We had a mutual attraction at first sight, like, we just stood there and looked at each other for 5 seconds before I realised I had to open the door. Whenever we passed each other in the corridor, he’d hold eye contact with me but I’d look away, when he passed my table (I sit in a corner near a window, so whoever intentionally turned to look at me would be pretty obvious), he would glance and avert or totally ignore me at times. Once I entered his department to talk to someone, he was watching me from his table the whole time.

Whenever we bumped into each other in the corridor, he would hold my eye contact and he’d walk real slowly or sometimes just not know where to walk. Recently, we met in the corridor and I mustered the courage to smile at him but looked away quickly. Ever since, he has been looking more, like he'd "check" to see if I'm at my table at the start/end of the day. Recently, when we bumped into each other, I looked up and smiled real nicely at him. He smiled back!

Now, he "checks" if I'm at my table at the start/end of the day. But in btwn, he'd ignore me sometimes.. he’s known to be really quiet at work, doesn't gossip much, is mostly alone, soft-spoken and serious-looking. We are from totally different departments. Erm, is he interested?

Why don't you go and talk to him?

He may be married or already in a relationship,he may be a creep,or he may be the best thing since sliced bread,but if neither of you make a move,you won't know.

Just strike up a conversation with him,and take it from there.

why dont you go and talk to him?

he may be married or already in a relationship,he may be a creep,or he may be the best thing since sliced bread,but if neither of you make a move,you wont know.

just strike up a conversation with him,and take it from there.

He's not married or in a relationship. If he was, I wouldn't be asking this qn ;)

he's not married or in a relationship. if he was, i wouldnt be asking this qn ;)


That's fair enough.

So you have asked around about him?

Why can't you talk to him?

thats fair enough.

so you have asked around about him?

why can't you talk to him?

Hmm. Not much people know about him. He's known to be pretty to himself and quiet. Hardworking too. From what a friend of mine says, he's nice, friendly but a simple guy. Life is just work -> home -> work.

I tried checking him out on Facebook, but seems like he's not a social media person. :p and quite a private guy as well,doesn't reveal anything about himself. Has a bunch of really really close friends. Seems to have a married sister and a younger one. Dad is missing from family pictures..

From what I've observed of him, yeah whatever I said in my question I guess... he's abit like me, in the sense that we both hate standing ard the workplace having idle chats, but we do talk to our friends when we feel like it. I've heard him chat with some of the guy buddies and he sounds like a nice, fun guy. A bunch of them sit near my area and he's been hanging ard there quite abit lately.

I guess I can talk to him but I'd have to have a legitimate excuse. Cause we are both under different directors and do totally different kinds of jobs... hm. And wondering if he'd find it weird if I talked to him.

How could you possibly know his dad is missing from family pictures!

That's quite a scary amount of information you have.

Find out what he is interested in,example sports,art,music and start with that,let him talk,people like talking about things that interest them.

The next time you see him.smile and say hello,introduce yourself.

Its been my experience,if a guy is interested in you,a smile from you is the only thing he needs to give him the courage to ask you out.

On the off chance he is not interested,don't spend all your time on this guy,there are loads of nice guys out there,get out and get busy!

Haha! I happened to chance across a few family pictures on Facebook. (no, I don't erect a shrine of him at home and all that ;)

I already smiled at him, quite a couple of times. Haha. I live in a country where there isn't much of a dating culture.

Whatever. By hook or by crook I would talk to him. The chase is always fun for me ;)

What is the norm? And can you go that route?

Are there employee day trips? Do you have a mutual friend?

Hook or crook best of luck,keep us posted!

You know if he was here asking a question about the OP here, we may tell him see seems like a stalker, while it is good to research someone, obviously you know him somewhat, or know people that know him.

Why not do something really strange and stop trying to figure out what his mental condition is, or that his dad is missing, and just talk to him if you are interested.

He may be worried about the age difference, he may be just shy, or even gay and in the closet, you won't know unless you talk to him.

what is the norm? and can you go that route?

are there employee day trips? do you have a mutual friend?

hook or crook best of luck,keep us posted!


The norm is.. haha. Well, I'm not sure what the norm is, ha. The guys here aren't very aggressive. Well, the aggressive ones aren't the ones I'm looking for. The nice ones tend to be a little shy.

no. no employee day trips ): yes we have 2 mutual friends. But thing is, they are just work colleagues and I don't like talking about my personal stuff to these people. Plus, one of his friends whom he hangs out with occasionally tried to "pick" me up at office and I got so disgusted I'm just ignoring him now, thanks! :)

You know if he was here asking a question about the OP here, we may tell him see seems like a stalker, while it is good to research someone, obviously you know him somewhat, or know people that know him.

Why not do something really strange and stop trying to figure out what his mental condition is, or that his dad is missing, and just talk to him if you are interested.

he may be worried about the age difference, he may be just shy, or even gay and in the closet, you won't know unless you talk to him.

Yeah. But the fact is I'M asking the qn, not him. I merely scanned through his fb and saw the pictures ONCE, how is that stalking? The mutual people we have are just mere acquaintances and not anything much. I wouldn't breathe a word of my interest to them.

Thanks.

Hi again Evelyn, Seems like if you work together just talking to him would be easy one on one, since that's the only way you will ever know if he is interested or NOT.

Be careful seeking romance where you earn a living though.

I agree with talaniman, workplace relations and can get messy.
I still don't understand why you just can't say Hi to him when you see him. At least he will know you're interested.
You guys are not in HS.

Here's what you do.

Write him a little note, and ask him if he might be interested in going for coffee sometime. Give him your email or phone number so he can respond outside the office.

Simple, to the point, and you will have your answer.

Or, I presume you have email at work. Send him an email and ask him the same question.

Or, put your phone number in the men's bathroom. Heh KIDDING! :D

Or, if you know what car he drives, leave a note in the windshield.

Or, if he has a mailbox at work, put the note in there.

He may be shy, but he's not stupid. The note, the eye contact, the obvious connection.

Seriously, what have you got to lose?

Here's what you do.

Write him a little note, and ask him if he might be interested in going for coffee sometime. Give him your email or phone number so he can respond outside the office.

Simple, to the point, and you will have your answer.

Or, I presume you have email at work. Send him an email and ask him the same question.

Or, put your phone number in the men's bathroom. heh KIDDING!! :D

Or, if you know what car he drives, leave a note in the windshield.

Or, if he has a mailbox at work, put the note in there.

He may be shy, but he's not stupid. The note, the eye contact, the obvious connection.

Seriously, what have you got to lose?

Oops so many experts answering my qn, heh.

Nope I don't have email at work, I'm on an internship at this company, and I've about 5 weeks left of it :)

I'd have hung ard the men's bathroom more if I could ;) aha kidding.

Ah but yes. I'd do one of the above next week. Talk to him basically, whatever it is. I'm just wondering how can a guy this age be so shy though...

Thanks!

Perhaps because you are in intern he does not want to be inappropriate.
Just say hello when you see him, that puts you on his radar. There is no harm in that and it's more than you're doing now.

Perhaps because you are in intern he does not want to be inappropriate.
Just say hello when you see him, that puts you on his radar. There is no harm in that and it's more than you're doing now.

I'll do that! Doubt he knows I'm an intern though. Thx! :)

I'm someone who doesn't really stand for any form of sexual (penetration anywhere or not) intimacy before marriage but my 29 year old boyfriend (im 21) just admitted to me that he has had non-penetration sex a couple of times with his first girlfriend when he was much younger.. 7-8 years ago. She was someone he didn't even really love and who wasn't very attractive to him. They stayed together cause he felt a need to take care of her cause of problems in her life.

I was the one who asked him about it but told him I'm thinking of ending things with him, and he said he told me cause he thought I would understand him. And that everyone had a past, and that it would be a waste to lose someone you really love cause of a mistake you made in the past. He told me that he never really was sure of what he wanted in a girl until he met me and he sincerely hopes with all his heart that I would be his last.

I don't know, I feel disappointed, sad, disgusted, betrayed, heartbroken, and that this is totally unfair to me. It might not make sense but that's how I feel. And I actually don't really want a guy who is "tainted", but I know that's ridiculous. Wad can I do to make myself feel btr? :(

You have your beliefs, I have mines. Don't you think you're being a little too harsh? A 29 year old man trusts you enough to tell you about his sexual past and you judge him with your own values because he "almost" had sex before he met you?

I still think it's a miracle that he didn't really have sex until 29. If you feel "disgusted" because he has a past, it would be unfair to him to stay with someone who disgusts you, even though I really don't see why. As I said, it's your belief and I respect that, but you have to accept your boyfriend's past because it's called "past." Don't expect anyone to have the same as yours. Good luck.

You have your beliefs, I have mines. Don't you think you're being a little too harsh? A 29 year old man trusts you enough to tell you about his sexual past and you judge him with your own values because he "almost" had sex before he met you?

I still think it's a miracle that he didn't really have sex until 29. If you feel "disgusted" because he has a past, it would be unfair to him to stay with someone who disgusts you, even though I really don't see why. As I said, it's your belief and I respect that, but you have to accept your boyfriend's past because it's called "past." Don't expect anyone to have the same as yours. Good luck.

thanks. I understand what u are talking about. Its one of the thoughts I have in mind. But I just find it incredibly hard to come to terms with. And I'm still incredibly upset and disappointed, betrayed. Whatever u call it. Its upsetting that so little people have the same values that I have in life. And I'm trully disappointed in that cause girls like me are "waiting it out" until marriage for NOTHING.

thanks. i understand what u are talking abt. its one of the thoughts i have in mind. but i just find it incredibly hard to come to terms with. and im still incredibly upset and disappointed, betrayed. whatever u call it. its upsetting that so little ppl have the same values that i have in life. and im trully disappointed in that cause girls like me are "waiting it out" til marriage for NOTHING.


A question evelyn1989: He was honest with you, anything he did, he did long ago. How can you feel betrayed?

Also, why do you feel upset about people not sharing your values?

Anyway, as far as my opinion goes. If it does disgust you, I'd really suggest you do end it but he does seem like a good guy even in your standards.

Yes, I find it hard to believe there will be 29 year old males who have not had full sex. Sorry, I realize you are from a different culture than I am, but at least to me, what he did before he meet you, is just that the past.

I think its kind of snooty of you to ask a question, and be mad about the answer. You can waste your time judging this fellow, or get to know more about him, but be aware, maybe he is judging your attitude too. That would be fair, since you have to consider how smitten you were with him before. (posts were merged, by the way) If what he did was so bad, end whatever your doing, and be honest.

Get over yourself, Miss Perfect, and let it go, and just see it as the differences in your pasts, or take it as a warning that this workplace relationship may not end up in marriage, so why handicap yourself from having fun getting to know what appears to be a fine, honest, young gentleman?

He was honest, so should you be.

@JK191: thanks for your answer :) anyway, betrayal or whatever feelings I have when he told me about it were just instinctive, knee-jerk reactions to whatever he was telling me. They were merely my feelings. There is no right or wrong way to feel this way or that about sth, cause its just a feeling.

and its impt to me that two people who want a LTR shld have similar values when it comes to impt life issues like this. Cause I personally think it would make an impact in the relationship in future when more serious things like marriage and all come into play.

@ chuck: thanks :)

I think its kind of snooty of you to ask a question, and be mad about the answer. You can waste your time judging this fellow, or get to know more about him, but be aware, maybe he is judging your attitude too. That would be fair, since you have to consider how smitten you were with him before. (posts were merged, by the way) If what he did was so bad, end whatever your doing, and be honest.

Get over yourself, Miss Perfect, and let it go, and just see it as the differences in your pasts, or take it as a warning that this workplace relationship may not end up in marriage, so why handicap yourself from having fun getting to know what appears to be a fine, honest, young gentleman?

He was honest, so should you be.

Well snooty or not, you are judging me way too quick. Like I said, its an instinctive, knee-jerk reaction to watever I was being told. Feelings are neither right or wrong, they are just feelings. I didn't ask a question expecting an answer which would make me happy, cause of course I wouldn't know what the answer would be before asking. If I did, I wouldn't have botehred asking, would I?

Yup he's probably judging me probably not. So what? Let him. This is how I am. I am being real and not hiding the flaws in my character (cause I know this is a flaw), I'm being honest to him about how I feel. And fyi, I wasn't smitten with him at that time but with the fact that I had his attention. I know its not right, but there's nothing wrong nor right about situations or feelings like these. It was only after I got to know him then I knew that he was the one I was waiting for.

And just to clarify things, we are already official. And I'm not in the office anymore. That was an internship and I'm back in school. Well, I intend to be really honest with him later when he meets me to explain things. We just have that kind of relationship. If either party gets hurt with the honesty.. well, its just a risk we have to take in the relationship.

Anyway I've said too much I tink. And thanks for your answer. Gday.