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View Full Version : I don't know how to help my boyfriend. His dad is dying free advice


ellykat
Jul 23, 2010, 12:02 AM
I met my partners Dad about 5 yrs ago and he was the most jovial, welcoming,take-in-anyone person you could ever meet. He has been in hospital, now a home for terminally ill people (7 months now). He has been given only a few weeks to live. He used to be such a big cuddly bear of a man. I see him now and I hurt so much because I know the end is near. He has wasted away. He refuses food. I think he WANTS to give up and ITS HAPPENING. My partner is his son and our relationship has been deteriorating since. We are not intimate anymore, we don't talk, we don't even cuddle. My partner (like his father and self admitted) does not allow me to have friends. Or talk to anyone at all. (LOL) If he sees this, Im ed!) All I want to do is know HOW to support him. All I want to do is leave the abuse, but how can I " things up, by leaving?" I guess Im really screwed. can't leave him now, iPlease Help

Clough
Jul 23, 2010, 12:18 AM
Hi, ellykat!

How was your relationship with the son before his dad started dying, please?

Thanks!

ellykat
Jul 23, 2010, 12:23 AM
Close. We had the most passionate relationship. We have seen each other through some extraordinary things.

ellykat
Jul 23, 2010, 12:24 AM
Now its dead dead dead

Clough
Jul 23, 2010, 12:26 AM
So, is whatever "abuse" is going on, only because of how he has changed since his father is dying?

Clough
Jul 23, 2010, 12:27 AM
now its dead dead dead

Okay. But, I'm assuming that you would like to keep it alive. Would that be correct?

ellykat
Jul 23, 2010, 12:29 AM
If you allow me to quote the inevitable? Life goes on, (small cry) I can accept the beauty and passion of life. That's me. I used to say "if you want to know me, I am love."
I don't say that anymore.

ellykat
Jul 23, 2010, 12:35 AM
Sorry, I didn't get the last question. Um. Very much emotional not physical now the police have been involved again and again and again. I am only permitted to live in certain smaller and smaller circles. My best friend is his mother and that's it.

ellykat
Jul 23, 2010, 12:38 AM
No. I told him and his Mum that I would like to get my own flat. Holy . Im too old for this , yet Im still here. I want o go.

Clough
Jul 23, 2010, 12:38 AM
How long have you known him and his family, please?

I apologize for all the questions. But, it helps to get sufficient enough information in order for people to advise the best here.

Thanks!

ellykat
Jul 23, 2010, 12:41 AM
Guess you gone too

Clough
Jul 23, 2010, 12:43 AM
I'm not gone. I was changing my options so that people can see that I'm online here. It's really late for me right now. And, sometimes it's best to move around the site being "cloaked" as it were...

Clough
Jul 23, 2010, 12:44 AM
Did you see my post #10?

ellykat
Jul 23, 2010, 12:44 AM
Eine kleine

ellykat
Jul 23, 2010, 12:47 AM
No, I don't know how to look

ellykat
Jul 23, 2010, 12:50 AM
LOL U sound like undercover something. Why do you have do do what u said? I look where you ask me to

Clough
Jul 23, 2010, 12:50 AM
I don't know what "skin" for the site you're using. But for me, we're on page 2. So, you might need to go to the first page of the thread to read post #10.

ellykat
Jul 23, 2010, 12:51 AM
Rock Island. Is that USA?

Clough
Jul 23, 2010, 12:52 AM
LOL U sound like undercover something. Why do you have do do what u said? I look where you ask me to

Sometimes people who are regulars on the site can get involved "live" in more than one thread at a time. It can help to slow things down a bit by being "cloaked". At least that's one of the reasons for doing it.

Clough
Jul 23, 2010, 12:53 AM
Rock Island. Is that USA?

Yes. IL for Illinois is written next to Rock Island.

ellykat
Jul 23, 2010, 12:53 AM
O you have lost me, sorry! I don't know what a skin is

ellykat
Jul 23, 2010, 12:55 AM
Are u there? Do u want to keep talking or are u tired?

Clough
Jul 23, 2010, 01:01 AM
You seem to be doing just fine here. A "skin" has to do with the way the site looks and operates. If you go to your User Options, you should be able to change the skin that you're using. However, you really do seem to be doing just fine using whatever skin you're already using.

I'm a little bit tired but can still go for awhile. Thanks for asking! :)

Clough
Jul 23, 2010, 01:06 AM
Now, are you still there?

ellykat
Jul 23, 2010, 01:07 AM
In response to *10. I have known this man and his fam for over 5 yrs. This is the type of family so different from my upbringing. They communicate every day with each other. They are the first point of call with each other. They're bloody rock solid. I am blessed having real Mum (we work cleaning at a Motel together)

ellykat
Jul 23, 2010, 01:08 AM
How do we talk again? When u go to sleep/

Clough
Jul 23, 2010, 01:15 AM
I'm still here...

Is your partners' father in a hospital that's near to all of you?

ellykat
Jul 23, 2010, 01:18 AM
U there? What do I call you?

ellykat
Jul 23, 2010, 01:23 AM
Hi, sorry, Im still working my way round talking to someone.. Yes, he is closer now he is in a home. The hospital shut him out, so they put him in a home. 6 weeks free government funded because they know it's their fault he will die. HE GOT mrsa

Clough
Jul 23, 2010, 01:27 AM
Would you mind sharing what the ages are of you and your partner, please?

I'm much older than when my father died. But, I can remember how it affected me when he was dying. Part of any negative ways it affected me was because of my age and lack of experience at the time.

Thanks!

ellykat
Jul 23, 2010, 01:30 AM
Hey sleepyhead! Remember. A bird does not sing to make a sound. A bird sings because it can.

Thank you for listening

Clough
Jul 23, 2010, 01:35 AM
Hey sleepyhead! Remember. A bird does not sing to make a sound. A bird sings because it can.

Thank you for listening

Ha! Have you been spying on me? :)

I'm still listening...

ellykat
Jul 23, 2010, 02:27 AM
Thank you. Not alone. Someone talked to me.

Clough
Jul 23, 2010, 02:39 AM
I'm still listening...

You're not alone!

What time is it where you're at now, please?

Thanks!

KISS
Jul 23, 2010, 04:28 AM
There's plenty of threads on where the SO (Significant Other) get's left out in this sort of situation. The best you can do, is tell him that you will be there for him when he needs you. Let him focus his energies on his father. Your being selfish if you don't. It may continue for a long time during the greiving phase too. Be prepared for that.

I had an aunt who contacted MRSA and passed away quickly.

Now, there seems to be a hint of abuse and police. Explain.