Hi, not posted on here before but I've been reading through many posts to try and help me get through this awful breakup. We had been together since 16 and are now both 22 and gt back from the most amazing 2 week holiday in Las Vegas in September of last year.

Just over 2 months ago my now ex girlfriend left me after 5 years and 3 months, it came completely out of the blue as she just text me one Sunday morning saying "I think we need to talk", I knew that wasn't good but I really did not expect what happened next. I met her and she hit me with the whole I love you, but I don't think I'm in love with you anymore. I was shocked to say the least, people keep telling me there must have been signs this was coming but I honestly never saw any.

She went on to say how we had become so close that we were taking each other for granted and that we never give each other space to be on our own. She said she wanted time to "Be 22" and "Live her life".

After this ordeal I felt so empty, I couldn't cry or anything I just felt numb, Nothing happened for a few days I didn't contact her and she didn't contact me until about 5 days when she text me asking how I had been, to which I relied, "I've been better, how about you?" she said the same and said we needed to talk again so we arranged a day to meet.

She came round and I asked straight out if she had decided what she wanted to do, work at our relationship or move on, and she said she wanted me and wanted to work on it, so after a lot of crying and hugging we went on for 1 week and I was desperately trying to make her see that she made the right decision and then after 7 days she said this isn't working out and ended it again but this time she ended over a text message so I asked to see her in person the next day, to which she agreed. We talked and she just reaffirmed her previous comments about not being in love with me but still loves me. After she left I felt so depressed I can't even explain it.

About 3 or 4 days went by after this day with no contact and I caved and sent her a letter professing my love which I now regret but unfortunately what's done is done. I heard nothing back from her about the letter.

I can't exactly remember how many times she contact me in the following weeks as I was dealing with my final year at university and she was texting me to ask how I was and to say good luck with my exams.

I very rarely contacted her, in fact I think I only contacted her twice during that period. After I had finished my final year exams and dissertation I decided to ask her to meet me for old times sake because to be honest I just missed seeing her so much. She agreed and we had a great evening having drinks at a bar, we talked about what we had both been getting up to and how we were doing and I was trying hard not to bring up the breakup however she kept bringing it up and then crying about it, we still went over the same things as before and again reaffirmed that she no longer loved me but then said she still sees us together in the future and still thinks that I'm the person she will marry, which makes no sense to me whatsoever and was extremely confusing.

She suggested that we meet again in a week to celebrate my birthday which was 5 days away from this meeting, I agreed and said I would let her know when I was free.

I did not contact her but did receive a card and message from her on my birthday simply wishing me a happy birthday.

2 days after my birthday I decided to contact her and ask to meet again to catch up. She agreed to this and it went pretty much the same as the first time we meet, all was well until she bought up the break up, except this time I asked if she thought there was any chance for us and she said no, she then went on to say that she thought we had grown apart and that if we had met when we were older then it probably would have worked out between us. She also said that if someone had told her 6 months ago that this was going to happen she would not have believed them.

At the end of the night she said that she had some thinking to do and that we should not contact each other for a good few weeks, I agreed with this and then left after a quick hug and some more tears on her part.

5 days past and she contacted me yet again, this time on Facebook chat, I talked to her and tried to be friendly, nothing about the breakup was mentioned and I ended the conversation as I was at work and it was time to go home. That night I met one of my good friends who promptly persuaded me to delete her off Facebook to cut one line of possible communication as he said she was being selfish by giving me false hope, I agreed with this as she said that we should talk for a few weeks yet started talking to me after only 5 days again.

4 days past until she noticed that I had deleted her off Facebook and annoyingly this was the same day that would have been our 5 and a half year anniversary. She text me saying that she saw that I deleted her off Facebook and that she understands that it is too hard for me to be friends right now and that she didn't want me to think she had forgotten what day it was she then went on to say that she was not seeing anyone and was taking time to herself. I decided not to reply to this and 5 days went by again until she text me again and asked when I get my results for uni and asking how I was, I replied by simply saying "I'm fine thanks, don't get results until 6th July" giving her no reason to text me back yet she still did saying, "oh ok, will you let me know, if you want to that is" after that I did not text her back.

1 week later I found out that she is seeing another guy, one who had known my ex a while back at work but changed jobs and disappeared he will be referred to as X, I'm not 100% sure where he came from. I was so angry that she could be moving on in only 2 months so I text here just all chatty to see if she mentioned it, she didn't, so I asked her, "Random question, are you seeing anyone?" to which she replied "Been out a couple of times with someone, why do you ask? are you?" I replied asking if it was X to which she said "Yeah, wow your good lol" I then asked her if it was serious and she said "No not even been seeing him a week". Now this confuses me because the way I knew it was X is that someone had told me that on Facebook X's status says "In a relationship with 'my ex'". This new guy has just been dumped by his fiancée for roughly the same reasons as me and my ex breaking up and he is the same type of "nice guy" that I am so she is not going for a different type of person.

Its been 4 days since this and I never text her back after she said she had been seeing him a week. I really don't know what the hell to do about this, its killing me so much inside to know she is with someone else when all I want is her back. I've tried to play it cool and I think I did fairly well and never begged her to come back. I just don't know what to do now, is this a rebound thing or is 2 months long enough to forget 5 perfect years? Part of me thinks I should just carry on an stay away but I miss her so much and just want to meet her again just for a fun date to give her something good to think about before she goes to far with this new guy because my previous attempts at this ended badly due to her bringing up the breakup. I know that whatever I do will be the wrong thing because that's just my luck. If there is any chance to get back together with her I will take it in a heart beat.

Really sorry for going on about this guys and it probably very poorly worded but it's difficult to get things together at the min because I'm such a mess about this whole new guy thing.

Thank you very much for listening to me.

Sometimes it takes us a few tries to understand that fire can burn us. And until we get it, we will just keep touching it and hurt ourselves. It's what you did until now, maybe it's time to think what all these breakups did to you.

- I don't know how familiar you are with Facebook, but to be "in a relationship with your ex", your ex has to agree that they are in a relationship - which she obviously did, which means she lied to you about it.

- Every time you have the slightest chance to move on with your life she comes around to tell you how sorry she is and try again, just to tell you a few days later that "it's not working." She plays you emotionally, keeps you near "just in case", reminds you of good times... and you let her.

Now the question is, why would you want someone like that? Why would you want to be with someone who clearly said, multiple times that she is NOT in love with you? You invested a lot in your relationship, you are hurt and not being able to move on is making it worse. But now it's time to understand that fire will burn you - without touching it. Stop poisoning yourself with memories. Yes, it was magic, you shared special moments together but now it's time to move on if you want to be happy.

I am sorry, I know you don't want to hear this, but NC is your only chance, not for 5 days, not until she decides, FOREVER. Besides, who she is dating is none of your business right now and you don't have to answer any of her questions. Let her go and find someone who will make you happy, give you the LOVE and attention you deserve.

I wouldn't tell anyone "I am not in love with you but I see myself married to you." Would you?

Thank you for your reply.


I wouldn't tell anyone "I am not in love with you but I see myself married to you." Would you?

That is a very good point, I was just hoping that she was confused about what she wanted because I got the feeling that she felt we were like an old married couple and just wanted to live her life a bit being single and I was just about coming to terms with that its just this whole new guy thing that's pissed me off and sent me into a massive depression again.

I guess I was just being stupid thinking that there was hope in getting back together because from how I see it if it was boredom and being stuck in a rut that caused it then after 5 years it deserves some hard work to fight for it to make it work and she seems to have taken the easy option and just left.

We all have a false sense of hope after the break up of long relationships. I think that's pretty normal, until we come to terms, and accept it.

I think though that you have to recognize what she has been doing, she demoted you to friend zone, and started doing her thing, and used you as her emotional tampon, until something else came along. And you went with her program, to keep her around until she changed her mind.

One of the life lessons you should take from this, is no matter what an exes program is, run your own under your own terms not theirs.

Now get with the NC program 100%, and don't look back.

Save yourself the trouble and start working towards moving on. By this I mean start working your mentality away from "second chances" or "winning her back" and bring it closer to "finding yourself again". I don't know how much sense that makes to you right now, but it's important.

Let her go.

Save yourself the trouble and start working towards moving on. By this I mean start working your mentality away from "second chances" or "winning her back" and bring it closer to "finding yourself again". I don't know how much sense that makes to you right now, but it's important.

Let her go.





You have been together through the teen years into young adulthood. I think she probably wants to experience what she missed. It's best she does it now before going into a marriage and finding out she isn't happy because she never had a chance to be by herself or be unattached in her teen years. Hope you move on and look at the NC stickys on this site.

You’ve gone through a devastating break-up and my heart goes out to you. There's nothing as painful as being dumped by someone you thought was "the One". I know you’re still feeling like your heart has been ripped out and stomped on and that your hopes and dreams have been shattered.

One thing you should not do is visit, phone, email, or text her. You should have no contact whatsoever. As long as you keep in contact, the pain will never go away.

Accept the fact that it is over and make a clean complete break. Keep your dignity intact. Trust me on this—in the long run you’ll be glad you did.

Can't say it any better than the post above me, NC and forget about her, your young and you have your whole life ahead of you

As soon as 'She said she wanted time to "Be 22" and "Live her life".'
I would've said "see ya"... for her to just come with something like that after so long, she isn't worth your time or brain power.

Take time to heal. Spend time with friends. Who knows in a couple of months you may like the feeling of being unattached..?. Good Luck

A lot of people have been in similar situations.. including myself. To me it sounds like she was talking to "X" long before she broke it off with you, and was stuck between feelings for you, and for "X".

In my opinion you need to just move on.. she isn't worth it .

Thanks for the replies, I'll just try and move on, if she does end up contacting me again I'll just ignore it. It just all seems like some sort of nightmare that's happening, I think the fact that it only took 2 months to "replace" me after over 5 years.

Thanks again guys.

Good for you!