My girlfriend broke up with me 3 weeks ago and I'm finding it difficult to cope. We have been together 4 years and I thought we would be together forever. There was a bit of an age gap between us, I'm 28 and she is 23, we met when she was 19 and I was 23.

Our relationship started as long distance, she lived in Birmingham and I live in London. We spent 2 years seeing each other every weekend and we always used this time to do nice things, go out for dinner, movies etc. A year ago she said that she wanted to move to London and start a life with me. I thought this would be great as we would be able to see more of each other and also it wouldn't put such a strain on giving up every weekend for each other. When she moved down things started well, she quickly took up the role of a housewife and always cooked and cleaned etc, we brought nice things for the flat and the first 2-3 months were wonderful.

I started to take things for granted and spent a lot of time playing computer games with my friends and not giving her the attention that she was used to. Our sex life started to fall apart and toward the end we were only having sex once every 2-3 weeks. I could see our relationship falling apart but at the time it was like I didn't really care - she was very dependent on me and was always saying how much she loved me but at the time I wasn't sure if I still felt the same and I started to push her away.

She came to me 3 weeks ago and said that she has had enough and wanted to move back home, she wasn't happy with her job and didn't really make any new friends so the pressure was always on me to keep her entertained and to be honest all I wanted to do when I got home from work was chill out on the sofa.

Initially I agreed with her that we needed some space and she spent a week at a friends house before she came back and packed her bags and went. It was only then that I realized how much she meant to me and now I miss her so much. I did all the usual things, begged for her to come back, sent her flowers, called, texted, begged some more, drove to Birmingham to see her only to be told her feelings weren't that same and she "doesn't think she loves me anymore".

Only 3 weeks ago she was in my arms and now its all gone and the sad thing is I let it happen. Something wasn't right in the relationship, I knew that but I didn't do anything to make it better. Funny thing is now I would do ANYTHING to make it better. I haven't spoken to her for a week now in the hope that maybe she would start missing me and call me. I do feel a bit better than I did in that first week where I wasn't eating or sleeping and just couldn't function at all, but deep down all I want is to get her back.

I know that I can do more to make things work but she seems to have totally given up. We've had a couple of break ups before but only for a day or two, but she keeps saying that she wants to move on. I just don't know what to do? I miss her so much but the more I tell her the more she gets angry with me. This girl was so in love with me and I just took it all for granted, and started to get irritated with her dependency. All I want now is her back and to start over! Is there anything I can do?

She has obviously and very clearly made up her mind on this.. so what you now need to do is move on.. stop contacting her.. and please stop begging its like the worst thing in the world you could do.. dont call her don't text her... it sounds like she has already gone on with her life.. now get it together and pick up the pieces of yours and do the same... no it won't be easy but you need to realize you lost her and it seems very apparent she isn't coming back

I understand what your saying and your probably right but its still hard to take. Only last month she wanted to book a holiday and now its come to this. She told me that if I forght for her when she first told me she was moving then things might be different but I let her go. It just makes me think that she must still have feelings for me because its all happened so fast...

She very well might but that doesn't mean that she still wants to BE with you... whats done can't be undone.. ive been divorced from my ex husband for some time and I still have feelings for him that will probably never go away but I realize we are incompatible and that I didn't want to be with him

Sounds to me as if she tried all she could and in the end decided it just wasnt worth it, you took her for granted and in doing so you risked losing her and now you have youve finally realised that a relationship has to be worked at by both persons in it or itll die, and yours with this girl is just that dead over finito finished caput.

You had your chance and blew it.

Move on and let her do the same, you ever heard the saying about crying over spilt milk well thats what youre doing. You are the architech of your own unhappiness.

In future try harder, and before the girl gets sick of it.

Plus girls are much more fun than computer games. theyr alive real and solid. They interact too...

Sorry guy, but leave her alone and move forward because you already blew it, so leave her alone, and I hope you learned that making a partner a second option for your own selfish needs is NOT what a relationship is about.

Now man up and learn your lesson, or it will happen again, with some one else.

Rebuild your life, and let her heal from your cruelty.

Did she ever communicate with you her unhappiness? Did she ever confront you about the lack of passion? I read that you knew it, you felt it, but did she ever bring it up? If she did, and you ignored it, this one is definitely done. Either way, you need to move on, and let her do her own thing for a while.

She's moved on and you need to do the same. You can't go back and fix anything. Just let her go and wish her happiness.

Taking someone for granted is a remarkably easy trap to fall into, and having someone totally dependent on you can become very draining, and I can understand wanting to have your own space, even if its just some time to let off steam by playing a few video games. Balance is crucial to a relationship. And I know all too well how bitterly you can regret it afterwards. But texting and begging her to come back isn't going to work, it's only going to alienate her and cause you to become pathetic in her eyes. If you want her back, prove that you've changed- think about what made you act the way you did and change that aspect of your personality. Try and break the old, more selfish, patterns of behaviour and try to become a better man from this. I'm not guaranteeing it'll work, but at least it'll help you can keep your sanity and self-respect more or less intact

"i knew that but I didn't do anything to make it better. Funny thing is now I would do ANYTHING to make it better."

Speaks volumes.

Good lesson.

Funny, huh?

Well, look.. So you took her for granted and she left you because she didn't want that kind of lifestyle. I'm very similar to you, in that, I had my ex-gf doing my laundry, dishes, making dinner, all while I’d be playing some game on my computer w/some buddies. My ex is 24 and I’m 27. Sometimes on Friday/Saturday nights, I would just want to hang out at home and oddly, I felt she wanted to do the same… well, soon enough, I woke up. I walked into the bedroom one day around 9pm on a Friday night and saw her sleeping w/her laptop still open. I noticed that the website she was on was a “searching for hobbies” website. I felt terrible because the whole night she was on her laptop, alone in the bedroom while I was in the other room probably playing video games. At that moment, I thought to myself, “what’s a 24yr old beautiful girl doing sleeping at 9pm on a Friday night”… that’s unfair, and unacceptable as a boyfriend to allow that to happen.
Anyhow, long story short, I woke her up, told her to get ready and took her out to a bar and had some fun. I knew that’s what she wanted.. and I’ll never forget how surprised and excited she was when I woke her up and said, “get ready hun.. we’re going out..”
Although your relationship ultimately didn’t work out, what this experience will do is allow you to appreciate having a girlfriend around the house so much more in the future. The next person you fall in love with will reap all the benefits your ex didn’t. Just try to get through the loneliness as best you can. Good luck brother.