PDA

View Full Version : What to do about this con artist.


MotownArmy
Aug 26, 2010, 07:57 AM
I have been in a relationship with a man for the past two years. I recently left him because he went from being the sweet, kind, supportive man that I met to something almost criminal. The beginning of the relationship up until about a year ago went fine. I felt like I was a princess and nothing was ever going to stop it. We planned on getting married, looked at engagement rings, did everything in our power (including staying away from family members who didn't agree with us) to stay together. And for a long time it worked.

About a year ago I noticed some... interesting... things in his email that really should not have been there. A picture of a half naked woman, obviously sent to him, and a dating website email. I asked him about it and he explained it away. SO easy for him to do. But it made sense in my head so I didn't think twice. The man never lied to me before.

Then he started pulling away. Always making the good times unforgettable. My birthday was amazing. But then almost completely detaching for awhile before the next princess like moment.

It didn't really start getting really messed up until a few months ago, where his detachments took on a whole new role. His work schedule said he should be home around 6 or 9, but he would get home until after me around midnight. He started drinking more. Almost a 12 pack every night. Eventually, he would just pass out on the couch when I would get home. I started looking through his phone and noticed there were people he was texting in a manner he shouldn't, for a man that was in a serious, almost engagement, relationship. Eventually I asked him about it, he got angry that I would look through his stuff, and then the next morning it was like nothing happened. Everything would be back to normal.

The money thing also became an issue. He removed a good amount of money to invest in a motorcycle, didn't purchase the bike, spent part of the money on tires (which were needed) but the rest of the cash disappeared. He spent that week going out every night, probably drinking and spending the money on whomever else he was seeing at the time. He also told me one night that his motorcycle was having mechanical issues and he would be home late, and I found him at a restaurant having drinks, probably with some girl but I didn't need to see the evidence.

By this time I had made up my mind to leave but the way this man works is that you set up a joint account with him thinking in the next year or so you will be married and happy. Then uses it to go out after the "new relationship" feeling wears off.

I know I am not the first person to go through this experience. His girlfriend previous to me was left with credit card bills and unpaid debts and now she is financially ruined. And needless to say when I started dating this man he was engaged to her (things I did not find out until yesterday). But she has mentioned that she found letters from other women who have been engaged to this man when he completely cuts ties with them. Its hard to realize what is going on until it is too late because of the way he talks and makes you feel. She was "with" him for four years until she found me and him and THEIR apartment.

I guess my question is how do you make this end. Technically I guess there is nothing to do about it but hope that he stops preying on innocent people. But its sickening to think that he could and does do this over and over. I have met his parents. They called me their daughter. Similar to the girl previous to me. And I think they know what is going on as well. I am emotionally and financially strung out because of the way this man operates. And I know he will strike again. Making the next girl feel like the most important thing in the world while stealthily pulling her away from her friends and family and financially ruining her. I have all of his personal information- name, DOB, USMC records, SSN... but is there really nothing I can do to stop him??

(This is only a cliffnote version of the story. There are more perspectives and many more stories that are just too detailed to fit into a question.)

Homegirl 50
Aug 26, 2010, 08:34 AM
I hope you have left this bum, right?
If you have let him be gone. Don't get in his business. If someone ask about him you can say what you know, otherwise leave it alone unless he has done something criminal

MotownArmy
Aug 26, 2010, 08:43 AM
I hope you have left this bum, right?
If you have let him be gone. Don't get in his business. If someone ask about him you can say what you know, otherwise leave it alone unless he has done something criminal

Oh yes definitely left him. Just can't believe him. I mean there are times I still get texts from him saying "I miss you" "You abandoned us" (us being him and the pets)... But there was just no way I could even consider staying with him. I joined the Army so there's no way to look back now! ;)

I just know the next person isn't going to realize what's going on. If I try to contact her, whoever that will be, he will say I am a psycho and insane and she WILL believe it not knowing what's going on until its too late.

talaniman
Aug 26, 2010, 09:01 AM
Sometimes you can only protect yourself, but if you and the other females join forces to compare notes..?

MotownArmy
Aug 26, 2010, 09:13 AM
Sometimes you can only protect yourself, but if you and the other females join forces to compare notes........................??????

We were thinking it could be the next multi-million dollar book deal.

Jake2008
Aug 27, 2010, 12:00 AM
Motown,

You are in the unenviable position of being between and betwixt. On one hand, you fell in love with a man who sold himself as honest, sincere, and committed. On the other hand, you have discovered that he is not who you thought he was, and you have the proof to back it up.

I don't approve of gathering evidence such as snooping in email, checking texts etc. but I do understand your need to know more that what he is telling you, and to try to find the truth.

The first thing that popped into my mind was, protect yourself. Get to the bank, and establish your own account, and change automatic deposit so you are not feeding money into whatever he is doing with it.

Cancel any joint credit cards, and if you share a debit card, request a new one with your new account, and cancel your existing one on the shared account.

I am sorry that the cold harsh light of reality is shining upon you, but, it is. And that light has also been beamed to all the other women he has shattered along the way. He has a bad track record, an even worse character, and most likely, isn't going to change.

Protect yourself is the best advice I can give you, followed closely with, run, don't walk out the door and never look back.