I am not sure whose fault the ending of this relationship is? I have known my ex for 5 years.. the first 4 years we were only friends.. I wanted it that way.. I was to busy in college and couldn't handle any realtionships at the time pluse he was getting over a divorce that took place 4 years ago... he pursued me always in those 4 years... but I always wanted to remain friends.. it is this year that we had a coming together.. and he said I finally came around, and I did wholeheartedly... I loved this man.. I live here in the sates and he was living overseas at this time.. well he asked me to marry him.. I accepted and we finally got engaged.. as he were continuing this long distance engagement, Iwas becoming suspicious of his communication to me... so I decided to e-mail his sister in law, a woman that can't stand him, an e-mail explaining to her that I have suspicions about my fiancée and can't trust him and need to send some of his papers to her... he got pissed that I sent this e-mail, I badgered him if he was seeing or talking to anyone at this time... he sadi to me yes he was with 4 strippers.. I hung up on him and didn't want anything to do with him... he flys to see me the next day... he is at the lobby of my apartment begging for forgiveness and asks to see counselors... I accepted.. then spent the next 5 months with him... but I never forgave him... I pushed him far away.. his excuse was he wasn't sure if I ever was going to really move overseas with him , and didn't know for sure, even though we made plans and got engaged.. so why am I hurting for a person like this?? He tried to make things right and has bought me tickets all around the world and has tried to tell me he will let me live a great lifestyle to just forgive him... he also has a friend (woman) that is married , they e-mail each other once in awhile.. but her e-mails are always long and elaborate... she is married mind you.. I asked him to stop, but he refused saying I wanted to control who he spoke with.. I don't know what to do!! I am not sure whose fault this is, is it my fault because I ignored the fact that he wanted to be close with me years ago? Should I forgive him? And why doesn't he want to give up this girl?

Yeeowser Seirra! :eek:
What are you doing here trying to become some mail order bride? And to someone who obviously can't be trusted! And what for, the money?? Love??

What I see here is a person who needs to grow up and become adult first. I hate to say it but there is just a whole lot going so haywire in that relationship you had -- I almost don't know where to begin. My condolences for your loss but it's a good loss, trust me. I hope for your sake you do a lot of growing on the backside of this. Learn more about you please and about other people so you won't be so naïve and needy. Okay?

Then maybe date a little, then maybe acquire more friends, then maybe have a career, then maybe some hobbies. And some plants and a pet perhaps. And if you manage to manage all that well enough, you might have learned enough a long the way to successfully manage a romantic relationship with one of the candidates you found while dating.

Otherwise, plan on having all the kinds of troubles you currently have with him or anyone just like him you are far too likely to attract. I don't mean this as bad news but where are your friends and family with all this? You are being pretty reckless with yourself there, girl!

No no no bride order, but I can't see how it would seem so.. thanks for your honest reply.. I am really going through a tough healing process and I guess I was naïve.. the worst part is , is I did have a career , a dream job, right out of college... I stayed in it for less than a year to move in with him just to find out 5 months after that this was not for me... my friends were around and family... but it was too embarrassing to show them the person I accidentally fell in love with.. I am struggling... he wanted to meet my family and wanted me to forgive him and make amends but I couldn't go through with it.. yes I lost the career I dreamt about in college and a man I thought genuinely loved me , he led me to believe him with is letters, e-mails and him popping up out of no where... so it's a hard lesson.. I thought he was my soulmate... thats why I pursued it... its hard to forgive him though

Wow, run from this man for what you have allowed him to do to you -- never mind about any forgiveness issues for the time being. That you couldn't show this to your family and friends was the biggest clue you had that what was happening had wrong written all over it! Work on rebuilding your life. Perhaps seek some counseling to get at how this all happened to ensure it doesn't again. I am glad you can see as much of it as you do but take some serious action, okay?

I mean I know I was naïve and need help to figure out why I would let some one basically do that to me... its more or less my fault... the forgiveness part is because he tried in so many ways to make it up by fasting, remorsing and by changing things... thats why I am confused on weather to forgive him or not... he says I basically pushed him away the first 4 years of our friendship, well that's his excuse

Seirra honey, get some help. Once you are in a more secure position of never doing this again, you can focus on forgiveness... of him and of yourself. But first things first, here.

I believe that no matter what someone does he/she deserves forgiveness if he genuinely means it and proofs himself to you. Please don't listen to these people that have no forgiving spirit you have to think spiritual when things happen to you. If God holds all of our sins against us don't you think he will destroy us all in a blink of an eye. The only thing I have to say is if you love him forgive him now and give him a chance to make things right if he accepts that what he did was wrong and willing to change. People have to understand that when bad things happen in a relationship it makes it stronger.

Every man deserves forgiveness if they are genuinely sorry for what they did and willing to change there ways for a better future

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