I hope someone can help me.

Many years ago I was manipulated into giving my daughter. She was raised up abroad by a couple, who belong to a certain religion, Scientology.

Now she has moved back where I live and although she is still a member of the Scientology, she lives on her own, not with her parents.

I would simply like to give her a photos of the family, her grand-parents, few words about myself etc.

A friend of mine promised to be a go-between. She found out where my daughter works, but unfortunately, she joined an interest group where my daughter is involved - to get to know her better without consulting me. She has befriended my daughter´s friend, and is meeting them on a regular basis. I feel this is not a good thing and won´t use her help.

I don´t know how to proceed. All input will be greatly appreciated.

I would see if you could contact her through a different third party--like a pastor or priest.

You could also just send her a letter outlining your wishes and let her respond when she is ready.

Thanks Synnen.

The idea of the priest is great. I´m going to check with my local church.

I´m afraid to send the letter, I´m so scared she will mail it return to sender. Could I ask the priest in her vicinity to be a go-between?

Another thing: I´ve tried to get hold of my friend who infiltrated herself into my daughter´s activities to ask her not to mention me or anything to my daughter. I want her to stop all involvement for me, that is. She can do what she likes. She wrote me an e-mail and said she would be busy for a few months and would not be in contact with me, not by phone, nor by e-mail. I wrote a letter on her e-mail and Facebook account to ask her not to mention me at all, but she has closed both accounts.

Now I don´t know what to do.

Doesn't sound like much of a friend. I would quit worrying about her, as there is nothing you can do about her anyway.

I would talk to YOUR priest or pastor to be the go-between, honestly. They know you (or should, if you are a member of their congregation), and can explain better to your daughter what your intentions are.

I'd also recommend contacting your local Lutheran Social Services or Catholic Social Services to see if there is a birthmother support group in your area. This is exactly the kind of situation that birthmothers should support each other through, and you may be surprised at how helpful they can be.

Just one more thing though...

I´m afraid this friend of mine will eventually tell my daughter´s friends she was asked to integrate herself with them because of me. What do I do about it, if or when it happens?

I don´t want this to spoil the contact, if my daughter whishes to see me.

If it comes up, say that your friend did that on her own, against your wishes.

There's a HUGE difference between asking her to be a go-between and her taking it upon herself to be friends with your daughter.

Thanks! Good answer.