MotownArmy
Aug 26, 2010, 07:57 AM
I have been in a relationship with a man for the past two years. I recently left him because he went from being the sweet, kind, supportive man that I met to something almost criminal. The beginning of the relationship up until about a year ago went fine. I felt like I was a princess and nothing was ever going to stop it. We planned on getting married, looked at engagement rings, did everything in our power (including staying away from family members who didn't agree with us) to stay together. And for a long time it worked.
About a year ago I noticed some... interesting... things in his email that really should not have been there. A picture of a half naked woman, obviously sent to him, and a dating website email. I asked him about it and he explained it away. SO easy for him to do. But it made sense in my head so I didn't think twice. The man never lied to me before.
Then he started pulling away. Always making the good times unforgettable. My birthday was amazing. But then almost completely detaching for awhile before the next princess like moment.
It didn't really start getting really messed up until a few months ago, where his detachments took on a whole new role. His work schedule said he should be home around 6 or 9, but he would get home until after me around midnight. He started drinking more. Almost a 12 pack every night. Eventually, he would just pass out on the couch when I would get home. I started looking through his phone and noticed there were people he was texting in a manner he shouldn't, for a man that was in a serious, almost engagement, relationship. Eventually I asked him about it, he got angry that I would look through his stuff, and then the next morning it was like nothing happened. Everything would be back to normal.
The money thing also became an issue. He removed a good amount of money to invest in a motorcycle, didn't purchase the bike, spent part of the money on tires (which were needed) but the rest of the cash disappeared. He spent that week going out every night, probably drinking and spending the money on whomever else he was seeing at the time. He also told me one night that his motorcycle was having mechanical issues and he would be home late, and I found him at a restaurant having drinks, probably with some girl but I didn't need to see the evidence.
By this time I had made up my mind to leave but the way this man works is that you set up a joint account with him thinking in the next year or so you will be married and happy. Then uses it to go out after the "new relationship" feeling wears off.
I know I am not the first person to go through this experience. His girlfriend previous to me was left with credit card bills and unpaid debts and now she is financially ruined. And needless to say when I started dating this man he was engaged to her (things I did not find out until yesterday). But she has mentioned that she found letters from other women who have been engaged to this man when he completely cuts ties with them. Its hard to realize what is going on until it is too late because of the way he talks and makes you feel. She was "with" him for four years until she found me and him and THEIR apartment.
I guess my question is how do you make this end. Technically I guess there is nothing to do about it but hope that he stops preying on innocent people. But its sickening to think that he could and does do this over and over. I have met his parents. They called me their daughter. Similar to the girl previous to me. And I think they know what is going on as well. I am emotionally and financially strung out because of the way this man operates. And I know he will strike again. Making the next girl feel like the most important thing in the world while stealthily pulling her away from her friends and family and financially ruining her. I have all of his personal information- name, DOB, USMC records, SSN... but is there really nothing I can do to stop him??
(This is only a cliffnote version of the story. There are more perspectives and many more stories that are just too detailed to fit into a question.)
About a year ago I noticed some... interesting... things in his email that really should not have been there. A picture of a half naked woman, obviously sent to him, and a dating website email. I asked him about it and he explained it away. SO easy for him to do. But it made sense in my head so I didn't think twice. The man never lied to me before.
Then he started pulling away. Always making the good times unforgettable. My birthday was amazing. But then almost completely detaching for awhile before the next princess like moment.
It didn't really start getting really messed up until a few months ago, where his detachments took on a whole new role. His work schedule said he should be home around 6 or 9, but he would get home until after me around midnight. He started drinking more. Almost a 12 pack every night. Eventually, he would just pass out on the couch when I would get home. I started looking through his phone and noticed there were people he was texting in a manner he shouldn't, for a man that was in a serious, almost engagement, relationship. Eventually I asked him about it, he got angry that I would look through his stuff, and then the next morning it was like nothing happened. Everything would be back to normal.
The money thing also became an issue. He removed a good amount of money to invest in a motorcycle, didn't purchase the bike, spent part of the money on tires (which were needed) but the rest of the cash disappeared. He spent that week going out every night, probably drinking and spending the money on whomever else he was seeing at the time. He also told me one night that his motorcycle was having mechanical issues and he would be home late, and I found him at a restaurant having drinks, probably with some girl but I didn't need to see the evidence.
By this time I had made up my mind to leave but the way this man works is that you set up a joint account with him thinking in the next year or so you will be married and happy. Then uses it to go out after the "new relationship" feeling wears off.
I know I am not the first person to go through this experience. His girlfriend previous to me was left with credit card bills and unpaid debts and now she is financially ruined. And needless to say when I started dating this man he was engaged to her (things I did not find out until yesterday). But she has mentioned that she found letters from other women who have been engaged to this man when he completely cuts ties with them. Its hard to realize what is going on until it is too late because of the way he talks and makes you feel. She was "with" him for four years until she found me and him and THEIR apartment.
I guess my question is how do you make this end. Technically I guess there is nothing to do about it but hope that he stops preying on innocent people. But its sickening to think that he could and does do this over and over. I have met his parents. They called me their daughter. Similar to the girl previous to me. And I think they know what is going on as well. I am emotionally and financially strung out because of the way this man operates. And I know he will strike again. Making the next girl feel like the most important thing in the world while stealthily pulling her away from her friends and family and financially ruining her. I have all of his personal information- name, DOB, USMC records, SSN... but is there really nothing I can do to stop him??
(This is only a cliffnote version of the story. There are more perspectives and many more stories that are just too detailed to fit into a question.)