Hi everyone;

I have been with my ex girlfriend 4 years (last 2 years lived together) I met her when she was 17 and now she is 21 and I am 25. I won't go too much in detail as because it would be very long but nothing very major went bad in the relationship.

6 days after we came back from holiday she brake up with me and started telling me all these as a reasons;

1) She is selfish and I deserve someone better
2) Her and me grown apart.
3) She does not know what she wants in the life.
4) She loves me to bits she cares about me but not in love with me anymore.
5) She does not want no more commitments in her life. Just want to be free without any relationship and wants to do whatever she wants.
6) She does not want anyone just wants to be herself and spend her time with her (girl) friends.

etc... also she has told me that she has been thinking this about 3 months before she has gone. I haven't realised anything sadly because she was always telling me when are we getting married when am I buying the rings how much she loves me etc...

When I asked her what was all these about she said they were her feelings just for that time beings (confused) So someone telling me to get married and if I said lets go get married she would have married to me and divorce me after a few months?

Anyway in the 2 years of living together I supported her financially 1 and half years and I found her a job 5 months ago and now she probably thinks she is done with me because she got confidence and freedom. Basically I feel like I have been used very nicely here.

In other hand I would say if someone never loved me deeply why the hell would they spend their 4 years with me?

Since we broke up its been 3 weeks exactly and I don't have her phone number as she was using the number I had on my name contracted while she was with me and I took the simcard of her. Now she has got new number and day after she went I asked her friend from work to give me her number and she said that she doesn't want me to get her number and I said fair enough.

3 days later went to see her at her house and tried to speak to her and she said to me that she is happier with her life and never cried in that 3 days but I had her online banking details and we saved some money in her bank account and the day after she brake up with me spent over £800 in town shopping so I know she wouldn't have time to think about me :).

So after seeing her last time then since I went completely no contact as I have a lot of pride in me and will not look myself like an idiot who is running after someone who doesn't want me anyway.

But someone give me advices what's happening with her? Why she give me so many different reasons after each time I ask her more and more I hear different reasons.

Does anyone reckon would she ring me after some time? Would she even think about what happened or have any question marks on her head?

Any advice would be appreciated.

Thanks

I think she made her feelings clear on the matter.

No,I don't think she is coming back or going to ring.

She has disappeared from your life,which is a good thing.

You need now to do the same.

Get support from family and friends,hit the gym,throw yourself into hobbies,interests,work.

Its hard,but you will get over this.

She was pretty straight in what she said,its over,she does not want a future with you,she does not love you.

Time for you to put all the energy into you and picking up your life.

There are some great stickies in the relationship forum that I suggest you have a look at.

She has made her decision and is moving on. I would hold no false hopes of her changing her mind if that is what you mean by a question mark on her head.

She may be giving you different reasons because they all may apply as she sees it.
She may have loved you for the 4 years you were together but evidently that has changed.

It is never easy emotionally or mentally to accept the new reality of she has changed, and does not love me ,and is gone.

It is probably best you don't contact her , it will be of little or no value now. It can bring back feelings and memories that will make this harder than it already is.

You need to move on now and get on with getting over her and getting back out into the world.

I wish you well.

Your username says it all. Truth always hurts. In this case she told you the truth, she is no longer in love with you. All the other stuff she said became irrelevant once she said this. When someone goes through the trouble of changing their number and ensuring others don't give it to you, it is a good sign what you had is over, and over for good.

I'm sorry for your loss. Like the others stated, it's time to move on, think about yourself and heal properly from this. She had three months to do this and to mentally prepare for life without you, so of course it looks easier to her. Give yourself three months and see where you're at. Good luck!

Thanks for the replies. The reason she changed her number not because I ring and beg. I had her a contract phone on my name when she left I took the simcard so she had to get herself a phone. I just made 2 steps since she gone and that's it I am not the type of person to run after anyone. I have just a few question marks that's why I wanted to share and get some advice from experienced people. In my life I have been dumped once and I have dumped a lot of girls but now I just take it as a payback time and it feels horrible time to time.

Being dumped always sucks, it is always a hit to the ego, no matter what experience we have. At least you know life goes on and you'll be fine.

Her reasons,
1) She is selfish and I deserve someone better
2) Her and me grown apart.
3) She does not know what she wants in the life.
4) She loves me to bits she cares about me but not in love with me anymore.
5) She does not want no more commitments in her life. Just want to be free without any relationship and wants to do whatever she wants.
6) She does not want anyone just wants to be herself and spend her time with her (girl) friends.
Your little girl has grown up, and her feelings have changed and she wants to explore her new world, and see what else is out their to experience. It happens to young people all the time, and its best to accept this change, bow out gracefully, and rebuild a life that you enjoy, to experience your OWN options and opportunities without her.

I don't think she will be back, or contact you for a long time if ever, and she may think fondly of past good times with you in the future, but you will never know because she has decided to live her life, and so should you.

Heal and rebuild.

It takes two to tango, so to speak.

Just to push the envelope here a bit, why did you not see it coming, and why is this a complete surprise to you.

That may be part of the reason why she left, and also an opportunity to learn more about yourself and how you relate to women, while in a relationship. If you can work a bit on yourself now, you may just avoid the pitfalls of being 'blindsided' when a relationship ends.

Her reasons could mean:

1) She is selfish and I deserve someone better- she wants more for herself.
2) Her and me grown apart.- you tell me, why would she think you've grown apart- any clue?
3) She does not know what she wants in the life. Fair enough statement, she wants her own goals.
4) She loves me to bits she cares about me but not in love with me anymore.-I love all my ex's, and all my ex pets, and my children. I care for them all, but being 'in love' is another meaning entirely.5) She does not want no more commitments in her life. Just want to be free without any relationship and wants to do whatever she wants.- the relationship has burned out, the foundation is not strong enough to build upon. 6) She does not want anyone just wants to be herself and spend her time with her (girl) friend- could she have been feeling too much pressure to keep the relationship going, at the expense of having free time of her own, or spending more time outside the relationship, or in addition to the relationship.

That you are so surprised and caught off guard with the end of the relationship, has me wondering why you didn't see any of this coming. It isn't so much her motives, reasons, actions and behaviours you should be trying to figure out, so much as your own.

Take a good inventory of the relationship, the good, bad, and indifferent, and see if there weren't clues that things were heading toward an end. What did you miss, what could you have done differently, how well did you listen, and how well did you really know her- or did you just make too many assumptions and take for granted that everything was okay, when clearly it was not.

Only pointing this out as points to ponder. People tend to get into relationships over and over without learning from mistakes made, and then make the same mistakes again.

My opinion is she had plenty to say. You were just not listening.

Hi everyone again;

I have update. I had no contact with her whatsoever since she is gone and yesterday I saw her in town while I was driving she was on bus stop she just seen my car and me for split second or so and I didn't even look at her face. 2 hours later I started receiving text messages from the person who didn't want to give me her number for some reason. Messages were these and my replies;

first write to me on Google chat saying I'm shocked seeing you tonight and I didn't reply to that then she text on my phone;

Her: Its blabla and I know this is probably wrong and a mistake texting but I had the urge to text you

My reply: Why

Her: I don't know think its because seen you.

My Reply: Oh OK

Her: I do still care about you and probably always will even though may not seem it. Any new girlfriends then

My Reply: When one door shuts new ones opens.

Her: Ok well as long as you are OK and happy then I am and I am here to talk when you want that's if you want? I was harsh on you before I shouldn't have shut you of like I did. Like people said 4 years is long time x

My Reply: Im not interested.

Her: OK then

then today she started asking me how am I doing what I have been up to etc... lots of messaages again I don't know what she wants from me but I asked her and she is saying she feels comfy talking to me and she don't know where that would take this if it meant to be it meant to be bla bla bla. I also asked her why she texted me after seeing me she said she had very weird feelings and missed me when she saw me and saying was like butterflies and sicky feeling and felt a bit upset. She also admits feeling guilty for what she has done to me and now she realised that she is saying and she would rather have me in her life then not at all as I was with her for such a long time etc...

She also says when she saw me she got nervous and happy cause she not seen me long time that's why she wants to be friends at the min. and who knows what will happen in the future if things are meant 2b in life they always work out some how...

Basically fish needs attention and back but I have no attention to give anyone I just asked questions without any really feelings in me and she answered only the questions that she wanted to answer and this was the all.

She is saying she don't want to get me out of her life completely she wants me as a friend at the min. because she says I was very good as boyfriend and also her best friend well so why did you leave me *****!

So what's her problem really? Anyone can help me? What's the best choice for me? Well I would love her to beg me back and give her the best kick ever but again for this I assume I need very long time as she needs to see if the grass is greener on other side or not first and god knows how long it would take for her to realise that.

Any helps appreciated. Thanks in advanced.

Regards

Don't put yourself through more grief. The relationship is gone, done, the book is closed, the next book has begun. "The End." Over, kaput, the flame has died out, the flowers are dead, the storm has passed, the hurting has finally stopped.

Please ask somebody to hit you with a wet noodle.

Don't start up again, you know where it will lead, and that is right back into that last chapter- again. You've lived through 'The End.' once already, how many times do you need to read the same ending, in the same book before you get it.

Realize that when you reach the end, really, 'The End.' as I like to call it, it is, in fact, the end. There is no re-writing history here, there are only very poorly written sequels, and those too end up in the same place.

Take the high road here, with your dignity intact, your head held high, and just kapoot it. Don't lead her on thinking there is a chance, just say, no.

Tell her to go buy a puppy and leave you alone.

Stop being so available for her confusion. Ever hear of NO CONTACT? There is a reason why it works.

https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relationships/meaning-no-contact-nc-425290.html

https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relationships/nc-rules-faqs-332732.html