This has been bothering me. I was sixteen and I started sleeping with this guy who was twenty two. We started dating about a month later. I saw what I wanted in him. We had nothing in common, but he was extremely affectionate and would constantly text me, kiss me, hold me, hug me, pick me flowers, anything. I sort of liked it, even though it was a little bit much. He was very very protective of me with other guys and he had a very strong reputation in my neighborhood. I was new to the area, so I would ask him about certain things and he would get very, very angry. He got a tattoo of me on his chest, I never told him to but when I asked him not to he cried and said I didn't love him and that I didn't have faith in our relationship. I broke up with him after about two months of dating. He had minimal contact with me after that. He called me once to tell me he was about to kill himself, but he didn't. I gave him the respect of telling him not to, that he was a worthy life.
After our relationship I was fine, I had no feelings for him either good or bad. But a few months later I heard a rumor that he had raped a twelve year old girl when he was twenty. I set it aside, but it burned in my mind. I asked my friend and she confirmed the rumor. A month later I found out he cheated on me. In that same week a different girl, a friend of mine came up to me and told me that he had raped her too when she was black out drunk. She showed me the bruises on her arms, but she said that she didn't file a report because she was so drunk.
This happened about four months ago. I have cried a good deal, I lost my sex drive for three months and I felt very dirty. I stopped looking in the mirror because all that ever went through my head was that I had willingly had sex with a rapist, with a guy that was forcfully in other girls. I texted him one day, expressing my rage. The next day he was on the bus with his friend, and he had his friend spit in my face. I had a friend do some investigation and find out why. He had her spit because he said that I had convicted him of being a rapist, which was not true and "crossed the line". I have moved on, I have gained my sex drive back. But I feel guilty and dirty still. The physical aspect of sex as a whole is so different now, knowing that I was infested with a forceful penis. I don't mean to be vulgar, but no matter how much I try to move on I can never look at my body the same. I just see it as worthless and dirty, I don't cherish it anymore, I don't love it. I just see it as used and allowing of rapists. I even told myself once that I would have been happier if I was one of the girls, even though I know I wouldn't be. It just hurts so much.
The advice I need is if you think my body is still worth cherishing and appreciating, even after I allowed a rapist in it. I really don't think it is.

Could I just ask, was the rapist claim ever brought to court?

Was it all gossip and heresay that got out of hand?

Was he arrested?

Could it possibly be that he took advantage of you because you were so young,if he raped you,report it.

If he was never arrested for rape,and all you have is gossip,then you have no reason to feel dirty as he has not been convicted of anything.

I suggest councilling,and perhaps not getting involved with older men until you are an adult yourself.

Also,talking to your mother or someone you trust will help go through your feelings.

To end,a word of caution,if he has never been convicted of rape,I would be very careful of what you say and to have your facts right,you may end up in a lot of trouble for wrongfully accusing someone of rape.

This has nothing to do with your body. Your body is not an independent entity that can do things on its own. Sorry to be harsh but this business about your body being worth cherishing is crap.

On the positive side, you did not know what this guy was when you had sex with him. So there is no reason you should feel violated. Your reaction to finding out his history is way out of whack and makes me wonder if there is something else going on here.

However, I am bothered by some other things you revealed in your post. "I was sixteen and I started sleeping with this guy who was twenty two. We started dating about a month later." Why were you having sex at 16? Why did you let yourself become involved with a 22 yr old at 16? Why did you have sex with him BEFORE you started dating?

These things throw up a red flag Sexual relations should be something you engage in with someone you have established a close and loving relationship with. You were putting the cart before the horse. Which also leads me to wonder if you have been sleeping around and if that is the real root of your feelings.

What's done is done.

You sleeping with him, had nothing to do with the crimes he is alleged to have committed. I would stop listening to rumours.

It seems he is free to do as he pleases without consequence.

When someone spits in your face, you file a police report- that is an assault.

If you reflect on all that has happened, do you see the signs that he was a controlling, possessive individual? It is important to have learned from this relationship, so that you can better choose partners the next time around.

For your own safety, why not make a rule that there is no sleeping around, until you have a basic understanding of the person you are sleeping around with. Any decent man would not expect you to hop in the sack for a few months to test you out, then decide whether he wanted to date you. Make your own rules, and mind your dignity. That is not worth losing under any circumstances.

You may feel that because of who he is, and what he has done, you are a victim as well, and it has deeply affected you. That is your immaturity showing, and your emotions taking over, rather than logical thought. Really think about why this bothers you so much, and try to see that you were not raped- controlled to a degree, yes- but not raped. You were smart enough to get out. But, ignorance is no excuse when it comes to risking your health and safety sexually, with a man you did not know.

You must let this go. If you need to feel better about the whole situation, go and volunteer at a local women's shelter. See first hand what happens to women who find themselves in tragic circumstances. Turn these bad feelings and self-hate into something positive by giving something good of yourself, to help others. I guarantee you will feel better.

I too would ask was he ever prosecuted for these alleged sex crimes against other females?

If not then you have no right to call him a rapist, its not for you to act as judge and jury over this.

If he did rape anyone then he should be reported, if not then stop spreading gossip which could find you in hot water if you aren't careful.

As for you saying you feel violated what a load of bunkum, you willingly slept with him, that's not being violated.

Maybe you're not telling the whole story here, perhaps it was he who ended the relationship and this is how you're hoping to get revenge.

Be Careful with what you claim about a person, it could come back to haunt you, in many ways.

Having sex with someone that you hardly know and who treats you badly and that you say yourself you did not love is enough in itself to leave you feeling tainted for many women.

The fact that you then heard rumours he may have raped someone could well intensify those feelings. However, if they are only rumours it would be best to put them out of your mind and avoid repeating them.

The best thing you can do here is learn that it is better to get to know a person well before sleeping with them if you want to avoid feeling this way again.

You're not the first young woman to have been sweet-talked to by an older guy and let it go to your head, nor will you be the last. Forgive yourself, and allow yourself to feel better, but learn from the experience.

Next time make sure you and the guy both have really good feelings for one another and get to know each other well and I'm sure you will be left feeling a whole lot better.