New to the site, but hoping for some logic here.

Background - I'm a 35 year old male, who has recently become involved with a 24 year old female. (Granted, the age thing here would normally be a deterrent to me, but somehow, this particular combination works.) She is a professional in a very demanding position, which has offered her a strong sense of maturity that most her age I would dare say, lack. I personally have never been married, have been blessed with generally healthy relationships, a strong communicator and a undeniable need to fight for what I want.

With that said, let it be known that almost from the beginning this woman has captured my attention beyond anything I have experienced before. Almost completely she has stimulated me mentally, emotionally, physically, spiritually and profoundly! Within only a month, and VERY limited time spent in each others company, we are both, without question falling in love with each other. It feels so healthy, and good, and blessed. We have a near complete connection that suffers from not a single flaw, all be it one..

She still lives at home, with her parents. She is very capable of living on her own, but has yet to make the choice to do so. She admits she is saving for a home, and in short time plans to be move out...

Since almost the beginning of this "relationship," they have been very vocal to her that I am wrong for her. Firstly stating that I am too old, then wrongfully accusing and judging me of items which they have never felt the need to confront me on. Either way, this family have all but demanded that she cease any contact with me...

I believe myself to be very respectful, very patient and very willing to do whatever it takes for something of utter importance to me.. As this woman is. I have made clear, no matter what the cost I will find a way to win them over, even though they have never given me the opportunity to even sit in their presence to state a defense, show my character, etc. I can say without question that in a very short time I have fallen in love with this woman, I believe she would completely reciprocate these feelings. However...

She has made very clear to me she will not go against her parents wishes, and since they have deemed me... unworthy in not so many words, there is truly no hope for us. She openly admits to a connection with me like she has never known, and believes together we could have a wonderful future. Yet, she unwilling to even entertain that future as long as her parents feel this way.

I do not believe she is even remotely willing to stand up to them regarding this, and would honestly begin to sacrifice near perfection for the sake of keeping peace in her home.

In fairness, she was in a position a while back which caused her parents to challenge her rightful thinking, and possibly gain trust issues with her. It seems that I now pay for the actions of this past.

I know there is little I can do to win these people over currently. I have taken minor steps to initiate an open communication with the family (emails) but other than that, I know I would do more harm than good should I pursue the parents any more aggressively. She has stated their minds will not change...

I have made it clear to this woman that I would never desire for her to go against her family, especially knowing how strong her bond is to them. (Even though I do not know how much is a true strength, and how much is a fear of disobeying, disappointing, etc.)

I am lost here. I am watching a once in a lifetime opportunity slip through my grasp, with me being unable to put up the proper defense. I would fight for this woman, no matter the cost, but I will never be able to find it in my heart to have her break the "correct" bond with her parents. My respect for her, and sadly, for her judging parents is too great.

Today she asked me give up on her. (Actual quote) "I don't want to say this, but you have to give up on me. Nothing about this situation will ever change... I realize that. And I'm not gonna force you down their throats. I know you don't mean for that to happen, but that's what it would take. I'm crazy about you, but this won't work. I'm soooooo sorry."

To say that, yet be so absolutely head over heals for me, as I for her.

Please enlighten.. I am patient, but it is hard to hold out hope against these odds.

Not sure Im really quaified in this field to advise you but Ill have a go and hopefully others will also reply with more insightful advice.

From reading your post, it does appear that your are in a no win situation, can I ask are you from different religions, culture, race, etc.

I don't feel the age difference is too great

Is there anything at all that would have given them cause to doubt your credibility, or integrity in having a relationship with their daughter?

Do you know why the g/f is so reluctant to support you in this matter?

Have you tried writing a normal snail mail letter to them, and putting your case to them in this way, I sometimes feel the personal touch can go much further than the electronic way.

Has this always been the situation, as in they've felt this way since you first met their daughter? Has she had any previous relationships they have known of or where they welcomed the person she was seeing only for it to turn into a bad relationship?

No much advice I admit but maybe some questions to ponder.

Hope this helps somehow.

All of your points are very valid positive... We are virtually the same religious view, same race, etc.. There is something that would cause them to doubt my credibility yes.. I was formerly involved in a company that went down with the president skipping town with a large amount of investors money.. (Basically a ponzi scheme.) There were over 200 employees, I was no different other than the fact I was very vocal with the media, web forums, etc.. Being how open I was, I became an easy target. I have since proved my absolute lack of any criminal involvement, however they merely chose to believe the conjecture, rumors, and hateful words of a select few individuals.

Why she seems so reluctant to support me is the problem.. I believe she is ultimately intimidated of disappointing her parents, or going against their wishes.

I have not gone to the length of a mailed letter since I do not knowingly have their address.. While it would be so easily attainable, I fear they would take that as me going too far.

I have only recently met their daughter, and it has seemed this were the case since she initially mentioned me. They have tried to find fault with me as a suitor, not me personally. (My view.)

She did have a previous relationship where the ex burned her and her family pretty badly.. He was also 11 years older.. I tend to believe I am paying for her ex's sins...

Smcas, I think I'm in a relatively similar situation as you are in. Slight differences, in which my girlfriend is not willing to "give up" on our relationship despite what her parents have said. She is currently on lockdown, and her parents have done everything except tell her, "Stop seeing him."

The best thing to do, in my opinion, is to stay out of the argument. It's obviously between her and her parents, and it's a decision that she needs to make. Getting ourselves entangled is a lose-lose situation. Just be supportive of her, in whatever decision she makes, and hopefully things will work out either way.

Things will definitely work out either way, I agree. I did read your situation and it is similar in many ways.

I know there is little I can do here other than to show support, but it is a terrible feeling to be judged without ever standing trial. To see something so, without question, amazing in front of you willing to slipping away due to either a lack of knowledge on how to stand up to them, or a fear of doing so..

You are right, the root here is her and her parents.. I do believe if it were any other guy right now, they would be dealing with this..

Unlike any other guy however, I refuse to completely back down. :)

I agree. I'm not willing to back down, however, eventually the time will come when she has to decide between you and her parents, unless the parents come around... which seems unlikely.

It's a crappy situation, and we can only hope things get better. Just have to walk that fine line between supporting her and also protecting yourself in case things go south.

"I don't want to say this, but you have to give up on me. Nothing about this situation will ever change... I realize that. And I'm not gonna force you down their throats. I know you don't mean for that to happen, but that's what it would take. I'm crazy about you, but this won't work. I'm soooooo sorry."

Sounds like she is gently dumping you, to me. And for all the feelings you have, and a fighting spirit, she is not going to rock her own boat. Not sure how long you have been dating her but its rather obvious, your in to deep, to soon, and she may not be in as deep as you are. For sure, this kind of drama this early on, can't be good for you, or her.

I have not gone to the length of a mailed letter since I do not knowingly have their address.. While it would be so easily attainable, I fear they would take that as me going too far.


She lives at home. Her address should be their address. Do you not know her address? I think I am sensing a red flag.

How well do you really know this woman?

As mentioned initially.. "Recently..." It has been only a month since meeting.

Don't get me wrong, I do not fall fast, hard or often.. (35 here, more than my share of relationships, but none of which have had such an impacting movement on me so obviously soon... )

There in lies the problem. I was shot down almost immediately from the start, with the parents offering me not even a chance of a trial if you will.

I believe myself to be a good man, have a relatively successful company, a strong past, and an incredibly bright future..

I have never been shot down by a woman's parents, and have taken pride in that.. Much less parents which have not even blessed me with the opportunity to meet them.


As to how well I know her.. Of course there is only so much that can be known by someone this... new. I can say without question I have had more open conversation with her in one month than I have ever truly allowed myself with most other woman I have known in three.

I believe I know well what makes her tick, in all aspects but how to assist in this matter.

Just so you know your actions and decisions are based on just feelings because you have few facts at this point.

Back up to a safe emotional distance and re evaluate your situation.

I agree.. Have been in that process for a couple days now.. Analyzing the entire situation with minimal contact..

I just wish this woman could see there is more after life than her parents approval..

I agree.. Have been in that process for a couple days now.. Analyzing the entire situation with minimal contact..

I just wish this woman could see there is more after life than her parents approval..

It sounds like she has only known you for a few months, she has known her parents her entire life. You have to take that into consideration.

The one thing that sticks out for me is that she did not say anything about a future with you after she moves away from her parents.

The omission indicates from my vantage point that she is indeed letting you down gently and using their disapproval as an excuse in the hope that it shields you from being hurt.

If her parents have an unreasonable influence on her,she may have been convinced to see their point of view and she has come to agree with their perception.

That is the one downside to dating someone who is ten years your junior.

In another place and time ,if she was more mature and had lived on her own ,it may have had a different outcome but as it stands,I think you need to respect her wishes and let this go.

Artlady - Quite the contrary.. She is even now, often the one initiating conversation of "future times.."

The more I ponder this, the more it rings to me that the issues is most likely not with me, but with her and her parents..

I believe any guy in my situation with her, would be going through this now...

I still stand by the fact that the connection here is... immaculate..

Just thought I would check back to see how you're doing OP.

One thing I am thinking is she's never lived away from home, so all she knows is what she has lived with all of her life with her parents, perhaps this is why she's so reluctant to go against them or that's how it seems, she knows no other way.

So therefore it would mean she would be stepping into unknown territory, which I feel would be scary for her. She knows she can rely on her parents they've been there all of her life and they're dependable. You on the other hand could drop her tomorrow and maybe this is what's on her mind. She's sticking with the tried and tested.

Perhaps you could take a step back and let her have time without you on one side and her parents on the other, tell her you'll be around when and if she decides to be with you.

I don't think there's much else you can do, you have to consider the girlfriend is being pulled this way and that way and it must be like living in hell on earth for her. They do say if you love someone let them go if they come back it was meant to be if they don't it wasn't...

From what you've told us, it's very clear that you're wlling to fight and be patient with her.

On the other hand, it sounds like she's slowly drifting away from you. She made it clear that she's never going to go against her parents' wishes. Where do you think that leaves you?

Let's say she plays everything by the book. She follows her parents' rules completely. What happens next? She didn't even propose a solution. Instead, she told you to give up.

Sounds like she already gave up fighting. This has become a one-way relationship. It's great that you want to keep going, but if she's not going to reciprocate the effort, then this relationship is going to end whether you want to or not.

I understand that you're not ready to give up. Do what you feel you need to do, so that you don't have any regrets for not trying harder. But unless she has a complete 180 degree role reversal (who knows if that will even happen) and begins to start putting in some effort, this relationship is bound to end. The sooner you realize this, the sooner you can move on with your lfie.

There is no such thing as an immaculate relationship after a month or two. May feel like it because she may be feeding you some hope, but that is only her means of keeping you around while she slows things down.

Its foolish to expect a smart mature female to give up her parents, and their security to run into the arms of a older mature guy. More than foolish, unrealistic.

Now she has thrown many obstacles in the way of you having what you want, when you want it. But don't be deceived, she is in full control, and knows exactly what she is doing, and you are merely reacting, hoping, and pursuing.

But its at her pace and in her time, so forget tripping over her parents and think with facts and NOT just feelings of what you want so bad so soon into this.

That's just so you have an objective perspective to see what's going on with some clarity.

You haven't said how long the relationship has been going? Or if you did I can't spot it.
I am beginning to think maybe your g/f is having cold feet, and as others have been saying she's letting you down lightly,

It seems you're on different pages however you look at it.

If you push too hard she will go anyway. I am now thinking you should cut your losses and call it a day, move on and forget about it. You haven't known each other long, if you had been in a long term relationship already that might have helped.

She's 24 she knows the score, she knows she could leave home at anytime, she doesn't want to, doesn't that tell you something it does me...

Everyone is sent into our lives for a reason, we either have something they need to learn about or the other way around and its us who needs the lesson.

I feel if there is a lesson for you to learn here it's that you can't always have what you want when you want it.

Also if something is worth having its worth waiting for, you still have options open to you, you could write the parents a personal letter, and put your case to them, you said you can find out their address, send it recorded delivery that way they sign for it so you'll know its been received.

However with this not being a very long relationship, without your g/f co-operation then you're basically up the creek without a paddle. However a personal letter might also show your g/f you really do mean business and that could be what's needed to spur her on.

Sometimes you have to earn the right to get what you want in life.

Firstly.. I do appreciate all the input..

To touch on a few notes.. By no means did I say an immaculate relationship, but merely an immaculate connection.. Far from each other.

I strongly agree as to the limited time here. Reason for my constantly mentioning my age, dating history, etc.. I have been through my share of relationships, more than my share in fact. Never would I have said after a month or so I was falling for someone.. It just doesn't happen for me. I am slow to connect, and slow to allow entry.. This was the one true exception in all my dating life.

As mentioned I have all but pulled myself from this picture. To allow for myself to see this picture.. Even at this distance, I still like and desire what I see.

I am truly beginning to see the issue is not with me, or my age, or past, or anything (per her parents words.. ) But in fact the issue is between her and her parents..

That they have taken control of her adult life, and feel unwilling to return control to her, until she steps up and takes it.

I will not be the man to tell her to do so, but I will encourage her to do what is right.

Unfortunately I believe I have failed to offer my true question from the start here. I believe in my heart this woman's feelings are true, but believe she is terrified, and uneducated when it comes to standing up to her parents. She is 24, and even though living under their roof, is under a deep feeling of over control.

I say again, I believe this would be happening to anyone in her life right now.

I know a thing worth fighting for when I see it. To me, this is it.

I know the only thing that will make a difference here is her standing up to her parents.. Will that happen? I believe when she sees a possible wonderful future slipping, possibly.

Did I answer my own question? Maybe. :)

Im thinking you're in this too deep too soon, love that's lasts is usually enduring, and patient.

Are you still seeing this girl socially?

Im also wondering is she really as into this as you are, perhaps its all to fast for her, its seems it's a bit much too soon.

Maybe you should re-evaluate it all.

Hmm, after all the facts have surfaced, I'm reluctant to agree with the other posters here. The fact that you've known this girl for a month and the fact that she has already told you that she will not go against the wishes of her parents... it seems that you're at a losing end of the battle, and you're still holding onto hope that things will change.

I do wish that things will change for you, but it seems unlikely, as she herself has already made that decision. Best of luck buddy.

I do not disagree with anyone here.. The fact that so few people seem to be hitting on is the control issue here. Immediately following our initial conversations I was all but boycotted by the parents. Parents which regulate virtually every aspect of their daughter it would so appear.. Her cell phone usage, etc.

I am in a losing battle, but she has not closed the door as completely as most have stated. She wants to know a life with me, has stated before and well after that initial quote I offered, even today.. BUT, the thing that controls her is her inability to take a stand with her parents...

What no one seems to be touching on by the poorly placed title of this thread is "controlling parents."

Many of us have known women/men, boys/girls in this situation... Overly controlled, and completely shut down to their own free will.. Hell, it is a national epidemic..

If I may.. Can we get back to the problem at hand.. the control of the parents. How would one normally overcome that? Distance? Patience? The occasional verbalizing of commitment?

I will happily worry about the woman here, if I might but get advice on techniques that can assist with their overbearing parents.. I know this woman to be worth it, and that this trial, shall too in time pass.

I can see few people here believe in love at "near" first sight, or immediate chemistry, (before this woman I was one of them.) But this exists..

It is not an infatuation, it is not lust.. I have known those two emotions well... They both live for the moment, but quickly pass.. This feeling seems so much more firmly planted...

Getting back to the issue at hand, I'd hate to say it, buddy, but I don't see a way where you can communicate to the parents and them taking it well.

Like I said, my current girlfriend's parents have taken away her computer, her phone, and her usage of the car, and she's 22. So I understand what you're going through. The only thing that I can possibly see myself actually doing is offering to speak to the parents, which I have, and that's it. This is an issue that needs to be dealt between her and her parents, and the only responsibility you have is to support her.

I’m wondering if your girlfriend realizes she is being controlled. Until she does and is willing to stand up for herself little progress will be made. If she is still involved with you (i.e. hasn’t given up and shut down), you may want to start with encouraging her to find a way to have an adult-to-adult relationship with her parents and to set healthy boundaries with her parents. This is not the same as going against their wishes – she needs to understand that. Inherent in her parents' controlling behavior are fears they have about themselves and about her, and hopes they have about themselves and about her. She might focus on this rather than their behavior, especially in her discussions with them. Simply talking to them about why they are worried is a start, but she also needs to follow up with what she wants and why she wants to pursue your relationship.

A common tendency for people with controlling parents is they find it hard to trust others, even when they want to, or they trust too easily and have been hurt. Has she been hurt by previous men? Is this why her parents are concerned? If she finds it hard to trust or if she has been hurt, she needs time and consistency to trust – more than a month. If she is going to stand up to her parents she has to feel comfortable that it is “worth” it. We know it is, to take control of her own life regardless if it is about you or other matters – she needs to have that confidence.

I think bottom-line is that your efforts start with her. You might talk to her about reading books on the subject or even talking to a counselor so she understands what is going on and how to approach her parents. If she can get to that place, she is the one to encourage her parents to get to know you. You win them over by treating their daughter with respect, kindness, and love. Make them comfortable that their daughter is safe with you, and that you hope to have a good relationship with them. They don’t want to lose their daughter. They also don’t want to see her hurt. Show them you will be good to her and can help her to realize her dreams.

I beg to differ OP I do fully believe in Love at First sight, I met my partner in the April and we were married on May 13th same year. 6 weeks after meeting each other.

However we were both free of any outside influences to do this, we also spent every hour of everyday almost of those 6 weeks together.

We've had numerous challenges to face and we've over come them together, so believe me I am a firm believer in love at first sight I am living proof of it for want of a better word.

As for chemistry you wouldve thought the whole lab has blown up when my partner and I met, it was so strong it almost singed my hair just the thought of how powerful it was, and I am happy to say its still as powerful, more refined and less urgent in some ways but still as powerful.

So I definitely feel I qualify in that dept.

However it would seem your g/f is either not sharing your urgency or something isn't right somewhere.

I still feel that a personal letter to the parents will not only show them you mean business but your g/f also.

Its not so much about control it's that your g/f knows of no other way, she hasn't lived outside the nest yet, she hasn't learned how to spread her wings and like a fledgling she's very wary of taking those first tentative steps, it's a leap of faith don't forget to go from the secure if controlled environment of the only thing she's ever known how to live in her family home, to becoming a fully independent person, with only herself to rely on.

Write that letter lay your cards on the table, send it registered mail, and then go from there, you've nothing to lose, and much to gain. Choice is yours...

Getting back to the issue at hand, I'd hate to say it, buddy, but I don't see a way where you can communicate to the parents and them taking it well.

Like I said, my current girlfriend's parents have taken away her computer, her phone, and her usage of the car, and she's 22. So I understand what you're going through. The only thing that I can possibly see myself actually doing is offering to speak to the parents, which I have, and that's it. This is an issue that needs to be dealt between her and her parents, and the only responsibility you have is to support her.

Well said...

positiveparent - As many here, your words have been golden. She definitely is reluctant to share my urgency in action but not in words, emotion, expression, body language, etc..

I called her out in a very positive, joking manner today that her true fear is her actually falling for me, only to have me become one of those other men.. To abandon her, and the man she had believed me to be.. She said I was absolutely right..

There has been massive steps in communication even since posting this original concern only last night.

One thing I have praised this woman on so highly since meeting her is her ability and willingness to communicate no matter what.. Her age is hardly apparent in her maturity, her communication and her foresight..

However, you are right.. She is scared, and yes, has been hurt in the past...

So two very visible problems then. That she has been hurt, (which is so very repairable with patience, tenderness and consistency) and her overly... "concerned" parents.

I don't mind her parents protecting her. In fact, I would have that no other way. But if that truly is there goal here, they are doing so under false pretenses, and in a very damaging way... Parents know best I guess.

After only a month, I doubt you have a right to even dictate what it is she must do. You can only wait and see what she does offer, and pay attention to if your right or not.

Over analyzing without facts is futile, and plotting and scheming is even worse. Take it slow a day at a time, and see if your right.

After only a month, I doubt you have a right to even dictate what it is she must do. You can only wait and see what she does offer, and pay attention to if your right or not.

Over analyzing without facts is futile, and and plotting and scheming is even worse. Take it slow a day at a time, and see if your right.

Dictate? Where did I lead on I was attempting this? I have been sitting in the nose bleeds simply enjoying the view as of late. Allowing her all opportunity to communicate with me, but keeping a visible distance. I also do not see much over analyzing here. If so, it is human to do so to fill the void left from lack of proper communication.. Something that I have honestly not suffered from here.

I do agree that day to day is the only way. It has been a wonderful ride so far, I will continue to enjoy it.

After only a month, I doubt you have a right to even dictate what it is she must do. You can only wait and see what she does offer, and pay attention to if your right or not.

Over analyzing without facts is futile, and and plotting and scheming is even worse. Take it slow a day at a time, and see if your right.
I agree wholeheartedly

This young lady has told you what she wants of you, and that is to leave her alone.
When she is ready to stand up to her parents (if that is in fact the problem) she will.
What you are wanting to do is to be the control at the other end.
Leave her alone. If she missed out on a good thing, it's on her, if she feels she has missed out, if she really wants to be with you she will cut the ties.
Leave her alone. You are not doing her any good by doing what she has asked you not to do.

Im sorry OP I just don't understand your reluctance to write a personal letter to her parents, letting them know that your intentions are honourable and in their daughters best interest, this I feel would serve a double purpose, and as previously stated it would also be some form of reassurance to your g/f that you mean business. My thoughts are what's stopping you doing this. If you're so intent and keen to be with this girl.?

If you went about this a lot slower and dated her, got engaged, and did the usual "courting" thing I believe her family would come around, because it would then have shown them that you are sincere but doing as you are so soon, would have anyone's parents heading for the hills, they don't know you neither does she I don't care how good you think your connection is, it is far too soon.

This is why they aren't interested.

I agree with you positiveparent.
These people don't know you and you seem to be plowing along awfully fast.
She has asked you to leave her alone, if you respect her, you will. It's really that simple.
Perhaps she is welcoming this interference by her parents. She may not be into you as much as you are into her, so respect her wishes and leave her alone.
I dare say you don't know her well enough to know what she really wants.

sorry homegirl have to spread the rep
I agree with your post though,

I am, also thinking maybe this so say parental intervention is not so much their doing more of a joint effort from both parents and daughter. Something doesn't seem right. What better way for her to get out of a relationship she feels is going too fast, and that too would explain her asking you not to push it with them.

Sorry fella I think you've been dumped or that's what is coming. Just a gut feeling...

You're not infallible it happens to the best of people...

Ok.. Probably time to end this thread to be honest.. People seem to read between the lines, when the whole story is right here. Firstly positive - As I did mention, I HAVE sent her parents a very informative, very peaceful, very non-demanding letter. It was not sent by mail as you recommended, but it was sent, and was very heartfelt.. It all but fell on deaf ears.

RE: Homegirl - Being in control is the last thing I am attempting here.. There has been an abundance of open communication here. Have you not seen my constant mention of sitting back, enjoying the ride, etc? I straight up offered the quote she had given me, then later mentioned a recent conversation we had today stating her concern was more of being hurt in the future, to which I replied with patience and kindness. RE: Plowing ahead.. YES, it was a mutual plowing if you will, that has ONLY been tamed by the parents, and their inability to relinquish control.

I do not argue with a single response that has been offered, and deeply appreciate them, but seems things have gone way of course, if they were ever there to begin with.

This has all been stated, but responses seem to come blind to the facts that have been offered.

Your contradicting yourself. You say that you are willing and have been to sit back and 'enjoy the ride'. However, you also use language like the following:


She definitely is reluctant to share my urgency in action but not in words, emotion, expression, body language, etc..

I called her out in a very positive, joking manner today that her true fear is her actually falling for me, only to have me become one of those other men.. To abandon her, and the man she had believed me to be.. She said I was absolutely right..


'... share my urgency... ' does not sound like sitting back and watching her to make changes at HER own pace. I don't think you see how quickly this is moving and how much faster you seem to want it to go.

Even love at first sight and chemistry need trust to develop into a full healthy relationship. She has been hurt in the past and so have her parents. You admit that your past has a huge cloud hanging over it (not by your doing as much by circumstances of where you were employed) that hits on the hurt that they experienced. You're asking them to let go of what they know from living through it and trust you to be the wonderful person you seem to be.

Fear takes time to let go and I think their reaction to you is based in fear that is well-founded as far as they are concerned.

Give them time to get over the fear and to see by your consistent actions and words that you are someone they can trust. I think that is something their daughter is having to rebuild with them and herself along with learning what she wants in life.

In truth, no one can answer your question about how to win over controlling parents. That's not even the point. The whole point is what to do about the girl, despite how the parents feel. I think that's the part we have tried to address, because that's the part that's important.

Its not the parents you are pursuing at all, but what's obvious by what you write that things are not going as fast as you want it to, and your blaming her parents for that, and that's simply not true. By her own words she has fears that are holding her back, as its her, not the parents who is going to control the pace of this interaction. As well she should given her history. If you do NOT have the courage to take a risk, and see what happens, then surely you should rethink your pursuit. For whatever reasons she is still in contact with you, if you do not be patient, open, and honest, then what would be the point.

That's all you can do guy, because if you can't get exactly what you want, when you want it, then you have to make the adjustments to your own thinking and accept the pace and method she has chosen to see who you are, and what your about.

I don't doubt your feelings are intense, and maybe you know them better than us. Probably true. But as long as her feelings are dominated by fear, or caution, then you have to slow your roll, and deal with the circumstances as they are. Impatience is your enemy, not her parents, they are but security, and safety for her as she follows her path that she has mapped out for herself and what mature adult throws her own hopes and dreams away for a guy who says the right things now, but what about later.

She has already been hurt once, so she would be foolish to believe this next stranger (YOU), are about what you say.

Sorry guy, if you want what she has, as bad as you say, expect to work hard and prove it. If your not up for that. Do as she says, and leave her alone.

Hi Again OP, what's been offered to you via this thread is genuine and healthy advice and suggestions for you to prove yourself to this girls parents and the girl too. I now feel that the parents aren't being controlling at all they're being what any caring and responsible parents would be their looking out for their daughters health and well being and of course her security.

Maybe you can't or don't want to see this for yourself, Im a parent, if I had a daughter who I discovered was seeing a Man, that wanted or hoped she would go against our wishes in order to be with him, after only knowing him for approx 1-2 months Id be inclined to lock her in the tower, I don't know about anything else, what you hope for or expressed in this thread is in a word wreckless.

Its inconsiderate and thoughtless too, and its also down right scary, you do not know this girl or barely, or she you, for all these people know you could be wanting to whisk her off into a hareem or some cult slavery prostituition, to become a drug runner, courier, or any number of horrible lifestyles, that may mean they never see their precious daughter again,and just like animals in the wild those parent are guarding their young, protecting the nest, they're worried.

You may think you know your stuff I don't think you do, all you are being governed by now is the one eyed jap, your lust and desire to possess this young woman, and in my opinion once you achieve that conquest you would slowly lose interest, it's the thrill of the chase. That's what's piquéd your interest, but you have conveniently dressed it in a flowery hearts façade, and you yourself are even under its spell and you're calling it a connection, I think there's only one connection on your mind or in your agenda and that with this girl in a sexual manner, you expressed no real desire to get to know her, or to date her, by the book, with that leading to a commitment.

Yes you expressed you want her, not that you intend to make her your wife mother of your children blah blah, that separates the chaff from the grain

Personally I think you would most probably end up controlling this girls life, you see in others what you yourself are...

You're deflecting your intentions onto her parents by way of saying they're controlling, well if that's so how would you be so aware of this when you haven't met them.

Hi

I just read this article a few weeks back. I'm going through the same thing currently, so I just wanted to know since it's been almost 3 years... what happened? Did it work out eventually for the two of you? If yes... how? If no... how did the two of you deal with it and move on?