My girlfriend left me for the first time about a year ago, and we have been on and off since. But the last time we split up it seems its for real. Its been 3 months and although I've had many opportunities to move on, I cant! All I think about is her and my little girl. Whether she is seeing someone else. If she is how long will it be until someone starts trying to play dad to my child. I'm not the type of person who will sit back and let it happen. I know if it happens I'll end up in trouble. I don't know what to do. I've tried making things right but she doesn't want it. I know if she wanted to be with me she would be by now and I know I need to move on. I'm starting to go into myself a lot. Staying home and doing nothing. Sitting in my room writing poetry. Its so sad because its not me at all! I hate the way I'm feeling, I know so many people have it worse. For instance I have a friend who's recently separated wife was seen sleeping with someone in a pub toilets. Although I hope my ex isn't like that. I can't help but think something like that will happen and then I know id really get in trouble. Basically I need some advice before I do something stupid... please

While I know how irrational a guy's mind works after a breakup, I can't for the world understand why the most important thing on your mind right now isn't your young girl. That is the ONLY thing that matters right now, period. Seeing to it you are a good father no matter what happens with you and your ex, that is the one thing that should keep you motivated to get off your butt and get yourself together.

It is natural to wallow in self pity for awhile, but to be honest, you gave up a good amount of that privilege once you brought a child into this world. I know you hurt, but you have got to be stronger if only for your child's sake at the moment. Good luck.

I agree with what you're saying, and my little girl is the only thing keeping me around, I am told by my ex that I can have her every Tuesday and every other weekend, and from seeing her every single day to seeing her 8 times a month is the worst thing about all of this. But when I do get her I make the most of it. It's the bits in between!

I am no parent so I am not in any place to give you certain advice on this. I have always felt parents forget all too often that they are an example to their child. If for nothing else, you strive to be someone your baby can be proud of from day one. So, with your time in between, build a life around yourself that you know for certain that projects positivity and leadership.

You may be hurting on the inside, which is understandable, but on the outside you can not show that. Even if you have to trick yourself into being happy for the time being, you do it, you force yourself to get up and get moving.

I know its what I should do, I think its pathetic the way I'm feeling. OK so I don't get to see my daughter as much as I'd like, some people won't ever get to see someone they love again. Yeah my ex might get with someone else, but my daughter will always be my daughter. She loves me so much and I hope that one day she is proud of who I am and I think about all that all the time, to try and pull my head from outa my a*** but its all easier said than done, I was the type of person to get annoyed when id see people be upset for long periods over a relationship! Id think what's the point, id say move on! Thanks for your advice anyway, I appreciate it

So sorry to hear about your situation. Breakups are awful, especially when you have a little girl involved.

What you are experiencing is part of the healing process. It takes time to get over someone you love. What's the matter with you? Nothing - You're human... You have feelings.

Keep your head up and keep moving. You need to find something to occupy your time. Reading books, seeing friends, throwing yourself into work, and just getting out among people will help. I know you don't feel like it, but you may need to force yourself.

For you still to be feeling this way three months out shows that you are a caring and sensitive person. That's a good quality, but we sensitive ones feel and process pain in a different way than others do.

Give it another couple weeks and if you're still feeling the grief and sadness, it may be time to talk the situation through with a counselor.

If you really don't feel like you get to spend enough time with your daughter, why not petition the court for some additional time? She is your daughter too and you deserve the time.

Hang in there.

Thank you Devorameira, I think maybe in a few weeks I will go see someone. I don't feel its normal to be still acting or feeling this way still. You're right about finding things to occupy myself with, its just the having to force myself to do it. My mates have been pretty good to be fair, a lot of people don't like to hang around with someone so miserable. But they are always suggesting new things for me to do.

As far as petitioning to the courts about my little girl, my ex told me if what I have isn't good enough then she would have to take it to the courts and then id only have her every other weekend, ( I seriously don't know why I'm still in love with this girl sometimes!) and I really wouldn't want anyone else telling me when I can and can't see my little girl. I go and pick her up most days from nursery and get an hour with her before her mum takes her home, I wouldn't want to ruin that either. So the court thing isn't worth the risk. But thanks again and ill try and take up some of your advice.

All right what you need to do first is stop sulking around the house.. its only making it worse... go out and start doing some things... its apparent that she is not coming back this time and the sooner that you accept this the easier it will be... as for another guy coming in and playing dad.. you have to stop that thought process... no one will ever replace you unless you let them... which means as long as you are around in her life she will know you as dad... you can't stop her from moving on and being with someone else... thats just the reality of it.. when me and my ex husband split he stayed with his mistress and I hated my children being over there... but you know I learned to live with it because there's only one woman that has their hearts and affection and that's mommy and I can see it all over them when they are with me... if you want more time with your daughter then ask her to reconsider when you can see her.. if she doesn't want to comply then you can always take her to court for an established visitation schedule.. you have options you just have to know how to use them... get it together! Is this the type of man you want your daughter to see... to be around... show her you can be a strong male figure in her life.. it will get easier

Warning, trying to be nice but.........!!!!

I will tell you the same thing I have told all my friends who have gone through a divorce. Don't sit on the pity pot with that woe is me crap, when you should be at least trying to put your life together, and be happy with yourself for the sake of a good relationship with your child.

When your little girl grows up to be a teen, then a woman, you will be one of the most important things in her life, if you have been doing the right things all along. She will appreciate you being there, and wanting her. She will see things over the years that will surprise you a lot, because kids are smarter than you think, and no matter what goes down, all she will know is "were you there for her, and did you love her no matter what?".

Now FORCE yourself to smile in your baby mamas face, and do what it takes to stay in your child's life, whether you get along or not. You will be forever tied together by your child, no matter what she does.

Forget the ex, be nice, play nice, and be good parents, but as a father, if you have to go to court, pay child support, and follow visitations then be willing to do it, because the last thing you want is to be an old fart and your daughter is a stranger.

Adults are but fools, but children are what count. NO WOMAN CAN STOP A GUY FROM BEING A GOOD DAD. That's what's important, NOT your feelings over who she hooks up with next. That's pretty selfish considering your little girl comes first.

Sorry I didn't address your feelings for the ex properly, so if your dumb enough to NOT be there for your child, no matter what she does, or who she does it with, then that sir, is on you.

Now focus, and do the right thing even if you have to fake it, until you make it! I feel like you will, and you will make good decisions about your future behavior, once you figure out trouble is the easy way out. Any fool can miss behave, but a real man does what he has to, to do the right thing by those who are important to him. Cry when you have to, but get your as$ in gear because you have a job to do. No excuses. Just give it your BEST shot.

talaniman... that's what I needed! Although I have to say that when I have my little girl, I always show her how much I love her and never mope around or feel sorry for myself in front of her. I have got an important job to do, and as long as I have a breath in my body I'll do it to the best of my ability. As for the ex goes, you're also right. She will be a part of my life, forever and I just hope one day we can be friends. Or at least don't hate each other. Thank you all for your advice. I find it hard talking to peoples face or asking them advice on things like this so I appreciate it. Thank you

It shouldn't surprise you at a;; but there are a lot of guys sharing your same situation, whether it's a girlfriend, or a wife, and surprisingly, we guys can still be good parents.

When one of my friends got his divorce his wife left the state and dragged him through a lot of courts, and hardly saw his kids, until they found out years later that he had remembered their birthdays , holidays, and written them many letters in between.

They were furious with their mom, and the lies she told about their dad didn't care.

My friend is very happy now with the way it turned out and the moral of the story for dads is to NEVER give up doing the right thing by your kids, no matter the obstacles you face. Over time, things will get better.

I can say personally that their isn't a greater feeling than having adult children who appreciate what you went through, and what you did for them, or tried to do.

You may never be friends with an ex, but you can be good parents. If not, then you be the good parent.

Nothing worth having is easy, but you do your best.

Yes, I will do the best I can for my little girl, she is my priority.
Now and again I probably will have depressive moments where I'll sit in my room and think horrible things. But after all of your harsh, but fair words I know I need to be strong for my little girl. I shouldve realised this from the minute my ex asked me to leave. Thank you all for your comments, and thank you talaniman.