I have two children with my ex. A boy and a girl. Back in 2008 we separated and I moved back to Ohio with my two children. While I was in Ohio it was like pulling teeth to get any help from him. I lived with my parents for approximately a year. That year I had met a man who I am now married to. We live in North Carolina. When I moved to North Carolina with my now husband we were facing a difficult time with money I was not working and my husband was only making enough money to support himself at the time. With my ex not wanting to help financially I had a decision to make. I now know that I made the wrong one but at the time it was the best for my children. I called my ex and asked if he could come and take the children until I could get more stable for the children and then I would get the children back in a few months. Now a year later I am still without children and I am still unable to see my children. My ex states now that he has custody of the children and is able to set visitation but only if I give him money. The only problem I'm finding with this is that the court would have had to notify me of this in any circumstance. Also to he claims that I have no rights to the children and that I'm not allowed to see them but only if he needs money does he contact me. Is there any way to get around this? Also to do I need a lawyer to file for custody or can I do it myself? Any help would be appreciated.

Hmm... if he has court ordered custody he has right to ask for child support.
Which is your "home state"?/home state has exclusive [and] continuing jurisdiction for child custody litigation in the courts of the child's "home state," which is defined as the state where the child has lived with a parent for six consecutive months prior to the commencement of the proceeding .

Did you have a custody order at some point from the court ?

If he has custody merely ask him for a copy of the court order

YOu need to file in court and get custody orders

It appears you have made several mistakes here. But there are a lot of questions here.

Were you married to him? When you separated was anything done in court to establish paternity, custody, child support? Did he give permission for you to move? When you left the children with him was anything done in writing?
Where the children born in VA where he still lives?

The good news is that he is lying to you. If he did go to a court and get custody, you needed to be informed. So either he didn't or did so illegally.

By refusing to return the children or give you visitation, it will not look good when this gets to court. You WILL need to go to court to fight him. Where and what you will need to do depends on the answers to the questions I asked.