PDA

View Full Version : First fight leads to break up?


californian
Jun 18, 2010, 05:45 PM
Me and my girlfriend have been going out for 5 months and I love her more than girls I've dated before for over 2 years. We live 2 hours apart and I drive to see her at least twice a week. We've never had a fight, until I was visiting her yesterday and as I was leaving I said I love her as usual, and I got nothing back. I asked her why she wouldn't and then she said it. I asked her if she really meant it and she shook her head no. We talked for about an hour after that about how she doesn't know if she really loves me, how she's jewish and I'm not so her parents aren't too accepting, she says that I do little annoying things like tickle her.

I asked her if she was was breaking up with me and she said no, she still likes me but not the way I do her. The next morning she texts me and says we broke up. It was only our first fight and the first time she brought up any of the things she wanted me to do. I didn't know the little immature things like tickling bothered her as much as they did, but she only told me for the first time then broke up with me without even giving me a chance to fix it, and all the little problems she said are all fixes I could have made overnight.. She says she wants a break maybe and if its meant to be then we will probably get back together. But I don't want this to be a try-other-guys type of thing then her come back after she's done. I don't know what I should do to get her back

Homegirl 50
Jun 18, 2010, 06:19 PM
You shouldn't do anything.
She broke up with you and that's that.
You had a 5 month go and for whatever reasons she has decided she does not feel the same about you.
A lot of relationships end at around that time. One or both decide they are not a match.
Leave her alone and move on.

friend4u178
Jun 18, 2010, 06:57 PM
She's been thinking about it for a while and you didn't see it coming. 5 months is generally the "getting to know each other" period and she's decided that your not the one for her. And she'll say you can maybe get back together so as to let you down easily and ease her guilt.

Leave her alone , otherwise you will just end up pushing her further away and make yourself look foolish.

positiveparent
Jun 18, 2010, 07:18 PM
Have to spread the rep, however I agree fully with the above posts.

talaniman
Jun 18, 2010, 08:28 PM
ERROR: You must spread some Reputation around before giving it to Homegirl 50 again.
This didn't just happen, she has thought about this long enough to make up her mind, so you do nothing but what you were doing before you met her.

Talaniman Rules- when you get dumped, don't go back to get dumped again

parisrose
Jun 18, 2010, 10:30 PM
She doesn't want to date you anymore. I know it sucks because you really like her but she doesn't feel the same. You need to do NC and start healing. She has probably been thinking about doing this for awhile, her explanation for it is a bit lame. But if the connection isn't there, then there is nothing you can do. Sorry for your pain, but you will find another girl who will love you so much and you will be happy again.

Ther4peuticH3at
Jun 19, 2010, 12:53 PM
Try not to get hung up on the why of it. I've only recently come to learn that sometimes the whys, and all the reasons/explanations/excuses for why she's dumping you have very little to do with how she actually came to her decision.

I'd elaborate, but I don't have the time.

Bottom line, move on. Don't look back.

californian
Jun 19, 2010, 02:24 PM
I just don't understand. All the things she had problems with are things that could have been simply fixed at first asking, no ands ifs or buts. She just never told me what bothered her until she bottled it all up and took it all out on me in that one time, then doesn't give me a chance to fix it?

The night after the fight we were talking, and she was saying how if it was meant to be we'd be back together over summer. I asked her if we could hang out next week as friends and her replay was 'of course we can'. I then thought about it and thought it would be a try-other-guys thing and told her hanging out wouldn't be the best idea. She said she would be friends whenever I'm ready. I then said that I'm not waiting for her to hook up with other guys then come back to me. She said that wouldn't do that and we'll talk later. I didn't answer her and haven't since. If she really wants to start over as friends and give me a chance I hope she will come around. Until then I'm going to try to take your guys advice.

BWK10
Jun 19, 2010, 02:34 PM
It happens to more people than you think, some girls and guys bottle things up inside and don't say its bothering them until its too late, and you never really get an explanation as to why you two break up.

I'm sorry to break this to you, but the "being friends" thing doesn't work, trust me. My ex had the nerve to text me a day after breaking up with me and asked if we could be friends. You can't do it, especially if the two of you we're intimate and had a good relationship. I could never be friends with my ex's, it would be impossible for me to look at her as JUST a friend. She won't ever just be a "friend" to me.

She called it man, go NC, and stay that way. If only I could take my own advice. Trust me man, from a guy who has been heart broken twice in a year it's the ONLY WAY you'll heal. Remove her from absolutely everything. Internet, Phone, etc.

Homegirl 50
Jun 19, 2010, 06:09 PM
You guys have been dating only 5 months and seeing each other twice a week. Basically getting to know one another.
She has found she is not feeling it for you and probably gave a poor excuse but she's not feeling it.

Nobody likes to think that someone is not feeling them they way they feel for the other, but that is the way it goes sometimes. That does not mean she is wrong or you are wrong, you two are just not a match.
Move on!

ZoeMarie
Jun 19, 2010, 06:17 PM
If you think about it, do you really want to change all those little things that you do? Sounds like it's just your personality. You shouldn't have to change your personality for someone to accept you. Aren't you glad this happened now, and not years down the road? Now you'll be able to meet someone who accepts you for you.