Partner and I have been together for 7 years and we have been through some tough times, she has cheated on me with someone else who was curious and I found out and forgave her but she still is in contact with her, want to make this work and she says she does but I'm not sure she does... what to do

Hi Brooksli

I guess you're over 21, so obviously you're both adults.

You say you're partner has cheated on you once before and is cheating on you again with the same person.

It seems that although you want to work at the relationship,your partner doesn't, I would suggest you talk with your partner, and go from there, or end the relationship now and go no contact.

What makes you think that its going to work when she is still in contact with the person she cheated on you with? Her words and actions don't match, and if you accept bad behavior (her cheating) you will get more of it.

Why don't you just tell her you will not accept her cheating, and be ready to back up your words by dumping her, if she can't be faithful?

7 years is a long time to invest in someone who doesn't respect you enough as to remain faithful.

Maybe you should consider moving on.

Good luck.

She has to stop seeing him if it's going to work.

Set the rules and take back your manhood.

Time spent together is not a reason to stay. Its hard to accept. I know. I spent 12 years and six years in relationships where the other wandered. I like naughty girls. Seems to bite me in the rear eventually. Oh well.

But, like I said... as much as you want to salvage what you know and are comfortable and familiar with... it is overrated.

So... what were the issues that lead to the cheating and have they been solved?

Until that is answered with great assuredness... well... then its just another "hope this doesnt go to crap" waiting game, right?

I have forgiven lovers who broke my heart. Doesn't mean I needed to stay with them.

So... you both are on probation. If you are the one holding on tight, why? If she let curiousity get the best of her, well, fine. Happens to us all... in that with a couple billion people on this earth I EXPECT to be tempted every damn day. Hell... I even anticipate it. Helps me know I'm alive. And I take pride in saying I've never strayed on any love.

So... she is still in contact with her ex lover or whatever it is and that's not OK with you. Fine. Draw a hard line. If she won't respect it... she isn't respecting you.

I don't usually like hard power plays. First, most people bluff and I don't go for that. If you draw a line, mean it. Moving the line is weak and inconsistent. Second, I just don't have the mental capacity to juggle mind games. Don't want to remember what angle is being worked and when.

But really... here... your lover has a love she is still connecting with... why? Meaning why is it worth hurting you? From experience, I just don't have the time or desire to answer those questions. Id rather walk away and have that lover chase me down hard.

So far... every time I've walked... they haven't chased... and I think its for the right reasons.

Sorry you are in this place. When in doubt, I say step back hard. If your lover isn't willing to work hard for you, then you know sooner than later.

If you lover does chase you... unfortunately... you still don't know much about the long term and genuine desire to reconcile.