Ok, so I have read MANY different opinions and peoples advice about this subject, but none of it seems to fit how I feel. So let's see how well I can explain this.

Ok, well first off I'm gay, so this isn't your usual guy girl relationship, I have been with my BF for almost 4 years. I know he looks at porn, for the fantasies about the people in it, but when we have sex, I can tell that it isn't me he is "with". So I am really confused about that, I can't figure out why he has to "be" with the people he looks at, and not me. It sometimes gets so bad, that I don't even want to have sex with him, because of that. When we first started dating I KNEW it was me that he wanted, but now I'm not so sure.

I am pretty sure that he is addicted to it, because what other reason would he have to look at it for over 6 hours a day everyday, but it is not something he will admit. I have tried talking to him about it, but it never does any good, I can't seem to get him to understand the way it makes me feel.

The first time I brought it up, he said he would stop, but it was obvious he didn't he deletes the history, he will shut the screen off if I get to close. If he can't get the screen shut off in time, he stands up and drags me away from the computer. He thinks that I don't realize he is looking at it, but I think it is pretty obvious I do. Now if I bring it up, he gets really mad, and tells me if he wants to look at porn, he will, he can do whatever the hell he wants and won't change for anyone or give up anything for someone. I have given up plenty of things for him. He didn't want to live where I did anymore, so we moved over 1,000 miles away from my home, my friends, my family, my life. I gave all that up for him, but he can't do that one little thing for me?

So I guess all in all, my questions are, is it something I am doing wrong? What can I do to make him realize how it affects me, and makes me feel? I could really use some help right now.

Yeah, it does sound as if he is addicted to porn! I have an x who was addicted to porn... and it was when he started to hide it from me that I relaized how serious it was. (At first I was like: Whatever.. porn is porn and its not like he does it everyday. But then I realized that it was everday and every time I was not at home)

I would suggest conseling... but for that to be effective he has to realize that he has a problem. Would it be possible for you to Google the subject and see if you can find some articles on the subject and maybe print some of the out and put it by the computer?

On the off chance that he'll read them...

I'm sorry if this wasn't all that helpful!

Best of luck though!

Have you tried talking to him calmly about his obsession with watching porn?

I know many many males and females like watching porn, I can understand why, but 6 hours a day, does seem slightly over the top.

Obviously he isn't totally at ease with it though or why get angry with you and make statements such as Ill watch what I want or whatever it was he said to you.

Is your relationship on a good footing in all other aspects other than his porn habit?

Are "you" happy in all other areas.

Sometimes relationships can be inclined to be somewhat one sided, and it seems that one does the giving and the other takes, and expects everything to revolve around him/her.

Have you tried to ignore it? Or to even watch it with him? Or suggested you watch it together?


If he is adamant that he is going to continue watching porn, I would think in that case you will have to decide do you or could you ignore it, if not then perhaps you would do well to consider leaving the relationship, because if you can't resolve this with him, the chances are your relationship is headed for doom, in some way or another.

Regardless though you cannot allow him to talk to you in such a disrespectful manner just because you wanted to have your views heard and opinion taken into account.

You've every right to be heard there's 2 in the relationship.

Hope this helps.

I have been with my BF for almost 4 years. I know he looks at porn, for the fantasies about the people in it, but when we have sex, I can tell that it isn't me he is "with".
I don't know how you can tell what's in his head, but suspect your feelings when having sex are very much influenced by what you think about your partner.

So I am really confused about that, I can't figure out why he has to "be" with the people he looks at, and not me. It sometimes gets so bad, that I don't even want to have sex with him, because of that. When we first started dating I KNEW it was me that he wanted, but now I'm not so sure.
Of course you feel that way, since you have learned things that makes you feel doubtful, and insecure about the relationship, and you take it personally rather than seeing a bigger picture.

I am pretty sure that he is addicted to it, because what other reason would he have to look at it for over 6 hours a day everyday, but it is not something he will admit. I have tried talking to him about it, but it never does any good, I can't seem to get him to understand the way it makes me feel.
There is no addict in the world, no matter what there addiction is, that gives up that addiction unless they want to, or have no choice.

You can ignore it, and work on your own self esteem, until you can't stand him any more, and end it.

Or recognize that its his problem to deal with, NOT yours, and leave, and let him make his own decision to get help, or keep indulging himself.

Hmmm, Odd how both choices require you to be willing to leave him. Sorry, with an addict, it ALWAYS protect yourself from his actions.