I'm sure all of you have probably heard this story before. Although, I'm not too sure. I need some advice.

There is a guy I met about 7 months ago (Not sure if this is correct, I'm just giving an estimate). Anyway, I called him about 6 months ago to see how he was doing. He said he was all right and we chatted for a few minutes. He said he was still at work and he told me he would call me back after. Well, he never called me back. So, a few days ago I called him again and he was working and he asked me if I could call after 5 when he got off work, so I did. We were talking for a little bit and I asked him if he wanted to meet me and hang out for awhile.

I asked him when we were talking, why he never called me back before and he told me that he was talking with a girl at that time. Which, I guess would be out of respect for the other female not to start talking with another girl. Anyway, I really like him and I have liked him since I met him. Obviously I have not forgot about him. Well, one thing led to another and we ended up having sex. Don't get me wrong, that is not normal for me at all. It usually takes awhile before I will sleep with someone, I am not sure why I did that with him. My only guess was that my infatuation took over and I wasn't thinking.

Now, here is where I'm a little stuck and I need advice. We still talk over the days but when I ask him if he wants to hang out he says "I'll give you a call after i'm done running errands". Now, the first night I can understand he said he was tired. We stayed out until 2 AM and he had to be up for work at 7:00, so he only got 5 hours of sleep. But the night before last I had asked again, "would you like to hang out?" At that time he was dropping a vehicle off for a friend and he said he would be sure to call. Well, he didn't. We talk during the day and stuff but yesterday I called him and he never returned my call. I'm not sure if we will talk today or not but what do you think? Do you think he is just using me or is he just busy? I can understand him being busy with his business and all and that is not a problem. It's just a new thing.. and I have doubts. You ever get that feeling that it is too good to be true? Or you think you are not good enough for someone? I'm not saying he makes me feel that way, but like I said, I really care for him and I have never forgot about him since the day we met.

Any and all advice is welcome. I do apologize for the superlong post. Thank you for your patience and the will to lend a helping hand.

Sincerely,
Elizabeth.

Hi ER,

Sorry you are feeling the things that you are. First, I never like the term "using you" and never think you are not good enough for anyone. People can only do to you what you allow.

Is he too busy? That question alone gives it's own answer. ER, if he is too busy to find the time to call you first, or take one minute out of 24 hours in a day, to not prompt you to have these questions, then he is too busy to "spend time with you". I am sorry, I know that is not what you want to hear, but that is just how I see it.

He may care for you, that is possible, but I am just basing my impressions on what you wrote.

I would not, and that is not, contact him. See what happens. Why is it you always calling him only to find that he is too busy and then doesn't call you back. Not good. He may be all tied up in himself or with work, but you don't want to be in a situation where you are made to feel as though you are making an appointment for a medical visit.

Let me ask you this, if you had a girlfriend, and you kept calling her, and she kept telling you she was busy and would call you back, but never did, would you keep calling her? You would be a little annoyed and probably would be hesitant to call her again. Right? Then why is this different. Oh I know because you have deep feelings for him and that is understandable.

ER, just take a couple of steps back and take a break from setting yourself up only to be let down. Do not contact him. See what happens. See if he knows how to pick up the phone and call you.

And please, never think you are not good enough for anyone, perhaps he is just "too busy" too see the value in you, and that ER is his loss.

Now he could be a good guy, not saying he is not, but step back and see what happens.

Wish you the very best,
Allheart

Thank you. I will take your advice and I do appreciate you taking the time to tell me your point of view. I know he is going out of town this weekend. I did ask him before to call me and let me know ifh emade it okay. If he doesn't call me all weekend then I will question him on it and see what he says. I just don't feel right questioning him on things because we are not in a relationship. Is there any way of doing that without having the feeling of him thinking I'm being controlling? Again, I'm not sure if he would think that way but you never know.

ER,

Oh you are welcome. No need to thank me. I just hope it helps.

ER, I wouldn't question him as to why he didn't call. Honest. When he does call, if he calls, just sit back and be a listener. Meaning, actually listen to the things he is saying, try to do it as a 3rd party, I know that is hard. Sit back and try and actually hear what he may or may not be saying. Does that make sense?

In a way it does, but what should I be listening for? Sometimes I'm not the brightest bulb in the box, haha.

ER, LOL, I am in that same box with you so make room :)

What I mean, and sorry I was vague, but if you are not hearing, care, concern, a willingness to meet up with you, then that says a lot in and of itself. Has he ever expressed anything like care or interest in you? I know you are not in a relationship as you say, but you have shared intamacy. That to me, should somehow bring something a little more meaningful into a relationship and as a result not leaving you with some of the doubts that you are having.

Well, back when we first met awhile ago. I met him where I worked. He didn't work there but was a customer. He was checking out and I went outside for my break. He stopped and talked to me for the time being and he came in a few times after that to do shopping and he would always talk to me and if I was on break he would sit and talk with me then also.

That's how I thought he might have some interest in me and the first time I called, I mentioned before he didn't call me back but he told me that he was talking with another girl when I had called.

Though, if he does ask me to hang out how would I know if it was just him wanting sex? That's my biggest issue, does he only want sex from me or does he truly have interest in me. I can't come right out and say it I'm very shy with questions such as those.

Oh ER,

Please I do understand you not being able to ask that question. To be honest, you shouldn't feel the need to ask. His actions should answer that for you.

I do have a bit of a hardline about this and in no way do I think I am right about this. But if someone doesn't show the care that you deserve or make you feel valued, then by God,
he would not get so much of a handshake. That is just me though.

He may not be able to express himself, not sure. It is hard for me to gage what his thoughts are as I don't see anywhere in your post where he made you feel special or has done anything to make you feel that way.

The only way to truly know ER, is to not have intamacy again with him, until you are fully sure what his feelings are.

You sound like a very sweet, kind and caring person. Don't ever doubt that.

Thank you again for your advice. I will keep my eyes and ears open. Hopefully, it will all work out for the best. If not, so be it.

Thata girl :):). It may work out... you never know, but be sure you are making your choices on what he actually is saying or doing not what you hope he is feeling.

Please stay in touch. The folks here give AMAZING advice and truly care. I am sure there will be others coming in, that will be so very helpful to you.

Welcome :)

Thank you! :)

Yes, ER... Allheart advice it seems the right one here, sit back and hear and see what he express between lines.

Also, I would suggest you to put plain and front in your mind, what "good's" you see on this guy (besides the good looking I guess LOL) and contrast them with own principles. Are the same? You seem to be a nice person and before you let your infatuation take u over again, please analize that..

It nice the love hunt but it's nicer when it's with the RIGHT person

Allheart is right, stop contacting him period and if he calls let him do the talking and you do the listening. No hanging out unless he asks. This is not a relationship its you chasing smoke and I really hope you have other things you enjoy doing. Sorry I can't give you more cheerful advice.

ER,

That's about the size of what you have now. As Tal said, chasing smoke. So you really do need to not contact him anymore and see whether that smoke is nothing but hot air.

You sound like you have a good idea about all of this now. Just don't let it bring you down.
Distract yourself with the fun things you like to do and be good to yourself.

EReynolds,

So to make sure I have this straight, you met him about 7 months ago, talked to him but then he didn't call or talk to you for the next 5-6 months until you called him again..?

He says the first time he was talking to another girl so he didn't all you back.

So this next time you hung out, you had sex, and have wanted to hang out more but he keeps giving excuses like he's busy or tired.

His excuses may be valid, but I can't help but feel as though he is just not that interested in you. I have actually been with guys that would tell me they were impressed I did not sleep with them right away... pretty much saying that if I slept with them right away they would have lost interest... I think this could be the situation here.

You say this is not how you are, but this is how he sees you... you see? And it would not be like he was using you... I mean you're the one that put yourself out there right? He wasn't just trying to get in your pants that night was he?

Well I am not positive this is the way things are, its just another idea for you to think about.

I really think he is just not into you... I wouldn't take it too personally, it just happens, you know? Have you heard of the book titled 'hes just not that into you' by Greg Behrendt and Liz Tuccillo?

Some girlfriends had this and I glanced through it... its actually something really good to read when you are in a situation like you are right now.. questioning his motives and trying to figure things out...

In all I think you are better off moving along... just my advice :) Do what makes you happy, and let us know what happens!

ER,

I'm sorry to say this don't take it too personal but if I were this guy, I too would be making excuses. From him point he either blew you off months ago or really was involved. Then you called him like half a year later which to me just seems a little odd... maybe not a stalker exactly but stalking tendencys. Then on the first get together you hook up so he has already lost interest and knows that he can have you at anytime. Then the worst part is you keep calling him and if I were him given everything else that has happened I would start to think "stalker." Allheart is correct you've got to quit contacting him. It will give him some peace of mind and hopefully alow you to focus yourself in a new direction.

He's busy and has a life. He isn't going to build his world around you, especially in the early stages. You'd be wise to follow suit. It isn't healthy to expect too much too soon. Go slow and take things easy. Don't always be so available and don't expect him to either.

Look, if a man likes you, he will call you. Right now, you are chasing him and you are giving the power to him. When a girl chases a guy by calling him and asking him if he wants to hang out, she is basically telling him that she is going to chase him. And as a result, he doesn't chase her and he doesn't have any interest in her: because she's too available. You asking him if he wants to hang out is basically asking him if you can have the priveledge of spending a few hours with him. This sends the message that you can let him walk all over you and that your nothing special.. you want proof that this is what's happening? The fact that he's telling you when you can call him. A guy that actually wants to be with a girl is going to chase her. Hes going to call her, he's going to do what he can to please her. This isn't what's happening. Honey, your above this. You don't get the priveledge of spending time with him, he gets the priveledge of spending time with you. Look, I know this is going to sound weird to you, but I want you to honestly think about this and search inside to see if this is true. I think that you have low self esteem and maybe, a part of you believes that having sex with someone will make them like you. I know that you said that your not the type to do that so quickly, but I think somewhere inside you think that sex will make him like you. It won't. In a guys mind, sex is separate from a relationship, from dating, from love, from even liking someone and having feelings for them. Sex doesn't guarantee in any way, shape or form that he will even like you. A guy can dislike someone and still have sex with her. Im not saying he dislikes you, Im saying that sex doesn't guarantee anything. In fact, in most cases, it creates more problems, especially for girls. Your worth more than this guy is treating you. He doesn't respect you and isn't chasing you. Do you see him calling you and asking if you would like to go out on a date? Or do you see him telling you that he's busy, or that you can call him back later? Even if you do actually make plans with him, does he actually take you out and have fun and not try and have sex? Or does he tell you to come over to his house? A guy that tells you to call him back later doesn't respect you. If you want to hear more from me let me know in your reply. Please, trust what Im saying because this is what's happening.

Thank you Padow. I realize what you are saying and I thank you for taking the time to reply. I know I made a mistake and it's obvious now. He hasn't bothered to call me back.

ER.

Believe me, this is so your gain!! So his loss!! '

So, how are you feeling?

I'm doing okay. Still confused though.

ER,

That is so understandable. But I am proud of you. You did not and I know you will not contact him... not for him... but for you.. right?

I'm not going to contact him and he hasn't showed an effort of contacting me in anyway. He knows where I live. If something happened to where he couldnt' call he could have dropped by. We live near each other.

So, is he back from his trip?

I would assume so. He said he was going for the weekend. I am not sure. It just doesn't make sense to me. Why he would ask me if I wanted to hang out and then I didn't hear from him again. I know he went four-wheeling. If he lost his phone while he was four-wheeling he could have stopped by unless he forgot where I lived. So, I don't know.

ER,

Try and not give him a second thought. I fear, he may just call, so be prepared. Because I suspect, he will call, but not for the right reasons.

Deep down you know all of this don't you? Even as confused as this situation has been.
You know what is best for you.

Well, if he does call and wants to go out or something. I will not do what I did before and if he doesn't bother to get in contact with me again, then I will know.

ER,

You are doing so good. Keep it up!! Honestly.

Just stop and think what you would advise one of your girlfriends in this exact situation.

Thank you. I do appreciate your help with it.

ER,

It's not fun, It's not easy, and you know what, we all been there. But, you did great.
Really did.

I wish no one was in the position I am in to be honest. Its hurtful. I just have to be more careful who I trust.

ER,

I understand. For the moment you did trust him and he proved unworthy of your trust.
And yes, you will be more careful. I am so sorry it hurts, but the hurt will ease and at least you caught it early, in lieu of years down the road. Can you imagine that? So, as I said, be proud, some would allow the hurt to contiune. You did good... real good.

Yes, I'm glad I caught it early. That is something I have to be thankful for. People need to wake up and realize that others have feelings. No one should be treated badly.

So true. But that is why in a way I pity him. Could you ever imagine treating anyone like that.?

But you know what, how about we try and just leave him in whatever world or place he is in and not give him another second of thought.

It's about time, you concern yourself about ER and the things that make ER happy. Leave him behind as best as you can.

Sounds good. I'm going to move on. It's still depressing at times because I did like him a lot but there is bound to be someone out there that will treat me with respect and show me the love I deserve. I just have to wait patiently.

ER,

You deserve the Sun AND the Stars.. and you will get it. Hey, I am sure there was something very special about this guy, we all have a little bit of that in us, and you were beautiful enough, inside to see that in him. That makes YOU very special.. but like you said, there will be someone that will see that in you... and treat you the way you deserve.

I honestly and truly am so proud of how you handled this. It is so hard and yet, you are able to feel your pain, and hurt, but see past it, and know and want better for yourself.

I am so standing and applauding you!! Honestly.

Hi there. I just wanted to share my thoughts with you. I am going through a similar situation to yourself and I just wanted you to know that the hurt and the confusion will get better with each day. In fact by reading your story has made me feel better already because I know I am not alone. The advice you have already received is completely on the mark and I thank the writer of that also. I really hope that a person comes along who is worthy of you and also that time will heal your hurt.