, but I am kind of surprised that YOU were waiting to ask him out and now feel you lost an opportunity. Isn't it supposed to be the other way around? If the guy likes you, he supposed to be the one making at least some effort, not just sitting there waiting for the girl to ask him out.

As to her history of messy relationships, I'd just stay out of it. She's going to get herself in trouble with it. Don't be jealous, guys may go for easy girls to get what they want, but they don't build quality relationships with them and usually move on rather quickly.

I read that girls should wait to be asked so they don't seem fast. I've also heard girls should ask so they seem bold and confident. I'm really confused by this.
As for putting my "friend's" history out there like that, it was a complete act of impulse. (I do this often and one day I'm going to learn that's not a good thing.) I was immediately sorry for it, but this whole ordeal just made me really upset and confused. I hate that this happened and just want to be done with it.

i read that girls should wait to be asked so they don't seem fast. i've also heard girls should ask so they seem bold and confident. i'm really confused by this.

This all depends on your particular personality. If you are outgoing then by all means it should be okay to ask a boy out.

If the guy and your friend are not dating, why don't you ask him out anyway?

Because my friend stopped talking to another friend of ours for doing something like that. They were hanging out together this weekend so he may have already asked her out. But if he doesn't, wouldn't that seem unfair to her though?

First off if she was your friend she would not have done that to you.
If they are not dating then he is available.

Wouldn't that make me seem petty and jealous though? Some people think it would just make me look like I'm going behind her back too. I really don't know.

If the boy is not dating your friend, if he does not like your friend and you were wanting to date him first any way, what difference does it make?
Stop thinking about the boy and get a new friend. That will solve the problem

Your "best friend J", is not your best friend, or even a friend at all in my opinion.

You obviously know much about each other as high school girls tend to share this information in a fairly constant stream from what I have seen.
In which case , she knew what she was doing would hurt you.
Looks planned and with purpose of malice in the undertone.

Kick her to the curb. If you don't she will more than likely be the cause of many more problems for you, just because she can.

And don't be worrying about boyfriends so much.
I was a boy that age once. They are all confused and in and out of hormone insanity. Don't fret about not being tied to one right now.

You are obviously an intelligent and mature for your age young lady, great qualities.
When you find the guys that can appreciate you for that, then it's time to look seriously .

I am sure you will soon be finding the men who know and appreciate what a good catch you are.

I wish you well

I wish guys weren't so confusing... I wish life wasn't so confusing. Thank you.

i wish guys weren't so confusing...i wish life wasn't so confusing. thank you.

If you want some insight into boys at your age,
Listen to an old, old song by Alice Cooper it is simply called "I'm 18"

He defines some aspects of that age very well.
One line in the song that I think is great is

I'm in the middle
without any plans

I'm a boy and I'm a man
I'm 18

I get confused every day
I'm 18

I just don't know what to say

But I'm 18 18 18 18 and I like it


It's good stuff
It's old but it still rocks!

I wish you well

And I'm off to find my Alice Cooper vinyl copy of "Love it to Death" or "Schools Out" it is on one of those albums.

Wow that makes sense, haha. Thank you.

Okay, so, you basically described my life.
Except that my group of friends is a mess.
I hang out with seven boys and my best girl friend, who is currently going out with the guy we both like (although I liked him first and she knew it and chose him over me). She was clear from the moment she started liking him too, but it still hurts like hell because I expected the year to end without him going out with neither of us, for the best.
He used to flirt with me even though he knows I like him from the start and never wanted to go out with me, and even though they're dating and I thought he would stop doing that, he still flirts with me.
We're all best friends so I can't really abandon all my other friends because of them, but I can't stand seeing them together. I'm not mad at her (I resent some stuff, though), but I'm actually mad at him for considering himself my friend and teasing me and hurting me so bad – not that falling in love with her is his fault, but not setting me free is.
I said I wouldn't lose their friendship but I can't go near them without being hurt, so I'm hanging out with her ex boyfriend - yeah, I know it will bring more trouble.
To make it worse, one of my other friends likes me and I can't think of him in a romantic way because he disgusts me.
Even worse: I kissed one of them. I'm 17 and I still hadn't kissed anyone, so I felt the urge to do it and since I was hurt and weak, he kind of took advantage of it. I don't care because he is great as a friend, but I don't like him in a romantic way and did it just for impulse.

This is the fourth time this happened to me. The first two times I didn't care because they were only crushes (although the same girl got them, and she used to be my best friend. We're still friends, just not that close anymore). The third time, my new best friend betrayed me and dated the guy behind my back, so I stopped talking to her.
And now…well…I don't want to lose a best friend this time, but I probably won't be able to handle it.

Just like Norelle, I never had a boyfriend.
I'm not ugly nor have a rotten personality, and there are tons of guys into me. But I can't give them a chance because I always fall deeply and hurtfully in love with the one guy who never gives a damn. Plus, I'm insecure as hell.