I was in a relationship for a year and nine months. It was a LDR and it was sweet through out most of the experience. Where it failed is me having contact with my previous ex-ex gf(Monica) I just wanted to be friends with her but even though a year passed she would hint on wanting me back and I was very open and told everything to my now ex girlfriend (Debbie) . I only tried being friends with her since I have had previous relationship where after all the dust settled we did become friends. Debbie did say to block Monica but since I can't handle being mean to people for too long I usually just unblock her after a bit. Eventually I stuck with blocking Monica but Monica still randomly text me from time to time on how she thought about me and wanted to see how I was doing and so on maybe I was stupid to tell Debbie everything but I didn't want to hide anything from her. Just before my birthday came along Monica messaged me and I got sick of getting her text and told her not to contact me every again strongly.

I didn't know that would be the demise of me and Debbie relationship since on my birthday (June 26th) Monica messaged Debbie on Facebook saying how I slept with her and so forth while I was going out with Debbie which was all lies but Debbie believed her and things started to go sour.I kept on trying to prove that I never did such a thing but even though I proved things here and there however I could the problem was not solved till I randomly met Monica a few days later at a bus stop so we talked even though I really didn't want to talk to her. I didn't show her no anger but kept being friendly finally the bus came and I told Debbie all about it in case Monica makes up more **** up.

Monica admitted to Debbie that it was all lies (july29) and that she was sorry about it but the damage was done since Debbie couldn't take all this crap anymore and asked for space and eventually I did give her some room but we did make contact through email while I went on a trip and things slowly somehow got back on track and while this was going on. I was feeling bad about how Monica helped me out and she was still blocked so unblocked her and later told Debbie I did that she got furious.I tried to work it out but she always thought about stuff (that something did happen with us and so on) and we would argue and it kept going for a while till the dreaded words came where she said we should break up me hearing that did what a normal person do tried to talk to her and see if we can work it out and showed how weak and vulnerable I was.

She kept saying we can be best friends (Aug 8) and I thought that would be a good option since I won't lose her only to notice how she was slowly getting better while I was hurt and she knew it all and told her about it eventually three days ago how she was being mean as of late and how I was hurting she felt bad about it and she stopped acting mean and we started to talk more but only as good friends and I tried to suck it up only to realize she was slowly moving on while I stood still even though time. Well that is what I thought she was getting but only to realize the next day when I was talking to this friend who was a girl late at night and since I was on the phone with my friend I didn't talk as much to Debbie on msn and she was curious who she was and why I haven't told about her and emailed me a few dozen times showing that she still had feelings for me. I replied saying that I thought she was toying with my feelings and she later responded saying that she didn't mean to and still wanted to stick to being a good friend and saw a very slim chance of being more than that. So yesterday I found out about NC and this website. So yesterday surprised her on webcam and told her I can't do this anymore I need space wished her well and told her I loved her and if she wants to try us she can contact me she wanted to find out how long we won't have no-contact for and didn't respond.

To the professional here do you see us getting back? Logically I think we are done since she kept saying she wanted to be only friends for a few days now and we were in good terms when we tried but of course I wanted more. Maybe I might have had a chance if I did the NC rule a while back who knows. I might be going there next year to visit where she lives but don't know if was it smart idea atm. I still want to visit Australia where she live but I guess I got to wait and see the outcome of this and if I do go there if should let her know I am there.


Thanks for the input guys!

You should have gone NC with Monica and a lot of this would not have happened.

If she says she only wants to be your friend, that is what she means. And as long as you are wanting more, you need to not contact her.
NC is so you can heal, not to make her want you back.

Leave 'em both behind and you can start now. One was not your friend and showed her true colors by lying and YOU were manipulated by that ex. This one got tired of the drama, and rightfully so. I suspect she saw something you didn't. That all over with. Leave them alone, and heal.

You have to get over your ex before you can even think about bring another person in.

You created the drama.

I can't even believe that both ex's had a reason to be in contact, honestly. Geez, Louise!

They are both history now. NC for them.

Listen to what homegirl said

"You should have gone NC with Monica and a lot of this would not have happened."

Yup.

I have been NC Monica for a while after I got it in my head that I had to but when she kept on texting it got to me after a bit and when I called her and told me to leave alone is when she showed her colours. Debbie contacted me a four times by email to saying how she is sick and was sorry for everything to, to come online just for a bit and how she badly wants me to come there and even gave me links for ticket prices.I feel so bad not talking to her when I really really want to. Do I just keep on ignoring her because I do want her since she showing signs should I stop NC after a few days? I don't know what to do.

Before contacting anyone maybe you should think about why you couldn't tell Monica to get knicked. As you said above "her texting got to you". What does that mean?

The fact you were totally gutless in dealing with her led you to lose Debbie.

Im not surprised either. I wouldn't of told you 'BYE' a long time ago.

Maybe you like the drama?

Leave Deb alone to find someone who knows about loyalty.

How old are you all? You sound about 17-20. Correct?

Maybe you liked the drama.

You had two women hanging on your every word, and even though you 'didn't do anything with woman #2 (the ex), really you did. You kept her hangin'. While you 'wanted to be nice and have her as a friend', as you said, surely you knew this was a really, really not nice, and inappropriate thing to do to your girlfriend.

I don't think you are a hapless victim here, as you suggest in your question, which was, "Did I lose my gf just because I couldn't be mean to my ex?".

You lost your girlfriend because you knew full well that you had kept a lifeline going with the ex. You knew the ex contacted your current girlfriend, and fed her lies. You stopped contact with the ex, only to start it up again and again. In other words, you made promises you didn't keep, you put your girlfriend through hell and back with you being indecisive and you kept the ex on the line, dangling and being a very big wedge in your relationsonship with girlfriend #1.

So please skip the pitty party here. You caused the demise of your current relationship, and this had nothing to do with a 'friendship' with the ex, and it has nothing to do with your recently departed girlfriend (I'd run too).

Bottom line is, you can't have a serious relationship without commitment, and you underminded that essential denominator, when you kept #2 in the picture. While you may have enjoyed the drama that you created, it was destructive from the get-go, as you have found out.

As to another relationship? I'd say figure out how to treat a woman with respect first. ONE woman at a time. Figure out what your definition of fidelity, honesty, integrity and commitment is. See what you did, that caused the bricks to tumble, and it will be clear to you what you need to do and learn, so that it doesn't happen again.

You have, unfortunately, only yourself to blame, and if you can possibly learn from the mistakes, instead of putting out victim statements, you have a much greater chance of success the next time around.

You have time to get your act together, and reflect on your own actions that caused this disaster. You can be better, so take the time for yourself.

I honestly just wanted to be friends only. I have done it with other ex after a while giving some break we do become friends and I had no problems whatsoever. I didn't mean to give a life line or anything of that sort , I did give a break to Monica but she still cared for me and when I found about the behavior it didn't please me and blocked off and gave her time but it kept on happening till I blocked her off for good but yet she contacted me on text and I am quite sure I blocked her for a few months in the end but still texted me and sooner or later I got sick of the text and that is when I called her and told her to stop.

I asked Debbie about it before anything and she didn't mind since I tell her everything I even told her about how Monica didn't still have feelings and that when she told me to block her off for good and I did. I wasn't trying to cause and drama but that is what I caused. I guess this is lesson to me either way.

Thanks guys but I can't seem to forget Debbie I guess I need more time :(