My boyfriend and I have been together for about a month.
We met on-line.
I've been in one failed relationship after another. No guy has stuck around beyond 2 dates. But I've been with guy for over a month.
When we first met, I told him I am sexual, but also want a long term, real relationship and hope for a small family one day. I am 40, so (unbeknown to him) I am quite desperate to have a child(the natural way).
From the first date, he repeatedly mentioned sex, sex, sex. He has previously been married and has 1 ten-year old daughter. His ex wife cheated on him. He said he's been totally over her and then was seeing a new woman 6 months ago, but it didn't work out.
I told him that if he wanted sex, then he must get tested for diseases. He willingly did so. But I also told him that all he ever did was talk about sex and that I wanted a relationship of more than just sex.
For our first time, he took me on a romantic weekend getaway. But the sex was boring and awful.
From the beginning, he talked about how much he loved me and wanted me to live with him.But he only talked about it and NEVER took action to actually move me into his apartment.
He has introduced me to his parents and to his daughter.
He has bought me jewellry.
He is VERY affectionate in private and in public.
He always tells me how hot and pretty I am.
He always tells me how very much he misses me. He always takes my calls.
He texts me a lot while I'm at work.
But he has never taken action to move me in with him.
Finally a few days ago I was so frustrated and bothered, that I talked to him about it.
He insisted that he wants me to live with him. But AGAIN, he left it at that and never took any action.
Then yesterday I was so angry and frustrated, that I got into an argument with him.
He again insisted that he wants me to live with him and asked me to spend the weekend at his apartment so that we could "discuss it" and set a date.
I said okay, but later called him and told him: NO. No, I will not pack my stuff every weekend to his place and then come back to my place and unpack, just because he seems to be HEDGING. I told him that if he had really wanted me to live with him, then he would have asked me to move in with him--not have me just spend another weekend with him to "discuss it."
He denied it and said that he did want me to live with him. But I just don't believe him.
I also told him that he never discusses his past with me---and he NEVER asks me about myself. He claims he "loves" me, but never asks me about myself---and that really bothers me.
He listens and acknowledges all that, but then he still never takes action to move me in and still never asks me about myself and never opens up to me.
I am so frustrated and sick of it all. I've argued my needs, I've kindly and patiently discussed my needs, but he never changes to fulfill my needs.
He is caring, considerate, so affectionate, always prompt, always acts like he's really into me, has introduced me to some of his family(but none of his friends). But he still does not fulfill the needs that I've repeatedly discussed with him.
I'm so frustrated.
It's not that I'm moving too fast----HE is the one who initialized and brought up the subject of living together, HE is the one who claimed to "love" me from the second date, HE is the one who talked about baby names and said how much he wants a son with me( but no more lately). So since HE was the one who brought up all these things, then I feel like he should follow through.
I really am frustrated and sick over all this .
PLEASE GIVE ME SOME FEEDBACK or WHATEVER you feel I should know.I am very open.
Thank you!

Hi, toto99ah!

If the two of you met online, is some of what you've written about above the things that you also discussed online, please?

Thanks!

Blunt:

Your both desperate

Him: for sex
You: for a relationship (biological clock is ticking loudly)

Need for someone else to make suggestions.

Hi, toto99ah!

If the two of you met online, is some of what you've written about above the things that you also discussed online, please?

Thanks!

We did meet on-line, but what do you mean?
In my profile I did post exactly what I like and do not like in a man, what I will and will not tolerate, my goals( to have a baby), etc.
I know he read those things---all of them, before he initially wrote me and introduced himself.
His first letter to me stated how much he agreed with my profile, and so on.
What do you think?

You've been together for "about" a month. I think you're trying to move to fast. While he may want you to move in but maybe not right away. Why not give it some time and have you two together for more than a month?

Does he have his daughter full time or Part time? If his daughter stays with him at all it may be part of why he is hesitating to have you move in so soon.

I can understand wanting to have a baby and start a family but to rush into things with someone you haven't known very long at all can turn out quite bad.

You've been together for "about" a month. I think you're trying to move to fast. While he may want you to move in but maybe not right away. Why not give it some time and have you two together for more than a month?

Does he have his daughter full time or Part time? If his daughter stays with him at all it may be part of why he is hesitating to have you move in so soon.

I can understand wanting to have a baby and start a family but to rush into things with someone you haven't known very long at all can turn out quite bad.



Hi.
Actually, it's good to have a man's opinion.
But here's the thing: HE is the one who brought up all this stuff in the first place.
So I don't think I'm moving too fast.
He----not me---mentioned living together, etc. to begin with. So After a while, I became worried and angry when he took no steps to actually make it happen.
As for his daughter, he has her part time----but now that's it's summer, he has her all the time, every single day.
By the way, all he ever constantly talks about is how hot I am. Then last night on the phone, he said that he wants to take me to his daughter's school function, this month, because " wait till everyone sees (him) walk in with me----won't they all stand up and take notice and be jealous." And he really kept saying it. He said: "If they all thought he was heart-broken when she(the ex) moved in the new boyfriend, well wait'll they all see (me), then they'll see who really got the better end of THIS bargain! HA!" So what does all that mean?

First, it's only been a month. That's not much time to know someone well enough to be in love and moving in together.

It also sounds like he may not through healing from his divorce if he is taking pleasure in the hope of causing jealousy to his ex by being with you.

I would go cautiously and slowly if I were you. The signs are there that you may be being used for sex and revenge.

You need to slow down and avoid moving in with anybody until you know each other much better.

There are red flags here you need to investigate before going any farther is my advice.

Actually. He did state that his ex will be out of town during the daughter's school function, so that's why he will be attending and taking the daughter.
Now, I have many times asked him if he is over his ex( because I previously dated a guy who, when I asked him, he said he WAS NOT). He said "OH, yeah, I'm over her. I stopped loving her before we divorced, because she cheated on me twice. The reason we married is because I didn't want my daughter to grow up without a family."
Yes, I have earlier feared he wasn't over her. But I asked him and he said "yes" he was.
He has dated another(but only one) woman after her for about a year or so. It didn't work out.
So I want to know how he really feels----yes, I know you guys will tell me to ask him. But advice from people who are not connected is more accurate.
I always welcome your opinions.


First, it's only been a month. That's not much time to know someone well enough to be in love and moving in together.

It also sounds like he may not through healing from his divorce if he is taking pleasure in the hope of causing jealousy to his ex by being with you.

I would go cautiously and slowly if I were you. The signs are there that you may be being used for sex and revenge.

You need to slow down and avoid moving in with anybody until you know each other much better.

There are red flags here you need to investigate before going any farther is my advice.


Yes, I've considered that he might not be over her.
During the first date and after that, I asked him.
He answered without hesitation that he was over her.
My real fear is that he's using me for sex----it's all he talks about! SEX SEX SEX!
So I've repeatedly told him I want a relationship of more than sex. He has not really slowed down, but he has willingly taken me to dinner with his daughter and not really mentioned sex----and today we are to go to dinner and "kiss and hug and talk." (granted, on my insistence that we share things about himself... because he has not previously talked that much of his personal past and it's been bothering me).
Also. He previously had a lot of money( in entertainment industry----no, not an actor-- but lately it's been a problem for him.
??

The ex may be gone but how many others will see you that will report to the ex?

Even if he says he is over her his actions ,to me, say he is not.

Communication is vital in a relationship. But it must also be honest. Full brutal honesty.

Then is what they say, the same as what they do?

How a person acts is a good indicator of how they feel.

You (naturally) are looking for the answers you want. Don't overlook the reality to fill a fantasy.

The ex may be gone but how many others will see you that will report to the ex?

Even if he says he is over her his actions ,to me, say he is not.

Communication is vital in a relationship. But it must also be honest. Full brutal honesty.

Then is what they say, the same as what they do?

How a person acts is a good indicator of how they feel.

You (naturally) are looking for the answers you want. Don't overlook the reality to fill a fantasy.



Do you think that he is not over his Ex or he is not over what she did to him---cheated?
Here is the thing: He has many times told me that he never wants to see the boyfriend, because he is a cheating dirtbag who took another man's wife. And to this day, when the boyfriend is the potential step father of this daughter and living with her and her mom, he still refuses to meet the boyfriend. So what do you think? Be honest.
Honestly do you think he is still into his Ex?


Do you think that he is not over his Ex or he is not over what she did to him---cheated?
Here is the thing: He has many times told me that he never wants to see the boyfriend, because he is a cheating dirtbag who took another man's wife. And to this day, when the boyfriend is the potential step father of this daughter and living with her and her mom, he still refuses to meet the boyfriend. So what do you think? Be honest.
Honestly do you think he is still into his Ex?


Oh, and he has previously told me that after the divorce, he did have major trust issues, due to the cheating.

If I didn't say it in one of the previous posts I meant to.
No I don't think he is over her. And will not be for some time yet.

If I didn't say it in one of the previous posts I meant to.
No I don't think he is over her. And will not be for some time yet.


May I ask you why you think it is HER he's not over---and it's not just what she did?

If I didn't say it in one of the previous posts I meant to.
No I don't think he is over her. And will not be for some time yet.



Because of what you said, I'm almost tempted to have you act like you're some flower/messenger service, call him, tell him you're trying to drum up business by giving away free messeges, and so you're giving him a free messege to anyone in his past that he may want to send a note to---and see who he sends it to.
You know, a "no purchase necessary" free messege to anyone of his choice."So sir, is there a messege/telegram you would like me to send to anyone from your past? Strictly confidential and no strings attached. This is absolutely free with no further telemarketing from this company, unless you choose us for your future telegrams."

e
" wait till everyone sees (him) walk in with me----won't they all stand up and take notice and be jealous." And he really kept saying it. He said: "If they all thought he was heart-broken when she(the ex) moved in the new boyfriend, well wait'll they all see (me), then they'll see who really got the better end of THIS bargain! HA!" So what does all that mean?

This is revenge to him. This will hurt her and cause her to be jealous.

If he were truly over her it wouldn't matter. He would walk up to her and her boyfriend and introduce you.

But he will not acknowledge the boyfriend because he helped break them up.
He resents him being with her.


Because of what you said, I'm almost tempted to have you act like you're some flower/messenger service, call him, tell him you're trying to drum up business by giving away free messeges, and so you're giving him a free messege to anyone in his past that he may want to send a note to---and see who he sends it to.
You know, a "no purchase necessary" free messege to anyone of his choice."So sir, is there a messege/telegram you would like me to send to anyone from your past? Strictly confidential and no strings attached. This is absolutely free with no further telemarketing from this company, unless you choose us for your future telegrams."

LOl No. You need to let go. And move on,

LOl No. You need to let go. And move on,

You mean I should break up with him ----move on in that way?

Extreme Harshness Warning. I do mean extreme!!


Did you not learn from experience that a couple of dates don't make for long term relationships? Have you not learned just from the words and actions that this fellow is NOT partner material, let alone a good idea to be the father of your children.

You are without a doubt, moving to fast and carelessly for any good to come of this month long disaster and to willing to believe any BS he throws at you to get in your pants.

You are to desperate to make a good choice. Yes cut this crap out. What's the matter with you? Running around like an idiot looking for a man to give her babies. Get real with yourself. You are too out of control my dear, and better slow down, and do things right, and take a lot more care to pick a good man for yourself, and a great father for your kids.

I am sure that it takes more than going to bed with a guy who answered your profile online, and for sure a lot lnger than a month to even find out if he is telling the truth.

Extreme Harshness Warning. I do mean extreme!!!!


Did you not learn from experience that a couple of dates don't make for long term relationships? Have you not learned just from the words and actions that this fellow is NOT partner material, let alone a good idea to be the father of your children.

You are without a doubt, moving to fast and carelessly for any good to come of this month long disaster and to willing to believe any BS he throws at you to get in your pants.

You are to desperate to make a good choice. Yes cut this crap out. Whats the matter with you? Running around like an idiot looking for a man to give her babies. Get real with yourself. You are too out of control my dear, and better slow down, and do things right, and take a lot more care to pick a good man for yourself, and a great father for your kids.

I am sure that it takes more than going to bed with a guy who answered your profile online, and for sure a lot lnger than a month to even find out if he is telling the truth.



Well yes, I can see everything you say.
You are very adamant----no, I don't mind. Please be blunt----i prefer that.
But tell me, what is it about this guy that has made you react this way?

It has nothing to do with him, its you and your actions that have moved me to write what I did.

Relationships are not a vehicle to get what you want, but a partnership to building something solid that makes happiness and a good environment.

You seem to think that you can just advertise for a man and get one who is true honest and a life partner, and what you get is what you have now, and he may be a man but is he right for you? The sex was awful, and a lot of questions and drama surround him. At least take the time to know his character, and not just settle for any man. That takes a lot of time work and paying attention.

Think with your brains and not just with a ticking clock as hell, you have waited 40 years already for a family, why not invest a year or two more to get it right and have it work in real life, not just look good on paper, or your fantasy world.

It has nothing to do with him, its you and your actions that have moved me to write what I did.

Relationships are not a vehicle to get what you want, but a partnership to building something solid that makes happiness and a good environment.

You seem to think that you can just advertise for a man and get one who is true honest and a life partner, and what you get is what you have now, and he may be a man but is he right for you? The sex was awful, and a lot of questions and drama surround him. At least take the time to know his character, and not just settle for any man. That takes a lot of time work and paying attention.

Think with your brains and not just with a ticking clock as hell, you have waited 40 years already for a family, why not invest a year or two more to get it right and have it work in real life, not just look good on paper, or your fantasy world.


Believe me, I want to wait----do you think I'd want a child under such terms" No. If I had my choice----and the luxury of time----I'd hold out for a man who loves me and wants to marry me and financially support me and so much more.
But like you say, it's my ticking, TICKING clock.
I'm afraid that if I wait another year, it won't happen.
I'm just so stressed out about everything----and always looking for answers.
I even went to a tarot reader.

You are going to hurry into a disaster. The ticking is a timebomb in this case.

You are going to hurry into a disaster. The ticking is a timebomb in this case.

This won't be the first time

How did you like it the other times? Are you getting comfortable with misery?

Maybe if I stick my finger in that plug one more time I won't get shocked!

You are not thinking this out. And your children will be affected also.

Drink the koolaide if you insist.

How did you like it the other times? Are you getting comfortable with misery?

Maybe if I stick my finger in that plug one more time I won't get shocked!!

You are not thinking this out. And your children will be affected also.

Drink the koolaide if you insist.


Okay, so what should I do when I'm almost 40 now---and no, I don't want artficial insemmination.
By the way, I spoke with him this morning----he openly spoke with me about his ex.
This isn't wishful thinking on my part, but he was willing to answer my questions . He said he hated her boyfriend because he was a sleaze to do what he did and that that says a lot about his character and so on. He said he wished he hadn't stayed that extra year because it cost him a lot of money that he could be using now, etc.
He said she wasn't even the real love of his love-----that his real love was Hungarian girl he'd met back in 1993 or so... He said that he hurted for his daughter and, well, you all know the rest.


Although I must say maybe you guys are right----afterall, I have been looking for other men lately. I've been tempted... to see if I can find other guys to date. Of course, I won't tell him.

That's a good idea except the part where you become a deceitful liar.
I don't see where that is advantageous to further burden yourself with what will almost surly blow up on you.

You do not need to bring a child into a hastily built façade of a relationship that can emotionally cripple you, the currant children,and a new one.
It is hard to give up a dream. But it is worse to live in a nightmare .

You are looking so hard for the path you want, you're not seeing the cliff you are about to step off. Again.

Again. HARSH WARNING!!

You don't have a snowball's chance in hell of making this work until you forget about the ticking, and worry about reality of building a healthy relationship.


May God help you make the best decision for you and the others involved.

I wish you happiness.

That's a good idea except the part where you become a deceitful liar.
I don't see where that is advantageous to further burden yourself with what will almost surly blow up on you.

You do not need to bring a child into a hastily built facade of a relationship that can emotionally cripple you, the currant children,and a new one.
It is hard to give up a dream. But it is worse to live in a nightmare .

You are looking so hard for the path you want, you're not seeing the cliff you are about to step off. Again.

Again. HARSH WARNING!!!

You don't have a snowball's chance in hell of making this work until you forget about the ticking, and worry about reality of building a healthy relationship.


May God help you make the best decision for you and the others involved.

I wish you happiness.


I agree with all you say----unfortunately, it seems I don't learn(which explains why I still go through all this **** and I'm 40).
I just wish I could stop worrying about the ticking. If that were taken care of, I wouldn't be tripping so much on a relationship---that I do know for sure.
But for now the reality is that I'm being an idiot and continue to do so.
He really is a great guy---very sweet, etc(at least AT THIS POINT, so I'm well aware that that he could turn into Mr. Hyde).
!!

Have you ever read the book "he's just not that into you?" it may become your bible. I mean this in the most sympathatic way possible. Also, a month can be quick to move in together, or it can seem like an eternity. Only you know if it's the right choice. But before you jump into getting pregnant, consider what your life will be like if things with you and him don't work out. This coming from a single mom fighting an ex over custody and visitation... its a battle no person should ever have to or want to go through. Remember that you deserve to be happy and perhaps having a baby after 40 isn't the road to happiness for you. Don't jump before you look at what you are jumping in. best of luck!

have you ever read the book "he's just not that into you?" it may become your bible. I mean this in the most sympathatic way possible. Also, a month can be quick to move in together, or it can seem like an eternity. Only you know if its the right choice. But before you jump into getting pregnant, consider what your life will be like if things with you and him dont work out. this coming from a single mom fighting an ex over custody and visitation...its a battle no person should ever have to or want to go through. Remember that you deserve to be happy and perhaps having a baby after 40 isnt the road to happiness for you. Dont jump before you look at what you are jumping in. best of luck!


From what you read in my intro, do think he's really not into me?

Well, it happened----on the 20th I found out I am pregnant.

I thought----or at least hoped that, since he'd been so attentive and nice to me this past month, he'd be happy to hear I'm pregnant.
On the 21st I showed him the test strip----HE WAS NOT AT ALL HAPPY. HIS FIRST REACTION WAS TO REPEATEDLY SAY: "BUT YOU SAID YOU WERE ON THE PILL!"
I was so upset and angry, that I told him to take me home. After much arguing, he took me home.
My suspicions were confirmed: he never wanted me to live with him(he'd previously talked about it a lot, but never took action to make it happen. And I told myself even of that was true, my priority was to become pregnant---and if he didn't want me, then **** him). But when I told him I'm pregnant and he reacted like that, I was ENRAGED. I TOLD HIM THAT ALL HE CARED ABOUT WAS HIS OTHER PIECE-OF-SHOT DAUGHTER AND THAT HE NEVER CARED ABOUT ME. He then said he did want me to live with him---but I knew he was lying.
I stayed home all day and wondered how I'll take care of a baby when I'm indigent(yes, I know, I should've thought about all this BEFORE---but I just wanted a baby so muuch, that at the time it didn't matter. But now I'm mad that heis unhappy and does not love me).
He later texted me a lot and said he'd thought about it and that he was sorry for his unhappy reaction and asked me to come live with him, and claimed he loved me.
But I didn't believe him. He called me, but I was still so mad, that I cussed him out. Then later I told him I'd think about it---i really just wanted to see him be more assertive and not take my "no" for an answer and really come get me and prove that he wanted me and the baby. I told him to call the next day(today) at 12:00 P.M. He said he'd do so.
But today, by 1:00 p.m. he still never called me( before the pregnancy, he ALWAYS called excatly when he said he would and was always on time). So I knew he had again changed his ****ing mind. I was so furious, that I called him and cussed him out. He lamely said, " well I was gonna call you soon....I said I'd call you midday and midday isn't till 2 or so...."
I cussed and cussed him and said he was making excuses
And he is a big ****ing liar.
I kept tellinh him that he didn't want me living with him, or he would have been a lot more aggressive, etc.
He kept lamely saying that isn't true, but if that's what I wanted to believe, then fine( now I really knew he didn't want me anymore, because in the start of our dating, when I got angry with him, he called repeatedly and sent me roses and kept calling again after that).
I was so angry that I kept calling him names and arguing with him.
He kept lamely saying that he wanted me to live with him----But I knew he was lying.
I kept hanging up on him---and I kept caling him back, demanding to know why he didn't call me after I hung up---a big mess.
I'm so alone and poor and frustrated with him , that I agreed to let him pick me up tonight( all of a sudden he was unwilling to come earlier, because he wanted to have "alone time" with his daughter. I told him that if he really loved me, he wouldn't want "alone" time with his daughter and that he'd want me to be with him and his daughter.
Anyway, I agreed to let him pick me up tonight at 8---but I know that in reality he does not want me living with him and does not even want me anymore.
I am miserable.


I know I did what I did by becoming pregnant---and I din't regret that at all. It's just that he doesn't want me.

Dear toto, please allow yourself to relax. I know that you feel down thinking that he doesn't want you & I know that it doesn't feel good when things don't go your way.

Take a few days off your work if you can afford & if not then give yourself complete attention when you finish your day & think what do you want to make of the situation?

We can't make people love us or make them do things the way we want. Right now you are pregnant so think of 9 months coming ahead & take a few days to think whether you want to do it or not? Either way if you know what you want, you would be happy at the end.

Life may seem out of control & order but it is always going to be all right as long as you know how to land on your feet. Leave this guy alone & let him grow out of his experience.

You are an important person yourself & you need to make sure that you don't neglect yourself. He has known you for only a month but you have spend time being you for 40 years, at this point in life only you can support & cherish yourself 100%. You know the best what do you want in life.

Please don't feel down & try to think that all will be well.

I know that you want to have a loving family of your own & to bring up children but then toto again family can be in any form, you don't necessarily need all the roles in placed to embark on a journey called; family life.

Love yourself, do things you like, get off internet, spend time outdoors, spend time in friends & let yourself to grow happiness within yourself & by yourself.

I know that you are worried about the baby coming & your bf's non- serious attitude, but at this point what matters is you & the baby. Your boyfriend is a grown up & can take care of himself, just focus how you want things to be for yourself & the coming baby.

Wishing you a healthy life & lots of smile.

Hugs,

On the off chance that you're not a troll I'm going to attempt to reply to your last post.



I thought----or at least hoped that, since he'd been so attentive and nice to me this past month, he'd be happy to hear i'm pregnant.
You two only have known each other a MONTH! I don't know anyone that would be happy to hear someone they knew for a month was pregnant. Heck, I don't know anyone who would be all that thrilled to be pregnant when only knowing someone a month!


HE WAS NOT AT ALL HAPPY. HIS FIRST REACTION WAS TO REPEATEDLY SAY: "BUT YOU SAID YOU WERE ON THE PILL!"
While it takes two to tango, if you did lie to him about this it says a whole lot about you.



My suspicions were confirmed: he never wanted me to live with him(he'd previously talked about it a lot, but never took action to make it happen. And I told myself even of that was true, my priority was to become pregnant---and if he didn't want me, then **** him).
You're upset that he may have only wanted you for sex and didn't want you to move in with him AFTER A MONTH but at the same time you were only using him for your attempt to get pregnant. You're no better than he is. I'm almost inclined to say you are worse since you deliberately wanted to involve an innocent child into the mix of this.

I TOLD HIM THAT ALL HE CARED ABOUT WAS HIS OTHER PIECE-OF-SHOT DAUGHTER AND THAT HE NEVER CARED ABOUT ME.
Did you really call his daughter a piece of ****? Are you serious? His Daughter is someone he is supposed to love and care about BEFORE anyone. Before his ex, before you, before his next more stable girlfriend, ANYONE. The fact that you can say that about someone innocent in this mess makes me fear for the unborn child in this, if you are for real.


I stayed home all day and wondered how i'll take care of a baby when i'm indigent(yes, i know, i should've thought about all this BEFORE---but i just wanted a baby so muuch, that at the time it didn't matter.


Now it makes sense, you talked about him having money twice in all your threads. They had no place in this but the truth is that you were using him to get you pregnant, not because you loved him either. But because he had MONEY.


I told him to call the next day(today) at 12:00 P.M. He said he'd do so.
But today, by 1:00 p.m., he still never called me( before the pregnancy, he ALWAYS called excatly when he said he would and was always on time).
I wouldn't call you either. If you are pregnant, his best bet is to wait until the child is born and the file through court. And deal with you only through court.



because in the start of our dating, when i got angry with him, he called repeatedly and sent me roses and kept calling again after that).
This says a lot about a relationship that was only going on for a MONTH.


I was so angry that i kept calling him names and arguing with him.
I kept hanging up on him---and i kept caling him back, demanding to know why he didn't call me after i hung up---a big mess.
How old are you? You called him names and got mad when at him when YOU hung up on him? He should have either turned the ringer off or called the police and tell them you're harassing him.


( all of a sudden he was unwilling to come earlier, because he wanted to have "alone time" with his daughter. I told him that if he really loved me, he wouldn't want "alone" time with his daughter and that he'd want me to be with him and his daughter.
Why on earth would he want you around his daughter who you called a "Piece of ****"? If he cares about his daughter like he should he should never want you around her again.



I know I did what i did by becoming pregnant---and i din't regret that at all. It's just that he doesn't want me.
You don't regret lying to him to become pregnant? You don't regret the fact that you only choose him to get you pregnant because he had money?

I'm praying you are nothing but a troll whose bored and this is all a lie. At least then there wouldn't be an innocent child involved in this ugly mess you created for your own selfish reasons.

If you're not a troll you need to get therapy to deal with your various issues. You need more help than this place can give you.

Foxcash--thanks for saying all that I wanted so precisely.

Again,if you are a troll,you'll fall off your chair laughing at the seriousness with which we all are replying to your fantastically created posts.Congrats.In fact why don't you try your hand at writing television drama that's sometimes almost as bad as the situation you've created here?

I am more worried if you aren't a troll.In that case,OP--what a disastrous situation.What were you thinking?Weren't you even reading what everybody here's been almost shouting at you?A relationship of a MONTH and you get pregnant?And you blame others for that?Are you under medication or something?If not,please check yourself into therapy,you need it.

I feel so mad about your post,I feel my hands shaking as I write.How on earth can you even dare to bring a child into this world based on lies,deceit and a complete mess?How can you abuse a ten-year old child and hold anything against her father for wanting to spend alone time with her?Do you even know how neurotic and immature and crazy you sound?

You have serious problems OP.Sort out your life and head before you mess up other people's lives and especially the life of your unborn child,for whom I pray to God.

THANK YOU for your beautiful response.
You made your point without being judgmental, harsh, or cruel.
Yes, I've asked for the blunt truth----but there's a way to be blunt without being so effing harsh, unlike all the people before you.
You have gotten to the heart of the matter and made your point in a straight-out, yet kind manner.
And I really welcome your further help to me-----in fact, I look forward to it.
And yes, things are going awfully.
Eversince I told him I'm pregnant, he has been miserable. And eversince I moved in with him, He has had blocks----I do care about him, but he seems to push me away by his actions. I've told him this , and he has actually admitted I'm right.
I suggested couples counseling and he agreed.
He gives me support in this pregnancy. I do care for him, but I have so many doubts that he wants me to live with him---he's been so hesitant and tortured about giving me keys, and he still is.
What kind of love is this?

No woman wants her boyfriend ---or pregnancy----to be this way.
I hoped for love and happiness, despite his bad financial situation.
But he has been so happy. He keeps blaming me. But I told him it's just as much his fault---he always said he wanted another child---a son, and on and on. So I became pregnant.
Now he accuses me, saying he "meant much later, not now."


Well he NEVER mentioned that part!
I am filled with sorrow---and worried about the health of this pregnancy.
He supports me---but I can't get over how unhappy he is. And eversince last Saturday, I've yelled at him in rage and we've argued.

Have you been to the doctor yet to have the pregnancy confirmed?

Did you really expect him to be happy about a possible pregnancy with a woman who calls his daughter names and thinks only about what she wants instead of what would be best for everyone concerned? A woman he has known for less than two months, now.

I hope he isn't having sex with you until the pregnancy is confirmed by a doctor and a the due date is established IF you are pregnant. I also hope he has talked to the doctor and is not relying on just you for his information.

You keep asking about love-what kind of love this is. It isn't love. You haven't given love a chance to form and grow. It is lust and maybe friendship. It is an emotional game of Twister. Instead of creating and building a strong foundation, you have a tangled web of intentions, out right lies, half-truths, mis-understandings, blackmail, etc. Counseling MIGHT help if you ever learn to face up to how horribly wrong you have handled this and how unrealistic your expectations are.

Do you really think he should give up time with his daughter for time with you or include you in his time with his daughter? He hasn't known you that long.

As a person who had a single father who dated, I can tell you that daughters need time with their fathers. I try to make sure that my daughter gets time with her father and we are very much in love, married and living together.

I have read and re-read this topic and the comments made and have to commend those who've been amazing in attempting to try and help you out.

I believe in essence you two were only going to be a one night stand that sadly went terribly askew.

You got what you wanted. You're pregnant, congratulations, leave the poor guy and get on with it. I too would blame you. Granted I would think, were I a man, this wouldn't of happened as there are these wonderful things called, condoms, that can be purchased over the counter, virtually anywhere.

I realise and apologise in advance to anyone who finds this offensive in anyway, but toto99ah, you are the type of woman who give women a bad name. You tarnish the very essence of what we bring to this world as the most singular unique experience only women (and mammals) can bring.

It saddens me that because of women like you, that 'next' guy I may meet, might just be brow beaten enough to not even give me the benefit of the doubt because of someone like you. Manipulative, greedy, selfish and uncaring.

All this focus on you. What you want and expect from a man. What he should be doing to show he loves you.

What does he get out of it? He gets tricked into fathering a child. He gets a girlfriend who is jealous of his existing child and calls her abusive names. He gets phonecalls to yell at him. He gets hung up on and expected to be the one to make things right. He moves you in and gets constantly yelled at.

And you wonder why he is miserable. And you get angry with him about that.

I know you are frustrated but perhaps a little empathy for the guy might help. Try putting yourself in his shoes for a minute. Or his daughters.

I really hope that by the time this baby is born your thought vocabulary has expanded beyond 'me.'

Sorry if this is harsh but if you hope to have a cat in hells chance of making things better you have to open your eyes and your heart to the fact that other people have needs and feelings too.

WOW! You are 40 years old?
You sound like a confused teen.
First you say all this man talks about is sex, but you give it to him. All you talk about is wanting to have a baby. He used you for sex and you used him.
I don't blame him for not wanting you to move in. He does not really know you and you sound a bit psycho.
You got yourself pregnant by a man you hardly know, you don't like his child and you want to boo hoo because he's not happy. Get real!
You are a grown woman (if in fact this is real) Get your own place and you two come to an understanding about the baby (if there is a baby).
You weaseled this man, you ought to be ashamed of yourself.
I find it hard to believe this is even true.

This situation is one of the most frightening stories I've ever read!


Notice how OP states that no other guy lasted more than 2 dates with her? I see why now.


Let's see... I have called him and his daughter names. I bother him daily to let me move in. I call him and argue and hang up on him. I also managed to make him get me pregnant. I did this in 1 month. Can someone please help me understand why he doesn't love me and why he is miserable? (lol)

Wow! As I sit here reading this mess, I really wish the site would allow me to curse. Sadly I have to be nice... ish.

Harshness alert.

It's already been said, but I feel it must be said again, just so you know that the majority of people on this site, think you're a psycho, if not a troll. I'm leaning towards troll. If you're not a troll, you need more help than anyone on this site can give. Check yourself into a mental institution now and get the help you so desperately need.

Also, if you're 40, just a little tip, ever since is two words, not one! Don't home school this child if you are in fact pregnant.

If you keep this crap up, your unborn child will only be seeing you during visiting hours at the local mental hospital. Personally, if I was the guy, I'd wait until the child was born, sue you for custody, and kick your a$$ out. No court in the world will deny him, especially if they see these posts. Sadly I don't think they need them, you seem to do a very good job of proving you have issues in real life.

You met this guy online and he actually contacted you? Were you having a good day that day? Taking your meds?

Yes, I'm being mean, because if your posts are true, I'm sick to my stomach with the thought that you are going to bring a child into this world, and that you will have access to the child that is already in this world, his daughter.

I'm betting you're a troll though, and I doubt you're 40. I'd guess 16, bored, on summer break, not at all hot (like you've mentioned time and time again), with no life. If that's the case. Shame on you! Either way, you have issues, get them dealt with.

Bye now, happy trolling. :(

One word if you're a troll... Therapy.

If you're not a troll... Intense Therapy and an attitude adjustment.

Foxcash--thanks for saying all that I wanted so precisely.

Again,if you are a troll,you'll fall off your chair laughing at the seriousness with which we all are replying to your fantastically created posts.Congrats.In fact why dont you try your hand at writing television drama thats sometimes almost as bad as the situation you've created here?

I am more worried if you arent a troll.In that case,OP--what a disastrous situation.What were you thinking?Werent you even reading what everybody here's been almost shouting at you?A relationship of a MONTH and you get pregnant?And you blame others for that?Are you under medication or something?If not,please check yourself into therapy,you need it.

I feel so mad about your post,I feel my hands shaking as I write.How on earth can you even dare to bring a child into this world based on lies,deceit and a complete mess?How can you abuse a ten-year old child and hold anything against her father for wanting to spend alone time with her?Do you even know how neurotic and immature and crazy you sound?

You have serious problems OP.Sort out your life and head before you mess up other people's lives and especially the life of your unborn child,for whom I pray to God.


I know i asked for the truth and straight answers----but i never asked for insults.
What a ****ing ****---and hypocrite you are. Is this **** advice----or insults? And who the **** do you think you are, throwing stones? And are you any better? What, you never make bad choices? Are you on this site trying to make money for all the cruelties you---and these other heartless losers---are throwing ?
I asked for the truth---not for ****-cruel jabs and insults that you and your equally hypocritical ******* buddies have chosen to toss in your "WORDS OF WISDOM."
There is a way to be blunt and straight-forward without all the mean-spiritedness that you *******s have chosen to go about this.
I can understand well-meaninig advice and comments meant to help someone. I can even understand being crircal in a helpful manner. But what you dirt-bags have posted here is out of line.
I hope that none of you have any children now or in the future---and if you do, i absolutely hope your children---who are not and/or would not be any better than their parents----are miscarried or die terrible deaths after birth. You people are no better than a bunch of hayenas fallen on a piece of meat. All i asked for was advice and opinions. But apparently, opinions, like you, are like *******s---everyone has one.