I found out soon after my husband and I had a baby that he was intimately talking with one of his ex's basically telling her that he wished she had his baby instead of me and also leading her to believe that he was going to leave me for her. He also had contacted another ex saying that he loved her and missed her and loved the pictures she sent and he wanted to know if she had any naked pics. I found all of this out after delivering my son and I could not talk to my husband because he had left for deployment. I felt so betrayed and that my whole marriage was a lie. When we finally had a chance to talk I wanted to work things out and so did he but I was too angry. When my husband left for his second deployment I cheated on him and did not care if he found out. I felt I needed to get back at him and I knew that was not the way to go about saving my marriage. My husband found out that I cheated on him and he said he understood why. We finally discussed our feelings openly and both wanted to fix our marriage. My husband could not let go of what I did. He would sneak looking at porn, become very rude to me, and it came to the point where we constantly argue. This is just a brief overview of what has happened up until now. I am so angry at my husband still for everything and I know he is angry with me because I what I did to try and get back at him. I cannot be in the same room as him otherwise we will fight like crazy. We sleep in separate rooms now. I do not want to have a sexual relationship or show affection. What can we do to help us save our marriage and to trust each other and leave the past in the past?

There has been a lot of damage done on both sides, with anger and hurt. At this point I can only advise seeing a professional to help work this out. If he is unwilling to go that route please go for your own sake. Sorry I wish I had more to offer.

Do you think that it would be a good idea to separate and seek marriage counsling??

It sounds as if your already separated but that is an option, for one of you to leave for a while.

Ok I am glad we are on the same page. My husband and I spoke tonight and we both decided that a separation with counsling might be the way to go, otherwise there will be more fighting right now if we stay in close courters. Do you think that in time our marriage can be worked out?

If you put the time and hard work it takes, and you both get healthy and resolve your issues, and you really want this to work , its possible. You both acted very immature, and at least you trying. You have a long hard road in front of you.

It's going to take some heavy duty professional intervention if this marriage is ever going to be saved. Trust has been broken on both sides and the issues that led up to the infidelity that occurred on both ends have to be addressed. It's going to be a long, tough road to haul. If your husband won't agree to professional help, then I'd say it's over now.