I instinctively think I AM in an emotionally abusive relationship, but it's REALLY difficult to swallow. I'm afraid everyone will tell me "just get out now"~ which is sound advice, but hardly descriptive enough. Here's some background information:

We met one year ago. He's from Armenia, and his culture and views on family were so interesting to me mainly because the relationships I've been in never work and my family isn't exactly close. Anyway, we professed the status of 'soul mates' and felt this (what I thought to be) inextinguishable passion for each other. I was free and happy then: he was fascinated by me blah blah blah. He then began to share with me how, by being with me (an American woman who ISN'T a virgin) would destroy his respect back home. He then began teaching me how to present myself: be more elegant, not wear revealing clothes, not talk with boys, etc. It really felt as though he was helping me. Of course, he would get angry when I did things he didn't approve regarding clothes or interaction with customers at my job.

Okay: so we had this long distance relationship for 7 months or so: I wasn't allowed to hang out with people late: no drinking: no boys: which, really, was great advice, but it felt (and still feels) like I'm not doing these things to avoid his anger). He eventually moved to my state and pushed the subject of starting a new business with some money I came into... eventually we moved 3000 miles away from my home.

So now I'm here, living with him. I do all of the cleaning/laundry/cooking-- and if I don't or if I express that I'm tired (I pay all the bills and work two jobs on top of this) he mocks me. I eventually feel guilty for complaining. I'm so uninterested in sex: and this angers him. He pushed me away in bed this morning when I said no~ and he acts irritated (I guess I would be too). I haven't gone anywhere in this new town, and haven't made any new friends. He has though--- he goes out from time to time: although I'm never invited... and if I ask what he did, he tells me "it's not interesting for you."

I'm rambling at this point: I really haven't been able to talk with anyone, mainly because I'm so ashamed for so many reasons. I allowed this control to happen... or I'm unable to be this super woman he's looking for at every turn. In our arguments he now tells me "you're not who I thought you were"-- and other really hurtful statements.

Ultimately, I know I need to end this, but I don't know where to start. I've tried before, and he just comes back, or I cave in, or SOMETHING. All of his stuff is here and he has no where else to sleep... and he's really mean when we fight... as if I'm disgusting. If I bring up my issues with him, he asks in annoyed tone "what do you want? WHAT do you want from me?" and I never have a good enough answer... I want understanding? I want to maturely talk about this? After our arguments he seems to give up after all my tears and does a 180 for about a week until I don't press a shirt properly or make the bed.

Rambling: I just want to know the best approach for ending this. I don't want to accuse him to point fingers... because it took two people to get into this mess... and I feel as though I am partially to blame. Any help is appreciated. Thanks for making it this far.

You don't have to have an approach to get away from him. Pack your things and leave. If you don't it will get worse.

Get away. Have someone come and help you get your things.
If you're scared have the police come with you.

His values are such of control & submission. A slave, not a woman or relationship.

Get away from this & far away.

And KitKat's right, if you need to get the authorities involved, then do so.

Leaving the apartment is tricky: my name is on the lease and I furnished the place. But thinking about it, I could talk with the apartment complex and see if there's a way out. Thank you for the advice, however. I'm sure you all get these exhaustive discussions often.

Maybe a better question is: how do I muster up the confidence to stop being in denial and just leave?

Leaving the apartment is tricky: my name is on the lease and I furnished the place. But thinking about it, I could talk with the apartment complex and see if there's a way out. Thank you for the advice, however. I'm sure you all get these exhaustive discussions often.

Maybe a better question is: how do I muster up the confidence to stop being in denial and just leave?

You are your own woman. I'll bet you weren't like this before. Look at the young woman you were before and the woman you are now.

I'll bet you were independent and he's trying to take that from you, he almost had you right under his thumb. Think of how great you will feel not having to walk on eggshells anymore. You will get your confidence back as soon as you leave him.

For your own well-being.

This will not get better no matter what you say to him.

Get out of the lease & don't worry about the furniture.

If he wants to stay, then so be it.

Your peace of mind & safety are worth more than "things"

Understood: Thank you for such swift replies~ It really helped me just to get that extra quick outside perspective. I'll update you all with how it goes: maybe the information will help others in my situation.

For sure. Do you have family & friends?

For sure. Do you have family & friends?

We're here when you need us. Good luck:)

Not here, no. I seemed to have cut everyone off. What a horrible mistake.

That aside, I have my own car and my own phone, so if all things turn sour, I have great options to utilize:) Support systems are developed things, you know? Being online is my best resource before trying to re-establish everything else.

Deep breaths make the world go 'round.

Ok, then. Im here.

The situation you are describing is classic controlling/abusive behavior. It is not your fault that you have lost confidence. He has been assaulting you emotionally for months and you have been trying so hard to meet him--way more than half way, more like 98% of the way. The more you give in to his demands the more he will demand. Now that you are so isolated and exhausted, he has even more power over you.

I was in such a relationship.

Various advice. Make sure not to get pregnant. Don't try to understand him except to the extent that you need to be able outmaneuver him. It's a waste of your energy and toxic to be inside his head.

Try to stay clear headed. Forgive yourself any mistakes you make. Be safe. The sooner you can get away from him the better. This man is not your friend anymore. He believes women are his inferiors and that you are essentially his slave. He may think and speak in politer terms, but that's what it comes down to.

It's possible he may become violent if he realizes you want to leave him. Your best guide to whether that could happen is your own instincts. Are you at all afraid of him physically? This is an important question. Your safety is more important that anything else.

You sound like a sensible and intelligent woman. Good luck!
We are rooting for you here.

If it comes down to it, forget the lease, just leave, and let him worry about it. If you have to, disappear from his life. You can build a better one.

What a powerful community: I will stay clear headed and focused (there's the battle)-- as it seems to be the only thing that keeps me from being inside his head... it's there that I think myself and others who experience this, lose themselves... their identity. Your insights and reassurances are limitlessly helpful.

My nerves are through the clichéd roof- sweaty palms and all. For future on-lookers, after that initial decision to finally end it occurs, the doubt is just creeping from all angles ;) Be weary! He's 'out with friends'-- I thought he would be at the apartment (hungry--wanting food) and practiced my calm reasoning all the way home. Oh: another several hours? Eternity.

I keep thinking of my well-being... other women who have stood up against worse... and those who need the reinforcement to recognize that stopping it before it begins to get worse is key.

Lol: the writing is helping.

What a powerful community: I will stay clear headed and focused (there's the battle)-- as it seems to be the only thing that keeps me from being inside his head... it's there that I think myself and others who experience this, lose themselves... their identity. Your insights and reassurances are limitlessly helpful.

My nerves are through the cliched roof- sweaty palms and all. For future on-lookers, after that initial decision to finally end it occurs, the doubt is just creeping from all angles ;) Be weary! He's 'out with friends'-- I thought he would be at the apartment (hungry--wanting food) and practiced my calm reasoning all the way home. Oh: another several hours? Eternity.

I keep thinking of my well-being... other women who have stood up against worse... and those who need the reinforcement to recognize that stopping it before it begins to get worse is key.

lol: the writing is helping.

Call a friend. Don't let him intimidate you anymore. Is it safe ? Will you be safe confronting him alone? Why not just leave and let him have the place.

Yes, stay focused.
Let other people know your plan. To be safe.

Take the steps you need to get out. Don't get into it w/him.

Who knows? maybe you can just split w/o anymore contact or eggshells.

Escape.

Has he ever been physically abusive ?

Does he work? If he does take a day off your work and get as much as you can out of your house. Hire someone to help you if you must.

Before you do this start putting your stuff together in a way he won't notice. Maybe put all your clothes into a washing basket and say your going to go through them all. You want to clean your cubard out. Then they are all handy for you.

Then leave before he comes home. You may not get all that you want. But if he goes to work the next day you could return for the rest.

He's thrown money at me earlier this week after an argument. Other than that, no physical abuse to report. He really is well intentioned for the most part.

Gut thoughts: Am I afraid to confront him? Yes. Will he harm me physically? No. Will he treat me very poorly? Yeah. He's SO good at being persuasive. If I don't stand up for myself, I really will be frightened for a long time... no matter where I go. If I do this correctly, it will be okay. I talked with my boss (really the only person I could think of) about my intentions: so that's somewhat covered. It's just the act of confronting him that scares me. If this DOESN'T work, then 'escape' will be the course of action. Again, I feel like I allowed this control to happen. Therefore, it's my responsibility to try and stop it.

Sticks and stones...

He's thrown money at me earlier this week after an argument. Other than that, no physical abuse to report. He really is well intentioned for the most part.

Gut thoughts: Am I afraid to confront him? Yes. Will he harm me physically? No. Will he treat me very poorly? Yeah. He's SO good at being persuasive. If I don't stand up for myself, I really will be frightened for a long time... no matter where I go. If I do this correctly, it will be okay. I talked with my boss (really the only person I could think of) about my intentions: so that's somewhat covered. It's just the act of confronting him that scares me. If this DOESN'T work, then 'escape' will be the course of action. Again, I feel like I allowed this control to happen. Therefore, it's my responsibility to try and stop it.

Sticks and stones...

You can do it. Be safe and don't worry about hurting him. He is controlling and he won't change. He may cry and beg and plead . Don't fall for it.

That's why you have to have your plan in order.

Before you have second thoughts or allow him to reel you back in.

Hes good at that & you are good at doing what he says.

Yes, don't worry about hurting him. He's hurting you.

If your only fear is his control or persuasiveness, then put that aside. Don't listen to his BS.

Focus on your plan.

To leave.

The quicker, the better.
Cut the cord & make sure you have a safe escape route.

If you need help, get it.

You seem to have the upper hand in all of this and you don't depend on him half as much as you think - YOU pay the bills, YOU organise everything, you have your own car/phone/money... it's just the emotional dependency which will be the hardest to overcome as he's managed to make you feel like you could hardly cope without him.

But, you know that's not right don't you? You say that you want to muster up the confidence and stop being in denial - well the fact that you have written here and explained yourself so well and how you feel is the opposite of denial - you've faced the situation, realised that it's not a good one to be in and stated that you'd like to leave.

I was in a bit of a different situation to you in that I didn't live with my ex but he too had made me feel emotionally dependent on him (and was also from a different culture and enjoyed controlling me/telling me to make him food/complaining when things were wrong) so I can understand how you feel. It took 2 months to leave him and now (2 months on) I know I've made the right choice and have cut him out of my life completely in order to fully heal and move on. I still love him a lot and get strong urges to go back to him but ultimately I know what a life with him would be like, and it isn't pretty.

You've had a taste of what life is like with this guy, and it sounds completely miserable and unfulfilling.

Good luck with your decision, you're being brave and in 6 months time will hopefully not regret it. Keep reminding yourself that you're strong, secure and are fully independent as you can rely on yourself financially AND emotionally - you don't "need" anybody to make you happy.

Best of luck, let us know how you get on x

I saw your post and I thought you are already gathering the confidence you need. You already know this situation is not right for you.

What do you want from him? Respect - and for him to treat you well.

I agree with what the others have said.

You need to formulate a plan, what you want, where you will go, what you will do.

I think you already know what you want, its just about bringing your plan into action.

Good luck, and know that your respect and happiness is worth everything.

Update:
Night before last, I initiated a conversation regarding our relationship's end. I carefully exlained that we were simply not able to make each other happy, that happiness is what I wanted for myself and for him, and we shouldn't waste anymore of each other's time. That evening he was upset, and attempted to say mean things about me ("your a liar" "you've ruined my life" "who are you sleeping with?" ect). I knew these were tactics to provoke a response, and I did really well to ignore them and keep with foundmental problem at hand. I was calm. I was supportive.

Needless to say, this wasn't very wise. I woke up the next morning to him trying to have sex with me. It was a slightly frightening stuggle to make him understand 'no'-- but eventually he stopped being forceful. I should have left for good then. I didn't. While he was in the bathroom I changed, got my phone and keys. I went to the store to give him time and returned home. He was packing... and drinking. I told him, I should probably stay somewhere else... he said "I'm not letting you leave. I'm going to make you suffer." He had blocked the door--and honestly, I was afraid to try and leave. I stayed and kept calm: helping him pack and gather his things... remaining calm on the outside.

The hateful words began to fall out of his mouth at an alarming rate- he was drinking heavily. At one point he started throwing things, yelling, and kicking stuff in my direction : I bolted. Keys in pocket, phone in hand (no money or purse) I ran faster than I ever have to my car. He followed... I screeched away in panic. Then I called the police. I instinctively didn't want to press charges, but I did ask for advice. They told me not to go back. Ha. He called and apologized... said he just got upset... and I, I don't know why, went back. Even driving there I was thinking of my life, my family. I got back, and my living room was destroyed.

He was past drunk by then. I called my dad, just to have someone on the phone, I couldn't tell him what was going on, but my father picked up on the situation quickly. My ex had dialed 911 and hung up to mock me... when the dispatcher called back, he said nothing was wrong. But the dispatcher put his name and my call earlier together. The police arrived just as my ex was threatening to throw me over the balcony while flicking ashes on me and blowing smoke in my face.

Long story short, he gets out of jail in two hours. I'm at a hotel... I do not wish this on anyone and I'm so thankful the police arrived when they did. All of your words and advice keep repeating in my head: be strong, be calm. I think the worst is over.

Update:
Night before last, I initiated a conversation regarding our relationship's end. I carefully exlained that we were simply not able to make each other happy, that happiness is what I wanted for myself and for him, and we shouldn't waste anymore of each other's time. That evening he was upset, and attempted to say mean things about me ("your a liar" "you've ruined my life" "who are you sleeping with?" ect). I knew these were tactics to provoke a response, and I did really well to ignore them and keep with foundmental problem at hand. I was calm. I was supportive.

Needless to say, this wasn't very wise. I woke up the next morning to him trying to have sex with me. It was a slightly frightening stuggle to make him understand 'no'-- but eventually he stopped being forceful. I should have left for good then. I didn't. While he was in the bathroom I changed, got my phone and keys. I went to the store to give him time and returned home. He was packing... and drinking. I told him, I should probably stay somewhere else... he said "I'm not letting you leave. I'm going to make you suffer." He had blocked the door--and honestly, I was afraid to try and leave. I stayed and kept calm: helping him pack and gather his things... remaining calm on the outside.

The hateful words began to fall out of his mouth at an alarming rate- he was drinking heavily. At one point he started throwing things, yelling, and kicking stuff in my direction : I bolted. Keys in pocket, phone in hand (no money or purse) I ran faster than I ever have to my car. He followed... I screeched away in panic. Then I called the police. I instinctively didn't want to press charges, but I did ask for advice. They told me not to go back. ha. He called and apologized... said he just got upset... and I, I don't know why, went back. Even driving there I was thinking of my life, my family. I got back, and my living room was destroyed.

He was past drunk by then. I called my dad, just to have someone on the phone, I couldn't tell him what was going on, but my father picked up on the situation quickly. My ex had dialed 911 and hung up to mock me... when the dispatcher called back, he said nothing was wrong. But the dispatcher put his name and my call earlier together. The police arrived just as my ex was threatening to throw me over the balcony while flicking ashes on me and blowing smoke in my face.

Long story short, he gets out of jail in two hours. I'm at a hotel... I do not wish this on anyone and I'm so thankful the police arrived when they did. All of your words and advice keep repeating in my head: be strong, be calm. I think the worst is over.

Get an order of protection against him. NOW... I'm glad you're safe. Keep us posted.

I am so glad you are okay physically. Emotionally, this sounds like a terrifying and traumatic experience.

Okay. So he is capable of rape and violence. We know that now. Get a restraining order. Watch your back. Try not to be alone for now. He will probably look for you at your job and could track you back to the hotel.

Consult an attorney or a woman's center or both. There are people who can help you through this.

If your father is a good ally, ask him to come help you now and sort this out. If you can take a leave from your job and leave town, that may be best.

Have the police given you any advice?

After rereading your post, I'm concerned that you still may not take him entirely seriously. I want to emphasize that he did not do all this stuff BECAUSE he happened to be drunk. He did it because he wanted to terrify you and make you suffer. His drinking was part of his process but not the cause of it. He is dangerous. He may still try to throw you off the balcony or use some other means to hurt or kill you. These are not empty threats. Please do not allow yourself to be beguiled into returning or being alone with him. Do not even meet him in public. Do not allow him to know where you are.

I am surprised he has gotten out of jail so quickly.

I agree with Asking. He is abusive, but also knows how to be charming. Stay away from him. You've said what you wanted to say to him. The most obvious two outcomes I see from further conversation is that he tricks you into trying again or he gets violent.

You know you aren't happy with him, and hopefully at this point you've lost all trust in him. You need to get away from him and start a new life.

It sounds like you just recently moved there. You have no friends there. If I were you, I'd be seriously thinking about moving someplace where you can feel safe. Can you think about choosing a new location where you have friends or family possibly?

I may only be saying the same things as everyone else, but asking where you get the confidence to prevent your denial and leave? As cheesy as it may sound, it has to come from you. You have made the first step; you've recognized that something is wrong, and that you need to get out, and that's great, because sometimes people don't even realize that. You just need to believe in yourself, like you said, you've got a car, you've got a phone. Get in contact with a close old friend, a loved family member, get their support, even just hear their voice, it will help. And hopefully then you'll have the confidence in yourself to get out. It sound like you do already, you just need to realize that. :) Good luck.

Abusers do not change! First it's
Emotional abuse.

The next is physical abuse and if you stay you'll start to think it's you and you deserve the beatings.

He will brainwash you to the point of telling you who can talk to and who you can't.

The making up is great until you finally realize it's part of the game.

Isolation and keeping you to yourself and just for him

He will tell you how "lucky" you are
That he loves you and nobody else will want you.

Then comes the crying and apologizing. You are so brainwashed you believe it.

Get out and stay out. He WILL NOT change.

Im glad you are OK.

Sorry to hear all of this.

Not sure what your situation is there. If you have a job. But your safety comes first. As you already know. Leases, stuff, whatever don't matter.

Don't EVER have ANY contact with him.

You say you moved 3000 miles? If that's where a better support group is then, jet back.

Hope you let everyone know what's going on. Authorities included.

You need to be in a safe environment without having to look over your shoulder.

His giant, violent and sadistic ego just got bruised big time. If he promises to punish you, he will.

Safety first.

I'm trying today to organize everything. My work knows. Tragically funny side story, my car's transmission broke yesterday in the middle of traffic AND United airlines wouldn't allow my friend to board the plane I booked for her to come out here because she didn't have my credit card.

Now I'm trying to decide whether to leave or stay. This whole ordeal is so shocking. The one good person I have here is very supportive: and suggests staying--just changing address. Otherwise I have to ship my apt's contents across the country and restart all over again. I just have to compare both options, because this much information is really overwhelming. I haven't utilized any hotlines yet: seriously considering though.

Apparently he wasn't released: he should stay in custody until aug 31st... unleass someone pays the bail of 5000. His friends have been contacting me, just to set up a transfer of his goods... some are just worried about him and keep saying there was a misunderstanding. It's frustrating because they weren't there, and I don't want to argue with them. The state here is great about contacting me when things change.

Strangly, I fear that if and when he gets out, I'm the one he will blame- he could find me here or at my original home. I don't know if this is rational fear. Trying to make clear decisions when you're douting how clear you head can be at the moment is difficult.

I know he won't change. I know I made the right choice. I haven't fully absorbed everything else. There are millions of doubts floating through my day. For any other person reading this for their own help, just stay the course. It feels like autopilot.

Dear Immortelle,
I have been worrying about you and glad to see you are back and still fine. Your fears are not irrational. Please reread your original post and also your story of what happened when you tried to break up with him. You have given him the benefit of the doubt over and over and he has failed each time. He is violent and entitled.

He absolutely will blame you when he gets out. He will have been sitting in jail stewing about you.

I strongly recommend that you not merely move to another address, but put some serious distance between you and him. AND keep your destination a secret from all but a trusted friend or two. Do not share your plans with his friends, no matter how much you like them. Outsiders do not understand. This is not a misunderstanding. They think because they have never seen him behave this way that he isn't capable of it. They are well meaning but wrong! Most people do not take violence against women seriously. They always think nobody they know would do this.

There was an instance here a few months ago, where a woman was having similar problems. After she broke up with him, her boyfriend contacted a younger colleague at work and persuaded her that he wanted to try to get woman #1 to come back to him. It sounded romantic and woman #2 told him where to find her. He assaulted #1 and put her in the hospital. I forget where the thread is, but I bet others here can post the url.

The important point is that people love to be in the know and will pump you for information and share that with others. It's natural and human to gossip. But it will get back to your boyfriend and he will most likely use any information to find you.

I am so glad the police are keeping him until August 31. Please leave as soon as possible and erase your tracks as much as possible. You can get a restraining order but his violence is enough that he will probably ignore it. It may just make him angrier.

I hope you have spent a little time reading about domestic violence. Check out the National Domestic Violence Hotline.

National Domestic Violence Hotline (http://www.thehotline.org/)

Especially look at safety planning:

Safety Planning National Domestic Violence Hotline (http://www.thehotline.org/get-help/safety-planning/)

Finally, when you move (and I hope you do), make sure the police in your new town know about his arrest. Give them a copy of any restraining order of other documents.

Please start talking to experts in domestic violence (the hotline, a battered woman's center, an attorney) and please don't talk to his friends. It's for your own safety. As I said, they may mean well, but their faith in him can get you killed. You may think I am exaggerating the danger your are in but I'm betting others here will agree.

I think Asking is referring to me in the above, though it's been almost a year. I broke up with my ex for lying. He had never been violent previously. Eight weeks after the breakup, he beat me so violently that I was in the hospital for a week and off work for 2 months.

He will blame you. My ex blamed me even though he was the one who lied. I treated him respectfully throughout the break up, just as you did. You need to protect yourself. I still think moving is a good option. You should think about the support you could get from family and friends. You don't have to do this by yourself. I suppose the good news here is that you've been given an example of his violent tendencies. Another poster told me to be glad I found out when I did, as opposed to after getting married and having kids. You know you don't want anything to do with him, and now it's a matter of protecting yourself. I just thought I'd share some things I did, but as Asking said it was a co-worker who helped him that fooled me.

1. I lived in a gated community. If you do stay think about an apartment with security, but don't let that lull you into a false sense of security.
2. I had an escort to and from my car at work. It was one place he knew he could find me, and one day (prior to the order) he was waiting by my car.
3. Change your habits – for example, shop at different grocery stores, go to different restaurants, etc. You don't want to frequent places where he might look for you.
4. Be careful when you are driving. Watch your mirrors, keep your eyes open. If you see him following you, call 911, or head for the nearest police station or fire station. Be aware.
5. Get a restraining order. I know I was hesitant to do this, so I had my attorney give him fair warning first. However, the order won't necessarily protect you, as Asking mentioned. (Really, think about moving.) Talk to an attorney about your issues, such as the lease.
6. If you haven't already done so, close any sites you have such as Facebook or MySpace. I even changed all my passwords for e-mail, Photobucket, etc.
7. If he starts harassing you by phone or e-mail, either change the numbers and address or block him. Personally, I kept mine because I wanted to know what he was thinking. I never responded, though.
8. Tell everyone that you are single, and make sure those you trust know about his actions. Keep them informed of your whereabouts.
9. Listen to your gut and your head. If you feel in danger, you are in danger.
10. I now have an alarm system. It was suggested in another thread that a girl who is being stalked get some personal alarm systems – to carry on herself, and for her windows and doors.
11. Talk to the police before he is released. Ask if they will drive by your place and even call to be sure you are okay.


Some things to get back your peace of mind, and to start moving on for now:

1. If you have any second thoughts, read your thread over and over, especially about the night when you had the talk.
2. I spent a lot of time reading threads in here. It helped me to understand that others have been through this, gave me ideas of how to not only survive but also to actually become a better, smarter person, and it gave me many insights. It also helped me realize that I hadn't done anything wrong.
3. I read other websites and even a couple of books. Knowledge is power.
4. It will take time. You may even second guess yourself, but be patient. Stay away from him and allow yourself to heal. You will realize that you have strength and courage, and you will get through this and realize that you deserve better.
5. You are probably having a hard time eating and sleeping. You have to find a way to do both, as you need to keep yourself healthy. I tried to wear myself out with work and exercise. I'd still wake up in the middle of the night and not be able to go back to sleep. That's when I would read. I found that if I made lists of things I wanted to do, books I wanted to read, and ideas I wanted to remember, I would actually alleviate my stress. To me, it was all about making forward progress.

I hope this helped some. It's crazy that anyone has to go through this, but there is hope. I'm happier now than I have ever been. I hope the same for you.

Yes, Just Looking, it was you I was thinking of. So glad you posted at length. Sorry I forgot your handle. I'm a little under the weather.

I'm so glad you are doing better.

Yes, Just Looking, it was you I was thinking of. So glad you posted at length. Sorry I forgot your handle. I'm a little under the weather.

I'm so glad you are doing better.

It's okay. I took a long break from the site, and just came back about a month ago.

Hope you feel better soon. I've always admired your posts. I know how much you helped me last year.

Thanks, JL! I am so glad to know I was some help. I learned a lot from you. I'm really glad you posted here today. Fingers crossed for Immortelle as well.

I learned a lot too. JL rocks. Thanks.

Awww, thanks to all of you. I feel the same about you as well.

I forgot to add one really important thing. Get counseling. You are coming out of a relationship that hurt your self-esteem and you are scared. Unfortunately, that makes you susceptible to making another mistake. Counseling will do wonders. I went through an extensive 2 months worth, followed by appointments as needed. I am not only happier than ever, but I also feel stronger and more self-aware than ever.

Awww, thanks to all of you. I feel the same about you as well.

I forgot to add one really important thing. Get counseling. You are coming out of a relationship that hurt your self-esteem and you are scared. Unfortunately, that makes you susceptible to making another mistake. Counseling will do wonders. I went thru an extensive 2 months worth, followed by appointments as needed. I am not only happier than ever, but I also feel stronger and more self-aware than ever.

Jlo.. You are a true inspiration to me. To anyone who has ever suffered at the hands of a brutal husband or boyfriend.. you are a shinng example to some women who may have lost hope and just happen to read this.
Immortal.you better keep yourself safe and keep posting.:)

JL, your sharing is reassuring, supportive, terrifying, and sobering. I'm beginning to realize how difficult it is to find others who can empathize with this experience. I hope they never have to learn how. Day three, and I'm still finding new emotions. Your story offers... ah, I don't know how to describe it, but it is soooo very helpful to me.

He posted bail. The police performed a civil standby while I quickly removed all his things from the apartment shortly afterwards. No contact, but I'm staying in a hotel. The advocate who's working with me is working on the lease termination. I'm changing cities and lifestyle. Washington is PHENOMENAL with domestic violence support and services.

The police officer who assisted me today said he was happy to see someone finally take decisive action in this sort of situation. I told him I had a lot of help. I was referring to all of you here. I never would have stood up for myself with such urgency. I would have kept questioning and doubting the entire situation. Reading back over my earlier posts, I really am shocked at how much I underestimated his control and violence potential. All of your responses, all of your diligent instructions have been my primary support and driving force. My life is going to get better eventually; please know you all helped that become a reality.

So happy to hear. You are doing the right things.

Be safe until you move, don't let your guard down. Make sure. He's out now, remember.

When are you leaving?

I have to find an apartment : The first of September is my goal. All day tomorrow I'll be looking.

It's convienent my car broke down. I have to buy a new one:) Works out perfectly for anonymity's sake.

I’m so glad to hear you are taking such decisive action – no better way to put it then what the police officer said. You should be very proud of yourself. It would have only gotten worse, but you are putting an end to it. I’m also impressed with the help you are getting from the police.

This site is amazing. I’ve come on with various questions over the last year and have always found the help I needed. The people are so warm and helpful. You have a lot of decisions and work ahead of you. If you need help or encouragement, you know where to find it. I know we would all like to receive progress reports. Good luck.

Please make sure you change all your passwords... for everything.

You don't know what he's put on the computer/laptop/phone to track what you are writing on here/emails etc.

It can be done. Don't underestimate someone's ability to get revenge.

Cut off his friends. They are HIS friends. Not yours.

I have to find an apartment : The first of September is my goal. All day tomorrow I'll be looking.

It's convienent my car broke down. I have to buy a new one:) Works out perfectly for anonymity's sake.

Good!

Is there any chance he has access to your credit card statements? Could the statement go to the old apartment by accident? Could he call the credit card company with your number and find out what you've been buying and where? I know this sounds paranoid, but I would pay attention.

I am so glad you are acting proactively and getting help and support.


Hooray for Immortelle!

Hang in the lady. You are going to be fine.
You holding him accountable and leaving is a very wise thing and possibly your life saver.

L

Hey I'm in the same place as you but I have a kid with him witch can make it so much harder to up an leave I also have no family no friends that a true friends I have been really close a guy friend of mine he is always like just pack an ill come get you but its easier said then done because I fell guilt if I leave I feel like my son will always hate me when he gets older because of leaving his father I have no job I'm a stay at home I also have no car I'm so alone he always blams me for evey little thing nothing is good enough for him I try a n try my heart feels like its truly breaking he is always saying I'm worthless or how nobody willl ever care an I just feel so unloved we been together 4 years its been this way since I was pregnant 3 years ago he is always putting me down an is always saying rude an hurtful things to me at home an in public I cry an cry an pray I can find away out of this place I even tried getting a job he put the place I wannna work out down an says how dumb you won't last there but yet he will say your lazy get a job anhe will say being a stay a home mom isn't *****in hard like washing dishes do house work etc. with a 3 year little boy who is running around messing the stuff I already cleaned he makes me feel as if he can find someone better then me but yet ill try an leave he stands at te door an says your not going an begs me to stay an work it out then says imma change I promise you just tell me what to do ill do it but that last a day an he does this thing where he will hurt me so badby thr things he says he will go out an buy me flowers or jewlery etc. but then act like OK cry baby you done with your tears I got you something I'm so alone in this world all I want is some respect an love an not feel like I'm not wanted I want I man to love me flaws an all I'm always being told how pretty I am an I never see anything pretty about me I don't know wy anyone would want me I have nothing but a broken soul an heart I'm sorry I just someone to help me see my way out of his lies an hurtful words if anyone wants to tell me anythig will help thanks u <3