I have had custody of a little girl for over 4 years I am not a relative but this child only knows me as a mother .her father is a convicted felon who is on the run for parole violation. The mother is a drug addict who evades the courts with clean urines that she gets from her 8yr old son. The last time we were to be in court I showed up but the mother did not. At that time the judge threw out all petitions of both parent.today I was served again with papers for court. She is asking again for full custody of the child. My question is how old does the child have to be to say who she wants to live with.

She can have an opinion right up until sher eaches the age of majority in your State BUT her opinion does NOT have to be followed.

If both parents are unfit bring PROOF of that to Court and request guardianship.

Ask that all parties - you included - be evaluated in order to determine who is the best person to parent the child.

Often they will start letting them give their opinion at about 12 to 14 put it is up to the judge.

1. so you have legal custody though the court ?
2. what type of custody, temp, guardianship ?

Often they will start letting them give their opinion at about 12 to 14 put it is up to the judge.

1. so you have legal custody though the court ?
2. what type of custody, temp, guardianship ?

I have full physical custody at this time

What I would recommend is making a journal of her life through her eyes that you can share... and what it is or was like when they were in her life. The bio parents, until adopted, might have the chance to get better and regain guardianship, unless the rights are severed... and that will take a lot. So, like I said, be creative and find a voice for her... artwork, etc... about her feelings. It is not bad for her parents to want to change and have her back, but documenting her feelings about it will help make decisions and get help she needs.

what i would recommend is making a journal of her life through her eyes that you can share.... and what it is or was like when they were in her life. The bio parents, until adopted, might have the chance to get better and regain guardianship, unless the rights are severed... and that will take a lot. So, like I said, be creative and find a voice for her... artwork, etc... about her feelings. It is not bad for her parents to want to change and have her back, but documenting her feelings about it will help make decisions and get help she needs.


Something like this is NOT admissible in NY - and something along these lines is often seen as "leading" the child.

I find this to be a very bad idea LEGALLY - if it helps emotionally, that's another subject... but this is the legal board.

I'm curious how you got custody. But if you have court ordered custody, you will probably be subjected to the mother's attempts to regain custody until you can adopt the child. You have to keep a complete record of anything that can show the mother is unfit.

As noted, the child cannot make a decision as to who should have custody. But it depends on your area (ANY question about law needs to include your general area as laws vary) as to when and how much weight the child's preference will be listened to.

Judy,I can see what you mean about the court feeling it is manipulating... would it better if this voice or assessment comes from a child therapist? Not all the feelings she feels about this will be negative, I just think she deserves a voice in court about what she needs, so if the court does give judgement to the parents, the court knows she needs more support in some areas. Its just to get her needs met, not to weigh the judgement, the court already knows the story and common sense tells you she will have some issues.

Judy,I can see what you mean about the court feeling it is manipulating.... would it better if this voice or assessment comes from a child therapist? Not all the feelings she feels about this will be negative, I just think she deserves a voice in court about what she needs, so if the court does give judgement to the parents, the court knows she needs more support in some areas. Its just to get her needs met, not to weigh the judgement, the court already knows the story and common sense tells you she will have some issues.


If you read my response (#2 above) you will see that I have recommended that ALL parties be examined by someone appointed by the Court.

Common sense and what she needs AFTER custody is determined very often have very little to do with the Court's decision.

After placement is decided, then it's time to take the child to a private therapist/social worker to evaluate any issues she may have.