Soo I just got back from senior week where I met the most amazing guy. We spent every single night together, and actually never had intercourse, because I didn't want to. And he respected that. He took care of me and didn't take advantage of me when I got wasted one night, and I took care of him one night when he got drunk. He gave me the drunken "i love you" speech which I didn't fall for, but then his friends said how he talks about me all day when I'm not around, and he probably does have strong feelings for me. We decided we wanted this to be more than a fling, and we want to work out a relationship. It was his idea, and I agree 100%. First, I want to know if that's a horrible idea. Second, he mentioned that he leaves for school July 7, I believe. Hes going to some military academy, according to what he told me. Welll I googled him when I got home, found out that his band (which he told me about) actually has a show scheduled for July 9 and later dates. This confuses me and I don't know if I should approach him about it. Or should I make an attempt at this relationship and wait and bring it up later down the road. I feel a strong bond between us. There is definitely something there. His closest friends even said so. My best friend even heard him talking so highly of me when I wasn't around... I feel like this is legit. But my moms so against it, and my dad, surprisingly, thinks something casual would be okay. What do you think I should do?

I think it was probably a vacation fling frenzy.
Give it a while to cool off. If he contacts you before he goes away to wherever he's going, band tour or Military, take it one day at a time from there.
What ever he is doing with his time at this point is really none of your business (you guys had a vacation fling, that's all at this point) and to question him would be a bit much.

Well he left on Saturday, and has been texting me since. He texted me all night Saturday, all day yesterday and today, and I didn't have to initiate the conversation. That's what leads me to believe he might care. One of his other friends just told me that the old him wouldn't have said all those things meaningfully but lately he doesn't know what goes on in the boys head

Well he still has spring vacation fever too.
Take it slow. You two may have had a good time but niether of you really know the other. You have known each other for a week.

Which is why I want to get to know him better? I'm asking if that's wrong? Or if I should just let this all go.

No don't let go don't get too serious when he's away..
But when he comes back that's when you too can get to no each other better:)

Let what all go? You guys have not gone anywhere yet.
Get to know each other, see if there is anything there beside vacation fever. Don't take this so serious.

Maybe he was lying about military school,maybe he got the dates confused,maybe its his friends band and he just said that because he thought it would be cool,who knows,what you do know is you don't know him very well,you met on vacation,where 'normal' is having fun and getting wasted as you say.

Take a step back,get on with your life as your normal and see what happens,the tan will fade and his feeling and yours may fade as well,don't stress,and see what happens,without waiting for something to happen.

Thanks everybody. But I just found out that he cheated on his girlfriend with me. So there's my answer.

I'm sorry
At least you found out before you invested anymore time.
Now if he tries to call, text you, do not respond.

I'm just trying now, to figure out how to get over this. I think his girlfriend has the right to know. Other people have agreed with me here, but I don't know if its my place to tell her. He says he will, but I can't go on his word.

He's the first guy I've ever done so much with sexually and that I've felt so close to emotionally. Like, I've felt close to guys before, but not like him. I don't know what I'm going to do now.

Its not your business,its his,he cheated on hs girlfriend,all those cosy chats and intimate moments are tinged now because he was cheating.

Learn from this,don't dive into a romantic relationship so quickly in the future,mind your heart,and don't allow this guy to take up any more of your head or heart space.

im just trying now, to figure out how to get over this. i think his girlfriend has the right to know. other people have agreed with me here, but idk if its my place to tell her. He says he will, but i can't go on his word.

hes the first guy ive ever done so much with sexually and that ive felt so close to emotionally. like, ive felt close to guys before, but not like him. i don't know what im going to do now.
You two did not have a relationship. You had a vacation fling.
It is not your place or your business to tell his girl anything.
I told you before, you don't really know him. Leave this guy alone, and move on.

Homegirl, you're right, and you're wrong. You didn't feel what I felt. It felt like more. And I truly think it was, because me and him have spent so much time on the phone since vacation... before and after the girlfriend thing came out... especially after. So please don't make it sound like its so easy to get over, when in reality, you didn't have the feelings, so you don't know how tough it truly is for me.

I never said it was easy, I never said your feeling were not real, but it was a vacation fling. You two were not a couple, you did not have a relationship and you still don't.
He cheated on his girl with you. Why are you still talking to him?
You are in what week two? Cut this loose before you invest more time and feelings.

Unless he leaves his girl friend, and you have proof that he has (and then you need to consider he is prone to cheat) You don't really know him, you really need to leave him alone.

So I figured this would just be merged anyway...

I've tried to leave it alone, as has he, but we've both been contacting each other infrequently. We tried to talk about how we both felt on the phone but both had trouble putting thoughts into words and I had to tell him goodbye because talking to him was too hard. He and his girlfriend broke up, but are working things out and getting back together. I know I've lost. I'm not trying anymore, but I was able to write out a three page letter about how I feel. I feel like if I send it, it might help me get closure. A couple of my frineds agreed, and a couple feel it will bring drama.

What do you all think?

I think you should burn it.
They are trying to put their relationship back together. Leave them alone.
Move on.

Let it go! You were a fling! If he cheated on her with you, then he'll cheat on her with someone else. She'll find out. No need to tell her. It takes two.

Yes burn the letter and let that be your way of letting it go, its sad but true holiday flings rarely last and as he is trying to work it out with his g/f then its obvious he has chosen to stay with her, put this down to experience.

I understand you feel hurt and you had hoped for more, but just consider if he cheated his g/f with you he would have done the same to you, so in one respect you've had a lucky escape.

You'll get over this, in a short while and hopefully you'll have learned from it, it's a hard lesson to learn but once learned you'll be wiser and stronger.

Good Luck.

It will get better as the days pass...

Yes burn the letter and let that be your way of letting it go, its sad but true holiday flings rarely last and as he is trying to work it out with his g/f then its obvious he has chosen to stay with her, put this down to experience.

I understand you feel hurt and you had hoped for more, but just consider if he cheated his g/f with you he would have done the same to you, so in one respect youve had a lucky escape.

Youll get over this, in a short while and hopefully youll have learned from it, its a hard lesson to learn but once learned youll be wiser and stronger.

Good Luck.

It will get better as the days pass...
Nicely put.
Have to spread some rep.

Nicely put.
Have to spread some rep.






If you tell his girlfriend, you're doing it out of spite. That never brings anything to you except revenge and believe me it comes back.. Let her find out the way you did.

I agree Don't tell his girlfriend that's plain spiteful, she will no doubt find out herself in time, but its not your place to tell her.

She wouldn't Thank You for telling her anyway, you would probably end up being classed as a trouble maker and do you really want that on top of everything else.

Walk away and keep your pride by saying nothing.

I agree Dont tell his girlfriend thats plain spiteful, she will no doubt find out herself in time, but its not your place to tell her.

She wouldnt Thank You for telling her anyway, you would probably end up being classed as a trouble maker and do you really want that on top of everything else.

Walk away and keep your pride by saying nothing.

She'll find out soon enough.

I agree Dont tell his girlfriend thats plain spiteful, she will no doubt find out herself in time, but its not your place to tell her.

She wouldnt Thank You for telling her anyway, you would probably end up being classed as a trouble maker and do you really want that on top of everything else.

Walk away and keep your pride by saying nothing.

To OP please Read again, closely , youll see I didnt say you told the G/F
Please Re Read my comments in above again, It says Dont not that you have!!!

Okay then.. Is he coming back to you?

No he's working it out with her. They're fixing whatever... I'm trying to let go. Its just really hard. I deleted his number but drunk texted him still because I have the number memorized. I don't know what I can do.

no hes working it out with her. theyre fixing whatever... im trying to let go. its just really hard. i deleted his number but drunk texted him still bc i have the number memorized. idk what i can do.




Just let it go. I'm sorry you're hurting. There's nothing you can do. If he's trying to work it out with her, then he must have feelings for her.
I hope you feel better and you will... Guys like him are a dime a dozen.
Feel sorry for the girlfriend, she's the one who's probably going to be cheated on all the time.

Stop getting drunk and doing stupid things. Are you trying to break them up and then say you didn't mean to because you were drunk?
You knew this guy for what a week?
He is with his girl friend, move on.

What did you do with your time before you met him, do you have a job, friends?
Stay busy, this will pass.

You can do it and drinking has never solved anything. Get yourself together and chalk this one up to one Giant mistake.

No I'm not trying to get drunk break them up and blame it on that. It was one time, doesn't happen often. He says he wants to see me again so we can talk about things...

no im not trying to get drunk break them up and blame it on that. it was one time, doesnt happen often. he says he wants to see me again so we can talk about things...

Are you going to see him?

no im not trying to get drunk break them up and blame it on that. it was one time, doesnt happen often. he says he wants to see me again so we can talk about things...
What kind of things do you have to talk about?
He has a girl friend. He went back to her. You guys have nothing to talk about as long as he has a girl friend.

What kind of things do you have to talk about?
He has a girl friend. He went back to her. You guys have nothing to talk about as long as he has a girl friend.



If you two do start a relationship you will always wonder if he'll do the same thing to you.

He's a major player and you need to leave him alone.

This feels like true love and the disappointment hurts and is humiliating, but it's not true love. It's his ability to bowl people over with sentiment and exaggerated statements. When a person who is UNavailable makes grand romantic statements, it's all heartache if you don't walk away. Be strong or he will break your heart even more.

I agree with "Asking"... You would never be able to trust him and you'll get your heart broken again.

I don't know what he wants to talk about but we're supposed to go to lunch. I'm NOT going to get into a relationship with him. I know better. But do you have any tips for me to better understand his body language to tell if he's sincere with things he says?

You should not be even going to lunch with him. That is asking for trouble.
His asking you to lunch speaks volumes.
He knows you have feelings for him and he's going to work them. Any thing else, he could tell you in a text.

He wants to see if you still have feelings for him. I wouldn't meet him for lunch or anything. He is a player.

idk what he wants to talk about but we're supposed to go to lunch. im NOT going to get into a relationship with him. i know better. but do you have any tips for me to better understand his body language to tell if hes sincere with things he says?

Don't meet him, don't have anything to do with him, he's trouble and you don't need that, let him and all thoughts of him go, he's a user, and for your own self respect Don't let him use you. Drop him, and move on. You've wasted too much time on him as it is. You deserve better but whilst you're hung up on him you won't find it.

As for Body language, if he doesn't hold eye contact, rubs his ear, or his nose, or chin, it usually indicates something being said is untruthful.

idk what he wants to talk about but we're supposed to go to lunch. im NOT going to get into a relationship with him. i know better. but do you have any tips for me to better understand his body language to tell if hes sincere with things he says?


The only thing you need to know about this guy is that he could'nt commit to a chicken sandwich,his body language? The only thing he wants to do with his body is to see what its like next to yours.

This guy has become something to you,and no matter the advice you get,I believe you won't walk away until he has completely broken your heart.

Its one way to learn a lesson,not the way I would advice though.

Maybe subconsciously he's become a challenge for you, it happens, it happens in m/f relationships all the time.

However, you are only causing yourself more hurt by keeping this going. You only knew him for a week or so, you found out he's taken, and that he wants to work on his relationship with the other girl.

Seriously why are you even considering meeting him or having anything to do with him, he's using you and nothing more.

Why allow anyone to do that? He's not going to make anything by way of a relationship with you, no matter what, stop being available to him and if you do speak to him let your second word to him be OFF!!

Seriously the sooner you turn your back on this creep the sooner you will start to feel better, you don't want to waste your time on a person who has told you he's taken, walk away shut the door on this episode and start living your life, you're merely stuck in the past, and you really don't want to be there, for all you know he and his girfriend could be laughing their heads off at you behind your back, and that does happen.

Hes has you dangling on a string, like a puppet, ask yourself are you a puppet or a person, and walk away, let him wallow in his own selfishness, regain some dignity, don't treat yourself so bad.

I know. And you guys are right. But could you please just answer the question I asked instead of telling me not to go? I want to know what kind of body language will indicate he's lying or being semi-sincere with his words.

Search the web.

i know. and you guys are right. but could you please just answer the question i asked instead of telling me not to go? i want to know what kind of body language will indicate hes lying or being semi-sincere with his words.

Redhead, I have read a lot about lying and my understanding is that there are no easy ways to tell if someone is lying (in spite of the TV show Lie to Me, which makes it seem possible to instantly tell.) In fact, I just read an article about different kinds of lie detectors, including the traditional polygraph and machines that measure hesitations in people's voices. A few of them work better than chance at identifying lies, but none of them is any good at telling when someone is not lying. In other words, they often say people are lying when they are not. The article said if you held up a piece of paper that said "lie" every time somebody spoke, you would have a "100% accuracy" in detecting lies. But of course you'd also be saying someone was lying every time they said ANYTHING.

If there was an easy and accurate way to tell if someone was lying, then police and FBI would be using it. The reality is that people who are motivated to lie are often VERY good at it and all of us are bad at detecting lies.

You already know that he lied about going back to school and withheld from you the information that he was in a relationship already. I think you know that he will deceive you if it suits him. You will not be able to tell. That's the horrible answer.

If he's rehearsed his lies he will easily fool you plus because of your emotions over this person, you wouldn't spot the signs if they jumped out and bit you, because you are being blinded by your emotions.

So knowing what body language to look for won't really do you any good because the moment you set eyes on him all logic will fly out the window.

So you'll be easily deceived.

Maintaining eye contact could be a good indication that he's lying if he moves his eyes from left to right or they're darting all over the place, as stated in pre post, rubbing his chin, nose or ear can also indicate lying, but its not fool proof, and whether you'll spot any of these is another thing, you are emotionally attached to him and that means he is able to deceive you easily. Sorry but it's the truth.

You do realise what goes around comes around, what about his g/f and how all of this must be effecting her, is it fair to take another woman's b/f as much as he's an obvious cheater, one day you'll be in a relationship, so ask yourself how would you like it if it happens to you.

Meet him if you will but don't forget you're laying yourself wide open to being even more used and abused by this person. I hope you're prepared for the consequences of your own actions and what that may lead to..

Which will include heart break and unhappiness.

This is what's going on with him.
His girlfriend found out and she dumped him.

He's feeling a little frisky and thinks... "oh wait I know where I can find a little action and he calls you.

You meet with him, have dinner if he isn't cheap, go back to his place and have sex.

He'll tell you how much he's missed you and how he loves you and how much you turn him on and so on and so forth.

He gets back with the girlfriend and leaves you AGAIN and if he can he'll cheat with any woman who'll have him'

My opinion.

Don't meet him, don't have anything to do with him, he's trouble and you don't need that, let him and all thoughts of him go, he's a user, and for your own self respect Don't let him use you. Drop him, and move on. You've wasted too much time on him as it is. You deserve better but whilst you're hung up on him you won't find it.

"As for Body language, if he doesnt hold eye contact, rubs his ear, or his nose, or chin, it usually indicates something being said is untruthful."

positiveparent answered your question.

I have 8 brothers, all married and all have dated and maybe used the odd girl, or had flings in the past. I asked them about this when I recently saw them and each and everyone of them said the same.

This is what they said.

The guy went on holiday without the g/f and in his mind he was intending to pick up with other girls, which he did, he knew he was not intending to take it any further once the holiday was over, but like all men or most, he told you what he thought you wanted to hear, he had no intentions of keeping to anything he told you he would do once the holiday was over, in his mind you were no more than a holiday screw.

Even they said you would be wise to forget it and put it down to experience. Now if 8 males have said this, I think they've got it spot on, they should know with being males.

They also said they didn't take up with the girls who came across on the first or second date they married the girl who made them work for it, and wait. The girls who respected themselves, and their own bodies.

If you still can't see the wood for the trees, then expect to be taken for a mug, for even longer.

OP in your first post you claim you didn't have intercourse with him, but in a later post you go on to say you and he did sexual things together you've not done before. (or words to that effect) sorry but you've been used. In view of what you've written its plain to see he only wanted one thing from you, and that's all he will ever want, and some men/boys will say anything to get inside your knickers. That's as old as the hills..

I didn't see him like I was supposed to. But we got in a fight via text, then we got over it and he promised to call, and didn't. No surprise. But then he apologized and promised to call again.. again, the phone has yet to ring. I told him that if he would just tell me "i dont care, leave me alone" then I would, and id be able to force myself to let go. But his response was "but that would be a lie".. ha like he suddenly cares about honesty? But I don't know how to let go because he keeps sayig stuff to keep me hooked. How do I get unhooked. I've deleted his number so I won't text him, but its memorized, plus he'll text me... one of my guy friends offered to call him up and give him hell and tell him to just not talk to me anymore if he's going to keep lying and hurting me, should I take him up on that offer?

Your friends don't need to tell him anything except to leave you alone. Period. Don't give him a crack to walk through by saying if he is going to lie to you. He needs to be told to leave you alone. No if ands or buts.
If he texts you, tell him you no longer want to hear from him.
If he text after that, you delete them don't read them, don't answer his phone calls, he will soon get tired and move on to someone else.
He is not serious about you, just playing.
He is not worth your thoughts or time.
It will take time but you'll get past this.

Vacation flings rarely last. Look on the web. Don't think this guy is going to be exclusive, he isn't. From his girfriend to you, back to his girlfriend. You were a summer romance that's all. Sorry.

Homegirl, you're probably right. I just have a hard time willng myself to ignore the calls etc. I wish I wouldve read that post before he called me last night... he kept telling me that he really wants to be friends blah blah bah and its like I want to so badly, but I know its bad for me. But since I want it so badly, I can't stay away

Well think about the fact that he has a girl friend and obviously has no problem going behind her back talking to another girl.
Think about how he sees you as a side piece. He does not want you as his girl, he wants you as a diversion.
You have not known this boy very long. Stop the romanticizing about him. He was a boy you met on vacation and decided to see how far he could get with you and is now playing with you. I know that sounds harsh but that is the reality of it.
Get over it girl, for your own well being. This guy is no good.

Well think about the fact that he has a girl friend and obviously has no problem going behind her back talking to another girl.
Think about how he sees you as a side piece. He does not want you as his girl, he wants you as a diversion.
You have not known this boy very long. Stop the romanticizing about him. He was a boy you met on vacation and decided to see how far he could get with you and is now playing with you. I know that sounds harsh but that is the reality of it.
Get over it girl, for your own well being. This guy is no good.

Homegirl is right... He's playing you! Leave him alone and find an honest guy.:)

So even being just friends, nothing more, JUST friends is a bad idea?

That is a bad idea because you have more than "just friends" feelings for him and he has a girl friend.
This guy is not going to stop until he gets in your pants. You have to have the sense to not let him go there and that means don't communicate with him at all.

Once you have had sex with a man you cannot just go back to being friends. It would would really be awkward for you to be someplace and your "friend" shows up with another girl.

You burned your bridges and he supplied the match.