Xenophanes
Jul 16, 2010, 04:02 AM
I have a simple and yet slightly complicated question or string of questions.
First off, you’ll need all the relevant data and history pertaining to my question.
I went a High School that was self-contained from the normal school system. More or less the school for troubled kids. The way the district I was in at the time, the school knowing my fallacious diagnosis of Manic Depressive and a few incidents involving my over reaction to a few kids being malicious kids landed me in that school.
In this school of less than twenty kids, I fell into each of the four clicks that existed there at the time. Meaning I could get along with everyone. I tended to keep myself distant emotionally from them, while still being polite in regards to the needed “social” contracts to appear normal and friendly.
In this time, I met a young lady. She was a little too much into anime and sported bright pink hair. However I was surprised by her innate intelligence and I was comfortable in being her friend, without it being a necessary mask. She was very docile appearing, beside an occasional snide jibe; she did not appear to asert herself in anything. However, due to issues and relations at home and outside of school I never looked at her as someone I would date or anything of the sort. Her being a self titled “A-sexual” I had no awkward issues with arise with her.
When I moved to another school due to no longer being in district, while I still transported myself to school they were still adamant about my transfer, in this time I exchanged contact information with everyone at school who offered it. This girl was the only one who asked only for my email address and AIM name, I found it odd that she did not ask for a number to call, when everyone else who bothered to ask did.
After about six months my life went by as usual with no contact from her. Besides a passing thought remembering something funny that happened at lunch, I did not really have her on my mind. However, one after noon after studying a few books on M theory, I went online for my normal routine of lurk a couple forums. On my AIM box I received a IM from an unfamiliar username, this turned out to be this girl. We played catch up and then we talked about various subjects until the conversation died down about three hours later.
I would not hear from her for another six months, until one day an email popped in my inbox invited me to a forum centered around a fan made card game of a French cartoon. I found it strange because at first I was angry that I was now receiving spam on an email I hade been so caution to only give out to friends and not websites. That last the whole of two seconds once I noticed the senders email address was remarkable similar to this girls AIM username.
So, I followed the enclosed instructions and joined the site. Only to find that the card game aspect of the site had been abandoned for quite some time. Leave a small tight knit group of sixteen to twenty-two year olds on the sight, me and this girl falling somewhere in the middle of the age range. However, after getting to know the site and its members and becoming quite active. I realized that her personality online was off the wall different than her personality in real life. The intelligence and anime obsession were still the same, and her constant proclamation that she will never have “intimate relations” was ever present.
Over time, I realized the so called oldest member was actually twelve to thirteen years old and had been “internet dating” this girl. I was intrigued, because he was both my second closest male friend on the site and because he was also the more forward and vulgar with in the chats about sexuality. I found it just a smidge amusing until one day, he sent me an image through a site called tinypic. My glassed had been broken the day before, but I knew what it was. Apparently he had talked her into sending an elicit image of herself through her cell phone to him.
That sparked the most pointless and annoying string of internet drama. A few internally caused site crashes, myspace hacks, and thread of flaming later. Half the members quit coming to the site, and the guy eventually disappeared. Leaving the most dysfunctional of the community left, and now a even more tight knit group of members. I dropped a few joke pickup lines over the next two years, never one to take online dating as even a possible reality. However it was met with the expected change of subject questions aimed at myself.
However, after my laptop crashed. She offered to help me fix up the piece of junk. We had hung out a couple times over the years. However I had come to expect her to be a silently awkward and docile in real life, so she really preferred online interaction. It left me with a close group of online friends and a close real life friend who was more of an online friend. This left me with plenty of time to carry out a decent social life with a completely different kind of group of friends and acquaintances.
Surprised by her offer, I took up on it. Arranging to meet her at the mall. However, she instead had me show up at her sisters where she was living at the time. As she tinkered away at my laptop, we had a strangely normal hang time. While she took breaks from working on my laptop, we would watch some of her anime and just have great intellectual conversations. However, it became clear that another friend of mine had given me the wrong power cord, the one I did have had the wrong polarity. She already had spare parts to replace the battery and other damaged parts for it.
However, she and I did not have the correct cord for the laptop. So she decided that we’d walk to the local electronics store. Unfamiliar with the area, she choose our directions. Apparently we were going south when should have gone north. Being accustomed to walking long distances, I was feeling completely fine if a little sweaty from the desert heat.
However, admitting never venturing far from home and being reliant on her sister to get places. She had completely wore herself out. So, I carried her on my back the whole way we just walked until her sister’s boyfriend found us just a block away from the stone we were supposed to go to in the first place. Dropping us off. When we found what we were looking for in the store, it was a whole eighty dollars more than I had. Without a second thought she fronted the extra cash. I had not asked for, about to let my aging laptop rest in peace. However, I was not going to turn her down. Big mistake.
She started letting more over a lot more often over the next month, and even started to seem to come out of her shell in real life instead of the internet. However, no matter how hard I worked I was continually unable to rake up the necessary eighty dollars to pay her back. Even though she told me not to worry about it, I didn’t and still do not like leaving a debt unpaid.
One week, she told me her sister and her boyfriend would be out of town and did not want to be alone the whole week and asked if I could stay at her place for the week. I cancelled a gig my landlord had lined up for me that day to comply with her request. You see, I had come to be attracted to her during this time. For the first half of the week it was anime, reading, my cooking, and her constant hypochondria. I had known she would take medical shows and books a little out of context, being afraid to the point of shaking that she had whatever illness was described if she felt she had even one symptom of it.
I dealt with it that same way I dealt with my autistic brother and it worked for the most part. However, being a particularly foreword man when it comes to matters of romance. I made a particular bold move half way into the week with a bed in breakfast themed morning and in a not so subtle way asked her out.
This did not go over very well, by all means I should have known her reaction if had bothered to remind myself of how she dealt with my joke pickup lines through the internet. I suppressed my emotions on that matter, and accepted her particularly tearful answer. I wondered why she cried over my advances but decided it was better to keep an old friend by not taking it too hard and let the week proceed after she calmed down. I expect her to kick me out, but she still feared being alone. For the first time, she also started talking about her family, which had one of the more tangled weaves of a family I have heard, and I have heard and lived in some very messed up families before this hearing about hers.
The specifics of her family life is not mine to say, what I do remember is reflecting on something I had read about neglect being worse than physical abuse. Besides my failed advance, the week went as good as any like that could. Over the next month she invited me to hang out twice and nothing out of the ordinary happened. Until a third time that I accidentally crashed on her couch, thanks to my rat of an uncle working me to the bone with the promise of payment to no avail and my landlord for good reason never offered me work again.
Apparently her other sister also had a key to this house and visited the two sister without knocking on occasion. I personally had never met her up until this point. However, I awoke to a particularly loud declaration of “Unacceptable” being repeated over and over. Then meeting her second older sister to a rather ride awakening, I was told to leave before the police were called. While the girl that had become one of my closest friends argued with her sister while giving multiple birdie jesters aimed at said sister.
I did not hear from her for about a week and her online friend became worried and so did I. However when did show up, it was nothing sort of drama. I old fib I told to make a point of mine had come back to haunt me, with only myself to blame. I had said over the chatroom on the site a couple years ago, that I was a wealthy hair to my fathers legacy and I choose to not accept it. During a heated debate over someone saying that no one in their right mind would turn down a large sum of money.
What I had said was technically not wholly untrue, because my father had been an ex-con that was arrested for armed robbery when I was toddler. The wealth I referred to was knowing the long list of his closest associates who had collectively acted as well meaning but not fully welcomed surrogate adult male figures in my life. I obviously left that crucial detail out
However, it was now being taken literally and out of context. I let my pride prevent me from telling the truth when she over the internet confronted me about it, and why I had not used this “wealth” to pay her back and demanded that I either pay her back or give her back the cord. Without even considering to tell her the truth, I told her I’d give her the cord back.
Her and her sister, the one that had startled me awake before showed up at my place and wordlessly took the cord and left. On the internet end of it, things settled down besides both of us collectively ignoring the other. Until about a week later when I was banned by her from the forum. Most of the other members were a little peeved that I was banned for real life reasons. However, I found one day that everyone was off line on AIM. I had come to expect at one of them to be online at any given time. For a couple days I was a little off put by this until one of the members IMed me out of the blue. Ranted I had tried to do something I would never even consider doing. Effetely removing me from the tight knit group online.
I was quite upset that she had lies, but I accepted that there was no convincing them otherwise and it was nothing more then a online group of friends. What got to me was that I had lost a close real life friend. However I felt I only had myself to blame thanks to a few previously stated poor choices on my part.
I have now gone through a quite few empty although fulfilled relationships, and had almost forgotten the entire affair. Until one day I was at the super market and this woman who look almost exactly like her say hi in an overly friendly way. Without confirming it was her, I responded with an angry voice why she was being friendly and stating my former close friends name as hers.
Understandably, this woman. Who I could now tell was not her, although extremely similar was indeed not my former friend. Was defiantly creeped out and said something along lines, “get a grip wakco.”
However since then, I have not been able to get her off my mind. I have tried distracted myself with every method I know and anything even close to any fond memory associated with her effectively reminds me of her and I need to be alone for an extended period.
So finally onto my question. How am I supposed to get her completely off my mind? I need to have a clear head for the kind of work I now do and this is extremely stressing.
First off, you’ll need all the relevant data and history pertaining to my question.
I went a High School that was self-contained from the normal school system. More or less the school for troubled kids. The way the district I was in at the time, the school knowing my fallacious diagnosis of Manic Depressive and a few incidents involving my over reaction to a few kids being malicious kids landed me in that school.
In this school of less than twenty kids, I fell into each of the four clicks that existed there at the time. Meaning I could get along with everyone. I tended to keep myself distant emotionally from them, while still being polite in regards to the needed “social” contracts to appear normal and friendly.
In this time, I met a young lady. She was a little too much into anime and sported bright pink hair. However I was surprised by her innate intelligence and I was comfortable in being her friend, without it being a necessary mask. She was very docile appearing, beside an occasional snide jibe; she did not appear to asert herself in anything. However, due to issues and relations at home and outside of school I never looked at her as someone I would date or anything of the sort. Her being a self titled “A-sexual” I had no awkward issues with arise with her.
When I moved to another school due to no longer being in district, while I still transported myself to school they were still adamant about my transfer, in this time I exchanged contact information with everyone at school who offered it. This girl was the only one who asked only for my email address and AIM name, I found it odd that she did not ask for a number to call, when everyone else who bothered to ask did.
After about six months my life went by as usual with no contact from her. Besides a passing thought remembering something funny that happened at lunch, I did not really have her on my mind. However, one after noon after studying a few books on M theory, I went online for my normal routine of lurk a couple forums. On my AIM box I received a IM from an unfamiliar username, this turned out to be this girl. We played catch up and then we talked about various subjects until the conversation died down about three hours later.
I would not hear from her for another six months, until one day an email popped in my inbox invited me to a forum centered around a fan made card game of a French cartoon. I found it strange because at first I was angry that I was now receiving spam on an email I hade been so caution to only give out to friends and not websites. That last the whole of two seconds once I noticed the senders email address was remarkable similar to this girls AIM username.
So, I followed the enclosed instructions and joined the site. Only to find that the card game aspect of the site had been abandoned for quite some time. Leave a small tight knit group of sixteen to twenty-two year olds on the sight, me and this girl falling somewhere in the middle of the age range. However, after getting to know the site and its members and becoming quite active. I realized that her personality online was off the wall different than her personality in real life. The intelligence and anime obsession were still the same, and her constant proclamation that she will never have “intimate relations” was ever present.
Over time, I realized the so called oldest member was actually twelve to thirteen years old and had been “internet dating” this girl. I was intrigued, because he was both my second closest male friend on the site and because he was also the more forward and vulgar with in the chats about sexuality. I found it just a smidge amusing until one day, he sent me an image through a site called tinypic. My glassed had been broken the day before, but I knew what it was. Apparently he had talked her into sending an elicit image of herself through her cell phone to him.
That sparked the most pointless and annoying string of internet drama. A few internally caused site crashes, myspace hacks, and thread of flaming later. Half the members quit coming to the site, and the guy eventually disappeared. Leaving the most dysfunctional of the community left, and now a even more tight knit group of members. I dropped a few joke pickup lines over the next two years, never one to take online dating as even a possible reality. However it was met with the expected change of subject questions aimed at myself.
However, after my laptop crashed. She offered to help me fix up the piece of junk. We had hung out a couple times over the years. However I had come to expect her to be a silently awkward and docile in real life, so she really preferred online interaction. It left me with a close group of online friends and a close real life friend who was more of an online friend. This left me with plenty of time to carry out a decent social life with a completely different kind of group of friends and acquaintances.
Surprised by her offer, I took up on it. Arranging to meet her at the mall. However, she instead had me show up at her sisters where she was living at the time. As she tinkered away at my laptop, we had a strangely normal hang time. While she took breaks from working on my laptop, we would watch some of her anime and just have great intellectual conversations. However, it became clear that another friend of mine had given me the wrong power cord, the one I did have had the wrong polarity. She already had spare parts to replace the battery and other damaged parts for it.
However, she and I did not have the correct cord for the laptop. So she decided that we’d walk to the local electronics store. Unfamiliar with the area, she choose our directions. Apparently we were going south when should have gone north. Being accustomed to walking long distances, I was feeling completely fine if a little sweaty from the desert heat.
However, admitting never venturing far from home and being reliant on her sister to get places. She had completely wore herself out. So, I carried her on my back the whole way we just walked until her sister’s boyfriend found us just a block away from the stone we were supposed to go to in the first place. Dropping us off. When we found what we were looking for in the store, it was a whole eighty dollars more than I had. Without a second thought she fronted the extra cash. I had not asked for, about to let my aging laptop rest in peace. However, I was not going to turn her down. Big mistake.
She started letting more over a lot more often over the next month, and even started to seem to come out of her shell in real life instead of the internet. However, no matter how hard I worked I was continually unable to rake up the necessary eighty dollars to pay her back. Even though she told me not to worry about it, I didn’t and still do not like leaving a debt unpaid.
One week, she told me her sister and her boyfriend would be out of town and did not want to be alone the whole week and asked if I could stay at her place for the week. I cancelled a gig my landlord had lined up for me that day to comply with her request. You see, I had come to be attracted to her during this time. For the first half of the week it was anime, reading, my cooking, and her constant hypochondria. I had known she would take medical shows and books a little out of context, being afraid to the point of shaking that she had whatever illness was described if she felt she had even one symptom of it.
I dealt with it that same way I dealt with my autistic brother and it worked for the most part. However, being a particularly foreword man when it comes to matters of romance. I made a particular bold move half way into the week with a bed in breakfast themed morning and in a not so subtle way asked her out.
This did not go over very well, by all means I should have known her reaction if had bothered to remind myself of how she dealt with my joke pickup lines through the internet. I suppressed my emotions on that matter, and accepted her particularly tearful answer. I wondered why she cried over my advances but decided it was better to keep an old friend by not taking it too hard and let the week proceed after she calmed down. I expect her to kick me out, but she still feared being alone. For the first time, she also started talking about her family, which had one of the more tangled weaves of a family I have heard, and I have heard and lived in some very messed up families before this hearing about hers.
The specifics of her family life is not mine to say, what I do remember is reflecting on something I had read about neglect being worse than physical abuse. Besides my failed advance, the week went as good as any like that could. Over the next month she invited me to hang out twice and nothing out of the ordinary happened. Until a third time that I accidentally crashed on her couch, thanks to my rat of an uncle working me to the bone with the promise of payment to no avail and my landlord for good reason never offered me work again.
Apparently her other sister also had a key to this house and visited the two sister without knocking on occasion. I personally had never met her up until this point. However, I awoke to a particularly loud declaration of “Unacceptable” being repeated over and over. Then meeting her second older sister to a rather ride awakening, I was told to leave before the police were called. While the girl that had become one of my closest friends argued with her sister while giving multiple birdie jesters aimed at said sister.
I did not hear from her for about a week and her online friend became worried and so did I. However when did show up, it was nothing sort of drama. I old fib I told to make a point of mine had come back to haunt me, with only myself to blame. I had said over the chatroom on the site a couple years ago, that I was a wealthy hair to my fathers legacy and I choose to not accept it. During a heated debate over someone saying that no one in their right mind would turn down a large sum of money.
What I had said was technically not wholly untrue, because my father had been an ex-con that was arrested for armed robbery when I was toddler. The wealth I referred to was knowing the long list of his closest associates who had collectively acted as well meaning but not fully welcomed surrogate adult male figures in my life. I obviously left that crucial detail out
However, it was now being taken literally and out of context. I let my pride prevent me from telling the truth when she over the internet confronted me about it, and why I had not used this “wealth” to pay her back and demanded that I either pay her back or give her back the cord. Without even considering to tell her the truth, I told her I’d give her the cord back.
Her and her sister, the one that had startled me awake before showed up at my place and wordlessly took the cord and left. On the internet end of it, things settled down besides both of us collectively ignoring the other. Until about a week later when I was banned by her from the forum. Most of the other members were a little peeved that I was banned for real life reasons. However, I found one day that everyone was off line on AIM. I had come to expect at one of them to be online at any given time. For a couple days I was a little off put by this until one of the members IMed me out of the blue. Ranted I had tried to do something I would never even consider doing. Effetely removing me from the tight knit group online.
I was quite upset that she had lies, but I accepted that there was no convincing them otherwise and it was nothing more then a online group of friends. What got to me was that I had lost a close real life friend. However I felt I only had myself to blame thanks to a few previously stated poor choices on my part.
I have now gone through a quite few empty although fulfilled relationships, and had almost forgotten the entire affair. Until one day I was at the super market and this woman who look almost exactly like her say hi in an overly friendly way. Without confirming it was her, I responded with an angry voice why she was being friendly and stating my former close friends name as hers.
Understandably, this woman. Who I could now tell was not her, although extremely similar was indeed not my former friend. Was defiantly creeped out and said something along lines, “get a grip wakco.”
However since then, I have not been able to get her off my mind. I have tried distracted myself with every method I know and anything even close to any fond memory associated with her effectively reminds me of her and I need to be alone for an extended period.
So finally onto my question. How am I supposed to get her completely off my mind? I need to have a clear head for the kind of work I now do and this is extremely stressing.