Some history on our relationship to start...
Well my girlfriend and I have been dating for almost 5 years now, we met at a restaurant we both worked at when we were younger 5 years ago.. we started slowly at first, just being friends hangin out.. the norm.. not having any sexual relations for like 6 months. As we were both virgins.she was still in high school but graduated early do to her mom kicking her out.. after this she moved in with me and my family.. our relationship was about 4-5 months new.. we got our own place after about a year into our relationship and have lived together every since.. but just two weeks ago she wanted to take a "break".. so of course I pleaded with her to try to work things out and professed my love and all that.. and she wouldn't sway.. she said she needed time.. so I agreed to move out of the house for awhile so she could have some time alone.. this lasted about a week as I was still trying to contact her every other day, still professing my love and devotion to our relationship. She said she just needed time.. I was obviously going crazy not knowing what to make of the situation.she recently quit drinking and smoking, and has rekindled her relationship with god.. which is great, but since this she had been acting kind of distant towards me the few weeks prior..

This is our first break up we have had, she did previously want to break up about 6 months prior to this but I wisked her away to one of her favorite vacation spots the next morning and we stayed a few nights we also brought her sister along.. we took a road trip down there which was like 30 hour roundtrip.. it was fun and she says she still did love me and we continued out relationship after.. I told her I would try to work on myself and try to keep myself busier during the week maybe a side job or something.. but I never did and we kind of continued living the same.. she has been wanting me to propose for years, and I have also wanted to propose, but I have been waiting until we were a little more stable in life with careers and what not.. I have been helping her with her school for the last 3 years financially, well basically I buy her almost everything in our life also.. she has a credit card and loan in her name that we got for the both of us, so we are kind of tied in the since that she wants me to continue to help her pay those. I beielve that this last year I have been some what distant from life in general, kind of becoming a homebody during the week as I work weekends, therefore we were spending a lot of time together, she was in school and worked 3/4 time also. So almost all her spare time she spent hanging with me.. which was nice, but it does start to wear eventually..
Over the course of our relationship I have lost contact with many friends, and my social group mostly consists of my family, as I have a lot of cousins here locally that are of my own age and we all grew up together.. she has some of her own friends that I consider to be friends with me also, but I don't really associate with them much when I'm not with her, I do hang out and what not, but only when I'm with her.. and for the most part I like them and we do get along well..

Anyway, so after the week where I moved out I told her I could not continue away from my house anymore as it was eating me up, losing my love and best friend (her), home, and my pets took its toll, I was going crazy.. so I told her wanted to move back in and I brought my stuff back, and that she could move out if she wanted, which she did to her mothers house.. still not knowing the situatiion I called her again saying I didn't know what to think of the situation, she then stated she wanted to break up, she said she loved me but wasn't in love with me anymore.. I figured this happens in relationships and we could work this out in ours, I can still see though that she loves me dearly as do I love her... we have had a pretty good relationship the last 5 years, and we rarely argue, sometimes when I would drink though we might have an argument, which was never really nothing to big. But there are a few incidents in the last 6 months that would stand out, me not caring for her problems and emotions like I should have when she needed me.

We recently went on our first real vacation to las vegas with a bunch of friends back in may, to which I had gotton drunk and yelled at her and she was crying most of the night after as I was not paying attention to her and was showing a huge lack of empathy torwards her.the reason I got so worked up I was thinking about why she wanted to break up with me back in January and in a drunk state this ovioulsy targeted my anger towards her.. I apologized but did not really know how much this hurt her as I did not get the whole story until recently from one of my friends that went with us.. she has been hanging out with a group of friends a few weeks prior to the break up, for bible study and what not and god is becoming a big part of her life, I was kind of argumentative on the subject when she would bring it up as I have been confused about religion awhile, I have turned to god during this break though as he has opened my eyes to some of my problems I have been having.(crazy how that happens). And is helping me to stay sane through all this with a ease of mind to an extent.. I know we are each others first loves and a lot of you will say move on or whatever, but this woman is truly amazing and very dear to my heart and she is the one I want to be with for the rest of my life, I am inexperienced with other woman and want to keep it that way, as I was 18 when met her and never wanted to be a promiscuous person, and still don't.. I am a very attractive person and am always getting hit on and what not, but mostly I brush this off cause I have eyes for her and a dedication to our relationship.. this last year though our sex lives have almost become routine and repetitive, kind of lost that ummmfff... but it takes two in that department and maybe we got lazy I don't know...

Well she broke up with me on the phone with her mother and sister in the background as I heard them and she said yes they were there awhile.. she was being really verbal that she wanted the break up and told me this many times in the course of the hour we spoke on the phone.. since that day I have not talked to her and it had been 8 days of no contact, then I texted her to see if she wanted to meet for tea so I could get her some of her mail, it went really well for the most part, but I did want to only keep it 25 minutes or so, but it gone drawn out to about 2.5 hours and she cancelled work for the night.. we walked around downtown got lunch and looked in some of the shops, I was trying to be as cool as possible, but I was telling her how much I loved her and that I do need to work on myself and rediscover the man I used to be and want to be, so I think that I also ned the break.. I used to be a lot more confident in myself and every lady I knew liked me.. recently maybe I have lost that and kind of been lazy. Anyway she still stated that she wanted us to be separated, and I said okay to this as I think we need to work on ourselves first.. but I love her and am going to pursue our friendship in the hopes that we can be together once again and live a better life,

Our tea date was yesterday and I did tell her I love her very dearly and let her know she was the one for me.. maybe I was a little to pushy on that matter, but mostly we hung out and walked around. She has changed in the sense that she is all about god now and even preaches it to others around her. I told her we can do this together and can change together, but she said I need to do it on my own for me. She said she wants to do things right, and not have any sexual relations until she gets married, I told her I was down with that, but she says that she don't know what's going to happen with us and wants to be friends for now.. and she sees me as a good friend, but me and this girl have been in love for 5 years and that doesn't just die, I told her I was sorry if I ever hurt her emotionally and that I feel ashamed if I caused her grief. I ask why she didn't point out some of the issues she was having, she said she feels as if she tried everything but I would not listen, I don't recall any real recollection, of any serious conversations we have had about issues in our relationship.. maybe I was unreceptive or semi passive about these things, but she says she did mention stuff sometimes, if she had she did not elaborate on them enough for me to think it was a big deal.. I just don't really know where to go from here, but I think there is a really good chance that I she can see I am the one once again.as she used to love me to no end, and stated she wants to be with me forever have kids the wole nine yards.

I know that we are at the age where a lot of people go through this, but we are definitely destined to be together and I think she feels the same way.. so should I just try to focus on myself awhile what should I do in terms of contact, I was wanting to maybe set up once a week where wwe can go out and have luch and a bible study or something, and she was not totally against the idea.. when I talk to her it seems she has replaced me with god, and that is cool for now, but I want to eventually be back with her under god together and am willing to obide by the book from now on, as she is really into this, and I should be too.. don't know where to go from this though.. as she says says she is done but this has happened to my friends and most of them get back together.something tells me she wants me to follow the right path as she is, and live for god, cause I'm pretty sure she's not turning back from this new found love. Is she posibly doing this so to see if I can change and live the holy life she has chosen, as I feel this is what she is doing.. any advise helps.. please and thank you for your time..

I know this is kind of long so far and jumps around a lot but I'm trying to line up the story as best as I can think of it right now, I'm sure more will come to me later though with some remaks questins and repplies from the people reading this..

OP please break down the above into smaller sections of text, trying to read it as it is is very difficult, If you can do this then Ill be happy to try to help you.

Thank You...

I don't really know how to edit the post but I think I reposted it revised, but I'm not really finding the new one..

All your other posts were deleted as duplicates, but you only have to be patient, as your story is one long read, but thanks for trying to break it up for us.

Your right, what you had for 5 years just doesn't die, so figure for her, it died a long time ago, but she just didn't tell you about it, or she did, but you refused to listen.

Pretty much like your doing now, since she tells you over, and over again, she wants a break up, but you just have not heard her yet.

Break ups suck, no doubt, but you have to accept it when it happens, leave her alone, and rebuild a life that you enjoy without her. Sorry guy, but join the legions of the dumped, and get in line as we all go through this. Bow out gracefully and keep your dignity and self respect as you learn a life changing lesson in love and adjusting to reality.

Same stories everyday with different people in it... Mate just leave it never run after any girl believe me once they know they got you in their hands they do everything they want to you... It happened to me and its been 3 weeks since no contact and I feel good at the end of the day if someone don't love me why would I love them? It feels like these type of girls are new generation and we are old fashioned.. For me nothing is impossible to make it work in the planet I am really strong person but my friend told me (a lot older then me) if everyone thinks same way as I am no one would break up or divorce... So just put your head up and get on with your life. Read about dumper vs dumpee threads in long term this will heal you and make you feel relaxed.

If you feel you have done everything possible in your power to convey your feelings/apologies etc to her and have done your best explaining your point of view and even after that if you feel you aren't getting what you expect or think you deserve,then its definitely time to pull back and move on.

But be convinced first,yourself.Everyone of us are built differently mentally.Some of us can face reality soon and some of us need a lot of self-convincing or more hurt and pain to get a message through.Some of us don't need closure from the other person,since their actions and words are proof enough.Some need to bang their head on that wall to have their eyes opened.Know yourself.If you want more answers and proof,give it one more shot.One final shot.Else,if you feel you've been hurt enough and need to heal,stop any kind of contact right away.

5 yrs in a relationship would leave behind a lot of memories and baggage,I am positive.You have figure out what it would take for you to deal with all of it.We are all here for you and pray that you come out of all this a better,changed and mature person.

But it seems maybe she wants me to change into a better person, she works with my sister, and she says also she thinks she just wants to see change in me, tofollow god, I mean this girl has totally transformed and is following the book almost to a key in a matter of weeks, she told me she just can't go back to the way we used to live, and I'm fine with trying to rebuild a relationship under god, it seems that maybe there would be a chance if I work on myself and try to become a better person, but I'm not sure maybe its something I'm just seeing..

Should I ask her further on this or just try to be friends awhile and hang with her once a week for this bible study, and try to rebuild a whole new relationship taking it slow as if we just met.. I know that there is a chance we might not work, but I feel as if I can rekindle something if I can show her how bright I shine once again. If it doesn't work, I guess I would suffer the pain again, but it would all be worth it, even for the smallest chance, she said she would call me next week maybe for a bible study, should I not contact her at all until she calls me.. I seen her yesterday so she could sign our 30 day notice for our place. And she seemed happy to see me. Is it just maybe all relationships need some time is a break to rediscover stuff..

I can only warn you that getting some GOD just to get a woman back will backfire in your face. Making any change to get a female (or male) back in your life, is a desperate step to take, and will never work over time, and cause more problem than its worth.

Any change you make should be your choice, for yourself, and done for YOU, not for a slim chance to get her back. If you want to get some GOD in your life... do so without her. That would be a great step in the right direction. For now, leave her alone to enjoy her own changes.

Yeah, I'm am going to do it for myself. I am going to try to work on making myself a better person and work on some of my faults, if I don't get back with her well than at least I will be a better man for the next woman.

I will just try to do this just friends thing for awhile, keeping everything pretty simple, maybe try to maybe start all over and see if I even like the direction she is moving, because like I said in a matter of three weeks she has completely changed her life and is really into the church, all the sudden she is a devout believer like I have never seen really.. she is wanting to follow the bible to a key.. this is a huge change for her and I, and I'm not sure how I will take to it.

So in the mean time I will expand my own horizons, and meet some new people, but my whole family is kind of into church so I think I should jump back on board. For now ill try to keep it as friends, and see her only once a week for this study, tea, etc. I guess only time will tell what will really happen. But I have already bought this woman a really expensive ring awhile back, and I really love her, so I am going to try my best.. ill let you know how it turns out next week.. but I think the starting over as friends will help me to see if I am even ready to move forward with this woman still..

While you work on yourself,keep reminding yourself that you aren't expecting anything in return from your ex.You aren't spending every waking moment trying to figure out what she's doing/thinking/saying.You won't base your actions/words to suit hers.You won't bank on her to take you back.If you think you can be this obejctive,then keeping in touch can work for you.Else,constant seeing each other will just make you get deeper into this mess and not away.

Giving someone an expensive ring isn't reason enough to stay in touch,especially if that hurts you more/drags you deeper into emotional messes.

Well I still have the ring cause I never proposed, I've been trying to come up with the perfect proposal since I bought it.. I'm going to try my hardest not to get my hopes up and think about her all the time, but really I do want to marry this woman and I think there is a slim chance I can build love with her once again if I play my cards right and straighten up my act a little. Like I said I'm going to try to win back her heart as friends, if she feels she wants to give me that chance, as it is up to her. But if not at least I gave it my all. Right now anything I say is just words, it takes time to progress and better ones self, actions show more than words. She might have made up her mind awhile back to take break up, but even if those feelings died they were there before, and I believe with a little faith and time they can resurface. And we can have something new and better that will last.. it worked out for a few of my friends relationships that were worse than ours, so the odds aren't totally against me.. I feel as if there is something still there between us that can be resparked. But maybe like starry nights said I will have to go through more pain to totally be able to let go, otherwise I will feel as if I gave up on something that was once my everything..

In all reality I'm trying to let go of our past relationship and build an entirely new and different one, as she thinks the last one was somewhat unrighteous, as it was not holy in the sense that we did a lot of bad things according to the book. If it doesn't work between us in the end, at least I will be a better person, and I'm sure I will eventually meet someone who will love me through thick and thin.. I hope.

The best thing you can do for her is to leave her alone as she has asked.
If you want to do a bible study once a week with her fine, but don't do it to be with her, do it because it's what you want to do.
If you love her, respect her and her wishes.

Yeah thanks all for your replies, I think that I'm just going to stick with no contact for myself, this last year in our relationship I haven't really been myself. So I'm going to work on me for awhile and set my life straight. I need to focus on goals aimed to better and improve MY life.. if its going to happen with us I'm sure life will find away to bring us back together.. in the meantime its going to be all about me and my priorities. I focused way too much of my money and energy into helping her, while I left myself in the dust. Im a damn good catch and if she can't see that well I guess her loss. I now see that there are millions of fish in the sea, and now I can actually meet some with out feeling guilty. There are a lot of perks to being single that I am starting to rediscover.. once again thanks all..

PERKS!! Those are options, and OPPORTUNITIES, and they are all yours to explore. HeHe! :D You are getting there though!