Hello,
I had a very abbusive and controlling child hood. As an adult I've decided to exclude my parents from my life. I did seek councling for this at one time. And this was really the best path for me to take. Recently my parents are trying to fight for grandparent rights. I do have previous post about this. In any case, I was willing to work with them to see the kids. Just not me... I don't want to be around them. But I really don't believe they are good for my kids either. But feel as though I may get stuck sending them IF the judge grants them visitation. They are having a very hard time with me excludding them from my life. They are constantly following me and my husband, they have even followed me to my attorney's office and he's seen them. Recently I got mail from them. It looked like a christmas card. I had previously asked my attorney that they only contact me threw him. I sent the mail back to them un opened. IF the mail was addressed to the kids only, I would have giving it to the kids. It's the kids choice to make there own judgement. But anything addressed to me, I feel it's my right to send back. But here is the question. Should I have kept this un opened mail and giving it to my attorney? Would this help prove my case as far as them following me and continuing to contact me? I thought I had the right as an adult to make these choices for myself. Is this true? I would guess that no one can make me be around someone I don't want to be around? Thanks for your help!

Note: I moved this post from relationships to here to get more feedback in a better place.

If they are SO BAD that you don't even want to be around them now, WHY would you subject your children to them?

Ever consider moving you, your husband and your kids somewhere else, therefore, making it harder for your parents to contact you by putting distance b/w you 2. Therefore they can't follow you around.

Or a better suggestion…call the cops on them.

They are stalking you and harassing you.

The cops will give them a warning at first, and if they still do it after that, they will then be arrested.

thanks for the reply. Actually to answer your question, I don't want my children around them at all. Unfortunately since I was divorced and my two older children are in a custody situation, my parents potitiened to get grandparent visitation. That is still up in the air weather the courts will allow it. But believe me, I will fight it to the end!! We think the mail and following is getting worse cause they found out that my new husband and I are expecting a child in April. And according to state law they can't potiten the courts for grandparent visitation for a child in a in tacked home. So were thinking the letters were an attempt to try to win us over. But after all the past, there is no way to trust them. I have forgiving them for my own peace of mind... but will never be around them.

And actually me and my husband and the kids are trying to move closer to my husband's family. Putting 10 hours between us. BUT, since I am divorced I have to obtain the courts permission to leave with the kids since there dad is living here right now. He isn't actively involved and has moved out of state several times over the years. So I have a good case. But it's just taking time. =(

So should I have kept the letters to prove to the cops or lawyers that they continue to keep harassing us? Or at least make a photo copy of the envelope before returning it to them?

I wouldn't bother returning them. Keep them, or hand them over to the cops.

Send them a message that you don't want to be bothered with them by sticking the cops on them.

Thanks for the advise. I was thinking about that when I returned them, but I wanted to get some input to make sure it wasn't off the wall to give them to the cops or attorney.
I'll do that next time! =0)
Have a happy holidays!

You have requested that they contact you only through your attorney. For them to send mail directly to you shows that they are ignoring your requests. That will show a judge that they are not willing to respect your wishes and will work against them in obtaining visitation rights. So yes you should turn over such evidence to your attorney. You have to realize that's what they are is evidence.

I don't want to read them. So is it OK to turn them over un opened and allow the lawyer to open them if he wishes?
Could I press charges at all if they continue to try to send stuff?

I don't want to read them. So is it ok to turn them over un opened and allow the lawyer to open them if he wishes?
Could I press charges at all if they continue to try to send stuff?

Yes, of course you can turn them over unopened.

Whether you can press charges depends on whether there is a court order in place. It is not against the law to send mail to someone. The only way that would violate the law is if you had a court order prohibiting them from doing so.

I do have an status confrence with my attorney this afternoon. I will ask if I can obtain such a order.

Good idea, but, unless they present a danger to your or your kids I doubt if it would be granted.

Thanks for the input! So if they don't grant a order that they can't contact me, it will still look bad that they are trying to against my wishes.
Thanks for the replies.

Yep, it may not be illegal, but it would be considered by the judge when it comes to visitation.

I did speak to my lawyer about this. He said that it's best to just keep verbally telling them that I only want contact threw my lawyer. I can continue to return any mail that is sent to my house. He said if I want proof they won't leave me alone to just make photo copies of those envelopes, tape any phone calls, and to get witnesses when they are following me. This would be good evedence when going to court and will prove to the judge that they have some stalking issues, and it's not good for the kids. The kids did also tell there councler that they saw my mom following us and they thought it was scary. So I'm just keeping record of it all. The hearing will be in January to see IF they get granted anything. So I'm keeping my fingers crossed. But I thought I would post on here what I found out for all to read. Just in case any one else has been in this same boat.
You don't have to keep mail from someone you don't want contact from. Just keep copies of the envelope for reference later!! This is considered stalking if you have asked for no contact, and if feel threated a "peace order" or "restraining order" can be put in place once you have evedence. :D

What has your attorney advised you regarding grandparent's rights in your state? Some states recognize grandparent's rights and some don't. As for the mail, anything that's addressed to you you may turn over to your attorney if you wish. Your parents can go to court to try and pursue whatever rights they think they can get. You and your attorney can contest any motions they file. Ultimately it'll be up to the judge.

In my state they do allow grandparents to seek visitation IF there has been a custody or divorce. In our case there has been. And they have already potitioned for grandparent visitation. It is ultimatly up to the judge. But I've heard it's pretty hard for them to get any thing since they have never raised or lived with the children and the children's father is taking them to see the them. So they aren't being denied visitation. I just didn't want the judge to frown on me cause I was returning all mail from them. And according to my lawyer they won't. I have the right to return the mail to them, cause no court can award that I remain in contact. And IF any visitation is awarded I have the right to make them pick up and drop off the kids threw a third party. And I have the right to ask that they only communicate with me threw the third party.
I guess I am still in confussion how grandparents can get rights when they weren't good parents. But I'm about to see how the legal system works. :confused: