My children's custodial parent is currently surviving on unemployment and child support. Unemployment runs out in November. CP's parents would probably help for a while, but they do not have an endless amount of money.

CP is also depressed and my youngest is failing in school and suffering from depression. Youngest child is 16 and older child is 18 so only the 16 yr old would be listed on the modification. However, the 18 yr old would become a party to the case if it progresses to a child support modification (Oregon CS goes 'til children are 21, provided they are attending school.) Kids are still being brainwashed so there'd be no help there getting either of them to "assist" with the change. :(

At what point would the courts consider this situation a substantial change in circumstances with respect to petitioning for a modification?

I would have to file as a Pro Se litigant and I doubt ex's family would help with his litigation costs so he'd be on his own too.

It basically becomes an issue of changed circumstances when the circumstances actually change - apparently that will be in November. In NY (where I am) the Courts will not hear a matter involving possible changed circumstances; you have to wait until the circumstances actually do change.

If the 16 year old is suffering from diagnosed depression and not getting treatment, this is something new - then you have changed circumstances.

Unless the 16 or 18 old will agree and testify that they want to come live with you, merely being poor is normally not grounds.

At their ages the court will listen to a lot of what the child wants.

It was some years ago, and I had a personal experience, my ex was living in a poor area, too small for my two boys and the other two children. It was in a XXX rated area, next door to a porn movie place. She was proven taking in men for money to pay rent.

I filed for a modification, guess what, court awarded her more money from me to help her provide for kids more.

But again, that was not normal either.

If you can prove that the kids are not being properly cared for, food, clothing, able to sleep or study.
You will have to prove the one girl is depressed to the point of needing medical care and not getting it, so you will have to get the court to order her to be seen by doctors ( at your cost)

Thanks Judy. I did arrange for DD to get treatment through my health insurance.

There are also some alienation issues going on. I see the kids about 2/3 of the scheduled time (3 hrs on Sunday) and CP banned me from attending DD's ortho treatments after I offered to pay and asked to take her. He allowed me to pay, of course :~ He's also stated that he's not motivated to promote my cause of fostering a relationship between the kids and myself. He also added that as the CP, he doesn't need or want my input.

With respect to the eviction - basically, as long as the grandparents prevent eviction, then I have nothing to go on for this issue.

Thanks - as always for your insight :)

Unless the 16 or 18 old will agree and testify that they want to come live with you, merely being poor is normally not grounds.

At thier ages the court will listen to alot of what the child wants.

It was some years ago, and I had a personal experience, my ex was living in a poor area, too small for my two boys and the other two children. It was in a XXX rated area, next door to a porn movie place. She was proven taking in men for money to pay rent.

I filed for a modification, guess what, court awarded her more money from me to help her provide for kids more.

But again, that was not normal either.

If you can prove that the kids are not being properly cared for, food, clothing, able to sleep or study.
You will have to prove the one girl is depressed to the point of needing medical care and not getting it, so you will have to get the court to order her to be seen by doctors ( at your cost)

Chuck - it seems like the court will order the parent who CAN pay to pay more support. In our situation, ex was unemployed when we stipulated so his financial situation hasn't changed (yet) and he was imputed an income at that time too. The likelihood that he'll re-enter the work force is looking slim :(

The kids are not going to be on board (and the 18 yr old is off "custody" now anyway); particularly since Dad has them nearly phobic of spending the night here. My DH and I can't figure out what that's about (kids love DH and DS has been on numerous weekend trips with him.) They say weird things that lead us to believe they're being told some untruths.

I know a lot of what you've been through with this fight - I think you just keep fighting and wait for something to change.

Some of the Family Law experiences are amazing to any of us who have studied the law. It was my recent experience (and I was in the Courtroom) that a Judge ruled that the custodial parent was NOT "due" child support from the time the request was filed (2 months earlier), when paternity was proven, but from the date of the hearing - absolutely contrary to NY law. Now the custodial parent has to file an appeal.

Unnecessary, time and money consuming, no money to support the child - but that's the ruling for now.

Hang in there.

Thanks Judy and - yes you do know a lot of my history :)

I am watching like a hawk for any change. I think the kids are held emotional hostage (like I was in the marriage). The fear that Dad might "lose it" or "do something unspeakable" is looming over them. They know he can't survive without the money I send - regardless of whether they lived with him or not. It doesn't help that the grandparents are there, ready to bail him out.

He has been unable to buy them any clothes this year, so I'm still doing that (although very few). Amazingly, however, there is enough money for take-out and donuts :~

There is nothing I can do legally about the 18 yr. old now but I still have 2 years left to hope for a better change for the younger one.

How long has it been since the court addressed a modification?

How long has it been since the court addressed a modification?

16 months

16 months

Most want you to wait about 2 years. You can still try. But your biggest issue is the children / child may not want to and the courts might allow them to weigh in before a decision is made. Its still up to the courts either way.

Most want you to wait about 2 years. You can still try. But your biggest issue is the children / child may not want to and the courts might allow them to weigh in before a decision is made. Its still up to the courts either way.

Agreed - and by November, we'll be coming up close to 2 years. Thanks dad! :)

By the way - I have some kind of creepy info I discovered that I don't want to divulge on a public forum. May I message one of you? (dad or Judy) I can send you the info, then post the question here if that works.

btw - I have some kind of creepy info I discovered that I don't want to divulge on a public forum. May I message one of you? (dad or Judy) I can send you the info, then post the question here if that works.

If it concerns this case that you have then we really aren't suppose to accept PM's and give answers in private. The reason being is that if out in the open everyone can learn from it and that is what this site is about. Can you make it generic in some way and post it?

If it concerns this case that you have then we really arent suppose to accept PM's and give answers in private. The reason being is that if out in the open everyone can learn from it and that is what this site is about. Can you make it generic in some way and post it?

I won't ask a question in PM. Can I give you the details in private and make something more generic here?

Try posting the generic one here first. If it needs further explination we can take it from there.

Let's just say that I'm aware of some backup planning that ex has been doing secretly in the background. A plan that doesn't appear to include children. Can I turn this kind of "evidence" in with my petition for modification?

Let's just say that I'm aware of some backup planning that ex has been doing secretly in the background. A plan that doesn't appear to include children. Can I turn this kind of "evidence" in with my petition for modification?

No you can not. A plan is just that and can come to place or not. Its like trying to arrest someone who "might" commit a crime. The way the law is its either yes or no. What you have to do is wait it out. Then if it happens strike with a court order. Until then its only an idea ( a thought) not an act.

No you can not. A plan is just that and can come to place or not. Its like trying to arrest someone who "might" commit a crime. The way the law is its either yes or no. What you have to do is wait it out. Then if it happens strike with a court order. Until then its only an idea ( a thought) not an act.

Ok - that makes sense. I think I got a little ahead of myself there :) The "evidence" I have would really be more effective AFTER the fact; particularly because he probably thinks no one knows about it (or could prove it.)

Ok - that makes sense. I think I got a little ahead of myself there :) The "evidence" I have would really be more effective AFTER the fact; particularly because he probably thinks no one knows about it (or could prove it.)

Exactly. And it will also prove intent. That way your case is much stronger at that point. Its hard but patience pays off if your willing to wait it out.

Update: Dad won't get evicted because HIS father signed the lease and is paying the rent. Ex is literally off the radar, with his father's help. No title to car, no bank deposits other than Child Support.

I suspect some fraudulent activity.

Sigh... why do people like this always get away with things the rest of us would receive maximum punishment for?

Update: Dad won't get evicted because HIS father signed the lease and is paying the rent. Ex is literally off the radar, with his father's help. No title to car, no bank deposits other than Child Support.

I suspect some fraudulent activity.

Sigh... why do people like this always get away with things the rest of us would receive maximum punishment for?

There is no telling why something has happened. But at least November isn't that far away. Thanks for the update.

@dad - actually... ex's UE will run out sooner than November. More like the end of August.

Me thinks he's planning on petitioning for more CS. However... he'll have to produce documents in order to do that and at this point, I am beginning to wonder whether that's something he is comfortable with having examined.

I have a feeling I'll find out in September :(