All threads have been merged about this relationship.

There is this girl(30) I(28) met at the park a few months ago. We would get together and talk once a week and things were nice. I then sent her a text message telling her I would like to pursue things further with her but wanted to take it slow. I only sent this message because my ex had called me and then hung up on me and I was just mad so I became brave. Being brave I sent the message. Both this girl have had relationships end over 6 months ago. She sent me a message back telling me I'm a great guy and that she still hasn't healed from her last relationship and that she was sorry. I wasn't surprised because I knew I shouldn't have sent the MSG. What kind of man sends a MSG like that anyway. I only did it because I was bothered by the phone call from my ex. So we didn't hang out or talk after that for about a week, and I was bothered by this because I really liked hanging out and talking about life and everything in it. We got along quite well. So I text her telling her that my ex had called me that day I sent that MSG and yada yada I wouldn't have sent it had I not received that call from my ex.

She ended up texting me back saying she was intrigued and wanted to hear about it and so we met up at the park and talked. From that point on we became closer together. We would meet up at the park more and talk for hours at a time. Another month goes by and I wanted to do something together other then hang out at the park. So I asked if she wanted to go to the movies. She said how about tomorrow. I said no problem that works. We went too the movies and all was good. We have continued to hang out and enjoy each other's company. That weekend we ended up going to another park and eating a lunch I made.(pasta and meatballs). It was nice. We then seen each other everyday at the park for at least a couple of hours talking for the next week and then made plans to go cherry picking on the Sunday. After cherry picking we stopped at a conservation and spent the remainder of the day.

I don't know what to think.


It feels like dating to me but I am not sure... I need help,

She feels comfortable with you and loves your company. She probably is having fun getting to know you without any labels.

Actions speak louder than words but she told you she over her ex and you should respect her honest (Btw, I know you do).

I know you like her and believes me she knows it too but she probably isn't ready to face it yet.

So this is one of those situations that you can ask her again (in person maybe in a joking matter) or try being just friends with her.

You need to be straightforward with her and ask where this is going!

It sounds like she likes you, but she doesn't need to dance around it, especially if you've made your interest known.

It feels like sometimes I feel like she wants me to be closer to her and at times she says things that make me think she only sees me as friend, I just don't get it cause we both want the same things, I am trying to just be friends because I don't want to lose that the friendship we have created>

Can anyone else give me some advice or perhaps shed some light?

Keep doing what you are doing. The best relationships are built on the basis of friendships. Enjoy getting to know one another

Have fun just hanging out but don't get too attached. As the voice of experience, unrequitted/semi-requitted affection in a friendship can cause unbearable heartache...

https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relationships/shes-dating-guy-same-name-304709.html

I agree to keep hanging out and enjoying her company.

At some point you might want to say something like, "Your friendship means everything to me and I don't ever want to ruin that and I know you've been working to get over your ex, but I'd like you to know that if you ever want to do out on a "date date", romantically, I would be interested in that. If not, that's cool because I really like your friendship."

Why not bring up her ex in casual conversation. It's usually easy to gauge how someone is feeling about their ex by their body language when they come up in conversation.

Something simple like "After all of this talk about my past relationship, how are you doing with your healing? I know it has to be hard and I want you to know that I am here for you"

I wouldn't change what your doing at all. You just have to relax, and enjoy it for now. That's letting it develop at a pace you can both handle.

She plays with her hair a lot but always sits cross legged... Helllpppp!

Threads merged

How would you tell her if you did when you had the chance... im in this dilemma right now... I don't want to miss the opportunity... but I feel like I am... she isn't seeing anybody yet... can you help...

Why don't you start by asking her out or have you done that already?

Of course a guy wants to kiss a girl he is attracted to. Get to know her first, and see about dating, and hanging out, as you have been doing, so you can see if she likes you well enough first, though. There is no reason to panic, or rush into things because believe me, if you pay attention, you will know if she wants you to kiss her, any way.

Take it slow and enjoys each other's company. To me it sounds like its heading in the right direction.

Why don't you start by asking her out or have you done that already?

What do you mean?


Update... things or still going like they have, we spent last weekend hanging out on all three days...

I want to be a challenge for her cause that's what women want... a bad boy... I feel I am failing in this department...


I haven't had much to say this week when we have gotten together...

Anyone have any advice?

What? Every female doesn't want a bad boy. You should be yourself and enjoy the time the two of you share. And if you want to know what she thinks of you then open your mouth and ask.

Women want a challenge, even if they don't want a "badboy", in ways,

I don't want to ruin the relationship by opening up my mouth and saying something I shouldn't... she's already given me a chance once...

Women also want a guy who is straight up with them and isn't afraid to tell her how he feels or ask how she feels... confidence my friend! Women for sure don't want a guy to be afraid to ask them a question because they are scared of saying "something they shouldn't."

I am trying here

Stop trying and just be yourself. Have a good time with her and enjoy moment. I would make sure that I flirt with her a little so she knows that I am interested in being more then just friends. Not to strong but enough for her to know and maybe flirt back.

It’s not that easy to forget someone you deeply loved buddy. Give her time.
Don’t talk about your ex or her ex when you call her.
When you meet her, share your problems. Go emotional.
1st thing that you need to keep in mind.
Never ever give and show love and give mighty attention to a girl.
If you really love her, so go cool with her.
Text her, call her. Don’t talk about you two.
Shoulder her; you need to act simple as you have been before.
Don’t swear, smoke, show respect to others. That’s the only way that you can make her fall for you at a point.
Take her out somewhere she would enjoy, she would feel secure with you; a walk.
If you really want to find out if she loves you or how she might be feeling for you; don’t text or call her for only 2 days. You’ll get your answer. She won’t tell it to you but you’ll sense it.

I really appreciate that advice Terry MJ Carter, I could use all the advice I can get, I would do anything to be with this girl, she is the complete package, from brains to braun...

overayear... this is going to sound ridiculous but how would I flirt with her... I always here this word... flrit flirt flirt... not towards me but... when I look it up online I just don't get what they say... how could I flirt with her... I really am stuck when it comes to this... and its not like I'm some dude that has been sheltered my whole life but I am new to dating and flirting, any examples or ideas really would be great so I can have a sense as to what or how I should go about flirting...

Thanks for both your help guys...

BALANCE- sometimes we try to hard to impress a female. We get caught up in all kinds of plots, and strategies, to win their favor. I think it best to keep doing what your doing before you met them, and not let them take over all your time, and attention. That's when you get boring, when you spend too much time together, and start getting into a routine, or rut.

That has got to be the most boring waste of time there is, trying to impress a female. Be yourself, and do your thing, and she will like you for who you are, or she won't. If you act like she is the only girl in the world and nothing else matters, then you will be in a rut yourself. ALWAYS have a life that you enjoy, without her. Then you will always have something new, and interesting to share with her.

Thats balance, and it keeps you from doing things that are not part of your character.

I guess its hard to explain flirting, but what taliman said is right on the money, just be yourself and if she likes you then you know its for who you are. Flirting is something you can't really explain it kind of just the feeling that people get when they are around someone they like.

UPDATE

I get this text today after I responded to an earlier text, I just don't get it, I mean it just seems unexpected... "gonna miss our convo...sorry. Luv our talks, ur a great person..Keep being yourself!

i just dont get it, I mean, its only the third day since July that we haven't seen each other, we spent the weekend hanging out.

Then i get another text reminding me that we have plans to go this festival on Saturday to which we can get in free..she ends it with "woohoo"

It throws me off because we talked about it on the weekend that it is this coming Saturday...

I am wandering by both these texts I received today that I may not see her this week, which we be shocking considering we haven't gone two days without seeing each other in the last month and a half..

Mind you I am perfectly okay with whatever happens, its kind of fun watching how she is playing her card because I am cool with whatever her actions are...

She is balancing her life with other things besides you, and taking it slow.

That's cool. You have the week to yourself, and a date this weekend.

I just wanted to update...

I don't know what to do anymore...

Its hard being with her now because I like her more then a friend and yet I don't want to bring it up that I like her more because I don't want to freak her out or make her uncomfortable...

Its like I almost want to break up with her as a friend and become an aquaintence with her instead, rather then continue to spend and hour and a half with her each night and going out to different places on the weekends...

Do you know exactly why her last relationship ended? Is it possible she was so hurt she has built this wall and you can't break it down? Maybe she is afraid to be hurt again. Maybe she does like you and does want to pursue more but its very possible she is afraid of the pain again if it doesn't work out.

She has to know I like her is what bothers me...

Am I wrong??

I did tell her that I wanted to pursue thing further with her but wanted to take them slow in the text after my ex had called me...

What bothers me right now is the fact that she may just be using me until she allows some dude to sweep her off her feet... I don't want no part of that... I don't even want part of hearing her date some other guy... who will definitely be older then me and most likely make more money... I say that because from July 1st to NOW


We have spent every weekend together going to so many different places... mind you we both go to our separate homes at night and nothing physcial has ever happened... but were back together in the morning and then till the night... plus during the week we hang out for a couple hours... only 4 times since July 1st have we not hung out for a couple hours during the week... we started going to church a couple weeks ago together and are continuing the trend this weekend...

Why isn't this enough for right now? She surely knows you like her. I mean why are you spending time with her then right? She obviously likes you. Just relax and go with it. Its like your dating but with out the title. Who cares. Don't ruin it. Run with it and see where it goes.

Do you know exactly why her last relationship ended? Is it possible she was so hurt she has built this wall and you can't break it down? Maybe she is afraid to be hurt again. Maybe she does like you and does want to pursue more but its very possible she is afraid of the pain again if it doesnt work out.

He blamed her for doing something she didn't do... not cheating... but they were friends for about ten years before they ended up becoming a couple... he was 42 and she was 29 when it ended... according to her they had this really strong connection and they were going to start a business together... or so she thought... she also had become sort of a step mother to his two kids from his previous marrige... which I know hurt her to lose contact with those kids and the being a "mom".

You know what bothers me is I just don't want to think that she has spent all this time with me these last two months and is sleeping with some other guy(friendwithbenefits)... because I know I don't want to be sleeping with anybody else because I feel if anything it should be her I am suppose to be with...

So here it is...

My dilemna is this... I don't know how to try and advance things with her... verbally or physically...

I want to have our first (and maybe last) kiss but I just don't know how to do it... this friggen sucks... the more I type the more I have realized that I friggen love this girl... who is 2 years older and guys drool over...

I think her problem with me is that she would never have imagined her "man" to look and be me...


And what's funny is I don't care about her looks... thats not why I like her, that's not why I first talked to her... nothing...

Well why not have flowers delivered to her. See her reaction to that.
Or after you end your next "date" walk her to her door or car and just do it. Its not going to happen unless you make the move. What's the worse that will happen. She will lean in and kiss you, or she will lean back and avoid it. Then you know. Your torturing yourself just wondering about it. Just do it.

Why isn't this enough for right now?

It is but when does it end? I think I have been pretty patient... am I wrong?


She surely knows you like her. I mean why are you spending time with her then right? She obviously likes you.

Physical affection would just be nice... and I don't mean sleeping together either... I like her/she likes me... it would be nice to show it to each other in an intimate way... romantically...



Originally Posted by 88sunflower
Just relax and go with it. Its like your dating but with out the title. Who cares. Don't ruin it. Run with it and see where it goes.

I just don't want to get burned... cause I have been running with it and seeing where it goes... Im really going to have to dig deep to stay this course... I really feel the urge to make my move... I just feel if I don't do it some other guy will and then all the great times this summer were for nothing... and nice guys finish last... because by not trying to have a first kiss with her after 2 months of spending time together seems just crazy...

I don't want to miss my chance with her because I know its going to have to be me to make the move and not her...

She wants a man... she is aggressive... she has told me that...

Then you have to do it. Don't let her go without taking your chance first. You know what you want and what you have to do. Next time we talk I want to hear all about it. Well not in detail (wink) but how it went.

Well why not have flowers delivered to her. See her reaction to that. Long story short she is a florist.
Or after you end your next "date" walk her to her door or car and just do it. Its not going to happen unless you make the move. Whats the worse that will happen. She will lean in and kiss you, or she will lean back and avoid it. Then you know. Your torturing yourself just wondering about it. Just do it.

Thanks... just do it is what I feel I have to do...

I won't have to wait long for our next "date" because its Saturday and we are meeting up at 1030am and spending the day at a park to enjoy this great weather we are having, and then we have plans to go to the carnival again to finish the night...

Excuse me while I go punch in my punching bag...


Thanks again sunflower... I hope I don't lose her if she rejects me but I think I would hate more knowing I didn't take a chance... you have a great weekend, all the best...

OK one more thing. Even by chance if it does ruin it you will then have your answer. Don't you see that? Just keep me posted and I will keep my fingers crossed for you.

I just wish she could know that I'm not going after a tile of her as m girlfriend by kissing her... I want to kiss her cause of the great times and time we have and the connection that we share... I don't want her thinking that she has to be my girlfriend right away... grrrrrrr

You won't know until you try.

Why isnt this enough for right now? She surely knows you like her. I mean why are you spending time with her then right? She obviously likes you. Just relax and go with it. Its like your dating but with out the title. Who cares. Dont ruin it. Run with it and see where it goes.

To take the chance or not take the chance...

I'm just going to grab her gently and mind my language but kiss her... I doont care!!


She knows I like her, she obviously likes me... HOW COULD IT NOT WORK??

LOL,

I hope everyone crosses their fingers for me...

Take the chance. I want to hear about it. It will be fine. Maybe for all you know that's what she is waiting for.

I didn't do it, spent all three days with her... onl been home to sleep...

Wow dude. If I was her I wouldn't WANT to be with you... why? Because you have no confidence!

Why would u say I have no confidence?

Are you two planning to see each other again soon?if so maybe next time?:-)

I would make a move already

Start with hugs guy, when she looks up wham!

You Ive been doing the hugging thing now for a bit, just wham huh, lol, ffs.

why would u say i have no confidence?

I've been reading this thread and I think it's sweet. It does seem like she's interested, so just sweetly kiss her and see what happens... or hold her hand and see what happens. I have to think she's waiting for it. :)

I thought I would give an update to the situation I have at hand...

We still hang out everyday and spend the weekends together. I have noticed that we are flirting a little more with each other in our texts and when we are with each other. She makes sure to give a hug at the end of the nights. I have a feeling something is going to happen in the next week but I don't know. We have plans to go to the drive in and I am going to be making food to take with us, we have made a regular habit of attending the drive in on tuesdays.

I really believe I have the green light to go ahead but I think she is purposely making it difficult for me because she wants me to beat the challenge.

Any advice from the women here would be great... she is thirty and I'm 28...

Thank you for the update! I can't believe it hasn't happened yet. Well if she is hugging you each night and you have the feeling she is ready then just do it. After the hug just pull back and look in to her eyes and go for it.

Can anyone tell me if she is is just saying she just sees me as a friend and nothing more by this text she sent to me today... "just wanted to say thankyou for a wonderful dinner and movie last night. Ur a great guy _____!"

This girl is killng me.

It seems like you like her and she likes you but the two of you are scared of making the first move or actually talking about your feelings toward one another. I think you should make your move and get out of this friend zone especially since you want more.

I thought I should give an update as to what has all happened since my last post.

We both agreed that something is happening between us and she thinks of me as a partner she can spend the rest of her life with. She wants to take it slow she said. There has been nothing more then hugs up to this point. We are on the same page with everything it seems like but I feel a little like something else has to be said.

:-) good luck-keep posting.

She wants to take it slow? Your original post was over four months ago. I don't see a problem at all with kissing. Maybe you should talk to her.

I give you so much credit. You're an amazing man for waiting so long for her. Good luck. I am happy your back updating us.

Sunflower thanks for your nice words.

Its hard for me to do this.

Their still hasn't been any kissing. I don't know how its going to happen. I love this girl. She is so beautiful inside and out. How am I going to do this. Im going to be sincere when I do it and I'm going to go slow when I do it. Im just going to take her hand and slowly kiss her but... I just love this girl, its going to be hard. I told her last week that she was going to have to keep me off her while were going slow... I commended her in a jokingly fashion that she has done a great job just yesterday... Its killing me because we are so caring to one another while we are together and apart... you should hear some of the texts I get... calling me sunshine and mr.may... she is so damn beautiful... and not even kissed her yet

Threads merged

I have a question for the women...

I am in a situation where it has been established that I like her and she likes me and neither of us are going anywhere... but agreed that we both want to take it slow because we know that holding hands, kissing, sex, although important, can lead you away from what's really important in a relationship. Would you still want the guy to hurry and kiss you?

I am a guy, and I never had a problem with moving in for a kiss.

If there is mutual attraction, why not get some sugar?

I'm a guy too. Just do what feels the most natural. If something feels forced, then slow it down.

I'm a woman and I think it's great for a man to take the initiative and kiss a woman.

Don't think too much - you'll destroy the moment - just do it!

sigh

That would be romantic...


..but that's just my [romatically starved] opinion.

I'm a woman and my reply is yes.

Give her a kiss. It is the most natural thing for lips to do.

I'm 28 and she is 30.

Great age to start smooching!
Does she seem like she is waiting for you to make the first move? Or has there been talk of friendship instead of romance?

For sure I have to make the first move, def. romance but like I said in the beginning of this thread,

I am a girl and an adult. And Yes, we like to be the one being kissed first. See after that... we can just up and kiss you whenever we want.:)

OK THANKS today though before I dropped her off at home I said that I think she is doing a fine job at keeping me off her again, she replied with well what's going on in your mind, I said back to her that I'm dropping you off now and I know we hug but that doesn't mean I don't want to slowly kiss up your neck and nibble on your ear and stuff, it wasn't uncomfortable.

I should do it alread?

Everybody always says that after you hug her hold her and look into her eyes and the wham... we don't really look into eachothers eyes after we hug...

I want to ask...

Your in your 30's and your "afraid" [nervous whatever you want to call it] to kiss someone so much to the point that you wrote a thread about it... so I'm just wondering, are you from another country or culture?

You just seem lost when it comes to intimacy...

I just think that if we knew more about your background we could better help you.

..just a thought

I want to ask...

Your in your 30's and your "afraid" [nervous whatever you want to call it] to kiss someone so much to the point that you wrote a thread about it... so I'm just wondering, are you from another country or culture?

You just seem lost when it comes to intimacy...

I just think that if we knew more about your background we could better help you.

..just a thought

I think being shy isn't a wrong thing, people have different experiences and walked different path than you. You are getting all judgmental when he could do the same for you.

I think being shy isn't a wrong thing, people have different experiences and walked different path than you. You are getting all judgmental when he could do the same for you.

Nope no judgement here.

If he came from say... a conservative Chinese culture or Arabic I don't think we could advise him to "jump on it"-- we'd have to consider where he comes from first. If he were abused as a child [just an example] which caused him to be this nervous then he could address to those issues.

I don't know about everyone else on this forum but, when I saw that he was 30 not 13 I was a little odded out. There is shy and then there is this...

My intention was not to offend, just an observation...

No I'm white and from NA, m 28 and she is 30

You need to kiss her. Don't tell her what you WANT to do, just do it. You will be surprised at her reaction, and wonder why you wasted so much time. I'm not talking about licking her throat, just a nice kiss to let her know that she is special to you. Then go from there.

If you're 28, you've got some catching up to do, but don't jump her like Ernest T. Bass.

What do you mean I have some catching up to do jmjoseph?

Talaniman Guide to kissing-
Nice guy way
"Can I kiss your buoooo-ti-ful lips???"

Good guy way,
Just lean in,
If she turns her head kiss her cheek
If she doesn't kiss her lips.
T man way
Steal a quick on, lock eyes, and get a really good one

This isn't rocket science.

I'll tell you why its so hard. Its so hard because it should have already have happened. Its hard because she has had her heart broken twice really hard. She is also 30 and this plays on any woman's mind. ITS HARD because she also decided she was going to be single and had given up on men. ITS HARD because she also believes that the next guy she is going to be the one that she is going to marry.

Its hard because she believes that I may be that person. Its hard because we both have so much love as an individual to give,

not mentioning we met randomly at a park where the two of us had realized that its going to be near impossible to find a partner who would get it how we see it, and all of a sudden have had 5 months go by where we have been with each other for a few hours at least everyday almost, and every weekend.

that's why its hard.

Its hard because you fear the obstacles, and have lost sight of the goals.

Its hard because you fear the obstacles, and have lost sight of the goals.

Personally, I think he's making a mountain out of a molehill..


...just sayin'

I'll tell you why its so hard. Its so hard because it should have already have happened. Its hard because she has had her heart broken twice really hard. She is also 30 and this plays on any womans mind. ITS HARD because she also decided she was going to be single and had given up on men. ITS HARD because she also believes that the next guy she is going to be the one that she is going to marry.

Its hard because she believes that i may be that person. Its hard because we both have so much love as an individual to give,

not mentioning we met randomly at a park where the two of us had realized that its going to be near impossible to find a partner who would get it how we see it, and all of a sudden have had 5 months go by where we have been with each other for a few hours at least everyday almost, and every weekend.

thats why its hard.

We are still talking about a kiss, right?

When I dropped her off tonight I put my hand around her waist to and tried to go in for the kiss but she turned away, I just wanted to thank her and end the night with a kiss but she just didn't want no part of it.

You may want to ask her where your relationship is going. It's better to be straight and forward in that case.

Paxe makes a good point,I too,think it's time to talk.

Its just unbelievable

Do you mean her reaction?
Have you discussed it?

How could he not have at least asked her what's wrong?

You her reaction, but also how difficult this has been. I mean its just a little bit of bs if you ask me, why the hell does a kiss have to be so difficult. I didn't want to kiss her in the car as a first kiss between her and me but I was just trying to say goodnight with something other then a hug, its just ridiculous. Were talking about a kiss. I don't get this girl. It just hurts because I don't know what her problem is.

What's funny is that this happened last night and now it's the morning. The day after. She is at work, we always get together for a few hours after she gets off and comes home. Usually there is a text or two between us during the day.

Its different today because she knows that I wanted to give her a kiss last night, even though I didn't want to have the first kiss between her and I in the car when I dropped her off.

I don't know what is going to happen today and I'm sure she doesn't know what the hell to do now either. Obviously were going to talk about what is going on, its unbelievable.

Every weekend we have been together since July. Everyday for a few hours during the week but 5 days since July we have been together.

There is something terribly wrong tal, because their should be no reason why we I can't show her how special she is with a kiss. Its friggin bs. Friends don't do what her and I have been doing.

Its already been discussed that there is something going on, and that she wanted to take it slow. How she hopes this is the beginning and how she isn't seeing anybody else.

Kissing isn't taking it slow?

Well then discuss it when you meet up,and find out where all this is going,it's about time some decisions were made.

I just got my usual Monday morning text from her , I haven't opened it to see what it says yet. I love this girl and I wish I could tell her that, but its only been 6 months since we met and a month and a half since we discussed that there are feelings involved that aren't friend feelings.

Ummm... I don't know about everyone else, but to me it looks like this is a very one sided relationship. If after 5 months you haven't even been able to kiss her, I don't know how long your going to wait to get any further.

From the start, it looked like you were extremely needy and too available. You guy's were not even officially dating and you were hanging out with her like she was the best show in town. Don't you have a life outside of just her? I know you do!

In my opinion after waiting all this time, you have be imprisoned in the dreaded friend zone. You have been over analyzing her every action and word. Instead of making a move, which should have happened months ago, you instead wanted to try and make sense of everything that has happened between you and wait for the "perfect time/moment". She saw this and now you're here... stuck.

It looks like the ship to romance with her ship may have sailed. You waited too long. If it was me, I would have waited 2 months at the most to see how things were progressing. If at that time it didn't feel right, it would never feel right. I would have still kept her as a friend, but would have turned my romantic efforts elsewhere. You should have done the same thing.

You kept chasing the carrot at the end of the stick.

I have found that that you know when things feel right. It just happens. Sometimes it happens in the movie theater. Sometimes it happens in the parking lot. A kiss is a kiss. If you wait for the "perfect moment" for it to happen, it never will!

Just a simple kiss on the lips would have been all either of you would have needed to know how things would be. You didn't need to tell what YOU wanted to do. You just needed to get it done. You didn't need to tell here this:


I said back to her that I'm dropping you off now and I know we hug but that doesn't mean I don't want to slowly kiss up your neck and nibble on your ear and stuff

You should have just leaned over and planted one on her. Telling her made it obvious that you were trying too hard to impress her. She has been seeing that the whole time. You never let her investigate find out things about you... you just gave all of that information, and mystery, away. This is the result.

Now that you are here, you have two choices:

1. Keep chasing her and not get anywhere anytime soon

2. Keep her as a friend and devote your romantic feelings else where.

Sorry for the harsh reality, but that's how I see it.

Gm sweetness, hope you have an amazing day! I had a wonderful wknd with you and can't wait to talk with you later, Enjoy your day.

That's the text I got from her,

I responded with

GM to you lovely laady, have a great day, great wknd 4 sure, I look forward to talkn too, all the best today babycakes.

This thread is going to end after today,

I appreciate all the advice and help,

Her and I love each other and are going to end up together, we already are together, its just new to us and its been such a blessing for the two of us.

All the best.

Good luck man! I hope everything works out for you both.

She said I have never really told her how I feel, can I get some help?

She wants to know how I feel,

I know how I feel,

I love her,

She makes me feel the way love is suppose to feel I believe. The way its suppose to feel because of the communication we have and the way we want to take it slow and build a foundation. She makes me feel the way I have loved before but with a love that I believe will grow and can be returned in a way that is reciprocal of the love I give.

She also want to ome be the one intitiating physical relations.

I can use any comments on my 2 situations. Thanks a bunch, Gb.


Having someone to love you as much as you love him
• Having someone to treat you with the utmost respect, love and kindness.
• Having someone that doesn’t take you for granted but loves and cherish you.
• Having someone that understands you.
• Having someone that allows you to be you.
• Having someone that’s a good communicator to you.
• Having someone that makes you feel like you’re the greatest person on earth, his queen.
• Having someone that enjoys being in your presence.
• Having someone that brings out the best in you

These are the feelings I would believe I have for her

If that's the way you feel,that's what you should tell her.
A simple I love you might do for starters.
I take it this is the woman from your other thread?
Have you ever discussed why she seems to be having issues about physical contact?

How old are both of you, and how long have the two of you been dating?

We are being physical now, still taking things slow, which we have both agreed, we have come pretty close together recently,
We are "exclusive" and a couple of days ago our conversation led to her saying that I haven't really told her how I feel about her other then little ways in text messages over the months and little ways through lets say bringing her lunch, buying her a flower etc.

I'm 28 and she is 30.

I feel like she completes me.

I would only be honest with her but I don't know really what that means...

I'm responsible and don't want to ruin a good thing...

She and I have done so well since we first met...

I feel really good about her...

I want to purpose to her...

I'm not sure if you should tell her you love her if you started being a couple a few days ago. Tell her how much you care for her without using the love word. It complicates things early on in the relationship if you drop it too quickly. Think about things carefully and make sure you are completely in love with her

My boyfriend said it after two weeks and that scared me I didn't know how to reaspond mostly because there was nothing that could have hinted he felt that way, but it sounds like she already knows from your actions. I'd give it two weeks to a month then say it casually like after a date when your saying goodbye, if she doesn't say it back that night you will hear it within days.

Thanks for all your help everyone, your posts were very honest and open and that is something money can't buy.

All my love.

I would just tell her "i love you"
There are many theories, different perspectives and life experiences you can listen to. You can take all that into account and play it safe. Or you could just follow your heart and remember one little thing. While you are busy thinking things through, making plans and wondering what if and what if... Life is happening.

All threads merged

My girlfriend's boss is in love with her. She has told me it will never happen and she isn't going too quit her job because he loves her. Even though its not right that this guy is in love with her when she isn't available. Well my dilemma is this.

They are moving stores and so she told me today that after work she is going to the new store with him to look over the layout and meet with the contractor at 7pm and she will be back by 9pm. Well I didn't hear about it till today and she isn't back yet and I haven't heard from her.

Is it wrong for me to be concerned even if I trust her. I mean this guy loves her.

Maybe the meeting took longer than expected. If you trust her, then you shouldn't worry yet.

If you trust her, it shouldn't really matter if this guy has feelings for her

Its how she feels that's important.

So I assume that she has been gone for over two hours? Have you called her, after all you can say that you were concerned because she is running late and you want to make sure that all is OK? She hasn't been involved in an accident or something.

Just curious, how did you gain this information about his being in lve with her?

she told me back when we were friends and then I mentioned in a few weeks back and she replied that even their delivery guy pointed out that he was in love with her. She said what do you want me to do quit my job? It bothers me she said but what am I suppose to do, I love my job and he pays me well.

I told her that I would never want her to quit her job but its not good that he is in love with her, she is not single. She says that he has never done anything and if he did then she would do something about it but she isn't going to do anything when its all being assumed.

I don't like the situation at all but I do trust her comepletely. It just fkn hurts to know that this guy even though she doesn't like him and he is only her boss, gets to control the situation and have her jump to his needs whenever he wants her too. Its not friggn right if you ask me.

I know that through my trusting her it doesn't matter but I don't think she should be going after work hours to her new work site as of next week to meet with a contractor and see how things are going to work. Its not even this that bothers me.

It's the fact that this guy is a bullter with a hidden agenda imo. He is manipulating her imo. This guy is so full of himself and into power and If I didn't have faith and trust I really couldn't stand it, because I want to say I can't stand it.


I know that this guy is such a duck that he gets off on being in love with her and in his mind she is with him even though its just a working relationship. My love is such a sweet girl that she can't see my side of the equation. Am I wrong? I don't hold this against her... I love her and accepted this when we got together...

If you trust her, then trust that she's acting in her best interest and taking your feelings into consideration.

The problem isn't this guy who loves her, it's your level of trust in her.

I know that this guy is such a duck that he gets off on being in love with her and in his mind she is with him even though its just a working relationship. My love is such a sweet girl that she can't see my side of the equation. Am i wrong? I don't hold this against her...I love her and accepted this when we got together....

Why do you think he's convinced they're together?

It's much more likely that he realizes that no matter how attracted to her he is, he can't have her because she's not single. He probably enjoys spending time with her and finds any excuse to do so, but that's true of ANYONE with a crush.

It seems like you're just worried and getting angry because you don't know what's going on. It's a natural reaction, but you need to take a step back from the anger. If he's never tried anything with her, then he knows where he stands in her life (squarely in the 'boss' position) and he's not deluding himself into thinking they're together. If he were delusional, then he WOULD'VE tried something before now.

Hello Heart,

First off, she can't help how others may feel about her. That is beyond her control... If this man "loves" her, well then... OK.

If she really loves and cares for you, then she will be true to you. You should put more trust into her.

Maybe the meeting ran late. Do not worry until you have to worry.

I am pretty sure there is nothing going on. At least with her.

Also, people are going to do what they want to do, so if for some reason she does pursue him, well, then that's beyond YOUR control.

Don't stress yourself out with this, as I am sure everything will be OK. Not to mention, she was real upfront and honest with you in the first place by telling you the feelings he has towards her,

Does that make sense?

I don't think being too honest is a good idea. Something are on a need to know basis. Because it make you paranoid if you know too much like this case. Would it be better if she said she will be late because she is busy at work and not going in too much details because knowing that you'll worry? Would that solve your problem? After all relationship is based on trust and as long as she's not cheating she's not doing anything wrong.

Is it wrong for me to be concerned even if I trust her. I mean this guy loves her.

Concerned about what? Give her your love and trust by not getting carried away, and doing something stupid like acting like a kid and wanting to know what happened or why she was late, or anything that makes her think your not calm, cool, and collected, and show confidence that she can handle her business in a forthright way.

What the boss feels doesn't matter. You showing faith, confidence, and trust in her does.

Let her fill you in, and don't jump her at the door. After merging your threads and seeing the hell you caught over a kiss, I am shocked that your still together, and am I right you live together now?

Threads merged

Was it wrong for me to want to get help from this forum? I don't think so.

I just wanted to say hi to all those who I consider friends in here. Thanks to all you who took the time to answer me and give helpful advice.

I've battled my own demons in this thread. I beat them! Thanks for all he help and I hope I can return the help.

I wasn't understanding that I just needed to be myself.

I am is a trusting caring open affectionate emotional hardworking diligent unafraid person.

I was most of these things in the relationship that you all can read about here, but the two that I haven't allowed myself to be were the two most important things as to who I am.

The first is I express how I feel with words in regards to someone I like romantically.

The second is someone who expresses themselves physically.

I learned how to do that through an amazingly patient woman tonight just by her being frustrated and sad. We had a conversation where somewhere in it I realized I just had to be myself if I wanted to kiss her or tell her I love her. Not question it but do it and do it how I am, which is so loving and caring for others.

It hurts to know there is poverty and dishonesty in the world... poverty that costs lives and dishonesty that breaks apart homes.

Jesus said the sum of all the commandments is do unto others as you would have them do unto you. He said to put all you have through him and you will have everlasting life. He promises so much love and all your dreams.

Just believe it and trust it and react with your emotions according to the joy and humbleness and hopes beyond your wildest dreams will be achieved.

Tal I never responded to what you said and I want to because you have been fair with me and I want to return that to you.


Concerned about what? Give her your love and trust by not getting carried away, and doing something stupid like acting like a kid and wanting to know what happened or why she was late, or anything that makes her think your not calm, cool, and collected, and show confidence that she can handle her business in a forthright way.

Amen. Thank-you for the appropriate mature only responsible advice.

What the boss feels doesn't matter. You showing faith, confidence, and trust in her does.

Amen.

Let her fill you in, and don't jump her at the door. After merging your threads and seeing the hell you caught over a kiss, I am shocked that your still together, and am I right you live together now?

We are not living together my friend. We don't want to rush into a relationship of the magnitude as we believe its best to keep some things for marrige such as not living together until we are married.

Fair enough that you ask these questions and could only see that because all you can go by is what I write. So thanks for all your help I appreciate it friend.

I'm a loving honest person and she is all that and more too.

We haven't kissed since lent started as that was something we thought we could sacrifice for lent, even though we aren't catholic or christian.
We just believe in the message and the promises that is spoke by Jesus from the Gospels in the Bible.

Thanks for responding in such an insightful way. It brings understanding, which is easier than pulling teeth for information. LOL!

You know that the whole point in why I'm here, is to get people to see that fear, while it is a very helpful defense for emotions, and behavior, and self, can also be a very stifling, and confusing feeling. It can easily lead us to many bad decisions, and behaviors.

Its so important to know ones self very well, and be able to cope with those feelings in a way that leads us to good decisions, and being able to overcome that fear, with facts, understanding of self, and choosing our path through life that works best for us.

Mostly experience is a heckuva teacher, as we grow and learn, but everyday is a learning experience about ourselves, and how we interact with the world, and others.

Sometimes the advice given is based on those experiences, and seems to be the same, but that in no way reflects the uniqueness of individuals we encounter on this site, but does reflect the learned lessons, and experiences of us all here, in trying to suggest a good path to take.
Its seldom about the partners, but about how the OP feels about themselves, and that is how they see their own reality, and how they cope with others, and their circumstances.
That's the whole key to decision making, and coping with the world, and whatever else life throws at you, good or bad, how you cope with it, and well grounded people, who know who they are, and what they stand for, and are happy with that knowledge, tend to deal with the reality of life much better.
None of us is perfect, but we do have to try to be the best we can, and do our best for ourselves.

It sounds like your really getting that understanding of yourself, and for that I applaud you, and am really happy about your awakening. I also appreciate the good words, and the insights you have gained, as I know I can be aggressive in getting facts that offends many, which is not my intention, as its understanding that is sought.

That doesn't mean you shouldn't feel free to ask any questions you have, and be a part of this rather unique online family, and share with us. I learn from others all the time, and that's a great experience.

Threads merged

Ive learned a lot, you all were probably right. Her and I shared so many special things, but since she broke up with me so she could feel like the one who did nothing wrong, I have learned a lot about myself and am keeping my best to stay focused on the present moment and not when her and I were together. I have dealt with this break up so much better then my last but two really hard break ups in a year and a half have done their toll to me.

I had ample oppurtunity when her and I were together to make it right but only till I lost her could I see the light.

I had some self esteem issues before I met my ex girlfiend. Throughout that relationship I wasn't myself because it was the first time I had met a woman that had what I was looking for. I never thought she existed. It was like I was frozen throughout the friendship at first and then in the relationship when we took it to the next level.

I was pretty hurt from a previous break up when I became friends with my ex, I definitely over identified with sadness that controlled my everythought. I had taken on an apartment and all the rent after the break up and owned a car with very high insurance for the first time in my life. I had a couple other bills and needless to say the total of all these payments was most of my monthly income.

The trouble I had was that I was way to overcome by my sadness which was so heavily self induced and then the pressure of a woman whom I was spending time with every day that had everything I ever looked for in a woman that was in my life. I was missing a lot of time at work and over the course of the relationship I fudged the truth and lost the woman due to my over passitivy and fudging the truth about my finances.

Right now Its been over three months and I'm having a hard time getting over the woman I had waited for for so long whom I totall drove away because I couldn't get control of myself, the strong confident fun happy person I project and know myself to be.

Does anyone have any suggestions that might help? I feel so robbed of an opportunity I had waited for fer so long. Im 29.

Well first you were not ready for this relationship and it "appears" in the little info you gave that perhaps you were using her for your support instead of finding yourself first.

And that is what has to happen you need to be happy with who you are,

Second you were not honest with her, a relationship will not work if you are not honest with each other completely.

And when you allowed this relationship to control your life, and then lie about it, it was unhealthy at the very lest.

So now you have learned, and you move on.

Well first you were not ready for this relationship and it "appears" in the little info you gave that perhaps you were using her for your support instead of finding yourself first.

And that is what has to happen you need to be happy with who you are,

Second you were not honest with her, a relationship will not work if you are not honest with each other completely.

And when you allowed this relationship to control your life, and then lie about it, it was unhealthy at the very lest.

So now you have learned, and you move on.


Everything you say is true, all with what little info I gave as you mentioned.

I have learned, I have learned so much. This woman that came into my life and who I tried to be as honest as I could be. I learned things about myself that I had totally forgot. She brought so many realities that I had missed to my attention.

The first was at the point where we took our friendship to the next level, she said "all we have to do now is see if we can communicate". I had no idea what she was talking about. It made no sense to me, we had just spent three months talking everyday, going to different places and such.

The second was she said quite a few times that I think your in your head too much.

It wasn't until we broke up that I started to dive into the bookstore finding out what I could about "being in your head" meant and communication.

I've been averaging 2 books a week since we broke up. So many books and information I just can't believe I was so unaware of. I lost so much fear when we broke up, my life has changed completely. I asked for a raise I was due, I continued going to the church that her and I went too together just a different location, I joined a home church that is through the church, I have explored my city to the fullest, I have met tons of people.

I just don't get why I had to drive her away, for me to get to where I needed to be. To be happy with myself.

I'm stuck, this woman did everything in her power to be with me, to make me see. Now I have lost her. It hurts so much. I don't know how to move on, I try so hard. I feel like I was robbed/mugged. I had know chance with the state I was in and I still won her and she won me. Yet I wasn't where I needed to be then, I'm here now. Yet she's gone. Everything we both looked for and found in each other has vanished. We brought such realities into each others lives but because I was out of touch with myself I lost her, I don't get to celebrate finally being myself with her, and to enjoy all that we had enjoyed to the fullest, without the lies, with the honesty. I'm so lost as to how to move on from this, I waited for so long.

I feel like its wrong to even think about being with somebody else, its her I want to be with. Yet I know its not the reality of my situation right now. The realtiy is I either a)dont date for awhile or b)start dating.

I'm at a loss, I feel like I'm wasting time if I don't start dating yet I really loved this woman, and I just wasn't ready for her then.

I wish she would just give me a chance but she won't return any phone calls. It feels like I'm hurting myself by wishing she give me a chance.

Ty chuck for your thoughtful words.

Can any women offer any words that might shed some light as to how I feel?

I never meant or intentially used her for support, I feel bad I hurt her, I never meant to, I didn't see any other way to do things, my eyes were closed to realties because I was shut down emotionally, I couldn't feel anything, it was when she left that I began to feel, feel everything, everywhere, I came alive... I just want the woman whom won my heart.

This woman who you think you need so much, was probably sent into your life so that you could find yourself and get out of your head and into the real world.

This happens, you've had your chance with her, you've said yourself you blew it, by not being completely honest with her.

Now you have to learn that if you aren't fully honest about yourself a relationship built on that kind of unstable foundation isn't going to work, its build on quick sand and not a solid ground .

There are all types of people sent to us in life most bring something we need to learn, others come to us because we are to show them something. Some stay a while some a long time some forever and some briefly.

Obviously you are learning the lessons this person was meant to show you. But now she's gone. You only have how you were to blame, or to learn from.

Its painful because you are only just realising what you should have learned a long time ago.

Be yourself...

This woman who you think you need so much, was probably sent into your life so that you could find yourself and get out of your head and into the real world.

This happens, youve had your chance with her, youve said yourself you blew it, by not being completely honest with her.

Now you have to learn that if you arent fully honest about yourself a relationship built on that kind of unstable foundation isnt going to work, its build on quick sand and not a solid ground .

There are all types of people sent to us in life most bring something we need to learn, others come to us because we are to show them something. Some stay a while some a long time some forever and some briefly.

Obviously you are learning the lessons this person was meant to show you. but now shes gone. You only have how you were to blame, or to learn from.

Its painful because you are only just realising what you should have learned a long time ago.

Be yourself...


I don't want to invalidate what you've said, I just don't see where I come across as that I need her so much. I'm to assume you see me "needing her so much" from how I want her to give me a chance with the awarness of my emotions and actions.

I brought God into my life following my first break up and cleaned up my act tremendously. I had always stayed as far away from religion or God that I could. For some reason I turned right away to spirtuality and God/Jesus after my first break up.

I believed it had to be for a better woman to come into my life.

Well she did, and she had gone through a break up as well. She for the first time in her life was reading parts of the Bible from proverbs when we met. She didn't believe in Jesus, hands down. She was Jaded as she put it. By the fifth month of our time together, we had been going to church for 3 months, and she finally believed in Jesus. She came out and said it on a car ride home from one of our day trips.

She didn't believe a guy like me existed. Like I didn't believe a woman like her existed.

We both did many things in each other lives in our time together.

I realized the last parts of my dishonest ways that needed to be repaired and things about life like communicaton, physchology, business and life.

I finally am free from my crooked past and the lack of awarness on mcuh of life.

I agree tremendously what you said positive parent about certain people coming into each other's lives to show us something and/or to learn something.

That's my problem and maybe why u see me as needing her.

After this relationship and seeing everything that has happened and with all the reading I've done, I am certain that 100% there are no such things as coincidences.

We were so compatible and as honest as we could be then, what bothers me is we have grown so much independently and I know I am a completely new person, so much more integrated, that with the compatibility and the connection we shared, the love.

All I see is such a solid foundation, such a healthy real relationship that could be formed if we were to start fresh, meet each other new.

Ty for your comments. They mean a lot.

I don't want to invalidate again what you said but I was being myself as best as I could, I just felt so trapped and I didn't know how to say it to her, I tried to dodge the truth in order to have her stay with me out of fear, fear of telling the truth and accepting the consequences. My problem is now, not in hindsight, is if I had told the truth, will I have grown and took this path that I have taken these last 3.5 months. I really question it.

From the bottom of my heart I know that if she were to give me a chance, it would work the way it did then, but with a solid foundation that wasn't there last time.

God finished his work with me, fixing my dishonest and cutting corners ways, I never want to stop growing but a chance with the love that we shared before without my passitivy and lack of awarness and cutting corners.

Sorry OP but she has already given you a chance, when you were with this person you must have known she was all you wanted, and met all of your requirements, in view of this I feel I must ask you why didn't you turn yourself around there and then and make good what you had gotten wrong at the start, surely that means you had a chance, you could have shown her all you wanted to back then. So you were and are responsible for the way you now find yourself.

This comment here though seems somewhat contradictory;
We were so compatible and as honest as we could be then, what bothers me is we have grown so much independently and I know I am a completely new person, so much more integrated, that with the compatibility and the connection we shared, the love.

So I will ask what caused you and this person to end the relationship you had. Why did you not work harder at improving yourself whilst she was still in your life. When you had a chance to make something worthwhile and lasting with her.

If as you say you were not honest with her then that is why I feel it didn't last between you and unless you admit this fully, not try to make excuses for your actions. Face those truths. Then maybe you'll begin to move on.

You need to take full responsibility for your life your actions your choices your motives and the outcome of every choice you make as being yours and only your responsibility. No one else brought you to this place you're in now, only you and the choices you made...

Sorry OP but she has already given you a chance, when you were with this person you must have known she was all you wanted, and met all of your requirements, in view of this I feel I must ask you why didnt you turn yourself around there and then and make good what you had gotten wrong at the start, surely that means you had a chance, you could have shown her all you wanted to back then. So you were and are responsible for the way you now find yourself.

This comment here though seems somewhat contradictory;
We were so compatible and as honest as we could be then, what bothers me is we have grown so much independently and I know I am a completely new person, so much more integrated, that with the compatibility and the connection we shared, the love.

So I will ask what caused you and this person to end the relationship you had. Why did you not work harder at improving yourself whilst she was still in your life. when you had a chance to make something worthwhile and lasting with her.? I was so overwhelmed, I couldn't think straight, my emotions and thoughts were out of control, I couldn't see clearly.She ended the relationship with me because I tried being honest by being dishonest and said something I didn't even know I said that broke her heart. A month and a half later she left me.

If as you say you were not honest with her then that is why I feel it didnt last between you and unless you admit this fully, not try to make excuses for your actions. face those truths. Then maybe youll begin to move on.

You need to take full responsibility for your life your actions your choices your motives and the outcome of every choice you make as being yours and only your responsibility. no one else brought you to this place youre in now, only you and the choices you made...

OK

I didn't know how to be honest then, I didn't know how to speak from my heart. I didn't understand empathy, I didn't understand connecting to someone's heart. I didn't know what true love was until she left me. Life hit me pretty quickly and hard when she left.

That's what hurts the most. I needed this to realize and become one with the things I just mentioned, to actually feel them and feel the truth and meaning behind it.

There was no other way.

Its hard for me to love her enough to let her go and move on.

By God as my witness I love that woman from the bottom of my heart. We had the most heartfelt relationship there could possibly be, we took it slow and connected on so many levels, just not the one level that is needed to maintain and grow,

I let her down, If I had gone through this after my first break up, there is no way this would have happened.

It hurts more then the world to move on and let go, it was a dream come true, so magical.

I guess no matter what I did and didn't do,

God will bring us back together if we are meant to be,

I have to believe that, otherwise I know our heavenly father will bring me someone else.

Give your best and final shot in trying to get through to her,communicate your love for her and base your future decisions on that outcome.

But be careful how you approach her and what you say/do etc.Be prepared this time,right down to the last detail and carry this out as you would any plan you would like to see succeed.But whatever you do,don't bank on her reactions/responses.

Just give one final try,in order to give closure to yourself and then let go.

Hi OP I can understand you're feeling heartbroken at losing this girl, however you will get over it, and you will also love again, just learn from this and take what you learn into any new relationship you get into at some point.

Or perhaps this girl will agree to meet up with you at some time and if so perhaps you could tell her everything the complete truth and why you deceived her. She might be willing to give you another chance, but whatever you do you must tell her the complete truth.

You could try this you've nothing to lose, if she doesn't agree to a 2nd chance then you'll just have to accept that and move on and let her do the same.

JMO, Please let us know what you decide to do, and Good Luck.

You need to tell her all the stuff you told us here. She needs to hear this. If she still cares, she will be there for you. Stop beating yourself up. Life is about growing, and you have grown from this situation.

Communication IS key and she is right on the money. So you need to start communicating and what better time than the present! I am a huge optimist in matters of the heart.

My problem when I wrote all this was as you see that date was July 26th, well from April 20th till July 26th I bombarded her with texts. I tried one last time about the end of July and she threatened to call the cops on me for harrasement.

I'm pretty stuck still, none of it makes any sense.

She threatened to call the cops and you still say you are stuck and don't know what all this means?

What would it take you to realise that THIS IS FINALLY OVER AND DONE WITH... hope you don't want a situation where she actually calls the cops and ensures you are put away?

Leaving her alone is what makes sense. Going to jail does NOT make sense.