jan100
Aug 16, 2010, 09:27 PM
I'm 31, female.. and I've had my share of dramatic breakups. I've been engaged once and been cheated on before the engagement. Several months later, I met another person and got dumped again (I just broke up 2 days ago).
He told me that his busy schedule was stressful and catering to the relationship was too much work. He noted that I was not the marriagable type for him. All this came out out of nowhere and I felt that someone had hit me with a bat. Where was all this coming from? And if he had concerns about these issues, he should have talked to me about it. Apparently, he liked to make decisions on his own. So, the break-up was pretty much like receiving a sticky note- "I've watched you and you are not the one. Goodbye."
I asked if we could take some time off and think about the relationship. He was adamant about his decisions and said, "good bye." Pretty cold (you should've seen the expressionless eyes)
So, naturally I started blaming myself for enabling every break up. "What is wrong with me?" Yup, by blaming myself I was empowering the other person over me. I hated the fact that he seemed so nonchalant about the break-up, leading a normal life the next day while I was depressed rolling around in bed. My own self-pity was killing my spirit. And, yes, I was jealous that he had the strength and confidence to move on and live life as though nothing had happened.
The funny thing is... after rolling in bed for one day, I was lie there thinking,, "man, I've got to re-learn how to value myself more."
I missed that strong person within me that I tend to slowly lose when I am in a relationship. I realize how ironic it is-wanting to maintain your power and independence, yet allowing to lose a part of yourself when you fall into a relationship.
Oh, yeah, I miss him terribly. I miss the memories and the promises he made. I miss just looking into his eyes and giving him hugs. The small things do haunt me, which makes break-ups so hard to cope with. But, I step back and realize that I missed myself more.
However, I don't know why it is so hard to apply the idea-"relationship is about sharing and not losing yourself to the other person."
I think the fear of being alone and fear of rejection blinds me.
But, I think I've recovered pretty quickly this time around and I am still learning to value myself more.
Anyone out there willing to share their break-up stories and wisdom learned from them is welcomed!
He told me that his busy schedule was stressful and catering to the relationship was too much work. He noted that I was not the marriagable type for him. All this came out out of nowhere and I felt that someone had hit me with a bat. Where was all this coming from? And if he had concerns about these issues, he should have talked to me about it. Apparently, he liked to make decisions on his own. So, the break-up was pretty much like receiving a sticky note- "I've watched you and you are not the one. Goodbye."
I asked if we could take some time off and think about the relationship. He was adamant about his decisions and said, "good bye." Pretty cold (you should've seen the expressionless eyes)
So, naturally I started blaming myself for enabling every break up. "What is wrong with me?" Yup, by blaming myself I was empowering the other person over me. I hated the fact that he seemed so nonchalant about the break-up, leading a normal life the next day while I was depressed rolling around in bed. My own self-pity was killing my spirit. And, yes, I was jealous that he had the strength and confidence to move on and live life as though nothing had happened.
The funny thing is... after rolling in bed for one day, I was lie there thinking,, "man, I've got to re-learn how to value myself more."
I missed that strong person within me that I tend to slowly lose when I am in a relationship. I realize how ironic it is-wanting to maintain your power and independence, yet allowing to lose a part of yourself when you fall into a relationship.
Oh, yeah, I miss him terribly. I miss the memories and the promises he made. I miss just looking into his eyes and giving him hugs. The small things do haunt me, which makes break-ups so hard to cope with. But, I step back and realize that I missed myself more.
However, I don't know why it is so hard to apply the idea-"relationship is about sharing and not losing yourself to the other person."
I think the fear of being alone and fear of rejection blinds me.
But, I think I've recovered pretty quickly this time around and I am still learning to value myself more.
Anyone out there willing to share their break-up stories and wisdom learned from them is welcomed!