I recently began dating this man beginning of June and our relationship quickly grew into a serious one in the span of the not-even two months we've been together. He's actually someone I've known for about a year and has indicated a strong interest in me ever since we first met. He approached me within a month of our first meeting; I declined as I was seeing someone else at the time, to which he answered that "he'd wait". We continued to keep in casual contact regardless since and I even dated him briefly for a month last winter, which I broke off as I was still pining for my last ex, and I was overall unsure and doubtful of him and his intentions as he just came on too strong.

I saw less of him after that encounter, though he continued to attempt to maintain contact with me and swing by my workplace during my shifts. I kept a vigil pact with myself to merely keep it casual and keep him at bay, but my mind continued to plague me with "what-ifs" and "buts" until I finally caved and decided to give him a second try around this May. Coincidentally, he came in while I was working at that time and after a brief exchange, he approached me again later that evening and asked if I'd be willing to give him a "second opportunity." It was at this time he also apologized for his actions from last winter and after reflecting he felt that the stigma from his divorce had compelled him to act as he had (note: I hadn't known anything about him having been divorced till that moment).

Which brings me to finally round it back to the present. I don't know what happened right this time, but everything has unfolded beautifully so far. While I don't love him, I know that I like him so intensely that I've begun fantasizing about a potential future together, that given more time I would probably grow to love him, that I now can't imagine myself with anyone else (let alone wanting anyone else), and just overall I desperately want to keep him. I know the feeling's mutual thus far and while we've yet to really discuss too much in the long-term, I know he likes me just as much, if not potentially more.

Unfortunately, something's now threatening our relationship otherwise. As of mid-June, I became aware that he's been having issues at work, unbearably so enough that he began actively searching for a new job and studying accordingly. Because of this, we even took a two-week break starting the second week of July so he could concentrate more fully on this (communication still allowed, just no meeting each other), which he ultimately broke a week in when he asked to see me. I saw him last weekend and we had already made plans to celebrate his birthday together this past Monday.

Monday early afternoon however, I got a call from him. Apparently he had finally heard back from his recruiter who had asked to meet with him that evening. Likewise, we postponed plans to celebrate the next day with him promising to call later that night just to reconfirm. I didn't get the call as promised, but instead got a cryptic text Tuesday evening: a jumble of "priorities changing", "searching for job outside _____", and "you deserve someone better" that sent rocks plummeting to my stomach.

I asked for clarification and we talked on the phone a half-hour later, from which I learned several things: a) his current job skills were simply not in demand in the current job market and his recruiter had therefore asked that he study new skills to make him a more viable candidate, b) the job market in our area was not giving him any leads and he would have to expand his search to the rest of the country, c) therefore the likeliness of him staying here was very slim and likewise we wouldn't be able to be together, and d) he really needed to concentrate solely on his studies and situation now to make sure this all worked out and any contact between us would likely distract him or worse, influence him to change the decisions he had now made.

All tangents and additional details aside, I agreed to his request for no-contact - a duration that covers his studying period and until he has acquired a new job (he gauged at around 6 weeks+). He would then contact me after everything had settled and we would meet at least one last time before he flew out and we'd also decide what we'd do about us then.

Naturally I'm heart-broken. It was hard to stop rambling for fear of eventually having to hang up (and then not hear from him again for god knows how long) and hard even to say anything at all due to my total devastation and shock. I was recently dismissed from work and lack of current employment (or motivation now, for that matter) gives me too much time to think about him. I'm not mad at him; I know he tried to stay here for me and that this isn't a decision that he had wanted to make either - if things hadn't turned out the way they did, he hadn't even planned to tell me about the whole ordeal in the first place. I don't necessarily think he's "the one" for me (I'm not even sure how strongly I believe in that), but giving him and us up is one thing that I'm very reluctant to do.

... I originally hesitated to mention this before as I was wary of preconceived notions and initial judgments affecting potential responses, but I think it's important that this ultimately be mentioned. The two of us are very different individuals in very different places in life. Frankly, I am a 20-year-old undergraduate yet attending university and he is a 36-year-old man deeply involved in his career. I'm still in the midst of trying to decide what I want to do after I graduate and he's in the middle of making some life decisions that I couldn't even imagine the severity of. I'm a second-generation Asian-American and he's a skilled professional who migrated from a foreign country.

I have to admit, I'm not sure exactly what kind of advice I'm looking for. I'm having a hard time looking to my friends as they don't really have experience in this area and any older/experienced individuals I would normally approach for help are mostly too conservative that I fear they wouldn't be able to take all this in with an open eye and mind. I think at this point just any word back is appreciated and I sincerely thank those who managed to even read all this.

Hi Anatomi
Ive read your post and one or two things have come to mind, these being, your b/f doesn't appear or from what you say then he doesn't appear to be making any long term or short term for that matter plans with you in them.

Another being your life experiences and age difference.

Whilst age isn't so much of an issue, I think the life experiences and stages each of you are at could have some bearing on the final out come.

Also 6 weeks is quite a long time to wait around for someone you've hardly been in a relationship with or for you to possibly pin your hopes on.

So much can happen in that time, you could both find you've changed your priorities and outlooks, your relationship is still too young for either of you to really know where it is headed.

In view of these aspects I would advise you to play it by ear take one day at a time and expect nothing or expect the unexpected.

You're young you have your whole life ahead of you so to maybe put it on hold whilst this man pursues his career would be rather a big step to take.

You neither of you has made any commitment to the other, so I suggest you just live your life and if you resume contact after the 6 weeks or so it takes for the other person to do all he needs to enable his own employment, then so be it.

I would also suggest you don't hold out any hope of the relationship resumming.

It doesn't appear that this person is about to make anything long term or permanent of the relationship, so in this respect don't put your life on hold. I somehow feel your time with him may have reached its end.

Another thing that puzzles me is why can't you and he still remain in contact whilst he's away pursuing his career and employment prospects. I somehow feel he's trying to let you down lightly because Im sure if he wanted to remain in a relationship with you then he would find ways to accommodate you in his plans if only to remain in brief contact with you.

JMO hope this helps.

The hole thing sounds fishy to me. I'm not understanding the reason for the break and I don't sense he is very serious about you.
You're young and you admit your not in love with him. Talk to him in six weeks see how he's doing but I would not put my life on hold for him.

Please don't believe everything he tells you. He may have a wife. Have you even thought of that?

You're young and you have your whole life ahead of you. Leave this guy alone. As Homegirl said, "The whole thing sounds fishy".

You are not at the top of his priority list, so neither should he be at the top of yours. Do your own thing and find your own path to happiness, and don't be so reluctant to put him where he belongs, in the past as your future is ahead of you.

I say that simply because he would be including you if he had feelings, not EXCLUDING YOU as he is now.

You are no where as important to him as he is to you and don't need him to be happy. Its was fun while it lasted but let it go and get on with the next chapter in your life.

Anatomi,like you say so yourself,I don't think there's much love between you two at the moment.He liked you,more than you did him,as you say,then you started liking him and both of you were giving it a shot.Neither had committed and I don't think you had ventured past the dating stage or taken the relationship to the next level.

It's a different thing that you have started developing feelings now and unfortunately at the time when things aren't looking bright.Its strange that sometimes people boil it down to a choice between career and love,when it doesn't have to be that way.But since that's the way it is and you can't do much about changing the situation,just let go and focus on re-building your life.Talk to him in six weeks and take a decision then.