I was to get married to this Sat we were sort of eloping but our friends knew and was going to be there ,Got the license ,outfits and rings .Ready to roll then my big mouth said we should tell our kids mine are young 8 and 11 but his daughter is 18 . My children will be leaving everything they know home,family, friends,school and when I ask them what they thought they said if I was happy they would be happy .
Well the daughter said NO she didn't want us to move in and if we did it wouldn't be like home to her anymore .She is leaving for collage in a few months and will only be here on the weekends if that. I understand she is a Daddy's girls and has had him all to herself for 5 years but she should know he would never marry someone that would stop a relationship between them I would NEVRE do that . As for the house I would like to make it our home . I love him and I want to marry him but he called the wedding off for now to give his daughter time to adjust to it all. I understand that but the reason we were going to move now is so my children could get settled in to the community and not have to change school in the middle of the year or whatever . I don't know what to do . He wants me to get to know her better and all that but I email her and tried to call. We live 1 and half away so its not like I an pop in and say hello lets hit the mall .I invited her to meet me and the boys half way at the pool to spend the day together she doesn't work so it's poss able I just feel helpless and I feel like an 18 year old is calling the shoots of our life .How do I help them how do I make him see she is being selfish and his and our happiness is on the line ?

How long have you been going with this man? Have you had opportunities to be with the daughter and get to know her?

I'm sorry but I agree that you should wait.

Your happiness is not on the line to rush into marrying this man.

ALL of the children should get to know the both of you and each other before becoming family. Your children want you to be happy, of course, but they're too young to realize exactly how big a deal marriage can be. Would you really expect them to tell their Mommy "No"? Of course not! They want to make you happy! Its up to the both of you to take the kids interests to heart - even the 18 yr old.

The wedding is postponed - that doesn't mean the relationship is over. In time, I think you'll see that its probably best that you're taking the time to get to know each other first. Getting married like that sounds to me like you're putting the cart before the horse.

Consider exchanging text with his daughter as well as emails. You can swap photos of your kids, etc. and start a relationship at a distance... it might be a little less intimidating to both of you.

Good luck!

P.S. Involve your husband-to-be as well. He should take an active part in getting all of you to bond.

How long were you seeing this man?
Have you had no relationship with his daughter prior to this and why had he not talked this over with his daughter before you two made wedding plans.

Sounds a bit funny to me.

We have dated for 5 months I know not long But we want this ,Heck we are not getting younger lol I have been single for 5 years to his 11 . I have been around his daughter about every weekend but she is very very quiet a loner of sorts I like her when she does talk and I would Im her on Facebook from time to time but seems she has bocked me when she is on . I know this is hard for her and I am all about making her comfortable . I guess since she went off on her dad he has felt really bad and is really bending over backwards for her and blowing me off . I tried to talk to him about it but he gets upset .I agree the kids need to get to know each other and my boys do want to make mom happy I understand all that . My thing is the reason we decided to move faster is because of the up coming school year and I am between jobs at the moment it just made sense to us to do it now we were anyway at some point.
Shouldn't sound funny we are adults and she is a young adult starting her own life we just wanted to state ours now nothing funny about it .

5 months!! Wow - I'm 31 and it would bother me if my mom married that quickly.

I know you're both adults, but its not that simple when kids are involved. In a way, you should be glad he loves his daughter and is willing to listen to her viewpoint. A lot of men might not care what his children think. Take your time and enjoy getting to know them both better. Your kids deserve that too - not just his.

5 Months is not a very long time.
How is he with your kids? It was not really fair to spring this on his daughter and it would have really been unfair to do it behind your kids back. Their lives will be affected by this as well.

Take your time to get to know each other, for your kids to get to know each other. Sounds like he has realized this was not such a smart thing to do.

5 Months is not a very long time.
How is he with your kids? It was not really fair to spring this on his daughter and it would have really been unfair to do it behind your kids back. Their lives will be affected by this as well.

Take your time to get to know each other, for your kids to get to know each other. Sounds like he has realized this was not such a smart thing to do.

Have you ever thought this might be the best thing that ever happened to you? I know it doesn't seem like it now and I would be furious. Think about it... if she doesn't like you and there are going to be problems in the marriage it's better to find out now. Suppose you had married him and your children were in such a hostile atmosphere, what would you do?

It may work out and it may not, but whatever happens it was meant to be.. . Good Luck

I would run from this man, if he is allowing his kids to run his life, now, he will latter after marriage also.

He has made a choice of who is more important, and you lost.

Take this as a lesson learned.

I would run from this man, if he is allowing his kids to run his life, now, he will latter after marriage also.

He has made a choice of who is more important, and you lost.

Take this as a lesson learned.

I think he gave it more thought and he should have before hand
She and he have only known each other for 5 months. They were going to sneak and get married do it without telling the kids.
When you have minor children at home, a marriage to someone is not just about you especially if the children don't really know that person. I think that would have been unfair to all of the kids.

5 months. They don't even know each other. I would not bring a man I have only known for 5 months into the home with my kids, and it is not fair to think his daughter would be overjoyed over him bringing a basic stranger into their house without warning.
Now if they had been dating say a year and there has been talk of marriage that becomes a different story.
Seems to me the 18 year old had more sense than the adults.
__________________
Right is right, even if everyone is against it; and wrong is wrong, even if everyone is for it.

I think he gave it more thought and he should have before hand
She and he have only known each other for 5 months. They were going to sneak and get married do it without telling the kids.
When you have minor children at home, a marriage to someone is not just about you especially if the children don't really know that person. I think that would have been unfair to all of the kids.

5 months. They don't even know each other. I would not bring a man I have only known for 5 months into the home with my kids, and it is not fair to think his daughter would be overjoyed over him bringing a basic stranger into their house without warning.
Now if they had been dating say a year and there has been talk of marriage that becomes a different story.
Seems to me the 18 year old had more sense than the adults.
__________________
Right is right, even if everyone is against it; and wrong is wrong, even if everyone is for it.



It's a shame the children are more aware than the grownups...

QUOTE by Kitkat"
It's a shame the children are more aware than the grownups...

No I know what's best for my family and I would never put them in a spot where I thought it would harm them in anyway .He is wonderful with my boys and I totally respect his daughters feelings ,But She also has to respect the fact we are adults and we are moving on with the life we planned but we are also giving her time to adjust (oh so grown up arnt we) It's like this I am 36 he is 45 it's not a game it's not some 18 year olds begging their parents .She doesn't know better then us and that's the simple fact . But respect her wishes is something WE are willing to do . We will be married in due time .I love this man he loves me and I want to share the rest of my life with him and I will not run from him ,If I did where is the love and trust in that . When he ask me to marry him I said Yes I meant it . Sure we ran with the marriage we are in love and it's not like our children don't know each other and its not like we all don't get along .So sure it was fast... So we will work on it from here thanks for the advice

It's a shame the children are more aware than the grownups...[/QUOTE

No I know what's best for my family and I would never put them in a spot where I thought it would harm them in anyway .He is wonderful with my boys and i totally respect his daughters feelings ,But She also has to respect the fact we are adults and we are moving on with the life we planed but we are also giving her time to adjust (oh so grown up arnt we) It's like this I am 36 he is 45 it's not a game it's not some 18 year olds begging their parents .She doesnt know better then us and thats the simple fact . But respect her wishes is something WE are willing to do . We will be married in due time .I love this man he loves me and i want to share the rest of my life with him and I will not run from him ,If I did where is the love and trust in that . When he ask me to marry him I said Yes I meant it . Sure we ran with the marraige we are in love and it's not like our children dont know eachother and its not like we all dont get along .So sure it was fast ....So we will work on it from here thanks for the advice





I really hope you two have a wonderful life together.. . Kit

Well it's good that you're giving her time and your kids too.
You two are adults who love each other but your kids have to live with your decision too so their feelings should be considered.
5 months is quick, that is hardly anytime at all. You really owe yourselves and your kids more time.

I just have to say that I'm shocked.

You were going to get married this Saturday and you didn't tell your kids?

They're not that young. Mine are 7 and 11, and believe me, they would be shocked if I just up and got married (even though I already am) without telling them, and to a man you've only known for 5 months.

There's no hurry. What's another year, or 2, in order to get to know each other? Not just you and him, but involve the kids too. This isn't only your decision, it effects everyone in the family. Eloping on a whim is best done by people without responsibilities.

I do agree that it's best to wait and everyone should get to know each other in the meantime.

Also... I'm kind of putting myself in his daughter's shoes, trying to understand why she is against it because my dad got married very quick after my mom passed away. Is her mom in the picture? How long has her dad been single? I know you said that she had him all to herself for a while, but did they get divorced or did something else happen?

Could be a reason that she's a loner too. Maybe she's going through something that you don't know about.

I do agree that it's best to wait and everyone should get to know each other in the meantime.

Also... I'm kinda putting myself in his daughter's shoes, trying to understand why she is against it because my dad got married very quick after my mom passed away. Is her mom in the picture? How long has her dad been single? I know you said that she had him all to herself for a while, but did they get divorced or did something else happen?

Could be a reason that she's a loner too. Maybe she's going through something that you don't know about.

They broke up when she was 3 so she doesn't even remember them being marrried . I know she felt abandoned by her mother 3 years ago when her mother got married but the fact she wasn't . But I can't fix the way she feels . We use to chat and everything but now she ignores any attempt I make but I love her dad and I will work with her on it hopefully when she See's how happy her dad is she will understands . I don't know that's why I posted here. Now I feel like this Horrible women trying to steal a father from his daughter and that's sort of not normal . Anyway hope all has a great weekend going to go spend it with Mr.Wonderful himself :)

No one has accused you of stealing a father from his daughter. We have questioned why the hurry (after dating for 5 months) to run off and get married without telling the kids first and giving the kids time to get to know one another.

Marrying someone after 5 months is fast, and if it is just you that's cool, it only affects the two of you. But when you bring kids in the mix, it becomes in my opinion a bit selfish and irresponsible.

5 months does not a relationship make. At 5 months you are only scratching the surface of quirks.

I have been on this earth a mere 46 years and my limited time in existence has taught me that it takes time to build a relationship that does NOT include children. 5 months is not that long.

Now, when you throw children in the mix, you have to extend that time. Not only do the two of you have to get to know each other, but now you are expecting children to acclimate to a new lifestyle. This is not easy for children of any age.

If you want this relationship to survive, you need to slow it way down. Bring each family together for at LEAST a year. Let everyone get to know each other on mane different levels before you try to blend them all together.

We don't try to hurt you or anyone else... but children should have a say when a parent remarries. Get to know each other... I think the daughters concern may have been the short
Romance... rushing to marry.

She wants her Dad to be happy and if it's meant to be you will.

Ok so we call the wedding off now what ? I can't get his daughter to speak to me at all she walks out of the room when I walk in .This is really going to cause a problem I hate it .I don't know what to do for her or to say to her to make all this better for her. And plus he is pulling away from me too because he is so upset by everything .He like me wanted to get on with our life and now we are at a halt like I said before I am over an hour from him and it's not like I can work on a relationship often . I am so confussed and sad . I want to help them both .But it doesn't seem to me that my feelings or my children's feelings are even being thought of at this point . Just don't know what to do :confused:

Ok so we call the wedding off now what ? I can't get his daughter to speak to me at all she walks out of the room when I walk in .This is really going to cause a problem I hate it .I dont know what to do for her or to say to her to make all this better for her. And plus he is pulling away from me too becouse he is so upset by everything .He like me wanted to get on with our life and now we are at a halt like I said before I am over an hour from him and it's not like I can work on a relationship often . I am so confussed and sad . I want to help them both .But it doesnt seem to me that my feelings or my children's feelings are even being thought of at this point . Just dont know what to do :confused:

Walk away for awile. To keep your sanity walk away and have no contact what so ever! It will be hard, but it's the best thing. If he loves you and he is miserable.. then the daughter is going to see that .

If she does see that he is miserable without you... maybe she'll accept the fact that he will be happy with you. Don't sit around waiting for either one to make a move. Think of your children.

Take your kids on a vacation and it will give you time to do some thinking.
I do hope everything works out for all of you. Bless You... Kit

Take a step back from this. It was all progressing too fast any way.
Maybe what is needed is space, or maybe things were not going to work anyway, in which case it is better to know now than after the marriage.

He and I spent the weekend together anyway we went out of town we even talked about "the wedding in the futrue" He did give me my engament ring he hadn't before since we got all are rings on the same day and I had my rings saldered together so I now wear my wedding band and engament ring . But I could feel the stress in the relationship .We was with close friends of ours doing a charity event so lots of people was asking when is the big day was and at one point I even said when his daughter is OK with it lol the look we got .
So we set no future date and talked about me moving there but you know the more I think of it the more I am like I don't think so , Why buy the cow kind of thing . I think steping back is a great idea and had already thought of doing so . I was to take my boys down there the rest of the week but I told him we wasn't coming .His phone calls are shorter then before but he is still calling I still get my text goodnight and all that . Earlier this evening I imed his daughter on face book and just said hey lady what's up she signed off with no reply .
However when he called me tonight before he went to work I talked about the wedding like it was going to happen no matter what colors who would come where to have it stuff like that and he was seemed very OK talking about it . And then I said you know I would need a date at some point .He was like I haven't gave it any thought . So stepping back will do him a world of good and me , thanks for letting me vent I feel like I am just about to blow up :mad:

He and I spent the weekend together anyway we went out of town we even talked about "the wedding in the futrue" He did give me my engament ring he hadnt before since we got all are rings on the same day and I had my rings saldered together so I now wear my wedding band and engament ring . But I could feel the stress in the relationship .We was with close friends of ours doing a charity event so lots of people was asking when is the big day was and at one point I even said when his daughter is ok with it lol the look we got .
So we set no future date and talked about me moving there but you know the more I think of it the more I am like I dont think so , Why buy the cow kind of thing . I think steping back is a great idea and had already thought of doing so . I was to take my boys down there the rest of the week but I told him we wasnt coming .His phone calls are shorter then before but he is still calling I still get my text goodnight and all that . Earlier this evening I imed his daughter on face book and just said hey lady whats up she signed off with no reply .
However when he called me tonight before he went to work I talked about the wedding like it was going to happen no matter what colors who would come where to have it stuff like that and he was seemed very ok talking about it . and then I said you know I would need a date at some point .He was like I havent gave it any thought . So stepping back will do him a world of good and me , thanks for letting me vent I feel like I am just about to blow up :mad:

Don't blow up! Just let him know you aren't going to wait around. Don't talk to the daughter and unless she contacts you first. Tell him you need time and you don't want to see him anymore unless he can tell you there is going to be a future with him.

Don't uproot your kids and move to a place they are unfamiluar with. If it doesn't work out what aare you going to do. It's better to know now.
Sorry for the harsh words, but please realize it may never happen... Good luck

I don't think they are harsh words just facts. It's so upsetting to me because after 5 years I have built up these darn walls not allowing anyone in and then I meet this wonderful man who seemed so very right for me and my boys I got excited about the future and now I am let down . This is why I had the walls up in the first place . I guess I need to get out the bricks and starte rebuilding the wall and if he loves me he will climb over it and get me .

I dont think they are harsh words just facts. It's so upsetting to me becouse after 5 years I have built up these darn walls not allowing anyone in and then I meet this wonderful man who seemed so very right for me and my boys I got excited about the future and now I am let down . This is why I had the walls up in the first place . I guess I need to get out the bricks and starte rebuilding the wall and if he loves me he will climb over it and get me .

Good for you... Keep posting... let us know how things go.:)

I was thinking how does one go from getting married back to dating ? Had I of known what I know now I would have said No to the ring give it to me we alllllllllll of you are ready . Just thinking can't you tell lol to early for this already to be my focus of the day . I guess the whole dream crushed thing really bothers me . I did tell his this past weekend boy I wish things could back to the way they were much more simple and he was much more open . I think not only daughter doesn't want this but Daddy dearest got cold feet . Lets see how he likes the cold shoulder ;)

You let your walls down and then you jumped too quickly. Think about it. People don't marry that quickly after meeting especially if they have kids.
It's like you found this man and you just want to jump in to marriage. If he is the right one, he is not going to disappear.
Take your time, get to know him, allow the kids to get to know each other.
5 months and a ring and date is really a bit much.

You let your walls down and then you jumped too quickly. Think about it. People don't marry that quickly after meeting especially if they have kids.
It's like you found this man and you just want to jump in to marriage. If he is the right one, he is not going to disappear.
Take your time, get to know him, allow the kids to get to know each other.
5 months and a ring and date is really a bit much.

Good for you!. NC with the daughter. NC with him. Maybe a little of the same treatment will help him make a decision. You'll know one way or the other.

It's better than sitting around waiting. Get on with your life. If he loves you then he will make a move. If not... you'll have to send back the ring and block him from Facebook and your phone. It will be horrible to have to do this but you will know for sure. Are you ready to make this decision?

I was thinking how does one go from getting married back to dating ? Had I of known what I know now I would of said No to the ring give it to me we alllllllllll of you are ready . Just thinking can't you tell lol to early for this already to be my focus of the day . I guess the whole dream crushed thing really bothers me . I did tell his this past weekend boy I wish things could back to the way they was much more simple and he was much more open . I think not only daughter doesn't want this but Daddy dearest got cold feet . Lets see how he likes the cold shoulder ;)

Well it's no wonder he got cold feet, you two don't really know each other and his daughter didn't know her father was going to get married and bring two kids into the house.
It was rather foolish to think you two could just blend two families after knowing each other 5 months and everything would be hunky-dory. This is real life.
Don't get mad at him, you both were rushing into things, you both needed to take a step back.
What if it had been one of your kids who did not want you two to marry?

Well it's no wonder he got cold feet, you two don't really know each other and his daughter didn't know her father was going to get married and bring two kids into the house.
It was rather foolish to think you two could just blend two families after knowing each other 5 months and everything would be hunky-dory. This is real life.
Don't get mad at him, you both were rushing into things, you both needed to take a step back.
What if it had been one of your kids who did not want you two to marry?

Maybe with this time apart... you and he will both do a lot of thinking. Your children and his are caught in the middle. I think you're doing the right thing by leaving him alone. If you do get back together... give the kids enough time to get to know each other and take it slow... Good Luck

Lmao hell no he isn't getting the ring back lol But stepping back yes I have to for me ! I love him and I know he loves me he just needs to miss me!! ;)

lmao hell no he isnt getting the ring back lol But stepping back yes I have to for me ! I love him and I know he loves me he just needs to miss me !!! ;)

Exactly! You can do it it! Keep the ring:D

:p

After reading all your posts, I think its obvious to you now why so many of us encouraged you to wait to get married.

It'll do you a lot of good to take a step back and see what happens. Like someone else said, if its meant to be, it will be.

Good things come to those who wait. :)

Let us know how it's going!

Day 2 of me pulling back so far so OK lol. He has been really busy with work and I have been busy (making myself that way) He calls in the morning when he gets home phone convo's last 10 min or so . He called last night when I was leaving kickboxing class and ask me what I was doing so for the hell of it I told him exactly what I was doing I told him my maid of honor to be wanted me to drive by 2 places that she wants to have our shower and get the # and see what place I like best. He said oh really did you decided? I said No I had never been in the one place but had been to a wedding at the other . He didn't change the subject I did.
Ask him reg stuff how did you sleep and what was for dinner that sort of thing. He said Friday he was taking his daughter to see toy story.. I said Oh really My boys would LOVE to see it too . But no invite . He said it had been 2 months since they went to the movies I was like well that will be a good to spend some time with her . I did tell him I tried to speck to her online but she signed off without a reply and he started making excuses about Im'ing and how it is messed up sometimes I was like no worries Not a big deal . He needs to know when I reach out to her and she refuses to talk to me . But like someone said above not to contact her anymore your right that will be the last personal contact I will be making . He ask me if I had my boys this weekend and I said I do not but never tried to make plans with me I was going to turn him down letting him know I do have a friend coming in to visit and I would be busy . He called tonight and I couldn't help myself I ask him.. Are we OK? He said well yeah I guess ,Why? I said I just feel you pulling away but hey maybe it's just me I am a girl you know lol . Tried to play it off as no big deal but as you know it is . Well so far that's about as far as I got . No I never called or text him at all since Monday :)

Day 2 of me pulling back so far so ok lol. He has been really busy with work and I have been busy (making myself that way) He calls in the morning when he gets home phone convo's last 10 min or so . He called last night when I was leaving kickboxing class and ask me what I was doing so for the hell of it I told him exactly what I was doing I told him my maid of honor to be wanted me to drive by 2 places that she wants to have our shower and get the # and see what place I like best. He said oh really did you decided? I said No I had never been in the one place but had been to a wedding at the other . He didnt change the subject I did.
Ask him reg stuff how did you sleep and what was for dinner that sort of thing. He said Friday he was taking his daughter to see toy story ..I said Oh really My boys would LOVE to see it too . But no invite . He said it had been 2 months since they went to the movies I was like well that will be a good to spend some time with her . I did tell him I tried to speck to her online but she signed off without a reply and he started makeing excuses about Im'ing and how it is messed up sometimes I was like no worries Not a big deal . He needs to know when I reach out to her and she refuses to talk to me . But like someone said above not to contact her anymore your right that will be the last personal contact I will be making . He ask me if I had my boys this weekend and I said I do not but never tried to make plans with me I was going to turn him down letting him know I do have a friend coming in to visit and I would be busy . He called tonight and I couldnt help myself I ask him ..Are we ok? He said well yeah I guess ,Why? I said I just feel you pulling away but hey maybe it's just me I am a girl you know lol . Tried to play it off as no big deal but as you know it is . Well so far thats about as far as I got . No I never called or text him at all since Monday :)

Stick to it girl! It's time to go NC at all. Try it and see what happens.

You think ? NC at all ? Isn't that just playing a game? And does that ever really work for anyone ? I myself have never done it or if I had it's been when I knew it was over and done with I do not want this relationship over and done with in the least : /

You think ? NC at all ? Isnt that just playing a game? And does that ever really work for anyone ? I myself have never done it or if I had it's been when I knew it was over and done with I do not want this relationship over and done with in the least : /

Okay... if it's over and you don't contact him... it will give him time to miss you and to see if he really wants a life with you! It's better to know now than going on wondering what's going to happen and putting your life on hold.

It will be hard, sometimes alsmost impossible, but you will at least know if there is a future or not. It is the best thing to do in the long run.

So even when he is the one doing the calling?

So even when he is the one doing the calling?

Yes.. tell him if there is no future for you two, you'd rather not hear from him anymore. Stick to it.

I don't think NC is necessary. You two have not broken up you have just put off your wedding for a time.
One thing you should not do is play him against his daughter. If she does not respond to you on face book there is not reason to tell him. You are trying to build a relationship with her, not pit her dad against her.
It sounds to me like he is just trying to slow things down a bit, I think that is smart.

You two are now two dating adults, that's what you need to do. Date and get to know each other. You relationship with his daughter will come in due time.

I wasn't trying to use the daughter thing I was just letting him know I was trying because I love him and don't want him to think I took her feelings lightly that's all . NC is harsh at this point he is stepping back and so am I . A few missed calls won't hurt him though .He needs to miss me and if I am always on the other end of the phone when he calls and he knows where I am always then missing me will never happen So lets not call it NC lets call it LNC "little" see what happens .The weekend is coming up and we ride motorcycles and the weather will be nice I am sure he will miss me riding with him .He tells me it's not the same without me there so lets just see how not the same it is. I have to see him Friday Morning to pick up something so I said I would meet him when he got off work at his work even though I could go to his house and spend the day with him he never ask me too when I said I would meet him at work so I will stick with just meeting him and then come back home . Wish I didn't have to meet him but I do grrrr

I wasn't trying to use the daughter thing I was just letting him know I was trying becouse I love him and dont want him to think I took her feelings lightly that's all . NC is harsh at this point he is stepping back and so am I . a few missed calls wont hurt him though .He needs to miss me and if I am always on the other end of the phone when he calls and he knows where I am always then missing me will never happen So lets not call it NC lets call it LNC "little" see what happens .The weekend is coming up and we ride motorcycles and the weather will be nice I am sure he will miss me riding with him .He tells me it's not the same without me there so lets just see how not the same it is. I have to see him Friday Morning to pick up something so I said I would meet him when he got off work at his work even though I could go to his house and spend the day with him he never ask me too when I said I would meet him at work so I will stick with just meeting him and then come back home . Wish I didnt have to meet him but I do grrrr

Good for you!

Yes..tell him if there is no future for you two, you'd rather not hear from him anymore. Stick to it.

He has never said there is no future, he has just postponed the wedding.
They've been together 5 months.

He has never said there is no future, he has just postponed the wedding.
They've been together 5 months.

I know that Homegirl and I'm only telling her to take a breather and see if this is what they both want. I agree 5 months is a short time but I've known couples who married after knowing each other less then that and their still together.

I wasn't trying to take away from your advice... I just think if he has gotten cold feet this will tell the story... Still friends?

QUOTE by st bmrsd;
I wasn't trying to use the daughter thing I was just letting him know I was trying because I love him and don't want him to think I took her feelings lightly that's all . NC is harsh at this point he is stepping back and so am I . A few missed calls won't hurt him though .He needs to miss me and if I am always on the other end of the phone when he calls and he knows where I am always then missing me will never happen So lets not call it NC lets call it LNC "little" see what happens .The weekend is coming up and we ride motorcycles and the weather will be nice I am sure he will miss me riding with him .He tells me it's not the same without me there so lets just see how not the same it is. I have to see him Friday Morning to pick up something so I said I would meet him when he got off work at his work even though I could go to his house and spend the day with him he never ask me too when I said I would meet him at work so I will stick with just meeting him and then come back home . Wish I didn't have to meet him but I do grrr
I don't understand where you're coming from.
He is stepping back, taking things slow. What is wrong with that?
Don't start playing games with him. He may be a good one and you will turn him off.
You two are now dating getting to know each other. Don't let his postponing a marriage that should have been postponed anyway make you so mad you start doing spiteful things.

I know that Homegirl and I'm only telling her to take a breather and see if this is what they both want. I agree 5 months is a short time but I've known couples who married after knowing each other less then that and their still together.

I wasn't trying to take away from your advice...I just think if he has gotten cold feet this will tell the story.....Still friends?
There have been couples who make it , but we are talking blending a family here. You don't throw kids together after 5 months. That's not fair to the kids.
He didn't break up with her, he said they ought to take some time and they should. But they don't need to be playing games with each other. They need to date each other to see if they have something and playing NC is not going to do it.

This does not affect my friendship with you, we are just having a difference in opinion that's all.

You need to be careful with your "make him miss me" stuff. He may decide he does not miss you.
He didn't break up with you, get over that and date the man. Allow him to get to know you. Don't bite your nose to spite your face.

You need to be careful with your "make him miss me" stuff. He may decide he does not miss you.
He didn't break up with you, get over that and date the man. Allow him to get to know you. Don't bite your nose to spite your face.


stbmrsd
I may have gotten a little ahead of myself. Just give him time and I .think it will work out. I believe you would really miss him too much to not talk to him. Sorry for the bad advice. I guess I was reliving my High School days.

I don't understand where you're coming from.
He is stepping back, taking things slow. What is wrong with that?
Don't start playing games with him. He may be a good one and you will turn him off.
You two are now dating getting to know each other. Don't let his postponing a marriage that should have been postponed anyway make you so mad you start doing spiteful things.



Sorry I do not agree with the marriage should have been postponed so we we will agree to disagree on that one .We are now moving on to the engagement that is still on . I do agree not to play games I am to old for that crap and it take way to my energy away from me and my children . I am at the point of the unknown not the good fun kind of unknown I am in the dark scary unknown . Like I said before when he ask me to Marry him he meant it and when I said Yes I meant it .Now it's time to come together and get going be it next month or 5 months from now I need to feel secure in the relationship and I am not .I am not Mad I am past the mad point I am at the well waiting strange waiting on him to show me this is still what he wants . Waiting to see if he is going to allow his daughter to dictate our relationship or man up and tell her "honey I understand your feelings but I need to have a life too your 18 and going to collage in Aug I would really like it if you would give me your blessing (if that's what he needs to have) . Time is still a fact for my children if you go back the reason we moved faster then planned was to get MY kids settled in the new environment before school begins . Also if it's cold feet then how do I warm them suckers up lol

I don't understand where you're coming from.
He is stepping back, taking things slow. What is wrong with that?
Don't start playing games with him. He may be a good one and you will turn him off.
You two are now dating getting to know each other. Don't let his postponing a marriage that should have been postponed anyway make you so mad you start doing spiteful things.



Sorry I do not agree with the marriage should of been postponed so we we will agree to disagree on that one .We are now moving on to the engagement that is still on . I do agree not to play games I am to old for that crap and it take way to my energy away from me and my children . I am at the point of the unknown not the good fun kind of unknown I am in the dark scary unknown . Like i said before when he ask me to Marry him he meant it and when I said Yes i meant it .Now it's time to come together and get going be it next month or 5 months from now I need to feel secure in the relationship and I am not .I am not Mad I am past the mad point I am at the well waiting strange waiting on him to show me this is still what he wants . waiting to see if he is going to allow his daughter to dictate our relationship or man up and tell her "honey I understand your feelings but I need to have a life too your 18 and going to collage in Aug I would really like it if you would give me your blessing (if thats what he needs to have) . Time is still a fact for my children if you go back the reason we moved faster then planed was to get MY kids settled in the new environment before school begins . Also if it's cold feet then how do I warm them suckers up lol

Buy him some of those battery operated warm up socks:eek:

stbmrsd
I may have gotten a little ahead of myself. Just give him time and I .think it will work out. I beleive you would really miss him to much to not talk to him. Sorry for the bad advice. I guess I was reliving my High School days.

I guess it feel like high school drama when someone who is 18 is the one holding us up . I ask him if it was just her holding us up or if he had a change of heart and he said just her . So heck if I know anymore .any advice is good advice... sometimes you just have to pick what fits right for you :D

You need to be careful with your "make him miss me" stuff. He may decide he does not miss you.
He didn't break up with you, get over that and date the man. Allow him to get to know you. Don't bite your nose to spite your face.

We are past dating and are engaged ,But I will be more then happy to go out on dates with my husband to be.. As for him getting to know me well that's with any relationship 5 weeks , 5 months , 50 years it's always a process I love finding out new things about him spice of life

Buy him some of those battery operated warm up socks:eek:

LMAO wonder if I can get them on eBay cheap lol

You give it sometime.
Your kids can go to school where they are now. You don't rush into a marriage to get your kids in school, especially if you have not known each other that long.

All I'm saying is, take your time and get to know this man.
Date him. Get to know his daughter, let your kids get to know her. This is what the dating period is for.

You give it sometime.
Your kids can go to school where they are now. You don't rush into a marriage to get your kids in school, especially if you have not known each other that long.

All I'm saying is, take your time and get to know this man.
Date him. Get to know his daughter, let your kids get to know her. This is what the dating period is for.




The dates with my husband are great and spicy.

we are past dating and are engaged ,But I will be more then happy to go out on dates with my husband to be ..As for him getting to know me well thats with any relationship 5 weeks , 5 months , 50 years it's always a process I love finding out new things about him spice of life
Well I'll give you a clue.
You don't stop dating once you're engaged and you don't stop once you're married.

Well I'll give you a clue.
You don't stop dating once you're engaged and you don't stop once you're married.

Yep!

Well I'll give you a clue.
You don't stop dating once you're engaged and you don't stop once you're married.

I do beleave that's what I said


Just don't want to down play the fact he ask me to marry him I said yes it's a much bigger commitment to me then chk yes or no

Just dont want to down play the fact he ask me to marry him I said yes it's a much bigger commitment to me then chk yes or no

We know and buy those socks... :D It will work out and you will be happy. I just feel that.

Here we go another day lets see how it unfolds ;)

Here we go another day lets see how it unfolds ;)

I hope you have a good day... Kit:)

No I already messed things up before 10 am so I will write about it later Im just drained :/ I will write after he calls on his way to work if he calls at all that's how bad I screwed up.. Me and my stupid feelings grrrrrrrr

No I already messed things up before 10 am so I will write about it later Im just drained :/ I will write after he calls on his way to work if he calls at all thats how bad I screwed up..Me and my stupid feelings grrrrrrrr

Yikes! What did you do:eek:

Well he hasn't called yet so I will give you a little detail on my Big weak moment . Since we haven't talked much all week the unknowing part is killing me .So we started talking and he said something about may having to work this weekend and how he hates how they don't tell them until Friday and what if he had made plans and all that stuff and I jokely said yeah tell them you made plans with the love of your life and he joked back who's that and I said well I hope it would be ME. And he said something and I said you wouldn't be getting married to me if I wasn't the love of your life right? And he said what if you can't marry the love of your life ? I said what do you mean ? He just said well what if that person can't marry you . I said then maybe you should tell the person your going to marry so she can move on and find the true love of her life. I said I can tell you this with out reservation that you are the love of my life now . There was times in the past I loved others but differently and you bring out the best in me . Then everything got Deep I got deep. I told him how I have been feeling like I was so unsure and that I felt like he was pulling away and I don't understand why . I said I trusted you when you ask me to marry you that you meant it and there was tons of time in between (the original wedding plans) that he could have said back up like getting the marriage license,rings,telling everyone he could have said something so I trust you when you say this is what you want. I said this is what I want that I love him and I want to spend the rest of my life with him . He said he loved me too. I also put on my Facebook we were engaged and he said I should have ask him 1st yes maybe I should have but I was pumped Im a girl come on lol . He didn't put it on his Facebook he said he was a private person . But before the whole getting married thing came up he would write stuff on his page and on picture and stuff but I was looking the last time he did was on June 2nd and it said you are a super and so so amazing that's the last thing he wrote in a sweet manner .He will put stuff like spending the weekend riding with me and he has pics of me and stuff , so its not like he is hiding the relationship just the fact we are getting married . I said the reason I changed mine was I was so proud to have him and I wanted the world to know I guess. Then he said I wrote stuff that he didn't reply to because he is not mushy and sweet like that .And he also said he didn't talk about his feelings well.
A little background on me so you will see why I am so insure and this is something I have worked on in the past and went to theropy for so I know the reason''s it's just hard to overcome them all . I am very needy I know this I have low self esteem not because I am over weight or ugly or any of that stuff but my father worked on the road all the time so I we were always with mom (they are still married to this day) But my mother wasn't good to me she would send me places when dad was gone he would be gone for 2 weeks at a time and the day he was to come home she would come and get me . She was always depressed and showed NO emotion unless it had to do with how bad her life sucked . She was and is a very unhappy lady . Unlike most mothers who LOVE when their children grow and do great things my mother is jealous and resents it .She is a Big time holy roller and everything I do I am going to hell for so I never felt like and still do measure up . I feel like such junk when it comes to my family ALWAYS and I live in their back yard it sucks .
My oldest son is special needs and I pour my life in to making his life better .he has a form of Autism very mild but I make sure he gets all the help that's out there so he can have a wonderful life . I have had so many break ups over my son's it's not even funny it's really sad even guys I dated for a year Plus will come to me and say they just can't handle it . I have to walk away from them because you know it's a package . So I feel like I fight this endless battle all the time . Sorry I am just rambling now just so much more there is about me I guess and I should fill you in . Please don't judge me I am doing the best I can with what I have and I just want to be happy settled and at peace and for one shinning moment I show hope . And I am holding on to this hope with all my might . I don't know if it's right or wrong I do know I love him and I want to be happy and at peace with him .When I am with him I feel at peace I feel safe I feel loved when I am not I feel empty

This kind of explains why you wanted to jump right into this marriage so fast.
Does he know all of this about you?

Yes he knows everything . But honestly the reason why I want to marry him isn't because I was Jumping.. I knew with in weeks that he touched my soul like nobody ever had and he brought out a side of me that I loved and he made me feel for the 1st time like I could settle down and stop running and hiding from someone ,I felt whole if that makes since

Yes he knows everything . But honestly the reason why I want to marry him isnt becouse I was Jumping ..I knew with in weeks that he touched my soul like nobody ever had and he brought out a side of me that I loved and he made me feel for the 1st time like I could settle down and stop running and hiding from someone ,I felt whole if that makes since




I think you need to calm down and figure out what is going to happen if this marriage doesn't take place. Does he still want to marry you or was he telling you he was in love with someone who isn't avaiable? You deserve the truth.

Perhaps he did mean it when he said he loved you and asked you to marry him but maybe he is still rethinking, stepping back. Maybe he thinks things are going too fast.
All you can do is talk to him. Ask him how he feels. Now is the time in the relationship where the doors of communication will be opened and walked through or closed.
Don't let hurt feelings get in the way. Talk to him.

Perhaps he did mean it when he said he loved you and asked you to marry him but maybe he is still rethinking, stepping back. Maybe he thinks things are going too fast.
All you can do is talk to him. Ask him how he feels. Now is the time in the relationship where the doors of communication will be opened and walked through or closed.
Don't let hurt feelings get in the way. Talk to him.

Come back and talk to us.

I ask him if he still wanted to marry me and he said YES . He said he was going to talk to his Daughter again on Friday not sure what he has to say to her or ask her but I think he wants to see how she is feeling about it now or something . He did call tonight yay I didn't scare the crap out of him after all .
I told him about the boys theropy appointment today they both see her 2 times a month LOVE her . I was telling him about what she talked to them about . She ask the boys how they felt about moving the 8 year old said he didn't want to change school's so she said you know I bet mommy has #'s of your friends ( I do) and you can be the cool kid who can come and visit.. His eyes opened wide and he seem to really like that idea she ask him what he thought about mommy getting married and if he liked the man and Ethan said he liked him .And he thought it was cool he was a coal miner lol . My oldest said he wanted to move he has his own reason's and his 11 so I understand his wanting to move . He said he liked the fact that he could ask this man anything and he would answer him and my son ask ton's of question' s and he did lol.

I will be meeting him in the morning I can't wait to see his face . But other then that I don't think I will be seeing him the rest of the weekend .
I told him today I was done thinking about all of this what I wrote before when I went off in to left field lol . He said he was busy this week and had not had time to give it the thought I did and maybe he should be thinking more . So I said yeah you should take sometime to think about this . I said you know I am thinking of my house meaning my boys and me and what we should do as the plan was to move there and now that's not going to happen unless we are married ( my decision). . I am not sure what the whole thing was about if you can't marry the love of your life was about he said it was hypothetical but hummmm don't know I will talk to him more about it again .
I let him no I just didn't need him because I have been doing this on my own for almost 6 years and have been fine but I wanted him in my life . He just said I know. .
So what else you want to know?

I ask him if he still wanted to marry me and he said YES . He said he was going to talk to his Daughter again on Friday not sure what he has to say to her or ask her but I think he wants to see how she is feeling about it now or something . He did call tonight yay I didnt scare the crap out of him after all .
I told him about the boys theropy appointment today they both see her 2 times a month LOVE her . I was telling him about what she talked to them about . She ask the boys how they felt about moving the 8 year old said he didnt want to change school's so she said you know I bet mommy has #'s of your friends ( I do) and you can be the cool kid who can come and visit ..His eyes opened wide and he seem to really like that idea she ask him what he thought about mommy getting married and if he liked the man and Ethan said he liked him .And he thought it was cool he was a coal miner lol . My oldest said he wanted to move he has his own reason's and his 11 so I understand his wanting to move . He said he liked the fact that he could ask this man anything and he would answer him and my son ask ton's of question' s and he did lol.

I will be meeting him in the morning I can't wait to see his face . but other then that I dont think I will be seeing him the rest of the weekend .
I told him today I was done thinking about all of this what I wrote before when I went off in to left feild lol . He said he was busy this week and had not had time to give it the thought I did and maybe he should be thinking more . So I said yeah you should take sometime to think about this . I said you know I am thinking of my house meaning my boys and me and what we should do as the plan was to move there and now that's not going to happen unless we are married ( my decision) . . I am not sure what the whole thing was about if you can't marry the love of your life was about he said it was hypothetical but hummmm dont know I will talk to him more about it again .
I let him no I just didnt need him becouse I have been doing this on my own for almost 6 years and have been fine but I wanted him in my life . he just said I know . .
So what else ya wanna know ??

I'm glad you said what you thought. If his reason is for the daughter that's normal I guess. If he is hesitating because of your son being autisic... I think that's not right. Autistic kids are very smart in a lot of things. In fact , some are brilliant. I hope you told him that.

Just take it one day at a time. He knows where you are and you know where he is. Let things go at the pace it is meant to go.

Just take it one day at a time. He knows where you are and you know where he is. Let things go at the pace it is meant to go.


One day at a time. We'll be here.

My son has what is called Aspergers a mild form of Autism so unless I tell someone he has it nobody knows ,My son is a genus (no really) scary for mommy lol..
Yeah I know where he is just not sure where his head is and I don't think he knows either . I shall wait this is all I can do , Live my life as before and love him as always and wait .

My son has what is called Aspergers a mild form of Autism so unless I tell someone he has it nobody knows ,My son is a genus (no really) scary for mommy lol ..
Yeah I know where he is just not sure where his head is and I dont think he knows either . I shall wait this is all I can do , Live my life as before and love him as always and wait .

Good for you.

Yeah I know where he is just not sure where his head is and I don't think he knows either . I shall wait this is all I can do , Live my life as before and love him as always and wait .
He may not know where his head is. Let the process take its course.
I wish you well.

Thanks

I saw him today it was good to be with him even if it was just for an hour .I can't believe how needy I am I will run him off soon I know it but how do I stop being so overbearing? Wanting answers to everything now I so hate this about me

I saw him today it was good to be with him even if it was just for an hour .I can't believe how needy I am I will run him off soon I know it but how do I stop being so overbearing? wanting answers to everything now I so hate this about me






This may help

The Needy Woman: A Man's Worst Nightmare - Blogcritics Culture (http://blogcritics.org/culture/article/needy-women-a-mans-worst-nightmare/) - 62k -

I know I hate it I want to stop ! Even though I know I am like this why can't I stop it ?

I know I hate it I want to stop ! even though I know I am like this why can't I stop it ?

Love makes us do stupid things.. me included. . I think if you were secure that there is going to be a marriage, you wouldn't be this way. With things up in the air you are feeling lonely and stressed. Leave him alone for a couple of days. Tell him you're fine but you need some time to think about yourself.

Don't mention marriage or moving. I don't feel this is game playing. Both of you need to get back to where you were when you first started dating. Give it time and give him time and yourself time. Whatever is going to be , will be... I'm sorry you're going through this.:)



Here is another site.

http://www.ehow.com/how_4717590_stop-being-needy.html - 84k

He isn't needy at all he has all the support and love he needs at his finger tips his family .I myself have my children and close friends who do feel that part of me . I do need reassured often and he is upfront with me he is that kind of guy that he feel uncomfortable talking about feelings .I am needy is all kinds of ways . I don't know if there would ever be a man who could fill my needs. I am upfront with men I have dated and with him that I am needy and it's OK with them at 1st but I guess it becomes a big problem down the line . I don't know what to do

He isnt needy at all he has all the support and love he needs at his finger tips his family .I myself have my children and close friends who do feel that part of me . I do need reassured often and he is upfront with me he is that kind of guy that he feel uncomfortable talking about feelings .I am needy is all kinds of ways . I dont know if there would ever be a man who could fill my needs. I am upfront with men I have dated and with him that I am needy and it's ok with them at 1st but I guess it becomes a big problem down the line . I dont know what to do

Read the ways to change this behaviour and try to follow it. It will be hard.. but as I was told once a long time ago... "it ain't no mountain to a climber" which means all the things you've gone through should make this a just a little hill you have to get over.

A couple of counseling sessions may be of help to you. Help you to ease this anxiety you are feeling right now. I think it is because this wedding was postponed.
You may not want to hear this, but I think that was a very needy move, it was so quick and I don't think he wanted to do it that fast but you were a bit pushy (the neediness thing again) Like your posting the engagement of face book. He was not ready for that yet either.

Like KitKat22 said, take a step back, relax in this new relationship. Don't even focus on the engagement. Relax in the relationship.
Try the counseling. Sometimes talking something through with someone helps, gives you a different perspective.

I wish you well.

You can do it! Be String!

Soooooooooooo I guess he desided to do the NC today so I did text him around 4 saying hey what's up?
Nothing... Around 5:30 called the cell left message ask if everything was OK to please text or give me a call I was concerned .
An hour later I get a text it said I'm OK out riding by myself clearing my mind and thinking of everything call you n the morning .


I hate how this feels and My heart is hurting . And I am so scared .

Wait until he calls you before you get all anxious.

Easy for you to say :(
Wish it was easy for me to do

"Be still, and know that I am God." - Psalm 46:10

"Be still, and know that I am God." - Psalm 46:10









I'm thinking of you!

I can do everything through him who gives me strength.
Philippians 4:13

You will get through this, no matter the outcome.

I can do everything through him who gives me strength.
Philippians 4:13

You will get through this, no matter the outcome.






"Come unto me, all ye that labour and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn of me; for I am meek and lowly in heart: and ye shall find rest unto your souls. For my yoke is eay, and my burden is light.. .
Matthew: 28-30

Thanks girls now you made me cry lol..
I have hit my knees today in prayer over this something I hardly ever do .I ask for God to work here rather it's the out come I want or whatever just to find peace . For him and for me. If letting him go and find that love he can't live without or to let me go heal from the love of my life.. Or just maybe Join us as one.

Thanks girls now you made me cry lol..
I have hit my knees today in prayer over this something I hardly ever do .I ask for God to work here rather it's the out come I want or whatever just to find peace . for him and for me. If letting him go and find that love he can't live without or to let me go heal from the love of my life..Or just maybe Join us as one.





Good for you. Tears are the language God understands.

Well he has heard me all day then

You are going to get through this.
There is always a plan but sometimes we try and rush things along.
My favorite passage is :
Delight yourself in the LORD and he will give you the desires of your heart. Psalms 37:4
He knows our desires and needs. When you don't know the plan, trust his heart.
I wish you well.

The steadfast love of the Lord never ceases, his mercies never come to an end; they are new every morning. . - Lamentations 3:22-23
If you have faith as a grain of mustard seed, you will say to your mountain, "MOVE!" and it WILL move... and NOTHING will be impossible for YOU! - Matthew 17:20

The steadfast love of the Lord never ceases, his mercies never come to an end; they are new every morning. . - Lamentations 3:22-23
If you have faith as a grain of mustard seed, you will say to your mountain, "MOVE!" and it WILL move... and NOTHING will be impossible for YOU! - Matthew 17:20

This verse has helped me through so much.

Let not your heart be troubled: ye believe in God, believe also in me.
In My Father's house are many mansions: if it were not so, I would have told you. I go to prepare a place for you. And if I go and prepare a place for you, I will come again and receive you unto myself; that where I am ye may be also. John: 14: 1-3.

Thank you...
I slept very little last night even taking pills to sleep I was up off and on .
Today I got ready like any other day .But I wait for the call .If he is as good of man as I believe he is even if he is going to call everything off he will come here to do so . But I am waiting on the call . I have decided that in fact this is the break up call and I am only going on my gut feeling no facts really that I will take it in stride tell him I understand and I know he has a lot on his plate right now and this was just bad timing. Im going to say it but I am going to hate every word coming out of my mouth as I know I love him and I want to share my world with him . But I know I pushed to hard lesson learned and I know I scared him off.
I know though when he ask me to marry him I was the happiest women on earth that very moment and if in fact I pushed him then that was the reason . The getting married fast was his idea but then calling it off was his idea . Then I took over with the pushing my bad idea . Anyway off to get dressed and who knows what until he calls .
Pray for me I need strength and wisdom control and peace... I give all the glory to God

I hope all goes well for you today.
But you know it could be that he has not been completely honest. Don't you shoulder all of the blame. He is a grown man and can say no.
I hope he was not playing a game with you.

At any rate you will be in my prayers today.

Still no call nothing

still no call nothing

Don't call him... Let him make the next move... Please.

I'd give him a couple of days and then ask him "what's up?"
He can at least be up front and honest. He's a grown man, not some teen who's too afraid to talk.

I'd give him a couple of days and then ask him "what's up?"
He can at least be up front and honest. He's a grown man, not some teen who's too afraid to talk.




You're right Homegirl... It's better to know now and have some dignity.. then to call and ask why this or why that. Don't call.:rolleyes:

I text that I was worried and hoped everyone is OK . I got nothing back .

I text that I was worried and hoped everyone is ok . I got nothing back .

Then you have your answer. He doesn't want to tell you face to face. Please, please don't text or call. I think he's trying to tell you it's not going to happen. I hope I'm wrong. Every time you try to contact him the more cornered he's going to feel. NC.

He replyed just now and said I have been soul searching and just needed alone time. I will call you in the morning .Promise don't have time to talk tonight .
My reply was I hope you found some peace .

He replyed just now and said I have been soul searching and just needed alone time. I will call you in the morning .Promise dont have time to talk tonight .
My reply was I hope you found some peace .






Hang on and wait till you hear what he has to say. Stay NC until he calls.

Yeah nc is how I will remain from now on Even if he is doing soul searching he could have emailed me something he knows me all to well . He text one more after that later said like he always does "on my way to work ..love " not I love you like before just Love I didn't reply thought it was silly and not worth my typing time . Im a little angry tonight

yeah nc is how I will remain from now on Even if he is doing soul searching he could of emailed me something he knows me all to well . He text one more after that later said like he always does "on my way to work ..love " not I love you like before just Love I didnt reply thought it was silly and not worth my typing time . Im a little angry tonight



Love That Ring... KEEP IT.
Stay angry and don't clall him tomorrow. See how he likes it!:mad:

The ring is lovely isn't it ;) I am angry for so many reason's pin pointing one of them would be very hard but the text with the word love not love you ticked me off I mean we all know when you love someone you don't treat them this way so I guess he just took the you out of it to make himself feel better.
Then I looked at his face book and someone posted I here your looking for a new house in Lex WTH guess there is a lot of solo searching going on . His kid is going to school in Lex let the child have a life don't follow her to collage for goodness sakes only crazy mom's do that crap . Anyway we shall see if he calls in the morning like he promised but I don't think I will hold my breath

The ring is lovely isnt it ;) I am angry for so many reason's pin pointing one of them would be very hard but the text with the word love not love you ticked me off I mean we all know when you love someone you dont treat them this way so I guess he just took the you out of it to make himself feel better.
Then I looked at his face book and someone posted I here your looking for a new house in Lex WTH guess there is alot of solo searching going on . His kid is going to school in Lex let the child have a life dont follow her to collage for goodness sakes only crazy mom's do that crap . anyway we shall see if he calls in the morning like he promised but I dont think I will hold my breath

I think you should remain calm when you talk to him. If he text, don't answer. Break up with him before he does with you. If he loves you then give him time to miss you. Just an idea.

I think kits right. I think you should tell him that you don't have forever to wait. That either he gives an answer soon or you will have to let him go. As you can not wait forever. If this was a relationship of 5 years... sure give him all the times he needs... But it wasn't and you can move on. But waiting for him isn't going you any good. Its just painfull and if he breaks up with you its pain for nothing. He asked you to marry him. He stopped it. Yes you may have pushed him but you wouldn't have had to if he had of just made his mind up to begin with Before playing with yours.

The Awakening

A time comes in your life when you finally get it. When in the midst of all your fears and insanity you stop dead in your tracks and somewhere the voice inside your head cries out - ENOUGH!

Enough fighting and crying or struggling to hold on. And, like a child quieting down after a blind tantrum, your sobs begin to subside, you shudder once or twice, you blink back your tears and through a mantle of wet lashes you begin to look at the world through new eyes.

This is your awakening. You realize that it's time to stop hoping and waiting for something to change, or for happiness, safety and security to come galloping over the next horizon. You come to terms with the fact that he is not Prince Charming and you are not Cinderella and that in the real world there aren't always fairy tale endings (or beginnings for that matter). And that any guarantee of "happily ever after" must begin with you, and in the process a sense of serenity is born of acceptance.

You awaken to the fact that you are not perfect, and that not everyone will always love, appreciate or approve of who or what you are and its OK. (They are entitled to their own views and opinions.) And you learn the importance of loving and championing yourself, and in the process a sense of newly found confidence is born of self-approval.
You stop ing and blaming other people for the things they did to you (or didn't do for you) and you learn that the only thing you can really count on is the unexpected. You learn that not everyone will always be there for you, and that it's not always about you. So, you learn to stand on your own and to take care of yourself and in the process a sense of safety and security is born of self-reliance.

You stop judging and pointing fingers, and you begin to accept people as they are, and to over look their shortcomings and human frailties and in the process a sense of peace and contentment is born of forgiveness.

You realize that much of the way you view yourself, and the world around you, is a result of all the messages and opinions that have been ingrained into your psyche. And you begin to sift through all the crap you've been fed about how you should behave, how you should look, how much you shouldn't weigh, what you should wear, where you should shop, what you should drive, how and where you should live, what you should do for a living, who you should sleep with, who you should marry, what you should expect of a marriage, the importance of having and raising children, or what you owe your parents.

You learn to open up to new worlds and different points of view. And you begin reassessing and redefining who you are and what you really stand for. You learn the difference between wanting and needing, and you begin to discard the doctrines and values you've outgrown, or should never have bought into to begin with, and in the process you learn to go with your instincts. You learn to distinguish between guilt and responsibility, and the importance of setting boundaries and learning to say NO. You learn that the only cross to bear is the one you choose to carry, and that martyrs get burned at the stake.

Then you learn about love. Romantic love and familial love. How to love, how much to give in love, when to stop giving, and when to walk away. You learn not to project your needs or your feelings onto a relationship. You learn that you will not be more beautiful, more intelligent, more lovable, or important because of the man or woman on your arm or the child that bears your name.

You learn to look at relationships as they really are and not as you would have them be. You stop trying to control people, situations, and outcomes. You learn that just as people grow and change, so it is with love. And you learn that you don't have the right to demand love on your terms. Just to make you happy. And, you learn that 'alone' does not mean lonely.

And you look in the mirror and come to terms with the fact that you will never be a size 5 or a perfect 10 and you stop trying to compete with the image inside your head and agonizing over how you "stack up." You also stop working so hard at putting feelings aside, smoothing things over, and ignoring your needs.

You learn that feelings of entitlement are perfectly OK.. . And that it is your right to want things that you want. And that sometimes it is necessary to make demands. You come to the realization that you deserve to be treated with love, kindness, sensitivity, and respect, and you will not settle for less. And you allow only the hands of a lover who cherishes you, to glorify you with his or her touch. And in the process you internalize the meaning of self-respect.

And you learn that your body really is your temple. You begin eating a balanced diet, drinking more water, and taking more time to exercise. You learn that fatigue diminishes the spirit and can create doubt and fear, so you take more time to rest. And, just as food fuels the body, laughter fuels our soul, so you take more time to laugh and to play.

You learn that, for the most part, in life you get what you believe you deserve. And that much of life is a self-fulfilling prophecy. You learn that anything worth achieving is worth working for, and that wishing for something to happen is different from working toward making it happen. More importantly, you learn that in order to achieve success, you need direction, discipline, and perseverance.

You also learn that no one can do it all alone and its OK to risk asking for help. You learn that the only thing you must truly fear is the great robber baron of all time: FEAR itself. You learn to step right into and through your fears, because you know that whatever happens you can handle it, and to give in to fear is to give away the right to live life on your terms.

You learn to fight for your life and not to squander it living under a cloud of impending doom. You learn that life isn't always fair, you don't always get what you think you deserve, and that sometimes bad things happen to unsuspecting, good people. On these occasions you learn not to personalize things. You learn that God isn't punishing you or failing to answer your prayers. It's just life happening. And you learn to deal with evil in its most primal state - the ego.

You learn that negative feelings such as anger, envy, and resentment must be understood and redirected, or they will suffocate the life out of you and poison the universe that surrounds you.

You learn to admit when you are wrong and to build bridges instead of walls. You learn to be thankful and to take comfort in many of the simple things we take for granted, things that millions of people upon the earth can only dream about a full refrigerator, clean running water, a soft warm bed, a long hot shower. Slowly, you begin to take responsibility for yourself. By yourself, and you try to make yourself a promise to never betray yourself and to never ever settle for less than your heart's desire. And you hang a wind chime outside your window so you can listen to the wind. And you make it a point to keep smiling, to keep trusting, and to stay open to every wonderful possibility.

Finally, with courage in your heart and with God by your side, you take a stand, you take a deep breath, and you begin to design the life you want to live as best as you can.

~Virginia Swift~

Keep on thinking this way!

Breaking up isn't something I really want to do no matter who does it , I just think I may be worth more to him then I am giving him credit for maybe soul searching that he did lead his heart to mine . I don't know I can only assume and we all tend to think the worst . I would like to think I am a pretty good catch I have tons of love to give this man and I am a good person why wouldn't he want me ?
Maybe I need to think about why I wouldn't or would want him huh ?let me think about it and I will write in a few . Do the pros and con game ;)

Good Luck

I don't even know that now pros and cons I mean pro I love him con He is making me nuts pro when we are together I feel loved and safe con when we are apart I feel unsure of us all the time Pro he is a great dad con he is a great dad lol Pro He has a really good job con he is so used to being by himself I think it will be hard to add us to his life everyday.Pro Before all this he was willing to add us . Con Moving but that's also a big Pro for me I would love to leave this place.
Pro he is a fantastic lover lol . Pro we Love doing the same things we have the same passions .Con he is not a giver of the way he feels bad at words.
I know when I met him I looked right past him ,I was seeing someone and it was coming to an end (actually the day I met him I broke up with the other guy) But It was a chance meeting I happened to be out of town visiting friends and he was setting at a table full of guys and I was handing out flyer's for a upcoming event for a ride . His friend read my vest and ask me what kind of club I was in . I turned around told them and moved on doing what I was doing . The next bar there they were all of them and we acted like we went way back . I made a bet with my guy and if he lost he would buy me a beer and if I lost he would still have to buy me a beer lol . We hung out in a group setting since one I wasn't even actracted to the man and 2 I was still dating mr omg what was I thinking lol . So the dya ended I went home got online and he had found me we talked for a few weeks online on the phone then we started seeing each other ever chance we had almost every weekend. He made me feel so great all the time all our pictures we have these big smiles from ear to ear . He holds my hand brushes my hair out of my eyes he may not say words but he does actions.
After he ask me to Marry him I went in to full bride mode it threw him off I am sure . I was never the lovey dovey type now all the sudden I am saying crap like love you more . Kisses all the time . Sweet talking and wanting the same in return . I did a 180 on the man . I went from I don't give a if you call to all girly girl . What in the world was I thinking . And is it to late to say you know what G You have every right to feel the way you do I went nuts on you . I hear someone wants to love me forever it's hard to believe I never thought someone would ever want me forever and ever . I was the fun girl . I am done being her . I want to make a real home for my family and for him .
Is it to late to say wait you know I am so sorry I moved so fast I let the bling get to my head .lets take a step back and date some more .

I dont even know that now pros and cons I mean pro I love him con He is making me nuts pro when we are together I feel loved and safe con when we are apart I feel unsure of us all the time Pro he is a great dad con he is a great dad lol Pro He has a really good job con he is so used to being by himself I think it will be hard to add us to his life everyday.Pro Before all this he was willing to add us . con Moving but thats also a big Pro for me I would love to leave this place.
Pro he is a fantastic lover lol . Pro we Love doing the same things we have the same passions .Con he is not a giver of the way he feels bad at words.
I know when I met him I looked right past him ,I was seeing someone and it was coming to an end (actually the day I met him I broke up with the other guy) But It was a chance meeting I happened to be out of town visiting friends and he was setting at a table full of guys and i was handing out flyer's for a upcoming event for a ride . His friend read my vest and ask me what kind of club I was in . I turned around told them and moved on doing what I was doing . The next bar there they was all of em and we acted like we went way back . I made a bet with my guy and if he lost he would buy me a beer and if I lost he would still have to buy me a beer lol . We hung out in a group setting since one I wasnt even actracted to the man and 2 I was still dating mr omg what was I thinking lol . So the dya ended I went home got online and he had found me we talked for a few weeks online on the phone then we started seeing each other ever chance we had almost every weekend. He made me feel so great all the time all our pictures we have these big smiles from ear to ear . He holds my hand brushes my hair out of my eyes he may not say words but he does actions.
After he ask me to Marry him I went in to full bride mode it threw him off I am sure . I was never the lovey dovey type now all the sudden I am saying crap like love you more . kisses all the time . sweet talking and wanting the same in return . I did a 180 on the man . I went from I dont give a if you call to all girly girl . What in the world was I thinking . And is it to late to say you know what G You have every right to feel the way you do I went nuts on you . I hear someone wants to love me forever it's hard to believe I never thought someone would ever want me forever and ever . I was the fun girl . I am done being her . I want to make a real home for my family and for him .
Is it to late to say wait you know I am so sorry I moved so fast I let the bling get to my head .lets take a step back and date some more .

Let him talk first and tell you what he has been soul searching for.

Do not assume or jump to conclusions. Wait until he talks to you so you can base things on facts.

The wedding is off we are off it's not what he wanted he felt smoothered and he would rather be by himself he thinks forever .

The wedding is off we are off it's not what he wanted he felt smoothered and he would rather be by himself he thinks forever .

I'm sorry to hear that. Perhaps you can be friends, in time. It may not be easy to hear now, but maybe its for the best. Even when we're so very sure, God always has His own plans. Perhaps your true soul mate is waiting just around the corner. Everything happens for a reason --we just rarely know what that reason is. {{hugs}}

I'm sorry to hear that. Perhaps you can be friends, in time. It may not be easy to hear now, but maybe its for the best. Even when we're so very sure, God always has His own plans. Perhaps your true soul mate is waiting just around the corner. Everything happens for a reason --we just rarely know what that reason is. {{hugs}}






Learning is right... God does have a plan. Sorry you're in so much pain.

The wedding is off we are off it's not what he wanted he felt smoothered and he would rather be by himself he thinks forever .

I'm sorry to hear that. It was not meant to be.
One door has closed because there is another one to open.
You will get through this.

I'm sorry to hear that. It was not meant to be.
One door has closed because there is another one to open.
You will get through this.

You will get through this. I'm so sorry!

I have not contacted him but he sent me an email . Now everything is just playing around in my head . He did send a note to my good friend it was a nice note . He wasn't sure if we were still dating or not WTH .He is a coward and is scared to talk to me . No reason to be . I was as nice as I could be told him I understood never said a mean word and I am not going to I am above that . If your not ready to get married your just not ready . What is left to say ?

I have not contacted him but he sent me an email . Now everything is just playing around in my head . He did send a note to my good friend it was a nice note . He wasnt sure if we was still dating or not WTH .He is a coward and is scared to talk to me . No reason to be . I was as nice as I could be told him I understood never said a mean word and I am not going to I am above that . If your not ready to get married your just not ready . What is left to say ?




Don't say anything to him.. he's made his choice.. he has to live with it.

You two could still get past this.
Perhaps he felt controlled, maybe you were a bit pushy.
If he loves you and you love him, you two can work things out, take things slow talk to each other, get to know each other.
Things may work or you may find he is not the man for you.

You were independent before, be that girl again. Men do not like clingy women.

It may work or it may not. Don't contact him.

I have not contacted him but he sent me an email . Now everything is just playing around in my head . He did send a note to my good friend it was a nice note . He wasn't sure if we was still dating or not WTH .He is a coward and is scared to talk to me . No reason to be . I was as nice as I could be told him I understood never said a mean word and I am not going to I am above that . If your not ready to get married your just not ready . What is left to say ?

Those are his feelings though, don't invalidate them.
If he is not ready to get married after 5 months, he is not. It makes sense. If you want to have a relationship with this man, talk to him. Get to know him and let him get to know you, but don't ignore him because you are hurt and pissed. Don't disregard how he feels. You two are adults. You should be able to talk this out and then either try to make it or agree to walk away.
I don't think nc is necessary until you two have talked this out and have come to a decision to split up. If you don't want to have anything else to do with him, then tell him and be done with it.

I agree 5 months was fast and I am fine with stepping back .I am fine with talking to him . I do love him and I want us to talk this out I will copy the letter he sent my friend and show you what he is thinking and feeling. Your so right I was pushy I wish he would have said hey lets hold up on getting married for awhile I would have been OK with that . I would rather had that then this you know .
I'm not sure. I told her I wasn't ready to be married. I tried , but every time she would talk about the wedding and setting a date, I just would panic. I felt very smothered, not by her but by the idea of being married. I don't want to go into a marriage feeling that way. She's very emotional right now and understandably so. When the emotions simmer we can talk and see what we will do. But she has taken it so hard Idon't know if things could be the same. It had nothing to do with my daughter, it's all me. I tried to do it but when it got to the nitty gritty I couldn't. I apologized to her for going so far with it but I thought my feelings about being married might change after I gave her the ring. It's nothing against her, I think she's a good person and we have fun tgether but I just can't be married right now. I hope you understand...please don't hate me

What he was saying Im not sure too is if we were still seeing each other . Something I myself would like to know . I have been giving him space and hopeing he would contact me by phone but he didn't today and won't his at work . So Should I call him in the morning or send an email or something? Another thing that's a problem is all the people that love me like friends lol think they are helping by writing to him and stuff it's not helping I ask them not too but they already did .So I can't help what they do but I hope they stop it . I made it clear . I am not playing a game and this is my life and I want to see where this goes .

I agree 5 mths was fast and I am fine with stepping back .I am fine with talking to him . I do love him and I want us to talk this out I will copy the letter he sent my friend and show you what he is thinking and feeling. Your so right I was pushy I wish he would of said hey lets hold up on getting married for awhile I would of been ok with that . I would rather had that then this ya know .
I'm not sure. I told her I wasn't ready to be married. I tried , but every time she would talk about the wedding and setting a date, I just would panic. I felt very smothered, not by her but by the idea of being married. I don't want to go into a marriage feeling that way. She's very emotional right now and understandably so. When the emotions simmer we can talk and see what we will do. But she has taken it so hard Idon't know if things could be the same. It had nothing to do with my daughter, it's all me. I tried to do it but when it got to the nitty gritty I couldn't. I apologized to her for going so far with it but I thought my feelings about being married might change after I gave her the ring. It's nothing against her, I think she's a good person and we have fun together but I just can't be married right now. I hope you understand...please don't hate me

What he was saying Im not sure too is if we was still seeing each other . Something I myself would like to know . I have been giving him space and hoping he would contact me by phone but he didn't today and wont his at work . So Should I call him in the morning or send an email or something? Another thing that's a problem is all the ppl that love me like friends lol think they are helping by writing to him and stuff it's not helping I ask them not too but they already did .So I can't help what they do but I hope they stop it . I made it clear . I am not playing a game and this is my life and I want to see where this goes .
You said you have not contacted him since he sent you an email, so maybe he is waiting a response from you.
Your friends need to mind their own business and I'd tell them. I would imagine he would be feeling ganged up on at this point. Talk to him. Call him set up a time you to can have a heart to heart. He bared his soul to your friend, he was being honest. Return his e-mail. Set up a time to get together and talk.
I think there may be hope for you two if you talk to each other, clear the air.

Ok I wrote him told him we needed to talk that I wasn't angry .Guess we shall see what he has to say in the morning when he gets his mail :) I am hopeful . I told him I understood that 5 months was fast and we had all the time and when the time was right it would be right for both of us .

It's between you and him. Nobody else! Don't talk about marriage when you do speak with him.

NO I wouldn't lol

Oki wrote him told him we needed to talk that I wasn't angry .Guess we shall see what he has to say in the morning when he gets his mail :) I am hopeful . I told him I understood that 5 mths was fast and we had all the time and when the time was right it would be right for both of us .

I hope things work out for the two of you, I really do.
Communication is a wonderful thing. Don't assume anything. Talk and get a full understanding. Listen to what he is saying.
I wish yo well

Who knows what the future holds?
If he's the one it will happen someday.
Be strong and we're here.

This is the reply I got from him when I said I would like for us to talk :/ I might be reading in to it since I am so unsure of everything but to me it seems like he is saying what he thinks I want to hear but sort of really wants it to be over But I don't know unless we talk how does he know I am to upset to talk ? I am not upset really I am scary calm.. Anyway I guess I put the ball back in his hands once more

We will talk, I think it's best to wait until emotions calm down. Right now, I have no idea what I would even say to you. I need time to figure out what I want. And I have been thinking of you as well. I don't know how things could ever be the same after what I've put you through.

You did not answer his e-mail right away and you don't know what your friends have been saying to him.
Wait until you have your talk. Don't read anything in to this

If you want any chance with this man at all, you need to wait and let him say what he has to say.

So We have had the discussion going on about the called off wedding so that's over and done with the engagement is broken his choice not mine. But I agree with it ,it was fast now what .
I did the NC then my friends started running their mouths and got things all messed up something I had no control of and was to late to stop .I made sure to tell them all to stop it and to let it be and let us see where this is going to go . I love this man and I do not want him out of my life I think we are worth trying...
So I sent him an email saying I would like to talk about what's next he sends me one back saying we will talk but he doesn't know what to say to me ,Scared it might be to late .
Can one salvage a relationship after an engagement has been broken ? Since we have only been dating a short while before he ask me to marry him .What do you think ?

I think what you need to do is just give him time. Let him come to you. Don't ask him 'when can we talk'. Just let him think for a few days.

If he doesn't Get back to you in a week or so maybe send I'm an e-mail to say are you still keen to have this talk? But again if he doesn't answer don't bug him.

If its meant to be it will be. If its not you will find that special guy.

Wow, after reading through this whole thread, it only reinforced what's always been said on this site many times

Too much, too fast, crash and burn.

Don't know what the future holds for you both but a time to let the emotional dust settle is what's called for. After getting off a roller coaster, it takes a minute or too to catch your breath, and get your legs under you again.

You both honestly have a lot of baggage to unpack, and not just from each other, but from previous life experiences. That in itself takes time, and not easy for impulsive needy people, as you both are.

I think you see this as a blessing in disguise, and make a plan to honestly evaluate this whole episode and put it into the right context so as to see what really happened, to mature adults acting like kids and following feelings that they never bothered to think about nor cope with. Sorry, you're both guilty of feeding each other Gobble-De-Goop.

You got carried away, and it was all good until the conflicts to your plans showed up, and then you were forced to deal with reality, and not just the fantasy. That was a good thing by the way, over time you will realize how GREAT it really was, as it started awakening some very real common sense to this whole matter.

The dust has yet to settle and must before you can start talking about the ride you just took together, and what's needed is time and the routine of reality as to what you were doing before you met. You have had a chance to see yourself in a real light of facts, and can change what you don't like and keep what you do.

Leave him alone for however long it takes to get your balance back and being able to stand on your own and return to being happy with yourself, and able to be grateful for what you have and the good time you have had with him, and now with yourself, family and friends.

Its tough to wait for all that but you sure can't rush the healing process, and we know that so don't try, just do what you have to, and you do have a lot to focus on, and there is no hurry but the one we put on ourselves.

You asked can people date after an engagement has been canceled? Sure they can if they are patient with themselves, and take all the time they need to sort out their own feelings, before wondering about how someone else feels. You didn't have that patience before, for whatever reason. Now is the time to find it for yourself.

I wish you much luck with that journey, through the healing process. And you will be better, I guarantee it!

It is a good time to reflect on what you really want for you and your children. You went from one relationship right into another. Be alone for a while.

It will be lonely but you'll learn to like the time you have to yourself.
Things may work out and things
May not. As Tal said: both of you have a lot of baggage from your past.

Give him time and take time for yourself... Kit

Well I hadn't been in any relationship for many years before meeting him I dated sure but not commitment type thing . Baggage is something everyone has isn't it ? Life it's self comes with all that . I am giving him space and I am giving me time ,But it hurts my heart non the less . If I dated him 5 years would that make it better that I would be upset over all this ? No I dated him 5 months fell head over hills not at first sight not at all but there was something there from the beginning . He wasn't just a fling he was my dreams sorry if that doesn't cut it but my reason's for loving this man is in my heart and in my soul regardless of the "time" we were together . Anyway I hurt that's all I just hurt .
I always think about what's best for my kids always.. I pour my whole life in to these kids they are my reason for my every movement . Peace all have a lovely 4th

Well I hadn't been in any relationship for many years before meeting him I dated sure but not commitment type thing . Baggage is something everyone has isnt it ? Life it's self comes with all that . I am giving him space and I am giving me time ,But it hurts my heart non the less . If I dated him 5 years would that make it better that I would be upset over all this ? No I dated him 5 months fell head over hills not at first sight not at all but there was something there from the beginning . He wasnt just a fling he was my dreams sorry if that doesnt cut it but my reason's for loving this man is in my heart and in my soul regardless of the "time" we was together . Anyway I hurt thats all I just hurt .
I always think about whats best for my kids always ..I pour my whole life in to these kids they are my reason for my every movement . Peace all have a lovely 4th



Please don't think you're alone... we're here if you need to talk.:)

I guess the difference between 5 months and 5 years, you would have known each other better.
He does not know you well enough to feel comfortable and you did not know him well enough to know how far you can go with him.
There are things you need to learn about each other.
I hope you two make it.

Been a week since an update. Not much has changed so I guess that's why no updates ,I got 2 emails from him and they both just added salt to the wond . I hate to give up hope but to keep myself sain I have too. My love for him is still very deep but from what he said I am angry at him . I wish there was a way to work it out but I don't see it happening . I never did contact him I kept the NC to the T and when I got each email from him they both threw me for a loop.I would reply to him but it was useless . I will do good one day and then Bam he will write me. My friends are sick of me and my family could careless so I set alone in my pain and trying to move forward and it's so hard to do . I feel like in one moment everything in my life has changed and regrouping has been very hard on me. Anyway that's about it for now :/

Why did you go NC with him?
I thought you two were going to talk things out. What happened?

I did reply to his emails . But there is an update lol I ran in to him yesterday very odd since we both live 2 hours from where we saw each other . I had no clue he would be there and when I walked in the bar and saw him my heart hit my feet . He came over to me and talked to me he said he didn't want me to think he was a and not speak so we talked . A lot and we hugged I didn't cry yay me lol..
We even danced lol . I told him how I felt I told him even with out getting married I still wanted us and I missed us so much he agreed he missed us too .He told me he loved me but was so confussed by everything and doesn't know how I would ever forgive him . I told him I already did. I told him I understand everything moved so fast and we all got scared . I told him I just wanted to be with him that's it simple as that .
He still said he didn't know and he was confussed .He said he would talk to me later and kissed me and left . We were together for over an hour there was a lot more said I know I just can't think of it all .

After getting in the car with my friend I told her everything that was said and she said to her it sounded like a man who really didn't want to be with me but didn't want to hurt my feelings and was trying to let me down easy . I don't know about all that I know I felt good being near him . So funny the things you miss most his smell his eyes the way he laughs I could have stayed in his arms all day .
So do you think it's a guy trying to let me down easy ?
I ask if there was hope for us and he said he didn't want to answer that . So who knows

I think you do yourself a lot of justice giving a very confused guy the space to make up his own mind, without your influence.

Keep doing your thing, as you poured your heart out, made your feelings known, and now its all up to him.

Pay attention to see if words match actions. Not just the joy of being with him again. Those are the yearning of an unhealed heart.

Sorry but nothing has changed except your feelings being stirred up, even more.

Darn, why do I have to be a realist, and blow your happy bubble?

I don't know. You guys cleared the air, I don't know why he is still confused. He didn't want to answer if there was hope for the two of you, that is another I don't know.
Time will tell. If he has not contacted you in a week, I'd let it and him go.

I think he wants to let you down easy.

He wasn't sure before , but he probably is now.

He isn't ready to commit to you or anybody.

I as Tal believe he has just stirred up those old feelings and I too have to burst your bubble.

Get used to being without him and move on. I'm really sorry.

I agree with you all . I hate it but I know it's over

I agree with you all . I hate it but I know it's over





Please know you can keep posting.:)

Yes, do.
We are here if you need to vent

5 months ain't nothing! I think its long enough to start together and the kid would adjust in time.. I see your point about her calling the shots...