I would like to draw your attention to the fact that this is not a private board. On some forums moderators and administrators have a private board where they can discuss things. I don't think it is fair to discus on an open board the type of questions we like, hate or are fed up with, or from whom they might come.

Let us get back to doing what we came here to do - help people.

Just something to think about.

There are always people who assume they are better than others and there isn't much anyone can do to change that. I think at least we can remember that the whole point of this site is to help people with their questions, however if people want to judge them along the way then that is their right to do so.

Emma.

Yes, we are here to help others. But it also needs to be remembered that we volunteer our time and expertise in doing so.

Discussions about how best to ask, follow-up and post, actually can help by educating askers about what works best in getting help.

For the sake of free expression, and respect for the learning process, we should be able to talk about anything here, in the members area. It is open to all members and their opinion.

The only valid censorship of ideas is the right of people not to listen. ~Tommy Smothers

I agree with Scott and Tal on this one. This membership area for discussion is open. Anyone can talk about pretty much anything. That is what this section is for. Bluerose, I understand you have concerns here but it is better to write about them here in the discussion members area and actually venting here then maybe on some poster.

Joe

The only valid censorship of ideas is the right of people not to listen. ~Tommy Smothers


Very wise that Tommy.

Better get used to it Rose. This newer generation is much more open and candid. I recently took a course that involved generational studies and it was very very enlightening. I suggest it to anyone, there are even very good books and websites that detail the differences between the generations and how we can all try to understand and adapt.

"Bluerose, I understand you have concerns here but it is better to write about them here in the discussion members area and actually venting here then maybe on some poster."

I'm new here so I shall bow down to the regular posters. I'm just concerned that if we open the door to judgment.. Then we too are judged.

I'm new here so I shall bow down to the regular posters. I'm just concerned that if we open the door to judgment.. Then we too are judged.

And so? I'm prepared to be judged on anything I say, no matter where or when. I don't say anything unless I think I can defend it with facts and/or logic. If I find I can't defend it, I retract it.

Shouldn't we all be prepared to be judged on what we say? If we don't like the way we think we might be judged then maybe we shouldn't say it.

There are those that will judge any way, so you may as well do what you feel is the right thing to do, and if there is fallout from it, deal with it.

Sorry, I come from the school of being non-judgmental.
I don't believe we should judge each other - There but for the grace of God go I... And all that.

I offer advice and occasionally my opinion but not judgment.

Maybe I am mistaken, and maybe I don't belong here after all.

Sorry, I come from the school of being non-judgmental.
I don't believe we should judge each other - There but for the grace of God go I.... And all that.

I offer advice and occasionally my opinion but not judgment.

Maybe I am mistaken, and maybe I don't belong here after all.


BlueRose,

You belong, right where you wish to be. You march by your own drummer, which brings a beauty to this forum that is so needed, in my opinion. And I agree with you 100% on your views and how I view this site and its purpose. Perhaps, my friend, you are the Rose between the thorns ;)

Thank you, Allheart. I needed that. But make no mistake... This Rose has thorns. Lol

The Rose Within

A man planted a rose and watered it faithfully and before it blossomed, he examined it. He saw the bud that would soon blossom, but noticed thorns upon the stem and he thought,
"How can any beautiful flower come from a plant burdened with so many sharp thorns? Saddened by this thought, he neglected to water the rose, and just before it was ready to bloom... it died.

So it is with many people. Within every soul there is a rose. The God-like qualities planted in us at birth, grow amid the thorns of our faults. Many of us look at ourselves and see only the thorns. We despair, thinking that nothing good can possibly come from us. We neglect to water the good within us, and eventually it dies. We never realize our potential.

Some people do not see the rose within themselves; someone else must show it to them. One of the greatest gifts a person can possess is to be able to reach past the thorns of another, and find the rose within them.

This is what love does. It helps us to look at a person and recognize the nobility in their soul. Help others to realize they can overcome their faults. If we show them the 'rose' within themselves, they will conquer their thorns. Only then will they blossom many times over.

Thank you, Allheart. I needed that. But make no mistake... This Rose has thorns. lol
Ha! I thought so, and for the record you balance us hard head types out nicely, and add to the diversity that is unique and productive.

Now how can anyone... anyone... disagree with that. Bluerose, that is it in a nutshell.
Beautiful. http://www.bigfoto.com/themes/nature/flowers/rose-flower-g2.jpg

May we all work together, and help each other conquer our own thorns.

Beautiful bluerose.

Oh! My God!
Allheart, that is so beautiful. Thank you.
If 2007 holds for me cyber friends like you lot, I'm in for a great year!

I don't mean to cause a stir here, but it's impossible not to judge, it's only possible not to speak your judgment. To say that you were raised to not be judgemental doesn't mean that you don't have those thoughts or feelings, but rather you control them better or don't express them. If someone says they don't judge, they are lying, it is human to judge. It's a part of the brain like anything else is. I know I judge people, the first time I meet someone subconsciously I am looking for tells in their appearance, clothing, color, sex, that might enable me to figure out something about them without having to ask. Everyone judges, not everyone express their judgment. Plain and simple.

Okay, I don't want to nit pick. And, wizzkid89, I know what you are saying but I think it comes down to attitude and points of view.

I think judge is the wrong word here, I think you mean decision. We weight up the choices and we make the decision - we don't judge. At least we don't judge the life or decisions of another person because we have no right.

We can have our opinions and those are what we try to keep to ourselves, if we can.

Blue, first I believe you DO belong here. But I also think you are looking at this from the wrong angle. I think Wizz is right its impossible not to judge. Many questions that are posed here REQUIRE us to make a judgement. We make judgements about people many times a day in many ways. For example: you see someone approach you on the street in rags and you walk faster to get past them. You have made a judgement. Someone posts that their monitor doesn't work, your answer is a judgement about what might be wrong. Someone's posts that they want to relinquish parental rights and you make a judgement.

There is NOTHING wrong in it. Its how we act on those judgements that matter. I've seen several questions from teens asking if they should have sex. Almost universally the responses say wait. We are making a judgement and our response reflects that judgement.

I understand your antipathy to judging others, but, unless you asnwer only technical questions, then that's what your doing. I've seen a few posts from you and most of them are making some sort of judgement. Yet there is nothing wrong with those answers. They are good, compassionate and helpful.

ScottGem,

Help! I'm not trying to start a fight honest... But...

Could it have something to do with me being in the UK?

What you call giving judgement, I call giving my opinion. Your making a judgment, I'm making a decision.

Reminds me of that song..

You say eether and I say eyether,
You say neether and I say nyther;
Eether, eyether, neether, nyther,
Let's call the whole thing off!
You like potato and I like potahto,
You like tomato and I like tomahto;
Potato, potahto, tomato, tomahto!
Let's call the whole thing off!


I'm no saint... I am quite selective about who I spend my time with. But it is based on decisions I made not a judgment.

On here I'm giving my opinion based on the post I read. If I were to make judgments I don't think I could do this.

It might be a simple matter of terminology, and we should just agree to disagree.

You are not wrong. And nor am I. I think we are both correct, we are just coming from different directions.

But I will give it some more thought.

Bluerose,

Why would you ever think that you do not belong? We are all part of a growing family here. We all have different opinions, different thoughts and different ways of handling posters. Different way of answering questions. Lots of us show our personality in our posts. There is nothing wrong with this. We all learn from each other. I enjoy your answers, your posts and I doubt that anybody or everybody will agree on everything. That is why we have discussions. Like this one we are having now. It is a good thing. A positive step.

(:

Joe

Thanks for that. I do understand, honest.

Rose

I'm not a religious person but I can 'remember' this:
"Judge not, that ye be not judged. For with what judgment ye judge, ye shall be judged: and with what measure ye mete, it shall be measured to you again."

Happy Holidays to everyone & lets hope it snows in good old Blighty this year!

Emma.

I think you are right that this may be a difference in cultural semantics. But I still think you are looking at this somewhat askew. I think what you want to say is to not be critical of people because of their choices, lest they be critical of your choices. While I don't disagree with that, I don't think it applies very much here.

That people come here asking us to judge their choices. A large percentage of the questions, especially in the Relationship categories are about that.

If a 14 year old asks whether she should have sex with her boyfriend the vast majority of responses will say to wait. Aren't we making a judgement about premarital sex in that case? If a wife asks whether she should forgive a cheating husband, aren't we being asked to make jufge her in giving advice?
If someone asks how to hack Yahoo or download free music, aren't we judging them when we tell them that that's illegal?

We do need to treat each instance individually. We should try to be as courteous as possible with each answer. We should try to present choices and let the asker make their own choice. But sometimes we have to tell the kid who wants to get past their school's firewall to play Runescape that he's being stupid to try.

And I repeat what I said before. I am comfortable with making judgements because I'm not afraid to be judged. That's because I'm careful that I make judgements I can support.

P.S. I know you aren't trying to start a fight. We are just discussing an issue.

Hello:

I do my share of judging...

On the legal boards, we're often times asked whether somebody has to repay a debt because the statute of limitations might have run out. Like any legal question, I SHOULD address the issue of the statute of limitations... But, NO. I've got to tell the person that I think they're a flake. I just do. Scott does too. What's wrong with that? They ARE flakes!

I remember a question I received on askme.com. Boy, do I remember this question. A guy said that his 12 year old daughter came on to him, because his wife told her to, so he just HAD to screw her. No, I did not give him nice legal advice. I came unglued!!

I'm not a legal dictionary.

excon

I came unglued here on this board when somebody was talking about forcing his daughter to have an abortion and if she does not listen he was going to kick her out or beat the crap out of her.

The same guy posted on another post how can he get his daughter to listen, everybody was talking about boot camp meanwhile this girl is pregnant and he failed to mention this on this post. I put the two posts together and just lost it.

I had a very strong judgement for that loser of a father.


Joe

This (the posts from excon and Joe) is exactly what I'm talking about. We can't help but judge some of these people. And if someone wants to judge me for being critical of someone who wants to weasel out of a debt they agreed to pay or pirate copyrighted material or force their kid into an abortion then I feel very comfortable in being judged for that.

They ARE flakes!

I remember a question I received on askme.com. Boy, do I remember this question. A guy said that his 12 year old daughter came on to him, because his wife told her to, so he just HAD to screw her. No, I did not give him nice legal advice. I came unglued!!!

excon

OMFG!! I would have to judge him also, f***ing sick bas***d.

I guess I do feel I judge and then I give my opinion.

I think we all have our limits as to what is reasonable and what pushes us over the limit as even today, I reserve the right to jump down any ones throat who harms children or runs from their responsibility to them and no amount of sweet talk will change my mind so save your breathe. We all have a trigger points and it will be interesting to see some of you reach yours.

LOL

Guess what, I think even good ole Allheart has a trigger point... sad thing is I cry!!
Ooooooooh how I hate that about me... LOL

Tal, you are right, we all have that button that gets pushed.

Merry Merry everyone :)

Merry Christmas Allheart and to everyone on these boards.

(;

As a new member, this discussion proves why I love this place! There is such wonderful diversity of personalities, angles, and opinions, and mutual respect for the diversity. Thank you all for giving your time and 2 cents like you do. I hope to get to know you and hopefully be accepted into your community. See you around!

See scott, tal, exon, and joe are proving exactly what I mentioned in the first place. As a human being it is impossible not to judge, the only thing we can do is to not voice our judgments. And no I don't believe they should be considered opinions, however it depends on the definition over in england and I get that some of this might be lost in translation. Eitherway, I don't think judgement gets passed down just to the negative people on here, it also goes to the people doing good things on here, and trying to better themselves. I say this because, everybody judges everybody, not just the psychos, the rapists, the abusers, the cheaters get judged, so does the church goers, the single mom raising her kids alone, the sweet lady from across the pond who happens to like roses ;) get's judged. And I am sure that I do as well... I just think it needs to be stated that everyone gets judged not just those who do harm to others...

Scott, excon, Joe, and wizzkid89, you all make a very good argument. And I have to admit that posts about kids in pain and 'flaky abusive' dads really hit a raw nerve. I thinking I'll give you that one Scott. You all made some very, very good points.

From the wee Scottish woman from across the pond who loves roses. Lol
Thank you all for your patience and understanding.

Rose xx

manimuth,

Welcome to AMHD.

And thank you for those words of support for us all, you are very kind. I'm quite new myself and these lovely people are very helpful and patient with me and my daft questions. You will feel right at home here.