No one will date me, talk to me, not even look at me. Is it because I am black?
Should I Michael Jacksonize myself to become at least visible or remain invisible forever?

I think your problem is more to do with low self esteem and bad self image.
The colour of your skin has NOTHING to do with this at all.

Yes! Being black definitely makes it harder to date.

The dating site OKcupid analyzed data from its own users and found that skin color influenced how likely people were to respond to messages. You can read it here:

How Your Race Affects The Messages You Get OkTrends (http://blog.okcupid.com/index.php/your-race-affects-whether-people-write-you-back/)

You will have to overcome this handicap and people's stereotypes about what you are like.

I don't think being black has anything do with it. Do you dress nicely? Well groomed? Having a good attitude and being confident in yourself will help more than anything.

Attitude is the thing , no matter what color you are.

To: curlyben- what to do?

To: kitkat22- yes I always dress nicely and am groomed but I don't always have a good attitude. I am mainly silent around people. I have no confidence, at least not anymore

to: curlyben- what to do?

to: kitkat22- yes I always dress nicely and am groomed but I don't always have a good attitude. I am mainly silent around people. I have no confidence, at least not anymore

Why did you lose your confidence?

To: kitkat22- too many reasons, niceness and good deeds are never reciprocated, too many failures with women, lack of responsiveness to me...

to: kitkat22- too many reasons, niceness and good deeds are never reciprocated, too many failures with women, lack of responsiveness to me...

First let me say this.. Never be ashamed of who you are.
Start your day by thinking good thoughts.
You've been hurt? Join the club, we all have. You've done good deeds that have gone unrewarded? Why do you think you wake up every morning? That's a reward. It's like having a clean sheet of paper and a new pen, you get to start another day with a clean slate.

First of all your attitude needs to change. When you do good deeds, you do them for the joy of doing them and you don't expect anything in return. You have made someone happy or given someone a gift.

Your black... so what? You should be proud of your race and you should show that in the way you deal with people. Never walk with your head down. Stand straight and tall and look people straight in the eye when you talk to them. Start interacting with friends and people you want to socialize with.

You can tell a man by the way he shakes your hand or offers his seat in
A crowded room to a lady or an older person. Be proud when you walk into a room and show it in the way you walk and the way you speak.
Have an "attitude", by that I mean don't be arrogant, be different. Stand out. Self confidence is the word.

I suspect an honest answer would be that the colour of your skin would matter to some people. Then again people have all sorts of preferances - skin colour, hair colour, height, weight, etc. The people I prefer to be with look more closely at what is on the inside than the outside. Of course there are racists out there, but they are the ones that should be looking at changing themselves, definitely not you considering 'doing a Michael Jackson.'

I'm an average lady I guess and I'm never going to be a 6 foot blonde supermodel so I won't be everyone's cup of tea. Pah, who wants to be with someone who justs wants arm-candy? It's about accepting who you are and sharing your life with people who love you for exactly that.

What is important is that you learn to love yourself. So, time to get working on your confidence. If you don't know what to say around people try taking a genuine interest in what they have to say, being a good listener is a valuable skill. When you do have something to say, go for it, your opinion is as valuable as anyone else's. If you are doing nice things for people and they are not reciprocating perhaps it is time you started asking for what you want from people. Value and respect your own time and abilities. Don't allow yourself to be used, but give generously when you want to, not because you feel oblilged to and expect something back.

Maybe you are hanging around with the wrong kind of people. Take some time to think about who you are and what you like and where you might meet kindred spirits.

Dating is a learning experience . Ya got to learn how to get them.

Most guys aren't good at it at first. But you need to keep at it.
You will get your ego bruised.
You probably will do some dumb stuff. Everybody does.
But you'll get it.

Ya can't win if you quit playing.

I can tell you are smart and use your head. You proved that by looking for answers instead of acting out. Mature attitude.

And that Michael Jackson thing... try to look as bad as he did?
Mike didn't look good. Because he tried to be someone else.

If you are serious about that I'll find out where you are and hire some big dude to kick you in the butt.

Be proud you are who and what you are.

Do some genealogy . When you know more about your heritage , you will have more reason to be proud of it.

The girls will be noticing you , don't give up. That seldom helps.

The okcupid data from a million users indicate that only 21.7 percent of women reply when a black man contacts them compared to 29.2 percent of women when the man is white. Only 17% of Asian women answer a black man's first message, 19% of Latinas, and 21% of white women, and 28% of black women. For comparison, when a white man writes to a woman, the numbers are much higher:
Asian: 29%, Latina: 38%, White: 29%, and Black: 39%.

When people are asked if they approve of interracial marriage, virtually everybody says they are fine with it, but their behavior is quite different.

White men are most likely to be responded to and the least likely of all men to respond to messages from women. Gay men also prefer white men. Lesbians respond regardless of race.

Does that mean you should give up? No! But it's good to know what you are up against. I have noticed since obama became president that black men are much more likely to make friendly gestures, like open the door for me or make neutral/casual eye contact on the street. I don't mean flirting, just making simple eye contact. I did not even realize how much of that was missing until it changed. It's refreshing.

Here's the link again.

How Your Race Affects The Messages You Get OkTrends (http://blog.okcupid.com/index.php/your-race-affects-whether-people-write-you-back/)

to: kitkat22- too many reasons, niceness and good deeds are never reciprocated, too many failures with women, lack of responsiveness to me...

Don't worry about reciprocation for niceness and good deeds.
Do it because it is the right thing to do.

If you expect nothing back you are not disappointed .

No response , and failure...
You aren't the only member of this club. Failure with women happens 24/7 X 365 . We all get a share.

And learn to deal with. As you will too.

The okcupid data from a million users indicate that only 21.7 percent of women reply when a black man contacts them compared to 29.2 percent of women when the man is white. Only 17% of Asian women answer a black man's first message, 19% of Latinas, and 21% of white women, and 28% of black women.

That's still a lot of potentials!

65.43% of all Statistics are fabricated.

M2, I understand that numbers can be confusing. But if you take the time to read the discussion at the site I posted, you'll see that this is quite good data, not "fabricated" statistics.

To: asking- no thanks

aivrsn75phila don't worry about your skin colour. Its who you are on the inside that really counts. The people who don't talk to you because of your colour are no one id want to be friends with.

My mum always told me to treat others how I want to be treated. So I do in the hope some day someone will return the favour. If not I know I have lived my life trying to make a difference.

That is right. But in this case it is slapping us in the face , making it hard not to acknowledge.

But any effort to stop it should be applauded .



I think we brought our children up with the right attitudes. We always said; treat people the way you want to be treated, never judge anyone by what they have or don't have and being racist is just a form of ignorance, no matter how smart or intelligent you are. Good training and good kids. I would never ever tolerate one of my children being racist or thinking they were better than someone.

That is right. But in this case it is slapping us in the face , making it hard not to acknowledge.

? I guess I don't understand what you mean. You say it's hard not to acknowledge. You don't think racism should be acknowledged? Or you feel I am personally slapping you in the face for posting a link? I'm pretty confused about where you are coming from. I feel like I offended you, but not sure how.

The title of this thread is about dating and racism, so I thought this information was about as relevant to the OP's original question as possible.

Obviously, there's lots more to successful dating than being the right color. And I agree with you that anything that reduces racism is a good thing.

Not Necessary. Im Trying not to be racist. Yes I do have a problem with one race in particular but that's because of the way they have treated me personally. Other than that, If I were on a dating sight there are a few races where I haven't so far seen someone I find attractive. So naturally I wouldn't reply to them. Not because I'm racist but because I'm not attracted to them at all. If it were just to make friends then yes I would reply but as it is a dating sight if I'm not attracted even a little then I'm not going to reply.

And one could ask if people don't date someone because of their political views. Or if guys will not date girls who have big or small breasts, and so on. There are stats on some dating sites that some girls will not date any man making under 100,000 a year, so amount of income is also a dating factor.

So you have to find the right partner who likes your height, physcial sizes, income, area you live and more. Then you have to like the same in them.
It is a wonder anyone ever dates

I don't have a problem with anybody.

I do have a problem when people try to pit one race against the other.

It isn't right and yes it does happen.

It's up to us to try and focus on the good things about everyone.

There is so much hate in the world and so many people promoting it.

I have a problem with the terrorist who struck on 9/ll it doesn't mean I hate the race. I don't.

You cannot put all people in one category because of a few brainwashed cowards.

You were to young to remember the racial violence that went on in
He 60's and 70's.

This country was divided and I couldn't understand how one race could think of themselves as "Superior" while another race
Wasn't allowed to eat at a certain place or ride the bus.

It was nothing but ignorance and hate. That's all it was.

People can never be comfortable with you, unless you are comfortable with yourself. If you think its about how you look or what you are that's stopping you from dating or having a social life, think again. Sure some people have hang ups, so what? That's not your problem so don't make it one for you.

I think if you hold your head up and engage people they will be comfortable engaging you, but if you let the attitudes of a few, prejudice you, and shake your confidence in yourself, that's where you go wrong, and that's the issue to address.

I have found through my experience that being yourself goes a long way in getting to know people, both good and bad, and letting them know you and that's what makes the difference between how YOU treat people and how they treat you.

The bottom line is don't expect them to like you until they know you, and what you are about, and if they don't, tough stuff on them, their problem, not yours. So get your confidence back, and get busy weeding out the nog heads from the good people, and deal with the ones who are good humans as you try to be. If your shy, don't expect life to come to you, you have to get engaged and involved and good people will be attracted to your openness, and see you as a good human being to get to know.

Its hard for any one to date, no matter your color, so look to make friends, and build a life that you enjoy around things you like to do and I think once you are happy with yourself, your confidence will rise as you get comfortable, and familiar with your surroundings, and won't have to force things with the people you encounter.

So forget making stupid changes to your skin, or any other false front and build from the inside out, and be glad of who you are, no matter where you are from and what you have been through.

It ain't about your skin, but rather if you like yourself or NOT. Makes all the difference in the world.

Nobody will date you because your so down on yourself.

It isn't because you're black or white or purple. To have friends you have to be friendly.

This "nobody wants to date me cause I'm black", is a cop-out.

Change your attitude. Try smiling and laughing and helping people without expecting something in return.

We've all had disappointments in our life, but what doesn't kill us , makes us stronger.

Stop whining and get yourself some confidence. Stop feeling sorry for yourself.

The only person who is responsible for you is you. You can walk with your head down which shows everyone you lack self confidence or you can stand proud and try to be the person you know you are.

Nobody wants to be around someone who is ashamed of his race, bitter at the world because you didn't get what you thought you should have.

Welcome to the real world.. It's what you make it. Stand proud smile and grab life by the hand.

You'd know better than us if that is the reason, and if so, it's time to up and leave.

A fact of life is that you don't belong everywhere and you shouldn't expect to. There is a time and place where you will feel most comfortable.

And to add on, A long time ago,you know, when they had Jim crow laws and black people couldn't do certain things and caucasian kids and adults would tease them? Most of the African-Americans took what ever the caucasian kids said or threw at them. They didn't care what people thought they didn't care what people did they just kept on walking, kept on doing what they needed.
Try to be just like that, don't let people who ignore you stop you from being who you are. If you're feeling invisible, sign up for things that you like and will get you noticed, show the skills you've been hiding and also tell yourself every time you get out of bed.
I'm a human being, just like everyone else. They might not like me on the outside, but if I can break out of that shell I've been trapped in, they may like me for who I really am.

To QLP: I guess what everyone is saying is right. Maybe I need to work on my confidence, but I don't know where to start.
I don't hang out at all, so it's not bad people.

To Martinizing2: thank you for your words. I guess I did give up, and a part of me wants to ''play'' again. I don't expect things/favors in return but I don't think I warrant mistreatment and tabloid-like treatment.

to QLP: I guess what everyone is saying is right. Maybe I need to work on my confidence, but I don't know where to start.
I don't hang out at all, so it's not bad people.

to Martinizing2: thank you for your words. I guess I did give up, and a part of me wants to ''play'' again. I don't expect things/favors in return but I don't think I warrant mistreatment and tabloid-like treatment.

Start working on the self confidence. You are somebody special and you'll find that out. Be true to who you are and don't try to be someone else. God created you. You are someone's friend. Be Good and keep Posting.

To Kitkat22: thank you. I am trying. When I find the first step I will take it from there

to Kitkat22: thank you. I am trying. when I find the first step I will take it from there

Try and don't ever forget.. you are someone special.. There is something in your life that you are meant to accomplish. We just don't get here by chance. There is always a plan. Amaze yourself and smile when you reach each of your goals. You are a winner.:)

Is there anything else you could share with us about yourself? Like what you do with your time, what interests you, where you normally meet people - maybe we can come up with some ideas to help if we have a bit more information. Perhaps an example of how it came about that you were treated badly so we can understand what is happening there.

To QLP: sure. I often lose myself with work and overtime. I am alone pretty much all the time, reading, studying, drowning myself in work... I watch movies at night to kind of escape, and living in new York City with all the liveliness, I don't go out at all. I don't communicate with relatives and I have pretty much no friends.

No hobbies besides watching movies? No talents or special skills? No secret wishes ? Nothing? Hard to have confidence when you know nothing of yourself. What do you want to do?

What would you like to do? Tell us.

To talaniman: I used to write (short stories, poetry, etc.) for years, used to play piano but stopped and I don't play basketball anymore. Secret wishes, hmm... I'll get back to you on that one.

to talaniman: I used to write (short stories, poetry, etc.) for years, used to play piano but stopped and I don't play basketball anymore. Secret wishes, hmm...I'll get back to you on that one.

I love writing. Why don't you have a girlfriend and don't say you're ugly.

To Kitkat22: I also used to write songs, to actual music I played, I don't have a great voice but I can sing. I've done art since the age of 2, but I have not done any of these activities for a few years now


Well, you beat me to it but I do think I am unattractive... I don't know

to Kitkat22: I also used to write songs, to actual music I played, I don't have a great voice but I can sing. I've done art since the age of 2, but I have not done any of these activities for a few years now

Why? Why have you stopped doing all the things that make you... you?

To Kitkat22: I am not sure. I cannot put my heart into them anymore, I feel pain when I try

to Kitkat22: I am not sure. I cannot put my heart into them anymore, I feel pain when I try

Pain? Explain, did you lose someone?

A mix of different pains, loss, heartache

a mix of different pains, loss, heartache

When I lost my Dad I thought I had never known such pain. I wondered how could anyone live with that kind of pain. But I made myself get out of bed and start living again. You can too.

You have allowed yourself to be isolated, and you need a plan to get you among people, and interact with them. Is there a library near you? See what special events, or activities they have, when you shop for groceries, look directly at people, and say good morning. That's how you overcome your isolation. Baby steps until you master saying hi, can smile, and mean it.

Is there a gym near you? Take some of that overtime money, and invest it in a membership, and get a regular work out going. Work up a good sweat, eat a good meal, and get proper rest. Two aspirin after a shower, and you will sleep like a baby, and wake up refreshed.

QUESTIONS??

You have allowed yourself to be isolated, and you need a plan to get you among people, and interact with them. Is there a library near you? See what special events, or activities they have, when you shop for groceries, look directly at people, and say good morning. Thats how you overcome your isolation. Baby steps until you master saying hi, can smile, and mean it.

Is there a gym near you? Take some of that overtime money, and invest it in a membership, and get a regular work out going. work up a good sweat, eat a good meal, and get proper rest. two aspirin after a shower, and you will sleep like a baby, and wake up refreshed.

QUESTIONS????




Read Tal's advice and take it. He's pretty well always right. We'll be here for you.:)

What about the people at work? Have you managed to get to know them?

I like the sound of this guy who can write, is artistic, musical, can play basketball. How can you find him again? He's still in there somewhere. Like Tal said baby steps.

To talaniman: I do go to the library but I never tal to anyone. I study/read and when I am done or feel like I have had enough, I leave. Beside, who wants to interact when people give you strange or mean looks? I go to the gym and there are hardly any people there when I go.
People at work, I don't care for. Most are hypocrites and I want nothing to do with them when I am invited to events because I cannot and will not have ''fun'' with hypocritical people. Also, being almost 30, many of my peers are married or whatever and have children, so hanging out is not really a regular thing.

I would say your issues are with you and your attitude and your opinion of other people. You get treated the way you normally treat others.

To Fr_chuck: maybe you are right

to talaniman: I do go to the library but I never tal to anyone. I study/read and when I am done or feel like I have had enough, I leave. Beside, who wants to interact when people give you strange or mean looks? I go to the gym and there are hardly any people there when I go.
People at work, I don't care for. Most are hypocrites and I want nothing to do with them when I am invited to events because I cannot and will not have ''fun'' with hypocritical people. Also, being almost 30, many of my peers are married or whatever and have children, so hanging out is not really a regular thing.

Okay, first lets try something. No one is perfect. There are hypocrites anywhere you go. If you are expecting people to be perfect before you talk with them, you're in for a shock, there are no perfect people in the world. Why do they look at you funny? Do you have two heads or a
Third eye? I think not. You have given up on the things you love because you have found out what most of us already know, nobody's perfect, there are hypocrites in the world, we lose people we love, some people marry and are happy and some marry and are not.

You can find imperfection in anything if you look hard enough. You have given up music and writing and all the things you love because you have been introduced to the real world. That's what it is the real world.
We've all suffered losses and those losses left us feeling infuriated and hopeless. There are reasons for everything.

We all have hated a job at one time or the other. Join the club. We've all lost a boyfriend or a girlfriend at one time. We don't crawl into a hole and stop living. Cowards do that. It takes somebody with a whole lot of Guts to stay in this world after they have been broken, but they do and they grow stronger. The coward who has no backbone and has a pity party every day is the one who takes the easy way out.


Look around you and stop being so analytical about life. I haven't seen one thing you have said that is positive about anything. You better be sure of where you find yourself in this life. There are no fairy tale endings. Life is just what you make it!

Sometimes the first impression is the one that they remember, and just because someone has a mean look, isn't an indication that they are.

Library-look for a special event

Gym-actually do the work out.

Work-I don't care what you say, everyone is not a hypocrite, and you should never prejudge people until you know them well. Plus you are not trying to marry your co workers, just interact on a friendly basis, with the ones who are cool. I say good morning, and hello to my enemies, doesn't mean we have to pal around. You have much to work on as you build a life that you enjoy. You are sorely in need of an attitude make over. You will never date until you open up some, and stop letting bad examples of behavior shut you down, and isolate yourself.

Heck I can make any check out clerk, at any store smile and engage just with a simple "How are you".

So can you if you put your best foot forward. It just takes practice, the right attitude, and patience and some good old fashion stick to it.

Even if you could get a date, where would you take them, and what would you do??

What I see is someone who has had a few disappointments in life and who in my opinion is very unfriendly.

You expect other people to live up to the expectations you yourself don't live up too.

You hide behind your cynicism. I think you think you are better than most people you encounter.
You threw down the race card in your first post and that didn't wash so you come up with every reason on earth to be the way you are.
You're the one who makes your life good or bad. If you depend on others to do that.. GOOD LUCK.
The reason you are alone is because you choose to be. If you have lost a wife or girlfriend they would expect you to move on.

Good luck with finding that perfect
World. Ain't going to happen. You should be ashamed of yourself wasting a God given talent and feeling sorry for yourself.

Do you know how many people would love to play the piano and make the world a little better by bringing beautiful music and songs to life?

Yet you choose not to write and not to play piano and your just waiting for someone to tell you it's OK it's not.

Omqeee! Nooo! Don't worry about your color:)
It doesn't matter if your black,blond,short,skinny or tall! What it matters is the inside:)
If boys don't ask you out they don't deserve you so be patient:) and just wait for the exact one:)
Be happy and just be nice and try to meet new people:) he will come hun' don't worry or don't get sad for that:)

omqeee! nooo! dont worry about your color:)
it doesnt matter if your black,blond,short,skinny or tall! what it matters is the inside:)
if boys dont ask you out they dont deserve you so be patient:) and just wait for the exact one:)
be happy and just be nice and try to meet new people:) he will come hun' dont worry or dont get sad for that:)

She is a he.

To talaniman, Kitkat22, stephyHEROINE: thank you. I appreciate all comments, niceness, harshness, etc. ONe thing is for sure: when I was a nicer, friendlier person (still black, I might add) this did nothing for me, because of the innate racist attitudes in America. When I DID have a girl, it was only because they thought I was someone I was not and I wasn't who/what they perceived ''us'' to be. I don't like hip-hop and I speak intelligently, and wear pants ON my butt and people don't like that. Again, I appreciate all the comments

If you think Americans are racist (probably a lot less than they used to be, but still), how come you didn't want me to say that here? I'm the only one here who agreed with you. (Not that other things don't play a role, like a cheerful attitude, patience, making friends first, getting to know women as individuals with their own goals and challenges.)

In general, I think, people are friendlier to a man who already has a girlfriend (or has kids), because in some fashion he's been vetted and is viewed as safe. Women assume he's more desirable. Men think he's got something going for him. When men are alone, I think people are warier. Just my opinion from observation.

With women, the dynamics are different. I find that when I'm "with," people are more likely to talk to me as if they already know everything they need to know about me and it's just a matter of passing some time.

Life is always harder when you don't conform to other people's stereotypes.

To asking: Sorry, you are allowed and encouraged to say whatever you like. Again, I welcome your all others' opinions, as I am trying to be better. So what happened when I was cheerful, friendly, even engaging albeit with no girlfriend, and I still used to get treated like I was less than human, and I kept on being so until I got fed up and gave up? I see other races where some men are practically boring but the women just LOVE them. A point to make with brown skin in America, I am already perceived as a threat. What is to be wary of about me?

The world is full of ignorant people and you can't control how they feel, or what they do. The real question is why you allow such people to define you? That's what you have to answer for yourself.

Please elaborate on how you were treated. I would like to know .
You blame every person in the world for the way some treated you?

That is so unfair. Do you think if you were light or lighter it would be any different?

I thought I was helping you but for every bit of advice, you come up with a reason to disregard it.

I really thought I could change your mind but I can't. For the life of me I cannot figure out how someone who has the talents you have could just stop playing piano and writing.

I've figured it out, you like being miserable and blaming it on the color of your skin or a few ignorant people. You know what
You stay up there in your little den of gloom and let life pass you by.

I don't feel sorry for you because you have so much more than a lot of people have and yet you focus
On every single bad thing that has happened to you .

We've all had our crosses to bear and yours is nothing compared to some.

Do whatever you want to do, stay the cynical self-pitying person you are or get some backbone and know the world doesn't revolve around you or anyone.

It's up to you to make and find happiness. Being lighter isn't going to make you any different. You would still have the same attitude. Look how miserable Michael Jackson was. He had money, talent and he bleached his skin and had plastic surgery all the time.
He died a poor miserable young man who had never had the chance to be a kid. He was one of the best entertainers I have ever known and he was miserable. I'm not giving you anymore advice cause it isn't going to do any good.

You have made up your mind that the world sucks and the people who don't conform to your needs suck so there's nothing else I can tell you.

To Kitkat22: you particularly do not have to bother with me, I needed some answers that's all.
Once again, thank you.

Of course you did not get the self pity answers you wanted, the truth is a hard mirror to look into.

Perhaps it will sink in and help you in the long run

of course you did not get the self pity answers you wanted, the truth is a hard mirror to look into.

Perhaps it will sink in and help you in the long run

You're right Fr_Chuck. Please don't take back the balancer because I'm white:eek: To the OP this is what you sound like. Be proud of your race and stop blaming the color of your skin on your personal failings.

To Fr_Chuck: maybe the truth is what I need to face, albeit hard to face. I need to feel human and live

The world is full of all kinds of people. Some are racists. Some are just a$$es. Some are great. Some are a mixture of traits that we like and some we don't.

Try to stop lumping everyone together, make an effort with everyone you meet, and judge them as you find them.

I'm white but that doesn't mean I've never been on the receiving end of racist behaviour. Yes it does happen both ways. At one time I lived in a predominantly Asian area in the UK and received some unpleasant behaviour from Asian men who thought that I was inferior because I was white and female. I have been cursed and spat at and so have my children for being white. I also know many very nice Asian people. I do admit that you have probably faced racism far more than me, but if you can try to write off the racists you have met as not worth your time and emotions, and look out for the better people and be open to relating to them, you can surround yourself with the kind of people you can be happy with.

I have also come across plenty of mean people who are just that way and will find something to use against you regardless of the colour of your skin. I was once on the receiving end of some nasty behaviour from a work colleague who decided I was a snob purely on the basis that I didn't use bad language at work. (lol!) Again I leave them to their own nasty little world and enjoy spending time with people who I think are actually worth being around. But you won't find those people who are worth having if you assume everyone is the same and don't give people a chance.

If I am open and friendly to anyone who abuses that I simply think, 'shame on you' and move on. Try to stop focusing on what might be wrong with you for some people to treat you badly, and to stop keeping your barriers up to protect yourself from future possible negativity. Learn to bounce that negativity back to them and stay open to the positive.

I have thought a lot (esp. last night) about what everyone has said, and I am making an attempt to change, and obtain some confidence...

I have thought a lot (esp. last night) about what everyone has said, and I am making an attempt to change, and obtain some confidence...

Good for you.. You can do it. Start playing that beautiful piano music again and put your feelings into the songs you write. I'm proud of you!:)

To Kitkat22: thank you. I am only human and have a different threshold for pain. I do not like the reality I live in but I also do not like what I have become. I am truly seeking some counsel and help to be better.

To QLP: thank you and I appreciate the anecdote. I am making an honest stride to be better

to QLP: thank you and I appreciate the anecdote. I am making an honest stride to be better

Is that you in the avatar?

Yes, it is

yes, it is

WOW! You are very handsome. Get back into the dating scene. You'll have to get a bodyguard to keep the women away. Good Luck and play the piano, date, write and love life. You are really a cutie.:cool:

To Kitkat22: um, thank you. I've never really dated, but no bodyguard needed :)
Again thank you (blushing)

to Kitkat22: um, thank you. I've never really dated, but no bodyguard needed :)
again thank you (blushing)

You are a very good looking young man. Now go get them. Keep us posted.:)

I am going to be Jazz trained starting next month, (also convinced by an impromptu outburst from my mom to play music) so... it's a slow start back into it

I am going to be Jazz trained starting next month, (also convinced by an impromptu outburst from my mom to play music) so...it's a slow start back into it

You can do it and always remember, you have friends here. We are rooting for you.
God Bless you in everything you undertake... Kit:)

To Kitkat22: thank you. What do you look like, I am curious

By the way, how important do you think looks are?

Phwoar, one classy gent! If I were younger, single, and on a different continent... ;0

To QLP: :) thanks. I never look at age as I was in a relati. With a 49 year old

Phwoar, one classy gent! If I were younger, single, and on a different continent.... ;0

I'm old enough to be your mother. I am five foot five weigh about 129.
Dark red hair and green eyes. My husband calls me the greened eyed red headed tornado when I get mad. You are going to do great things.
Good luck and Blessings.:)

To Kitkat22: so you're about 40?

to Kitkat22: so you're about 40?





NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO:D Wish I were forty again. No I have children your age and older.:)

To Kitkat22: haha, that's OK. Lookin' down the barrel of 30 here.
(I am curious about QLP)

I am in need of a serious internal makeover, mainly confidence... help?

Boy listen to you flirt with the resident females!!

To talaniman: :) lol

Hey, I put up a new post, think you can give me some pointers? I am
Really making a push to get this handled

Boy listen to you flirt with the resident females!!!!!



I'm smiling Tal... I think we helped. :) Flirting is the first sign of healing.

To Kitkat22: could be true. :) still need to rid myself of the sadness and anger... I've been alone for so long I can't even remember, maybe 3 or more years.
I want to experience what and who is out there

As you see I have merged your new post to this one, and have already addressed your question about an attitude adjustment. Sometimes the time for talk is over and its time for actions to match the words.

You want a makeover from the inside, then get busy my man. Let us know how it goes.

to Kitkat22: could be true. :) still need to rid myself of the sadness and anger

Write a song about how you feel and pour all that sadness and anger into your song. Let's see the name of it could be... "You Thought I Would Stay Down,YOU WERE WRONG< I"M READY TO LIVE AGAIN".

OMG... I wrote a Title.:eek:

To talaniman: yes, you're right. I told Kitkat I am going to be jazz-trained in piano and get into the music and poetry again, and I am seeking professional counsel next week.

That's a good start.

Way to go. We are all rooting for you.

Write a song about how you feel and pour all that sadness and anger into your song. Let's see the name of it could be..."You Thought I Would Stay Down,YOU WERE WRONG< I"M READY TO LIVE AGAIN".

OMG...I wrote a Title.:eek:

Yes, you did! ;)