It would be nice if someone could help answer my worry. I am 29 & my boyfriend is 41. I am South Asian & he is American. We have dated for 10 months. My boyfriend told me that he loves me on 3rd date & proposed me in a week. Since then we have been planning how to settle & when to settle. He bought a ring to propose me but before that could happen I got ill, diagnosis is : depression. I took time off work on my psychiatrists advice & now my boyfriend gets stressed if I mention the word 'marriage'. He says that he loves me & he thinks that I am the one & that marriage will ultimately follow but I have to wait. I am on Zoloft & it reduces my desires for making love, plus I am confused if my boyfriend does intend to marry because his mood gets terribly off if I mention anything that relates to marriage or children or a future that holds both & this puts me off sex even more. If I refuse to see my boyfriend on weekends for sex, he thinks I have changed & he is a person who can't accept changes. He gets more upsets, he ignores me & asks me to proof that I love him. I am doing everything in my capacity to get well as soon as possible, to return to my job & to be able to give my boyfriend the ME that I once used to be. However, his stress for not seeking marriage but still wanting me to have sex is confusing me.
On the other hand, a guy that I knew once (5 years older than me & a French) when I was a student came to know about my health. He does not know that I am in a relationship. This guy used to like me a lot but since I never loved him, I never went out with him. He still likes me & has proposed me, he is willing to take me as his wife at any given time & date. He even does not ask for sex before marriage & is willing to wait till we get married.
I feel awkward because I love my boyfriend but he would not like to marry me at the moment but insists to keep having sex & there is this guy who despite of being French is proposing me to marry him without having sex. I am a person who can't give away herself physically if I come to realize that the person I am involved is not willing to marry me. If you read this, would you say that I am paranoid? Or is my boyfriend serious & it is just difference of cultures that I am getting myself confused?

I'd break it off with the American guy, as he's definitiely just using you.
If he really loved you and wanted to marry you he would be concerned about your health and not just concerned about what you can do for him sexually. He's a controlling jerk!

The French guy may or may not be a good guy, but I certainly wouldn't marry him right away. Why not slow down and just date to see if you truly develop love for him? Don't marry for the sake of getting married - marry for the right reason - LOVE!

The American sounds like a jerk. I doubt he intended to marry you in the first place.
Leave him alone. The other guy may be nice, but I would take plenty of time to get to know him. Get yourself straight before you get involved with anyone else.

Thank you for helping me out. I appreciate your thoughtfulness.

There are red flags all over with that American guy. He said he loved you on a third date, and proposed in a week? That's exactly when you should've turned around and run. Now you're depressed, out of job and guilted into proving your love for him - that's just so wrong.

I'd say get back to health first and forget about men and marrying them for now. Stress of a new relationship may make your depression worse. Once you're more emotionally stable, back to working and will get your confidence back, then you can go back to dating and seeing what's out there.

Cut this American jerk immediately, and by the way, no American woman will ever accept a proposal WITHOUT a ring... just FYI:)

Good luck.

I don't agree with the whole an american woman will ever accept a proposal without a ring as I accepted the one to my ex husband and many of my friends have as well... a ring doesn't make the proposal although it does help... I do however believe this guy is using you for sex and you need to cut off all ties with this guy and deal with your current depression situation.. you are not really in a position to be thinking about marriage, your health comes first.. then you can start thinking about this other stuff.

I think your depression is being made worse by your boyfriend. I'm sure he has some good qualities, but his impatience and selfishness are what stand out here. I agree with others that the French man's proposal is an interesting comparison, but not something you should act on. You need to get your health back and not go from one man to another.

One last thing, I am not convinced your doctor advised you well in suggesting you quit your job. I would reconsider whether you would not be better off working if you are able to. I don't know your exact situation, but daily structure helps with depression and no having a job can be hard on one's self esteem--as can a boyfriend who is using you.

I think it would be good to break it off with him, but be prepared for an increase in your depression for a short period. Maybe you can plan for that with some activities and ask friends to buoy you up a bit for a few weeks.

Good luck!

I think you put your healthy first so you can be happy with yourself and your life, and maybe learn you need no one to take care of you.

I am not a doctor, but think once you get your depression properly managed, and can return to being productive, healthy, and happy, you will be able to make better decisions for yourself.

I don't think being caught up with two guys at this time is the wise thing to do, and adds to the problem.

I think you back off them both, until YOU can be a good partner, no matter who you chose.