I have a couple friends who I'm not even sure why we consider ourselves "close" friends, because we really aren't. We are all different levels in life. The fun was good while it lasted but my husband & I are due w/our first child the end of this month & we work crazy work schedules between the two of us. It's really hard for me to keep steady friendships w/anyone, I actually only consider myself to have two best friends, we all live our own lives & catch up once or twice a month, perfect. Anyway... one of my supposively close friends (or was until we recently had a falling out), is kind of nuts.. she's about to turn 30 & lives w/her boyfriend of just over a year, she is very much like a barbie so to speak & she seems to have drama w/everyone she meets, she says she avoids it but she's sooo judgemental & voicstrous about her opinion it gets her into trouble, not to mention she contradicts herself constantly. This is the kind of girl who is pushing marriage on her boyfriend (offered to help pay for the 15,000 dollar ring she wants), wanting kids like asap (has skipped her pill multiple times) & she has an obsession w/her weight (bullimic to this day). I used to be bullimic myself many years ago, so in that sense I feel like she's potentially a bad influence on me (not that I would ever go down that road again, but you know what I mean). Anyway, my husband can't stand this girl, never has liked her, and deep down I really never cared for her either but I don't know why we stayed friends for so long, maybe because she's needy, lonely when she gets into fights w/her boyfriend & other friends. She literally will text me sooo many times a day & if I don't text her back right away she assumes I'm mad at her for whatever reason & texts back "ooook nevermind, guess you're busy, whatever". UGH! During my pregnancy is when all of this had become too much for me to handle, I thought I was going to scream multiple times because her drama & her needy ways would stress me out & give me the worst anxiety. So I finally decided last month to back off, not text her back every time she wanted to talk, not answer her calls every single day she got off work & I even deactivated my FB so I wouldn't have to hear from her on there either. I needed the break...
Now, on to my other supposevely close friend. She & her fiance' have been together for 8 years, they've been engaged for several years but never started wedding planning because they fought quite a bit & I'm just not really sure what was going on w/them, he was ready but she wasn't. They both party A LOT. She's got a 11 yr old son that lives w/them & don't get me wrong, she's a wonderful mom. (btw, it's not her fiance's son). Well, recently they decided to tie the knot, for real this time, it kind of happened after her 30th birthday, her fiancé surprised her w/a cruise w/her family & close friends (I didn't go, mind you I was 6 months pregnant at the time). They were doing great after that & decided they want to spend the rest of their lives together after all, good for them! She was kind of upset w/me because I didn't come to her sister's house before the cruise for her birthday party, her sister's house is an hour from my house & I had just gotten off work at 7pm, 6 months pregnant-very tired. And they were all planning to drive to another location to go clubbing & drink some more.. umm of course I'm not going to go. She was irritated about that. Anyway... now on to the wedding... myself & the other friend (the needy barbie) are bridesmaids along w/a couple other girls. Now mind you, the needy barbie was very much for our friend to fix her relationship w/her fiancé, try to work things out... and when they did, the needy barbie was annoyed & questioned everything?! She was not supportive what so ever & was even put out of the wedding for a month or so until she came along & apologized to our friend getting married. I personally think she became jealous, she didn't think they would actually work things out, and now that they have they're getting married & I'm married which means she's the last one. So after things became okay again between the two of them, needy barbie started buying bridal magazines & offering to be in charge of the shower & bachlorette party, she wanted to be a part of picking out the bridesmaid dresses, you name it! Which I'm fine with, I'm about to have a baby, this wedding has honestly been the furthest thing from my mind & the least of my priorities. (BTW the wedding is in April 2011.) I have decided not to go to the bachlorette party. At first, when we were starting to talk about it, I was all for it, giving ideas & such. The last I heard it was going to be in Miami for a weekend. (Miami is about 4 hours from where I live). But the more I thought about it as days went by, I was like what am I thinking? My baby is going to be 7 possibly 8 months old when they decide to have the bachlorette party, not to mention I'll hopefully still be breastfeeding by then. Anyway, I'm already kind of thinking this is going to be a problem, that my friend is not going to be happy about my decision. I tell needy barbie that I'm planning on not going. She was understanding at first but then she was starting to send me texts like, are you sure you can't go? What if we made it the wkend right before the wedding, this way your baby is 8 months instead of 7? (what!! ). AND another time she called me & asked "well can't your husband's parents watch the baby so you can go?" I said, "umm how about you forgot about my husband & he is perfectly capable of taking care of his own child thank you". (not sure where that came from!! ). Well I told needy barbie I will tell our friend when I'm ready but it won't be right now because it's not even close to the bachlorette party time & plus I've got only a few weeks left until the baby is here & that's what I'm focusing on. I tell needy barbie that maybe we can all go to dinner prior to them leaving for the bachlorette party & celebrate then. What does needy barbie do? She goes back to our friend, mentions the dinner thing & when our friend asks why she's asking this, needy barbie tells her. NICE! So I get a text a few days later from our friend asking me for ideas about the bachlorette party... that's when I nicely tell her I won't be attending because I'm not going to feel comfortable being away from my son for a whole weekend, but I'll be more than happy to help w/the planning & ideas. My friend flips out via text, she says its messed up I can't make a sacrifice for her for one day... I tell her it's a weekend bachlorette party, not one day... she says it doesn't matter, she wants all her girls there w/her to celebrate her getting married, this only happens once... I tell her its just a bachlorette party & that I'm sorry but my family comes first & I just don't feel comfortable going & I know I'm going to feel the same way in 7 or 8 months & that I'll still be breastfeeding then more than likely anyway... we go back & forth for a little bit... she doesn't understand, keeps fighting me about it, she asks me if I even want to be part of her wedding, I say of course but it doesn't mean I have to attend the bachlorette party to be part of her wedding... she writes again, doesn't understand... so I stop texting, I'm done trying to make her understand, I had sooome faith she would possibly understand considering she has an 11 yr old but apparently she doesn't support or understand my decision, while all her other bridemaids are either single or dating someone & have a child over the age of 2. Anyway... I end up talking to needy barbie & asking her if she told our friend about me not going... she lies at first & then tells me she kind of did, she tells me what she DID tell her. We end up talking civil & then it goes to arguing because suddenly she wants to also tell me I'm wrong for not going, and that maybe I should consider it a little more, but then she tells me to put my family first like I am, so she's totally contradicting herself. We end up arguing very badly, I'm not sure what was said to lead it to that, but it must've been something that NEEDED to happen, because I said some things I've kept inside for a long time that I had been wanting to say to her. We end the call w/me telling her if she doesn't like how I feel then don't call me anymore.. and a few other words if you know what I mean. Anyway... that was how it ended. So she probably thinks I'm nuts but she really is the one who needed this reality check. OH & at the end of the argument (I'm fumed at this point) I tell her I don't even care to be in our friends wedding so if she wants to pass that along too she can. Needless to say I haven't spoke to either one of them since.. I feel like a weight has been taken off my shoulders now that I've pretty much ended my friendship w/needy barbie. She apparently has spoken about me to another mutual friend of ours as if we still talk or something. SHE'S CRAZY! We are NOT friend anymore, our friendship is done, for good, period. As for our friend that's getting married, I haven't heard from her anymore since either but I'm sure I will eventually. The truth is, the way all of this is going & unfolding, I'm starting to think maybe I am a bad fit for this wedding. To be honest, I'm not even sure why she picked me to be in it. We aren't as close as she is w/the other girls. I should've rejected from the very beginning, I should've told her I would be too busy & it wouldn't be fair to her. But anyway... I feel like I'm so close to being out of the wedding just because she hasn't texted me or gotten ahold of me, which is fine, I've got other stuff I'm doing obviously. But I don't know what to do at this point? When she does ask me if I'm still in the wedding or if she just up & acts like nothing happened & I'm still in the wedding & everything is fine, like maybe she will test me to see if I even want to be in the wedding. I don't know. I'm probably overanalyzing. I don't care about needy barbie, that's a done deal but when it comes to the friend getting married, she didn't really do anything wrong to me, she just doesn't support my decision to not go to the bachlorette party, and that's disappointing because if it were my two best friends whom I catch up w/once or twice a month, I know THEY would be understanding just as I would be understanding if the roles were reversed. Please... I need advice here obviously. Thanks... I know this was long.

If would be much easier to read this if you could break it into paragraphs. Thanks

I agree that was some difficult read please can you break down the post into smaller chunks of text.

Your post sounds very positive about your pregnancy and the new baby,THAT is your thing right now,the married friend is all about her wedding and party THAT is her thing right now.

You both need to find a compromise if your going to make the friendship work.

Even just writing all that down must be a relief to you,but I would advice you don't make any concrete decisions about the party until closer to the event.

Perhaps you could go visit with the baby during the day of the party,or the day before,help with the plans as you mentioned.

Your super sensitive to everything right now and that's understandable,get rid of the stress,talk to your friend again and try and find a compromise.

Maybe invite her on a shopping trip for the baby,lunch in town etc.

The friendships have been toxic for some time, especially with the one friend- barbie.

On the other hand, you did commit to being in the wedding party. In so doing, you can't pick which events you'll be at, and which events you won't. It is a whole package, wedding showers, get togethers for planning, lots of work between to pull the wedding details together. Why a bride picks the ones she does as attendants, is usually the ones she can count on not to back out, or not to pull their weight.

That being said, if you are sure that most of what needs to be done will be stressful, and impossible for you, then you should back out. It is better for everybody, particularly the Bride, and like it or not, this really is an event that is all about her. You can choose to only attend the ceremony itself, and have a great time, without the stress and upset.

With the wedding being far enough away, she has plenty of time to find someone else.

As to the friendships themselves, sometimes friendships just run their course. Lives change, people change, needs change. What used to work with the three of you at one time, has changed. Perhaps in the future, because you've had such a long past together, things might pick up again. But, I would advise you to stop with the bickering, and step up, and be honest.

Just tell them that you find the wedding and the obligations leading up to it, are just too m uch for you to handle right now.