When men go through a mid life crisis what are they thinking?

I don't want to deal with this anymore?
I need to find something to make me happy?
I don't understand what I'm doing with my life?
I didn't finish what I wanted to do with my life?

What happens in your minds?:confused:

I like that question!

Very curious if you will get answers from the men themselves. My husband does not believe that there even is a mid-life change. I beg to differ... :p

Where do you draw the middle aged line as I've already started asking myself the first three :D

where do you draw the middle aged line as ive already started asking myself the first three :D
I've noticed it seems to start around age 14 and lasts until about 72. Maybe longer.

I've noticed it seems to start around age 14 and lasts until about 72. Maybe longer.

I agree, it could be anytime. It all depends on the man:)

That's OK then, well within that age bracket :)

thats ok then, well within that age bracket :)
I meant the entire time from 14 to 72+. :D

thats ok then, well within that age bracket :)
So... what are you thinking? You are our first man:)

Oh, well guess I was a late starter then :D

So... what are you thinking? You are our first man:)
"our first man" -- I LOVE it!!

I meant the entire time from 14 to 72+. :D

Love it:D

when men go through a mid life crisis what are they thinking?

I don't want to deal with this anymore?
I need to find something to make me happy?
I don't understand what I'm doing with my life?
I didn't finish what I wanted to do with my life?

What happens in your minds?:confused:

1. why bother? seriously nothings going to change, what's the point of going through the same motions for the rest of my life.


2. what will make me happy? where can I find it, do I even deserve it?


3.why am I doing what I am doing, I was lead to believe there would be more to life than this, is this it? Why would I want to be a part of this?

Roughly

1. why bother?, seriously nothings going to change, whats the point of going through the same motions for the rest of my life.


2. what will make me happy?, where can i find it, do i even deserve it?


3.why am i doing what i am doing, i was lead to believe there would be more to life than this, is this it? why would i want to be a part of this?

roughly
But I thought the mid life thing was...
You were really happy and everything was great and all of a sudden you were not happy anymore?

Is it that you were never really happy to start with (but you played along?) and you just decided that it was enough and you needed to get out and be happy?

Personally id go with the second one, the just going along with life one


But I doubt there's one single reason for everyone to go through a midlife crisis

personally id go with the second one, the just going along with life one


but i doubt theres one single reason for everyone to go through a midlife crisis

Good point

But why?
Why would you just go along and have everyone think you were good.. only to find out you were unhappy? Why wouldn't you just make yourself happy along the way? (change things) Is it that you didn't realize you were not happy?

There has to be an answer:confused:

But why?
Why would you just go along and have everyone think you were good..only to find out you were unhappy?
Do guys know they're unhappy? I don't think they do. If they do know, will they admit it? And if they admit it, then they have to do something constructive about it to get happy? That sounds like a lot of work. It's easier to find a younger woman or buy a sports car.

Do guys know they're unhappy? I don't think they do. If they do know, will they admit it? And if they admit it, then they have to do something constructive about it to get happy? That sounds like a lot of work. It's easier to find a younger woman or buy a sports car.

In some sadistic way,I seem to be agreeing with this statement, somewhat... LOL

In some sadistic way,I seem to be agreeing with this statement,,somewhat...LOL

OK
Anything else?
I'm thinking that you are looking for something that is not there? Something that you have dreamed of all your life (like girls dream) but we have a reality. I don't mean that in a negative way:)

children leaving home, the "sandwich" of caring for both parents and children.

This would be mine in a nutshell.

From the realization of the empty nest,the necessity to be here for my parents care full time,the lack of true freedom,the internalization of all troubles and responses,which held inside became a deeper depression,which in turn had even higher manic fits to compensate for the extreme lows, then ups,, etc.. snowball effect.

Frustration to the highest levels.Breaking me for a time, I can't say how long,I wasn't always in reality during these episodes.

Medications,hospital visits,therapy,extreme,um,activities with others,wild relationships,out of control behaviors,burning the candle at both ends,, etc, I think y'all get the picture.

This was when I was around 30 to ,well,present, but tapered off in the last few years.

When women go through mid-life crisis... everything falls and droops. We kind of go crazy.

When men go through a mid-life crisis.. they buy a sports car, get a twenty year old... viagra and a toupee. Not all of them.. My husband was too scared to even try. Must be the iron skillets in my kitchen:D

This would be mine in a nutshell.

From the realization of the empty nest,the necessity to be here for my parents care full time,the lack of true freedom,the internalization of all troubles and responses,which held inside became a deeper depression,which in turn had even higher manic fits to compensate for the extreme lows,,then ups,,,etc..snowball effect.

Frustration to the highest levels.Breaking me for a time,,I can't say how long,I wasn't always in reality during these episodes.

Medications,hospital visits,therapy,extreme,um,activities with others,wild relationships,out of control behaviors,burning the candle at both ends,,,etc,,I think y'all get the picture.

This was when I was around 30 to ,well,present,,but tapered off in the last few years.

OK. This is not what I was thinking it was about, but who knows? Parents need to be cared for. Children have their own lives, but sometimes need help.
So men need to lash out or change their ways because of this:confused:
They can't just cope like normal rational people? IE Women?

OK... some women and some men:rolleyes:

Well then,what were you 'formulating your question' around?

Well then,what were you 'formulating your question' around?

I'm so sorry, maybe I got off track:( I really appreciate your responses:)
I'm not looking for anything specific, just basic knowledge that I don't know.

I do have to go to bed now, late for me since I'm old and still not retired.:D
Thank you!

Why limit it to men?

I've dated strong, opinioned women for the most part, and my last big love lost spent more time asking those questions than me...

I find it just wrong to stereotype in this area... lots of women are "happily married and dreaming of divorce" too...

I'm so sorry, maybe I got off track:( I really appreciate your responses:)
I'm not looking for anything specific, just basic knowledge that I don't know.

I do have to go to bed now, late for me since I'm old and still not retired.:D
Thank you!




Yeah... me too... Hey KBC:D

Yeah...me too...Hey KBC:D

Hey hey,KK:cool:

Hey hey,KK:cool:






Cute glasses... :D you made a poem... ;)

JD, I wish I could help you, but I don't think that I can. You see, I am 48, and have only been married for 11 years. She is five years younger than I, and that is young enough for me. We have two young sons ages 8 and 5, so that in itself keeps me young.

I got married at a later age because I didn't want to be one of those guys that would be straying from their marriage in the quest for youth. Or for the quest of youthful booty.

I had fun while I was still single. I traveled, I sampled, I drove the fast car. I raised hell BEFORE I settled down. My wife accepts me for what I am, and loves me more for the experience.

I may be wrong, but I don't think I'll be going back looking for something that I didn't do.

I found a woman that I feel that I can grow old with. She's not perfect, but she's perfect for ME.

The greatest job that I'll ever have is the one that I am proudest to admit to having now. A husband and father.

My hair is turning gray, and turning loose. And I'm OK with that.

So, when my wife turns 50 I won't be trading her in for two 25's.

Some men don't talk about their feelings. They don't like to ask for directions either.

why limit it to men?

ive dated strong, opinioned women for the most part, and my last big love lost spent more time asking those questions than me...

i find it just wrong to stereotype in this area... lots of women are "happily married and dreaming of divorce" too...

Your absolutely right, it could go either way, it's just the stereotypical idea is a man buying a sports car or having an affair, etc.

JD, I wish I could help you, but I don't think that I can. You see, I am 48, and have only been married for 11 years. She is five years younger than I, and that is young enough for me. We have two young sons ages 8 and 5, so that in itself keeps me young.

I got married at a later age because I didn't want to be one of those guys that would be straying from their marriage in the quest for youth. Or for the quest of youthful booty.

I had fun while I was still single. I traveled, I sampled, I drove the fast car. I raised hell BEFORE I settled down. My wife accepts me for what I am, and loves me more for the experience.

I may be wrong, but I don't think I'll be going back looking for something that I didn't do.

I found a woman that I feel that I can grow old with. She's not perfect, but she's perfect for ME.

The greatest job that I'll ever have is the one that I am proudest to admit to having now. A husband and father.

My hair is turning gray, and turning loose. And I'm OK with that.

So, when my wife turns 50 I won't be trading her in for two 25's.

I don't need help, I am just curious, but I like your response:) My husband is 58 and I'm 50 and the kids are grown (at least physically), I'm pretty sure we are past that, but who knows:rolleyes:

Your absolutely right, it could go either way, it's just the stereotypical idea is a man buying a sports car or having an affair, etc.





Yep... some men go through the mid life crisis .and it doesn't bother them. :)

jmjoseph agrees : I just meant help with you question. I'm sure your husband is happy. You are a catch.

Ha ha:D Aren't we all?:rolleyes:
Thanks:)

jmjoseph agrees : I just meant help with you question. I'm sure your husband is happy. You are a catch.

ha ha:D Aren't we all?:rolleyes:
Thanks:)

I'll bet jm is a catch! He is a very nice man.:) A true gentleman.

I'll bet jm is a catch! He is a very nice man.:) A true gentleman.

I'm sure he is:) I didn't mean that disrespectful, I was having fun. He sounds like a wonderful man:

You just have to be careful, and watch for signs.

For instance, if your husband suddenly seems six foot, puffed up and bullet proof, then buys a Harley, and then a helmet with a ponytail already attached, you might want to consider it could be menopause.

You just have to be careful, and watch for signs.

For instance, if your husband suddenly seems six foot, puffed up and bullet proof, then buys a Harley, and then a helmet with a ponytail already attached, you might want to consider it could be menopause.

OMG... Lol Jake... :D

There have been many studies about the "seven year itch"... most confirm the concept that the same thing that gives us a sense of comfort... familiarity... can also lead to discontent and rethinking and wondering...

One study showed that couples who had experienced significant boredom in the relationship early on predicated the same years later... while those who didn't experience it early on... well, it had no statistical relevance to boredom later on..

Which basically means you are more likely to be bored later on and be distracted and unsatisfied...

So...

Is it good or bad to know this??

On one hand... it really sounds like a bummer for the chances of a happy, long marriage.

On the other... it might say "guess what? you are mortal. the things you are feeling are normal-ish"...

When I taught at the university, I offered help sessions twice a week. 80% of the people who came were women. I think half of the guys there were there for the women. Women, in my experience, seek out info and ask for help more than men.

My professional experience is exactly that. I don't like to generalize. I know the dangers of this. But I do think women tend to talk out their frustrations more... and men, like me, think we can just "work it out"...

I love to help. Hate to ask for it. HATE to ask for anything.

It isn't an excuse for any bad behavior... but it is how I'm wired.

You just have to be careful, and watch for signs.

For instance, if your husband suddenly seems six foot, puffed up and bullet proof, then buys a Harley, and then a helmet with a ponytail already attached, you might want to consider it could be menopause.

That all sounds very familiar (except the pony tail):D Maybe he exchanged it for the stupid (just my opinion) earring.:rolleyes:

That all sounds very familiar (except the pony tail):D Maybe he exchanged it for the stupid (just my opinion) earring.:rolleyes:





I'm learning things I never knew. I still get a thrill when I see my husband in his cute little swimming trunks. Is it getting hot in here?:D

Hi, Just Dahlia!

I went through one when I was in my early 40's. It was mainly about what I have accomplished for the time that I've had, and what I would be able to accomplish for the time that I have left as well as very strong thoughts about my own mortality.

Thanks!

Hi, Just Dahlia!

I went through one when I was in my early 40's. It was mainly about what I have accomplished for the time that I've had, and what I would be able to accomplish for the time that I have left as well as very strong thoughts about my own mortality.

Thanks!

Did you do anything that was out of the ordinary for you? Or did you just have your thoughts and re-group:)

Did you do anything that was out of the ordinary for you? or did you just have your thoughts and re-group:)

Clough... where are you:)

But why?
Why would you just go along and have everyone think you were good..only to find out you were unhappy? Why wouldn't you just make yourself happy along the way? (change things) Is it that you didn't realize you were not happy?

There has to be an answer:confused:

Because sometimes it seems a better option than to rock the boat, even if you yourself are not happy with it.

Changing things is not easy

because sometimes it seems a better option than to rock the boat, even if you yourself are not happy with it.

changing things is not easy




If I weren't happy in the boat... I believe I'd get out! Then again, there may be something or someone important enough to stay and not rock the boat:)

Clough...where are you:)

I'm right here, finally!

Originally Posted by Clough

Hi, Just Dahlia!

I went through one when I was in my early 40's. It was mainly about what I have accomplished for the time that I've had, and what I would be able to accomplish for the time that I have left as well as very strong thoughts about my own mortality.

Thanks!


Did you do anything that was out of the ordinary for you? Or did you just have your thoughts and re-group:)

There were three or four years where I was concerned about who I was and where I was going with my life as well as having an obsession about my own death.

One thing that didn't help me at all, was the obsession that I would die at the age of 45. That thought had haunted me since my mid-thirties. Once I made it through my 45th year, I realized that it had been a very irrational thought and that I could go on with my life, unfettered by irrational thoughts about the future.

I used to think that some random thoughts that come into a person's head can be true about the future. I now know that isn't true that just because a person thinks something is true, that it can or will be true.

Matters about faith are a different matter to me entirely, though...