Dear all

I hope you can try and help me sincerely.

Last 2 years I have been having a relationship with my colleague, who is happily married and has 2 kids. He is very happy with her and family. Please don't ask me how I got into this, I don't know, it was beautiful and I couldn't stop myself.

After a year, I slowly realised that things are going nowhere. He never showed any signs of wanting to marry me or give me a respectable life. He said I could move out and live alone and he would spend as much time with me as he can, which is not acceptable to me as I want to be his wife. I told him what about 5 or 10 years from now? Will my children get the same that your wife's kids get? He doesn't take it seriously. I felt he wanted a relationship just for fun, he keeps telling me he loves me, he can never let go of his family and it started to hurt me.

So I decided to move on. I got engaged to this nice guy I know and things are going very well with me and my fiancé. Now the problem is my colleague is getting very bad on me, he doesn't like me with my fiancé, but he forgets that I have always had to see him with his wife and still remain silent. He keeps tauting me that now that I have decided to marry so what else I want from him? I know he is hurt but he fails to understand that I have done this for everyone's good - me him and his family too... I know my decision is right and just for all involved.

He has so much love and understanding for his wife, but when it comes to undestanding my emotions, god knows what happens to his brain, he thinks I am supposed to sit there and watch him with his wife and wiat for my turn to come.. I know I did a wrong thing but he is the best guy I could ever know...

I have nothing against him and he is an excellent co-worker. How can I work things out?

Please help

Petals

You shouldn't have expected anything more than a bit on the side from the married guy. He's married with children! It's very rare that they'd give that up for someone they're just having an on the side relationship with. You shouldn't really have wanted anything more either, he was married after all.

It's good you got out of the relationship, it would have just stayed as it was and it would have probably ended very badly.

He can't have that much love for his wife to cheat on her. ::)

You are now in a relationship so you need to stop thinking about him. Tell him what you have said here. Say you're in a good relationship and there is nothing going on between you two and there never will be. Make it clear it's over and he should stop.

Try not to argue about it because you should try and stay friends :)

The only solution as I see it is to QUIT and go elsewhere. Completely cut off all contact with this fellow. It can only lead to a very bad future. He will not keep quiet about your past and may even cause trouble with children down the road.

It's good to see that you've shown your ex that you are an independent woman and have made a decision based on many lives. Best thing to do is ignore the insane man, he'll get tired and will eventually leave you.
If he really loved you he would've come to you himself and said he wanted to commit but he just proved he's a time-waster.
Don't stress about anything as now you should be happy that you are committing to someone who is willing to commit to you also. :)