I found this article and I thought that I would share with others. Forgiving your ex is one of the hardest things to do in life, especially when they hurt you, however, it is the only way that you can't truly release them.

If a person has an experience that is physically, mentally or emotionally traumatic, the mind deals with the situation in one of several different ways. Some people abuse alcohol, food, drugs or other substances to numb the feelings they have inside. Others mourn for a short period, restore their faith, balance and sanity, and somehow miraculously move on. But the rest of us left over, usually those who are very analytical and logical, have trouble processing deeply troubling situations. So, we replay the painful situation over and over again in our minds, searching for an answer. But the problem is, the answer cannot be found in the rational mind, because the problem is on an emotional plain. Therefore, the solution has to come from the heart, which needs to be healed and restored. Here is the step by step process I have adapted to end obsessive thinking about an Ex:

Step 1:
Don't take anything your Ex ever said or did personally, because nothing your Ex ever said or did was about you. Even if your Ex downright blames you for everything that went wrong in your relationship, realize their statement is only coming from who they are, which has absolutely nothing to do with the person you are.
Step 2:
However, not taking your Ex personally is a two sided coin. If during the heat of an argument you react and tell your Ex what an idiot THEY are, and how everything is THEIR fault, then it has nothing to do with them. Your statements only reflect the kind of person you are, which is a person who likes to blame and judge. This has nothing to do with your Ex. Therefore, consciously make an effort to be the person you are, regardless of how your Ex is behaving. Make a list of all the qualities you admire in others, for example: kindness, confidence, compassion, and respect. Chances are you already possess the qualities within yourself. Be very careful not to make statements that don't reflect who you are, even when you may be tempted to give into the hurt and anger you feel.
Step 3
Release your judgments and opinions by becoming friends with Death. As morbid as this sounds, realize that in 100 years, you and your Ex will likely be dead, and nothing you ever fought about will be remembered. If your Ex has the obsessive need to be right and argue with you about everything, give in to their whim and say, "You are absolutely right." Not only will this reinforce your relationship with Death and save you a tremendous amount of personal power, your Ex will find it impossible to argue with you because you are giving the non-verbal message that it really doesn't matter. As one my favorite authors Wayne Dyer once said, "Have you ever noticed how hard it is to argue with someone who isn't obsessed with being right?"
Step 4:
If the hurt and anger is overwhelming, distance yourself from your Ex completely. And no matter what, get on your knees and pray for your Ex every morning. Pray that your Ex will be granted all of the health, wealth and happiness you wish for yourself. Even if you are not a religious person, or you don't believe in God, the act itself is liberating.
In twelve step programs, such as Alcoholics Anonymous, they are taught to pray for people they have a deep resentment towards. At first, you will not mean a word of the prayer. But if you say the prayer consistently for two weeks, you will come to genuinely mean it, and find that there is a part of you that realizes your Ex is just a human being, with their own imperfections, weaknesses and short comings. If you go deeper, you will realize your Ex may also be a very hurt and scared person - even if they outwardly seem very hostile, aggressive and manipulative. Of course, no matter what happened to your Ex in their childhood or even in their day to day life - it does not give them a reason to mistreat you. But by being aware of the fact that your Ex has a certain set of issues to deal with on their own time, it will help you replace the hurt and anger you feel with compassion and understanding.
Step 5:
Own your personal power. Because when you are who you are, regardless of the situation or circumstance that comes your way, then this transforms you into a very powerful person. This is the step that absolutely baffles your Ex, because by you being who you are, and not letting them get you down - it sends your Ex the non-verbal message that you are who you are and they are who they are. But most importantly, it tells your Ex that you are not going to take any of their crap! When you respond to your Ex's hostility with kindness, and your Ex's blame with compassion, it frustrates them to no end, because your Ex cannot get you to play their game.
Step 6:
Come to understand that you are doing all of this work for no other reason than to realize who you are, restore your sense of balance, and reclaim your personal power. If you do all of this work in order to manipulate your Ex, and make them want you back, your Ex will subconsciously sense your intentions, because at one point or another, you will slip and let your intentions be known without realizing it. When this happens, you will give all of your power back to your Ex, and will have to start all over again with Step 1.
Step 6 is often tricky, because if you master each step up to this point, your Ex may very well want to reconcile. At the very least, your Ex will begin responding to the kindness you send their way in a positive fashion. But regardless if you want to get back together with your Ex, just be friends, or just get over the obsessive thinking - remember your sole purpose is to realize who you are, restore your sense of balance, and reclaim your personal power. If you do all of this work just to manipulate your Ex into responding the way you want them to, it may work for a very short period. But I guarantee your Ex will pick up on the fact that your intentions are not genuine, and you will lose your personal power. Not only that, but when you genuinely become who you are, you attract the right kind of people to your life. And maybe your Ex is not the person you are meant to be with! And the only way you will know if you are meant to be with your Ex or anyone else is if you are genuinely who you are.
Step 7:
Forgive your Ex, no matter what they did or didn't do. Unfortunately, it may not be enough at this point to say, "I forgive my ex." And leave it at that. Forgiveness has little to do with words, and more to do with action. Before proceeding with this step, I recommend reading up on the topic of forgiveness, and reading heroic stories about the power of forgiveness. I once read a story about a woman whose daughter was brutally raped and murdered by a man that was eventually caught and sent to prison. As anyone can imagine, the woman spent years of her life in rage and obsession over what this man had done to her daughter. I am sure there are no words to express how much pain this woman was feeling. However, she somehow stumbled on a book entitled, The Course of Miracles and began reading about what the power of forgiveness could do for her. She started to pray for the man, and eventually sent him a letter, letting him know she had forgiven him for the actions he took against her daughter, even though she didn't condone his behavior. To make a long story short, the man wrote the woman back and apologized profusely. The woman felt compelled to see this young man in prison, and she held him as he cried during their first visit. To make a long story short, they became friends, and she became his number one advocate in attempts to release him from prison.
There are not a lot of people walking on the planet as courageous as this woman, but it is an extreme example of what is possible within each one of us. I thought about this woman before I reached out to my Ex with forgiveness in my heart. I sent a gift to my Ex and the woman my Ex left me for, which seemed to pale in comparison to this woman's story. Of course, it took me a little over a year to reach that point, and a lot of soul searching. To this day, I love my Ex with all of my heart on a platonic level. We live in two totally different cities, but still call and send each other emails on occasion as good friends.
I am also in a healthy relationship with someone I am deeply in love with. Next week will be our two year anniversary. I do not think I would be as happy and as deeply in love with this new person as I am now, had I not let go of the anger, bitterness, and resentment I once felt towards my Ex, which is another reason why forgiveness is so important.
A lot of people believe turning off your feelings for a person you once were in a romantic relationship with, or even hating them is a way to show that they are "over" the person. But I believe the exact opposite is true. When you are completely "over" a person, you really wish them nothing but the best - and you are totally detached emotionally from how they act or react. Another point to consider is the fact that love isn't real unless you loved your Ex for the person they are, not the person you wanted them to be. And just because the romantic relationship didn't work out, doesn't mean your Ex isn't a lovable person.

I read your post with interest and there are some good points to it.

Here is another self help step by step exercise you could also try.

Forgive and Forget
What is forgiving and forgetting in a relationship?

1. Forgiving is allowing another person to be human for faults, mistakes or misdeeds.
Forgetting is putting these behind you; they are no longer brought up and no longer remain a barrier to your relationship.

2. Forgiving is letting another know that there is no grudge, hard feelings or animosity for any wrongdoing.
Forgetting is the lack of further discussion, with no ongoing negative references to the event.

3. Forgiving is letting the other person know that you accept as genuine the remorse and sorrow for actions or words that hurt or disappointed you.
Forgetting is promising that this deed, whether of omission or commission, will not be brought up again.

4. Forgiving is accepting the sincerity of penance, sorrow and regret expressed over a grievous personal offense; making it sufficient to clear the air.
Forgetting is your commitment to let go of anger, hurt and pain over this offense.

5. Forgiving is giving a sign that a person's explanation or acceptance of blame for a destructive, hurtful or painful act is fully accepted.
Forgetting is the development of a plan of action between the two of you to heal the scars resulting from the behavior.

6. Forgiving is the highest form of human behavior that can be shown to another person.
It means being vulnerable to being hurt or offended in the future, yet setting aside this in order to reopen and heal the channels of communication. Forgetting is is also a noble human behavior; it is letting go of the need to seek revenge for past offenses.

7. Forgiving is the act of love between you and a person who has hurt you; the bandage that holds the wound together long enough to heal.
Forgetting is also an act of love; in rehabilitation therapy, helping the wounded return to a full and functional life.

8. Forgiving is the God-like gift of spiritually connecting with others, touching their hearts to calm the fear of rejection, quiet the sense of failure and lighten the burden of guilt.
Forgetting is the God-like gift of spiritually touching others' hearts with the reassurance of a happy and full life with no fear of recrimination.

9. Forgiving is the act of letting go of temporary ill will, disappointment or the disgust that arises from the break in your relationship.
Forgetting is bridging this gap in the relationship, eventually strengthening it against such a break in the future.

10. Forgiving is an act of compassion, humanity and gentleness by which you let another know that he is indeed a child of the universe upon whom a variety of graces and blessings have been showered and that current or past offenses need not be a barrier to goodness.
Forgetting is the act of encouragement, support and reinforcement by which you assist the other person to rebuild, reconnect and re-establish a loving, caring, healthy relationship with you and the world.

Negative consequences of the absences of forgiving and forgetting
In the absence of forgiving and forgetting, the partners in a relationship run the risk of:
* Continuously being hurt with pain and suffering going unresolved.
* Unresolved guilt and remorse for offenses committed.
* Chronically seeking revenge and paybacks from one another.
* Being caught up in unresolved anger, animosity and bitterness.
* Defensive, self-protective and distant behavior.
* Blaming, negative and non-growth oriented behavior.
* Being stuck in a battlefield stockpiled for future offensive attacks.
* Being lost in a festering wound that never realizes the revitalization of healing.
* Secretive and non-communicative behavior.
* Fear over making a mistake or of having the mistake revealed.
* Being overwhelmed by fear of failure, fear of rejection, fear of non-approval, low self-esteem, fear of conflict.
* High stress.

Signs of the absence of forgiving and forgetting.
Lack of forgiving and forgetting in a relationship can result in:
* Irreconcilable differences between people.
* Indifference toward one another.
* An emotional vacuum in which little or no emotions are shown or shared.
* Chronic attacks or angry outbursts.
* Addressing or interacting with one another disrespectfully.
* One-upmanship: competition as to who can out do whom in terms of eliciting sympathy, compassion or understanding from outsiders.
* Seeking revenge from one another.
* Pitting the parties in the relationship against one another through coalitions and taking sides.
* Chronic recalling and reminding of past hurts and offenses.
* Suspicions about the others' motives, behavior, attitudes or beliefs.
* Chronic depression.
* Chronic hostility.
* Name calling, belittling and demeaning one another.
* Responding to present behavior as if they were past behavior.
* Unwillingness to change and/or unwillingness to seek the help necessary to change.

Beliefs shared by people who refuse to forgive or forget
* I was hurt so much; how could you ever expect me to forgive and forget that?
* I never deserved the treatment I received, and I do not believe that forgiving and forgetting is deserved in this situation.
* I am sick because of that treatment; how can I ever forgive or forget that?
* There are people who are inherently evil, and they are despicable. No forgiving or forgetting will ever change that.
* People are vicious and cruel, and you always need to protect yourself because of that; so why try to forgive and forget what they have done?
* It is a sign of weakness to forgive and forget.
* It is just "giving in" to the others' power and control to forgive and forget.
* There are some things you can never forgive and forget.
* I never forgive; I just get even.
* Revenge is the best way to heal wounds.
* Don't cross me and I won't cross you; but if you do cross me, watch out!
* Only God can forgive and forget, though at times I don't believe He does either.
* I have done nothing for which I need to be forgiven.
* It is easy to say "I'm sorry." You can never trust anyone who says "I'm sorry."
* You are just seeking my forgiveness so that you can come back and hurt me again.
* You do not deserve any kindness, compassion or forgiveness for what you have done to me; I'll see to it that you are never able to forget it!
* All people who do wrong deserve the worst life has to dish out.
* I resent everyone who has hurt me, and I believe that this makes me a stronger person so that I will not be hurt again.
* Anyone who could treat another person that way is undeserving of being forgiven, loved or cared for.

In order to forgive and forget, you need to practice:
* Letting go of past hurt and pain.
* Trusting in the goodness of mankind.
* Letting go of fears for the future.
* Allowing yourself to be vulnerable to growth.
* Taking a risk.
* Letting go of hostility and resentment.
* Working out your anger.
* Reducing competition.
* Overlooking slight relapses or steps backward.
* Developing a personal spirituality.
* Developing an openness to the belief that people can change.
* Developing trust in others.
* Facing conflict head-on, resolving it on the spot.
* Open, honest and assertive communication with others concerning hurts, pains and offenses experienced.
* Seeking professional help when necessary to resolve the distance and coldness in a relationship.
* Recognizing your part or role in setting up hurtful experiences.
* Identifying and replacing the irrational beliefs that block your ability to forgive and forget.

Steps to develop forgiving and forgetting in a relationship.

Step 1: In order to increase your ability to forgive and forget, you need to recognize what this behavior involves.

Answer the following questions in your journal:
a. What do you mean by "forgiving and forgetting in a relationship?"
b. Have you ever been forgiven in a relationship? How did it feel?
c. Has anyone ever brought up something from the past to remind you how you hurt a person? How did that make you feel?
d. What role do you feel forgiving and forgetting has in your relationships? How could you improve?
e. How has the absence of forgiving and forgetting affected your current relationships?
f. What are the signs of the absence of forgiving and forgetting in your relationship with your family of origin, current family, significant others, spouse, children, parents, relatives, friends and co-workers?
g. What beliefs block your ability to forgive and forget? What would be necessary to change these beliefs?
h. What new behavior do you need to develop in order to increase your ability to forgive and forget?
I. What role does the existence of spirituality play in your ability to forgive and forget?
The lack of it?
j. Who do you need to forgive?
What do you need to forget?

Step 2: Now that you have a better picture of what is involved in forgiving and forgetting, you are ready to extinguish blaming behavior.

Letting Go of Blaming
It is easy to point the finger of blame at others for the pain you have suffered.
This activity is intended to get you to point the finger of responsibility at yourself, to be better able to forgive and forget when you feel hurt by another's behavior.

Answer the following questions in your journal:
(1) List an incident for which you are unable to forgive a person(s) and therefore are unable to forget.
(2) How much energy, creativity, problem solving capability and focus on growth is sapped from you whenever you recall this hurt?
(3) What feelings come to your mind and body as you recall this hurt?
(4) How would you describe your role in this event?
In what ways were you the victim, perpetrator, enabler, martyr, bystander, instigator, target, scapegoat, distracter, peacemaker, people pleaser or rescuer?
(5) Why do you feel strongly over what happened and how you were treated?
(6) What did this event or happening do to your self-esteem?
(7) How dependent on others were you (or are you) to help you feel good about yourself?
How positively self-affirming were or are you?
Why do you need this person's affirmation to make you feel good about yourself?
What beliefs about yourself were threatened by what happened to you? Reinforced?
(8) How willing are you to declare yourself independent of the need for others to reinforce you and make you feel good about yourself? What blocks you from declaring this independence?
What fears do you have of letting go of the need for others to make you feel good about yourself?
How does this relate to your inability to forgive or forget in the incident listed in Step 2(1)?
(9) What value is there in blaming the person(s) listed in Step 2(1) for the hurt and pain experienced? How responsible are you for the feelings of hurt and pain?
How do these feelings relate to your dependence on others to make you feel good about yourself?
How do you control your feelings of pain and hurt? What would change in your feelings about this past incident if you accepted the responsibility for your own feelings and perceptions?
How do your irrational beliefs interfere in your ability to resist blaming others for pain and hurt you experience?
(10) Look back at the past incident and the person(s) involved; reframe your thinking and feelings about it:
* Who was responsible for my reaction to the incident?
* Who was responsible for my feelings about the incident?
* Who was responsible for my inability to forgive the person(s) involved?
* Who is responsible for my inability to forget this incident?
* How can I forgive the person(s) involved?
* How can I put this incident behind me?
* How can I forgive myself for being dependent on others for feelings of being worthwhile and good?
* How can I avoid being so hurt when something like this happens again?
* What do I gain by blaming others for my feelings?
* What can I do when I feel hurt and pain? Where does the finger of responsibility need to be pointed?

Step 3: Once you have learned how to let go of blaming in that one incident, repeat Step 2 addressing all the past or present incidents of hurt in which you need to forgive the people and forget the incidents (see Step 1j).
When you have exhausted your list of people you need to forgive and events you need to forget, you will be on the road to forgiving and forgetting in relationships. If you have problems in the future, return to Step 1 and begin again.

Handling Forgiving And Forgetting | LIVESTRONG.COM (http://www.livestrong.com/article/14679-handling-forgiving-and-forgetting/)

Nice post postiveparent. I will definitely use that one.