reshrav
Jun 11, 2010, 03:03 PM
Hi
I was in this very brief physical relationship with this guy I knew when I was single. We never had sex. And that's that.
I happened to inform my husband about this long before (about 2 years) we got married. Obviously he was disturbed, however, he managed to get over it and now we're married, about 3 months now.
The problem began when I started going out with some friends of mine on Friday nights, twice in a row and returned home late in the night - about 1 a.m. One thing led to another and I found out that he still has not forgotten about my past. He's insecure about me.
He's gracious enough to admit that and confesses that he wants to forget all about it, however, he insists on knowing the details of the relationship, like what we did, how we did it, when and where, how many times, what positions, where did he touch me, etc. He claims that knowing all these details would help him forget all about it and probably stop him from imagining all sorts of things about me and my friends.
I really don't see why I should divulge details of my relationship to him. I feel very uncomfortable and violated. Moreover, I feel cheated because I was under the impression that all this was behind us and I was well on my way to closing the chapter and leaving it behind me. We had even decided that this would not come between us after we were married.
Luckily, we have had a very open conversation on this, however, I'm at loss as to how to convince him that there is no need for him to know the details of my relationship. He simply is not convinced that I didn't have sex with the guy and insists on knowing the details. I feel hurt that we didn't close this earlier.
We live in different cities and the distance is making it all the more difficult. We are conversing regularly about the day-to-day activities, however, I feel the tension from my side. I can't speak to him affectionately as I used to.
Please help. I don't know how to convince him. I have suggested counselling and he is willing to go. I guess I am lucky to have him as a husband, but I don't want to lose him because of this.
I was in this very brief physical relationship with this guy I knew when I was single. We never had sex. And that's that.
I happened to inform my husband about this long before (about 2 years) we got married. Obviously he was disturbed, however, he managed to get over it and now we're married, about 3 months now.
The problem began when I started going out with some friends of mine on Friday nights, twice in a row and returned home late in the night - about 1 a.m. One thing led to another and I found out that he still has not forgotten about my past. He's insecure about me.
He's gracious enough to admit that and confesses that he wants to forget all about it, however, he insists on knowing the details of the relationship, like what we did, how we did it, when and where, how many times, what positions, where did he touch me, etc. He claims that knowing all these details would help him forget all about it and probably stop him from imagining all sorts of things about me and my friends.
I really don't see why I should divulge details of my relationship to him. I feel very uncomfortable and violated. Moreover, I feel cheated because I was under the impression that all this was behind us and I was well on my way to closing the chapter and leaving it behind me. We had even decided that this would not come between us after we were married.
Luckily, we have had a very open conversation on this, however, I'm at loss as to how to convince him that there is no need for him to know the details of my relationship. He simply is not convinced that I didn't have sex with the guy and insists on knowing the details. I feel hurt that we didn't close this earlier.
We live in different cities and the distance is making it all the more difficult. We are conversing regularly about the day-to-day activities, however, I feel the tension from my side. I can't speak to him affectionately as I used to.
Please help. I don't know how to convince him. I have suggested counselling and he is willing to go. I guess I am lucky to have him as a husband, but I don't want to lose him because of this.