I'm 31, female.. and I've had my share of dramatic breakups. I've been engaged once and been cheated on before the engagement. Several months later, I met another person and got dumped again (I just broke up 2 days ago).

He told me that his busy schedule was stressful and catering to the relationship was too much work. He noted that I was not the marriagable type for him. All this came out out of nowhere and I felt that someone had hit me with a bat. Where was all this coming from? And if he had concerns about these issues, he should have talked to me about it. Apparently, he liked to make decisions on his own. So, the break-up was pretty much like receiving a sticky note- "I've watched you and you are not the one. Goodbye."

I asked if we could take some time off and think about the relationship. He was adamant about his decisions and said, "good bye." Pretty cold (you should've seen the expressionless eyes)

So, naturally I started blaming myself for enabling every break up. "What is wrong with me?" Yup, by blaming myself I was empowering the other person over me. I hated the fact that he seemed so nonchalant about the break-up, leading a normal life the next day while I was depressed rolling around in bed. My own self-pity was killing my spirit. And, yes, I was jealous that he had the strength and confidence to move on and live life as though nothing had happened.

The funny thing is... after rolling in bed for one day, I was lie there thinking,, "man, I've got to re-learn how to value myself more."

I missed that strong person within me that I tend to slowly lose when I am in a relationship. I realize how ironic it is-wanting to maintain your power and independence, yet allowing to lose a part of yourself when you fall into a relationship.

Oh, yeah, I miss him terribly. I miss the memories and the promises he made. I miss just looking into his eyes and giving him hugs. The small things do haunt me, which makes break-ups so hard to cope with. But, I step back and realize that I missed myself more.

However, I don't know why it is so hard to apply the idea-"relationship is about sharing and not losing yourself to the other person."

I think the fear of being alone and fear of rejection blinds me.
But, I think I've recovered pretty quickly this time around and I am still learning to value myself more.

Anyone out there willing to share their break-up stories and wisdom learned from them is welcomed!

Jan there are a lot of threads on here about learning from a break up. We have all been there. I have always said you don't start living until you've had your heart broken. I never knew who I was until that happened. Being in love you let yourself get so comfortable and you give yourself up to another person, putting your life, so to speak, in their hands, and vice versa. Once it is over it takes awhile to get your life back and to figure out how to stand up on your own feet without that special person. I guess the biggest thing I learned was that life goes on. No matter what, the world doesn't revolve around my problems. So, while I'm sitting there sulking and being depressed, others are out there living and creating enjoyment. I never want to have that feeling that my life is over and that it won't get better. So long as my heart is ticking, I refuse to give into to that notion.

Break ups suck, no doubt about it. I guess I never realized how much we controlled the impact they have on us. There is a movie where a girl asks a guy she is doting on, "What's the craziest thing you've done lately?" The guy couldn't really answer, so he lied because he hadn't done anything "crazy" or FUN. Taking a chance was her point... when was the last time you just let it go and took a chance. To me, that is life. You get one shot at it, so what's the craziest thing you've done lately? Hopefully, when someone asks me that, I'll have an answer that I am proud of, knowing that I am taking advantage of this life.

All right, enough of this babble. :)

Closing this particular thread because this whole forum is about sharing break up stories, and learning to move on, and learn life lessons from the experience.

Suggest the OP read some of the many example that are already here, as there is no need to repeat them.

Actually I disagree closing this. The OP is sharing her story and how she dealt with it. That why people come here.

https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relationships/literally-getting-sick-taking-time-off-493375.html,

This is where you share.