Hi everyone.

Im currently 18 and have just shifted to another town to start university, this is where my girlfriend is. My beautiful girlfriend and I have been going out for 11 months. I lived 3 hours away from her and spent all my money traveling up to see her and buying her things... yano to make her happy. Everything was great, life was amazing! Were were very very serious, she even picked out an engagement ring (which I am now paying off) which is a huge expense for an 18 year old uni student ($2100). We were so serious about life together. Until my 'friends' started ripping on her. At first it wasn't bad. But after 11 months it has got to her. I try to defend her but I am soft. They don't listen to me no matter how hard, angry and abusive I get. They abuse through face book, text etc.It was abusing the both of us. But mostly me because id become more passive. I loved life, wasn't spending my days drinking it away, or breaking stuff or getting up to mischief. I had someone to love, someone to look out for, protect. And it was an amazing feeling. I have changed. I admit that, and I love the person I have turned out to be. Helping instead of hurting. We have agreed on no sex until marriage which I am completely fine with. They don't like it, or her. And will try anything do break us up. So anyway they live a good hour or 2 away. Eventually this got to her, and she told me I wasn't protecting her enough and that she cannot take it anymore ='( . The problem is I only found out how much it was effecting her when she left me. She always laughed and joked about it, and was never straight up with me. Which was out of character as we always talked and worked everything out. So it would be great if I could get some ideas on how I can fix this... please. I really really love her so much. More than any relationship I have ever had. I would wait a lifetime for her if I had to.. I would do absolutely anything in the world for her. I know they are my friends so it is my fault... ive known them for 12 years.. and sometimes they won't let go ='(

Daza

I think you need to speak to your friends about this, and tell them enough is enough, and that this girl means a lot to you, and they've no business upsetting her, or making fun of her.

This might help if you can stop them, from being this way.

I would ask your g/f to talk to you about what's happened, and see if you can find what's the cause for her telling you it didn't bother her, and yet in the next breath she's ended it with you, perhaps there's another reason she's ended it that you aren't yet aware of.

Failing this leave her alone for a few days let her reflect and she may feel differently, it seems a lame excuse to break it off with you.

Not meaning to offend you in saying this.

I hope you can sort this out with your g/f and also put a stop to your friends doing as they are, couldn't they be blocked so that she doesn't see what they've written about her.?

Why are they making fun of her anyway?

hey thanks for the advise, yea I'm doing that leave her alone part now. Its hard waiting =( I'm not very patient when it comes to things like this. Yes I know, it is a very lame excuse. This all happened on the Sunday. Its now Saturday.. 6 days which doesn't really seem a lot.. but to me it seems like forever. Ive tried all I can think of. Buying her flower and chocolate and writing a card, apologizing. She doesn't talk to me. She will only talk when she wants to, So I cannot sort this out. Its also the holidays. So she has shifted back home for 2 weeks. I cant. She left without telling me, I found out by walking around to her apartment to give her some more flowers.

My 'friends' are saying things like, she is controlling, manipulating, using me, she's changed me into the person she wants me to be. All the stuff along the lines of that. Which to a girl or to anyone can really start to sink in after this amount of time. I can't eat, sleep, or study!

I hear what you're saying, and it does seem odd that she just went off without even telling you, perhaps she doesn't like what she's heard because there's some truth in it and her doing this is some kind of power play thing.

Perhaps youire friends should just say these things to you, and then she won't get to see them or read them, on fb.

Its does seem very odd that she's reacting in this way now and all along said it didn't bother her.

Maybe you would do well to try getting her out of your system, I know it hurts it hurts like hell and seems to never ease off, but ask yourself would you want a life of this kind of episode on a regular basis, because there are girls out there that do things along these lines in order to get control over their b/f.

Its not a nice thing to do and no matter what she couldve told you at the start she wasn't happy with your friends doing as they have, and why take it out on you, you didn't say anything about her did you?

I guess you are going to have to wait until she either comes around or contacts you, Its not easy and there are no quick fixes, love hurts and that's a fact.

I wish I could say something to help the pain go away for you, however I cannot at this time advise any thing other than this.

I do hope she contacts you and soon and gives you a good reason for why she's chosen to take it out on you.

I know how you feel and I hope it gets sorted for you soon...

Yea, I really really don't want to.. we were so close. This has made me think that she wasn't ready. I was willing to spend a lifetime with her but she's not. This has made me see that. So have to cancel that ring. I have to admit she is a little controlling sometimes but I just see through that. That means nothing to me, I still have my own opinion.

thanks for all of the help! You helped a lot =)

It's a really big red flag when a relationship can so easily be influenced by the words and actions of others. They may well be right as maybe they see things you don't, because of the way you lavish her with gifts and what nots. But its your money to throw around however you please.

You made the choice to keep these friends, and not to block them, so this is what you get, a partner who doesn't feel like you did all in your power to defend and protect her.

Its another red flag, when you make that choice, and isolate yourself from everyone, and make her the center piece of your life, with no balance to keep a good perspective.

I get the queasy feeling in my stomach reading your post as this was all about what you do for her, how much you spend, and the problems her friends cause her, yet they are still your friends. Something doesn't quite add up my friend, and maybe this time apart will reveal it to you.

Another red flag is the pedestal you put her on where she can do or say no wrong. But she can disappear from your life with no notice, and have you waiting for her to return.

That would tee me off enough to say screw her.

Stay NC and at least heal, as you put your life without her, back together.

I have to say it but I think this girl has shown a total lack of respect for your feelings and doesn't give a hoot that you're waiting around for her to come back, which I think she will in time, and then possibly tell you you made a fuss over nothing.

I think you're in for a bumpy old ride my friend and you're about to find yourself being led by the b*lls, and this kind of treatment might just become the norm.

It doesn't make sense that she's peeved at what your friends have said.

If she was perturbed why not say so at the start of it all, no she laughed about it or so your post says.

Something's amiss in all this...

This is more for future reference:

How much did she try not making a fuss about your 'friends' to keep from making you feel bad about their actions? People sometimes have a tendency to laugh and joke about things that upset them (such as an obese person making 'fat' jokes). It is a coping mechanism. If she had told you how much it was getting to her, what would you have done differently? She probably saw you 'trying' to stand up to your friends and understood that complaining would only make matters worse. Then you truly would have been caught in the middle between her and them.

Quite frankly, I think your friends need to grow up. I don't know what they saw in her that maybe you didn't, but they handled their feelings and concerns like they are still 14 years old and haven't had girlfriends of their own. Honestly, I see them acting/reacting this way toward anyone you date or have a relationship with who takes you away from them. It is a sad part of growing up to discover that some of your friends aren't ready to mature. I wouldn't be surprised if they aren't congratulating themselves on a job well done.

Do you like the person you are maturing into? Make changes because they suit you not someone else girlfriend or 'friend'.

You are 18 years old and in school. Worry about the near future of studying and getting a career started. Rings and weddings are for a more distant future. Finish growing into the person you are supposed to be. Give yourself time to heal from this relationship whether you end up back with her or meeting someone else. IF you do end up back together, discuss the issues that broke you up and begin working together on them before renewing the relationship.